Chapter XIII

Will Solace

In hindsight, my plan failed.

No matter how hard it was, I forced myself to stay away from Nico. I couldn't control my feelings when I was around him. And I always control my feelings.

And I didn't want to lose Matt. What if he saw me with Nico and started putting things together?

So I stopped checking up on him. I sent my siblings instead, and whenever we crossed paths, I said nothing more than awkward "hey"s and "how are yous."

It was miserable.

But it only got worse. After at least two weeks of avoiding him later, I stood outside my cabin. 

"Will?"

I looked up. Nico was walking toward me, fists clenched, the last streaks of sunset fading behind him.

He stopped in front of me, eyes wide and uncertain. I watched the tiny catch in his breath.

My heart heated in my chest, pounding too hard, too loud.

"Nico," I said softly.

"Did I do something?" His hands slowly uncurled, and there was something so defeated in his voice that it almost knocked the air out of me.

"What?" My stomach dropped. He wasn't angry. He looked... hurt.

"Did I do something to make you avoid me? Did someone tell you something?" He cut himself off, jaw tightening.

"No." Panic slid up my spine. "No, of course not. Why would someone tell me anything that would make me avoid you?"

Nico hunched slightly, like he was trying to fold into himself. His eyes flicked around, cautious, nervous.

"Nothing," he muttered.

"What, Nico?" I stepped forward without thinking.

He sighed, shaking his head, the ends of his hair falling over his eyes in soft curls.

"Nico..." I reached for his shoulder, then stopped, dropping my hand. "There's nothing you could ever do that would make me avoid you." I hated that he even believed that. I hated that I had made him believe it.

"Then why?" he asked quietly. His voice cracked, and it hurt in a way I wasn't ready for.

I swallowed hard. Before I could think—before I could stop myself—I stepped closer.

"Because..." I exhaled, the truth clawing up my throat. "Can I kiss you?"

His eyes flew wide. He took a step back.

"Exactly." I sank down onto the pavement, pressing the heels of my hands against my eyes. "That's why I was avoiding you. I'm sorry, Nico."

A shadow crossed over me.

Then—Nico's cool lips met mine.

Soft. Quiet and somehow perfect.

I kissed him back before I even realized I had moved.

And for a split second, the whole world felt like it clicked into place—like something had always been pulling us together, no matter how hard I tried to pretend it wasn't.

Guilt twisted deep inside me. Matt had never made me feel anything like this.

Nico pulled away suddenly, looking panicked.

"I'm not a... I'm not gay..."

My hands shook—embarrassment, regret, something sharp and awful between them.

"Yeah," I whispered, trying not to break. "I'm with Matt anyway."

And before I could do something even worse—like reach for him again—I turned and walked away.

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