Chapter 67

The other Hidden Villages took over every mission until further notice as the Leaf was thrown into chaos within the walls. All those in the field were called back, and every single person who witnessed the events leading up to the Be Fong's death were interviewed. To try and understand what led to this point. It lasted for weeks and the Hokage kept the other Kages at bay as to what was wrong. She assured them all they needed was a little more time. Only then would she send out the final reports as to Mai's removal from the roster. Whether she wished to include the Uchiha's name or not remained the question.

Those outside the Village could seek out his death and the woman was unaware of how many contacts Mai made beyond the walls on missions. Though judging by the list of interviews she was going through the number could be rather surprising. The Be Fong was so secretive and closed off Tsunade never knew just how many people enjoyed working with and respected her. Not only as a ninja, but as a civilian as well. That's what made this harder.

Sasuke had not said a word in the weeks that passed. Even when interrogated, beaten, and threatened. None of it seemed to matter. When Ino was brought in to try and open his mind to gain information she was cast out so violently it left her with a splitting headache for days in the hospital. He was completely closed off. It was quite possible he was still in shock. The blood on him when approaching the gate was rather gruesome. Ibiki's suspicions that the death of his most prized ninja was quick, but violent, were only confirmed when laying eyes on the body before examination. He had seen countless others die in worse ways, but this one hit him hard because she was an asset. One that didn't come around very often.

Then there were the bodies of Taka that were to be examined as well. Sai had sealed them up in a scroll to carry so not to weigh down the journey home. There was no mercy in these killings. Kakashi confirmed it was all the Be Fong's doing. It was surprising. Especially when recognizing Jugo, but the Hokage knew to never doubt the young woman. Not when she was on the warpath. They were to be cremated after the trial.

No one spoke at the funeral. No one could find the right words to say. Half of the ninja the young woman worked with couldn't speak of anything regarding her life in the field. Civilians didn't know the Be Fong personally, only knowing her as a protector of the Village. They could offer their thanks, but now didn't seem to be the time to voice any of that.

Teammates didn't really know where to begin because of all the secrets she kept. What was real and what wasn't had only blurred together in the last few days. What stories could they tell about Mai Be Fong? That she was a skilled ninja, whose powers could be unmatched... or so they thought. How she had a habit to fall off the grid without their knowledge and suddenly appear the next moment. That wasn't remembering the young woman's life in a positive way. Just further confirming that they did not know her as well as they thought they did. She was loved by many, more than she knew... but she never seemed to understand the emotion and how to accept it and rarely gave it back.

And those that had been close enough to call themselves her friends could barely speak through tears and heartbreak. Belva couldn't bring herself to look at the body, standing towards the back of the gathering silently suffering. Kakashi managed, but it was painful to witness when approaching the coffin to pay his respects. At least the injury was no longer visible. She wore a black dress that came to the knees, the collar high enough that none of the chest area was visible in the slightest as the fabric wrapped around the neck.

"I keep waiting to wake up," Sakura whispered beside him. "Or for her to suddenly sit up and say it was all some cruel joke of hers. That this is all a nightmare... but why would we all be having the same nightmare?"

Because this was reality and nothing could be rewritten so there was a happy ending. They were stuck with this terrible outcome for the rest of their lives.

Everyone left slowly one by one. Eventually only the Hokage and Kakashi were left behind in the end.

"Kakashi–"

"Don't," he ordered. "Not right now."

The Jounin left before she could say another word. His feet carried him through the Village, not acknowledging or making eye contact with anyone who was still out in the streets. It began to feel like he was suffocating the longer he went, unable to go near the section of the Village that held the Be Fong's home. Nor his apartment that felt empty, finally coming to the gates. He couldn't continue to be alone right now as Kotetsu and Izumo were on guard.

"You know the rules, Kakashi," Kotetsu said.

"I need to visit a friend." The two Chuunin shared a look.

"Very well. Just go no further than what you're intending."

Nodding, he slipped through the gate.

The house came into sight through the trees, not a single light on inside as the sun began to set. He didn't bother knocking seeing as how the front door wasn't completely closed.

Belva's head tipped back, feeling the burning sensation of sake sting the taste buds and coated the throat on the way down. It only further increased the buzzing in her head, making things double and sway in her vision as another glass was poured.

"You're going to kill yourself if you keep that up," Kakashi said.

Looking up through her haze, the older woman's grip did not remove itself from the cup. A figure entered the doorway from the shadows, staring at her in the dim lighting.

"I deserve it," Belva said.

"She wouldn't want that." Rolling her eyes, the contents in the glass were swallowed in one gulp only to be refilled once more. "Belva–"

"I don't want to hear it, Kakashi," she snapped. "I've seen a lot of fucked up shit, and survived things I shouldn't have... so why am I being punished once again? All of us? I'm waiting to wake up from this nightmare, but none of it is going away. It was the same with Shin after the massacre... there's only so much a person can take."

The room fell into silence, neither adult making eye contact as Belva stared at the sake in her cup.

"Do you think... if you never came to my doorstep all those years ago with her... if you would have just trained her yourself instead of the Uchiha... could things have been different? Maybe she wouldn't have done half the things she did and accomplished in her few short years? Maybe she would have had a chance?"

There was a beat of silence.

"I've been thinking that for a while now," and she took another swig, "even before all of this. That maybe I was the problem."

"There was nothing we could have done," Kakashi finally spoke up in a somber tone. "I don't think anything would have been different. She always had a way..."

"I hate myself... for all of it."

"I know. I hate myself too... The Hokage once warned me, 'It won't end well'. I didn't believe her. I couldn't, but I never expected for this to happen. Caring for her... I don't regret it. I knew deep down she'd never be more to me than what we already were. It was always Sasuke. And while I didn't want to accept it, I tried to for her sake and chose to care for her from afar. Growing closer I tried to protect her from the harm that could come her way and would be there should she need it. She confided in Naruto and Hinata instead. I was happy that she was able to express herself instead of keeping it all in. We both know why she never came to us with her problems. We would talk her out of actions or become so worried it would keep her to Konoha. Mai claimed to not be looking for something... but we know it was a lie. There was probably a part of her that didn't realize it though."

"Why did you choose to care for her if you knew all of that?"

He gave a sad smile from behind the mask. "I asked myself that a few times. She was different from the others. Mai had her issues but none of that mattered. I just wanted her to be happy after so much bloodshed and heartache in her life. She deserved it more out of anyone I knew. I liked her courage and strength, determination, and in those few moments that were shared with Team 7 when she appeared completely carefree and happy took my breath away every time. And if she could experience that with someone who wasn't me, I was okay with that because she needed it."

"Do you wonder if you tried harder things could have ended up differently in that sense?"

Meaning, did Kakashi think he could have kept her alive if he had acted on his feelings towards his former student instead of trying to ignore them? That was something he struggled with in the hours and days since her demise. There would always be a part of him that would blame himself for the Be Fong's death, but in the end,

"No."

The answer startled Belva, as she turned to look at him.

"Because it's her job as a part of Phantom to hunt down criminals. Sasuke and Mai would have eventually sought each other out there beyond the walls. He might have still killed her even if Mai had been with me because like I said, it was always him. There would always be a part of her that loved him."

The woman was at a loss for words. The Jounin crossed the space and reached forward taking the glass from her hands.

"Mai wouldn't want any of us to suffer. Even if she didn't realize how the outcome of her actions would affect us all. No matter how much she attempted to push us away we all still cared for her. That is something she never understood."

"And what, you're just going to forget and forgive her for everything?" Belva questioned. "Forgive the Uchiha for what he did?"

"I didn't say that."

Pulling down his mask slightly he tipped his head back and swallowed the sake quickly.

"In time I will forgive her because she was selfish for deciding to take on this burden alone. Sasuke remains to be seen. But don't think for a moment that I'm not suffering as well."

Pulling out a chair the ninja took a seat across from Belva.

"I just don't think anyone should suffer alone and drink away their sorrows till death. I'll indulge in this with you though for the time being. Because being numb right now is a lot better than thinking of what we will have to go through in the coming months with her absence and the trial. You've had enough to drink."

Taking the sake bottle he poured himself a cup.

"It's my turn now."