Feelings

Impa's POV

I wake up groggy, remembering only half of the shit that went down last night. We were all partying. Music, shots, games. Link jumped off the yacht for some reason. Next thing I know, I'm below deck, confronting Malice. Why was she in my room? I can't put the pieces together, but I'm pretty sure we made out.

I took things too far. She cried and stopped me, and then she confessed her secret. That it's her fault Zelda's dad died...

Fuck... And then Kiroh broke up with me.

I let out a low groan.

I ended up sleeping on one of the couches outside, and now the sun's boring right into my eyes. I roll over onto my other side and realize Zelda is here with me. She's curled up right behind me, and now she's looking at me with those big green eyes.

"How long have you been there?" I ask, rubbing a hand over my throbbing forehead.

"A couple of hours," she says.

A seagull squeaks as it flies by over our heads. I wonder what time it is. The sun's still low, the sky pale yellow. It can't be much later than 6 in the morning. Which means I only got about three hours of sleep.

I roll my eyes at Zelda as I remember our fight. "Shouldn't you be with Link right now?"

She shakes her head. "I'm really sorry about last night." She looks away briefly. Something about her makes me feel calm. She's not overly emotional, but still seems genuine. "I shouldn't have snapped at you."

I furrow my brows. "You had every right to. I've been a pain in the ass."

"No..."

"Yes. And you were right. I've been barging in on you and Link, even if it wasn't my intention."

Zelda grabs my hand. "You're my best friend, Impa. I shouldn't have pushed you away last night."

I hesitate, but then I nod. "Thanks for apologizing."

I'm grateful for Zelda being there for me now, but I also feel incredibly guilty about keeping this major secret from her. Am I doing the right thing by protecting her feelings? Or would a good friend tell her about Malice's confession?

The question is... Should I tell her about Malice at all? Would Zelda judge me for kissing her? I want to tell someone, but it seems that it will only cause problems if people find out. 

Zelda tilts her head and quietly says my name. Can she tell that I'm holding back?

I clench my fists, angry at myself and the world. Without looking directly at her, I tell her, "I'm sorry, too. I think I said some really nasty things to you last night, and I definitely did not mean them."

"It's okay."

We hug, and it feels like things might turn out okay after all.

When our hug loosens, I sit up and stretch. I feel so gross, like there's salt all over my body, and my hair is tangled up to the point where I just want to chop it off like Zelda did with hers. But I know I'd regret it even more than kissing Malice.

"Do you want to talk about what happened yesterday?" Zelda asks me.

Looking at her in this epic morning light while thinking back to last night's events makes me realize that my feelings for Zelda are... Gone. My heart doesn't hurt when I look at her, and my stomach doesn't flip when she smiles. All these weeks, I wasn't jealous of Malice for being close to Zelda. I was jealous of Zelda for being close to Malice. I wanted to be the person Malice can rely on. The person she needs and trusts. The one she wants. 

Yuck! No! That can't be right.

I'm not ready for Zelda to know all that. I think I need to process my feelings first before blurting something out that may or may not be true.

I do want to be honest with Zelda though. She can definitely tell something's up.

"Kiroh and I got into a fight," I say. There's a beat of silence, so I go on. Zelda listens patiently. "He said he loved me. And I... well... I don't think I feel the same way about him."

Zelda nods in understanding. "Kiroh is a good guy, and I doubt you'd purposefully hurt him, but if you don't harbor any romantic feelings for him, it's good to be honest about it." 

"Yeah... I think we might be better off as friends."

She frowns. "How does that make you feel?"

I laugh. "You're not my therapist."

"No, I'm something even better."

"Yeah, yeah." I know she's gonna say I'm your friend. And she's right. "I feel sad, I guess? But also relieved in a sense. I wouldn't want to be with someone if only one of us is truly committed."

"That is very mature of you."

I pull my legs close to my chest and lean my chin on my knees. "I doubt he'll want to be friends though. He was really upset."

"Did you guys break up?"

Did we?

I shrug. "He gave me time to think it over, but I sort of have a crush on someone else, and I don't think those feelings are gonna go away any time soon. So... yeah."

Zelda places her hand on my shoulder, making me look up from the damp floor. I'm surprised to find a smile on her face. It's small and gentle. And bittersweet.

"Give it some time," she says. "I'm sure he'll come around."

Isn't she at all curious who I have a crush on?

"Thanks, Princess." She seems so confident and calm today, it's like she's a different person. Like she grew up overnight.

Oh!

Oh my god!

How could I forget?

"Did you and Link—" The words come flying out of my mouth with so much velocity, I have to seriously control myself not to scream the rest into the world. With all my might, I contain my excitement and tone down my voice. "Did you sleep with him?"

Her smile stays still as she calmly shakes her head. "He never showed up."

"Seriously?"

She nods.

"Shit. What an asshole!"

"I don't think he stood me up on purpose. He must have forgotten."

"A guy does not 'forget' a chance to get laid."

"Perhaps he fell asleep then."

I raise a brow at her but decide not to argue against it. "Whatever makes you feel better."

"It wasn't a good idea to do it here anyway."

"No shit. Someone could've walked in." I smirk, hinting at myself. "When you get back to the townhome, you can do it in private. I promise I won't interrupt this time."

Zelda giggles. "It's just that yesterday was our one year anniversary, and I always told myself I would date a man for at least one year before... you know." She shrugs to herself. "I just wanted to do something special with him..." 

"Wait, your anniversary is on Pik's birthday?"

"I didn't know it was Pik's birthday when I asked him out. It was the night before his baseball game and I just didn't want to wait any longer."

I forgot she's the one who asked him out. That's pretty ballsy, especially for her. I wonder what Malice would say if I were to ever ask her out. I picture her punching my throat. 

"Anyway," Zelda goes on. "Link doesn't even remember our anniversary."

"Again: what an asshole."

"It's not his fault... He lost his memories."

"Yeah but didn't he get them back?"

"Most of them, yes. Remembering specific dates from the past is still hard for him though." Zelda looks out at the water. "Hey, would you want to go for a morning swim?"

"It's too cold," I say.

"That's the point. It would be refreshing, no? The waves might wash away yesterday's troubles."

"I wish it was that easy."

Zelda gets up, still wearing that diamond smile like a crown. Like nothing in this world can get her down today. I admire how strong she's become. A year ago, something like Link forgetting their anniversary would've crushed her soul. I'm honestly proud of her for taking it so lightly.

"Okay, fine," I sigh and get up. "Let's go for an arctic morning swim. But unless you want to go skinny dipping, I need to go to my room real quick to grab my bikini."

The moment I enter my room, I realize Kiroh might still be sleeping. I really have to learn how to knock.

Fortunately Kiroh is already up. Unfortunately, this means I have to talk to him. He's sitting on the bed, phone in his hand. When he spots me by the door, he puts his phone down and tenses his shoulders.

"Hey," he says.

"Hi."

We stare at each other. 

"Can I come in?"

"You already did."

This is so awkward. 

I slowly step inside and move towards my bag. Just gonna grab my bikini and then dip. No need to make things worse by starting a conversation.

My hand digs through the duffel but my bikini is not there. I try to think back. Where could it be? When was the last time I saw it?

Oh right, when I cheated on Kiroh and threw my bikini to the ground... 

I suppress a sigh as I search the floor next to the bed. There it is. I was really hoping it was just a drunk fantasy, but nope, guess that really happened. 

"Are you okay?" Kiroh asks, his voice passive and a little sad.

My hand pauses over my bikini. I look up, past the mattress, to meet his eyes, but he's looking out the window instead.

"It's not fair to ask me that," I say. "After what I did, I should be the one asking you that."

He turns his head towards me. "So ask."

I bite my tongue. Tense my jaw. I already know he's not okay. So there's no point in asking. Unless it makes him happy to know that I care.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Not really."

I nod, unsure how else to respond.

He shifts on the bed. "Can we talk?"

I push the bikini into my pocket and get up from the floor. "Sure."

"I don't want to leave things the way they were last night."

"Kiroh... I'm so sorry about everything. I hope you know that what we have—or had—really did mean something to me, even if I don't exactly feel the same way you do."

"You don't owe me an apology for how you feel." He exhales a small breath. "But I do think I deserved some honesty sooner. I noticed your feelings for Malice a while back. I think it really clicked when we spent Thanksgiving at the lodge. Maybe I should've said something, but I was hoping that those feelings would go away over time. Or at least that your feelings for me would grow stronger. At the concert, when I said I love you, I didn't expect you to say it back right away, or ever. I just wanted you to trust me with your feelings, whether for me or someone else. I wanted to be someone you could talk to. Someone you could openly tell about your feelings for... her. You know? I wish you could've just talked to me about Malice, instead of going behind my back."

"Kiroh, I didn't even know I... Me and Malice that's.... I don't even like her."

Something about my words makes him smile. Laugh, almost.

"You don't like her? You sure?"

"I never planned for anything to happen."

"It still did."

"And I'm sorry."

His smile fades slightly and a moment of calm passes between us. For a few seconds, we both stay silent. It's a comfortable kind of silence though. I think we're both deep in our heads, but at least it no longer feels like the wrong words might trigger another fight.

His fingers are restlessly twisting the black ring on his thumb. He's probably nervous, or stressed and craving a smoke.

"I thought about what you asked me yesterday," I say. "Whether or not I have feelings for you."

His fingers stop moving, all his attention suddenly on me.

"I don't. I know that sucks to hear, but like you said, you deserve honesty. So here it is: I'm attracted to you, I think you're awesome in every way, and I care deeply about you, just not to the extent you do. That doesn't mean I don't love you. In fact, I think I love you a lot. Even if I never said it out loud. Maybe I was scared of what it would mean for us. But I do love you, Kiroh. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

He lowers his eyes. "I understand you're breaking up with me."

It hurts to finalize things, but I think it's for the best.

He looks up again. "Do you think your feelings for me will ever change?"

"I'm not gonna lead you on by making any promises. The truth is, I have no idea how my feelings might change in the future."

"Well..." He sighs. "Until you figure it out... I'm not sure if it's a good idea for us to be friends. At least for now. I still have feelings for you and it's painful to be close to you when we're not actually dating. I'm also scared I'd constantly try to get you back and make shit uncomfortable for you. I think I might need some space for a while."

"I'll give you that. You know—as soon as we get off this boat."

"Yeah, we're kinda trapped." I see the pain behind his eyes, but I also see strength.

I think he'll be okay. 

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Heyyy Acetronauts! :D

*Nervously glances at the angry mob of readers with their pitchforks, torches, and "WHERE IS ZELINK!" signs* 

OKAY OKAY, I know! 

I failed you. Again. 

I deserve to be hanged, stoned, beheaded, and then sentenced to 100 years in the shrine of resurrection. 

BUT HOLD ON. I can explain! 

When I said the next chapters were gonna focus on Link and Zelda's relationship, I totally forgot about this mini Impa chapter. 

So here's the deal: 

If any of you recently achieved something, I'll post ANOTHER chapter today (and yes, it finally contains Zelink 👀). It can be any achievement: a birthday, a good grade, your team winning, scoring that cutie's number, surviving the week... whatever calls for celebration! You give me a reason to cheer, I'll give you a chapter as a present! 🎁🎉