Chapter XXVII

CW: this chapter is very heavy and can be triggering for some people, it includes themes of SA, PTSD, and panic attacks. See bottom for help websites and numbers.

Nico di Angelo

I was in Tartarus again. The darkness wrapped around me like a living thing. I turned, heart hammering against my ribs.

She was there.

The empousa stood beside me, her expression sharp and hungry.

"Hello, son of Hades."

I pulled out my sword instantly. Gods, I hoped she would attack. I would have preferred a fight—anything other than what was to come.

But she grabbed my wrists before I could swing. Her grip was impossibly strong.

"Stop!" I yelled, trying to wrench myself free.

"Shh," she hissed, pulling me closer. Her fingers dug painfully into my skin.

"Please don't—please!" I begged, tears burning down my cheeks.

She reached for my shirt, pulling at the fabric, trying to pull it off.

"Please!" I sobbed, panic rising so fast I could not think.

I jolted upright with a gasp, unable to breathe. My throat felt like it was closing, like the air had been sucked out of the world.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Will shifted beside me as I tried—and failed—to stop the shaking, the tears, the noise.

Shut up, shut up, shut up, I begged myself, clenching my shirt in my fists.

But I could not stop. I could not breathe.

"Nico?" Will's voice was blurry at first, like hearing someone underwater.

Then sharper. Closer. Panicked.

"Nico, listen to me!" He reached for my hand, but I flinched away, still caught in the nightmare.

Fuck, I can't breathe. Why can't I breathe! Make it stop! Please!

"Okay. Okay. Nico, listen to me, please. Can you name five things you see?"

I shook my head, sobbing. "I can't—I can't—stop!"

"Please," Will said softly, but there was panic behind his calm voice. "I just need you to try. Five things you can see."

"O-Okay," I choked out. "You."I blinked through tears. "The bed.""Good job. Keep going," he said gently.

"The window.""The roof.""Shoes."

"Good. Really good." Will reached for my hand again. This time I let him take it. He squeezed, grounding me. "Four things you can hear."

"I don't know!" I cried. "I can't breathe! Will I can't breath!"

I'm dying, im going to die. I can feel myself slipping away.

"I know. You're okay. You can do this."

He brushed his fingers through my hair, steady and calm.

"Your voice," I rasped. "My breathing."I paused, listening as hard as I could. "Crickets outside.""My voice?" I added weakly.

"That works." Will let out the tiniest laugh—shaky, but relieved. "Three things you can feel."

"Your hand." I swallowed. "My shirt. The couch."

"That's it. You are doing amazing. Two things you can smell."

"You smell like flowers. And vanilla. Does that count?"

"Yes," he said softly. "Last one. One thing you can taste." I could think again.

"Toothpaste."

"You did so good." Will stroked my thumb with his. "Now let's breathe, okay? In... two, three, four. Hold... two, three, four. Out... two, three, four."

We did the breathing over and over until the world stopped spinning and my lungs finally worked again. But I was still trembling, leaning into him, trying to feel normal.

After a long stretch of quiet, Will whispered, "Do you want to tell me what your dream was about?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." The word came out harsher than I meant, but I could not say it. Not tonight. Maybe not ever.

Will looked like he wanted to push, but he didn't. He just nodded. "Okay. Let's go back to bed?"

But I couldn't. I stayed sitting up until morning. And Will stayed with me—stayed awake, stayed close—because he refused to sleep if I wasn't safe.

I felt guilty about that.

But I could not close my eyes again. I could not risk falling back into that dream.

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I'm sorry for how heavy this chapter is. If you or anyone you know is struggling with SA I suggest this website: https://rainn.org/

And for panic attacks, call your emergency line (911) or for crisis lines in Canada and Us (988). And this website has a lot of information: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/panic-disorder-when-fear-overwhelms