Chapter 71 - Marshall Vs Malik Pt. 1

A/N Warning: This chapter contains mature themes and themes of violence.

Sadé's POV:

— Thursday, November 17th

"MarMar, can you take a few pictures of me, please?" I asked Marshall as we stopped briefly in front of a building to admire the view.

Marshall had released his song Majesty with Labrinth & Nicki Minaj earlier today. I already knew that the media was about to go crazy because of our unconfirmed dating rumors. And him releasing the song was basically him confirming it. The lyrics literally are "She invites me to the condo, wifey's in Chicago." I invited him to my condo/apartment when we met so that he could stop by and drop off the lollapalooza tickets, and I live in Chicago, and it went from there... It really wasn't that hard to piece two and two together considering our recent drama in the media, the picture I posted, and him liking said picture. So yea, he basically confirmed our relationship without confirming it. So I decided to do the same: Confirm it without confirming it. I don't know why or how, but ever since I've started dating Marshall I've started to become somewhat of a little daredevil. So now I wanted to play in the medias face. I redownloaded all of my social media apps just for this moment. I still didn't feel one hundred percent comfortable with them yet, but this is a start.

Anyways, to celebrate Marshall releasing his song, I wanted to spend sometime with him. Since we're in Chicago, where there is barely any paparazzi, we decided to walk around the streets of the Windy City, enjoying the beautiful scenery as the leaves fell from trees. We also went to eat at this chill local restaurant, really getting the full city living experience. Well, Marshall was getting that experience because I grew up here so it's nothing new to me. He wore his typical Nike tech attire and sneakers. No one bothered us or even noticed us, to be honest. Currently, it was around 3 in the afternoon, and we were walking back to our hotel room.

"Of course, pretty girl. You gonna post 'em?" He asked hopeful.

"Yea. First post after a few weeks..." I replied, feeling a little nervous.

"Mmm. Pose, pretty girl." He instructed me as he held the phone up to take pictures.

I did a few different poses, the wind blowing through my hair. I smiled at his compliment and nickname that he calls me. I was wearing a casual fit, much like Marshall's. I wore some navy blue Sp5der sweat pants, a brown bodysuit that matched the wording in the sweats, my black and white panda dunk Nikes Marshall bought me, and a navy blue zip up sweater. I paired it with my usual jewelry and a purse. My currently straight hair was hanging freely, and my makeup was done. I felt cute, warm, and comfortable at the same time.

After he took a few pictures, I went over to him to check them out. They looked great as always.

"Thank you." I thanked him for his small gesture.

I chose the three photos that I liked the most, adding them to my Instagram, with song lyrics from Majesty, specifically from Marshall's verse, as a caption. I silently laughed to myself, turning my Instagram notifications off for the day, already seeing people starting to go crazy. I showed Marshall and he said his care free ways were starting to rub off on me too much. We continued to walk back to the hotel over the course of the next few minutes.

— A Little Later, At The Hotel

Marshall and I were cuddled on the couch together, just contempt in each other's arms. He was writing down lyrics in his book of rhymes while I was on my phone, catching up on everything I had missed these past few weeks - Not that I cared, but I was curious.

I also wasn't feeling the best today since I had began my menstrual cycle earlier this morning. It was fine at first, but now I was having serious cramps, and it wasn't making me the happiest woman on earth right now. Marshall was rubbing my stomach, trying to make me feel better, which I very much appreciated and found adorable.

I was on my phone, scrolling through tiktok, when my brother called me. I immediately declined his call, silencing my phone not to disturb Marshall's writing or creative space. He called me again, but this time it wasn't ringing out loud. However, I declined it anyways. I did not want to talk to that man right now, and I simply was not in the mood. I don't care if he's my brother or not. He really hurt my feelings by not supporting me or my relationship. Him not willing to put his differences for Marshall aside for me, his sister, was really selfish of him. If my own grandmother, the one who is extremely stuck in her ways, overly judgmental, and completely selfish to a T, can put her feelings aside to meet Marshall, then why couldn't he? I didn't understand. It made no sense to me, like at all. Honestly, I'm not even sure why he was calling me at this point. The damage had been done. I don't want to speak to him.

But of course, he texted me instead. I didn't want to text him either, but I wanted to see what he wanted so badly. So I read his text and texted him back. Eventually, I was in a full blown argument with him.

I know this man cannot be serious. Now he wants to meet Marshall? After realizing that he was a nice guy all along? Like I've been telling him this entire time? - Otherwise I wouldn't be dating him. Yea, no. He can kick rocks. I was so focused on arguing with him, that I didn't even notice Marshall trying to get my attention. He snatched my phone out of my hand, turning it off and stuffing it in his pocket.

"Hey, I was in a heated debate. That was uncalled for." I stated, reaching for my phone, but he was stronger than me.

He easily grabbed my arms, not even letting me grab for it. I simply gave up because it would be no use against him.

"What are you taking about? Heated debate with who? All I hear is your little fingers tapping away at that screen." Marshall rolled his eyes.

"Sorry..." I apologized now feeling bad for not paying attention to him and disturbing his work.

"Don't apologize. Just tell me what's wrong." He let go of my arms, kissing my forehead.

"Mhmmmm, no." I told him, not wanting to mention Malik.

"You know I have your phone, right? If you don't tell me I can just look at it myself." He shrugged.

I looked at him with a blank expression as he took my phone out of his pocket, putting my password in. I watched as he went to the open the text messages tab that was displayed between Malik & I. He read over the messages, not saying anything. Once he was done, he handed me back my phone, looking at me. He was giving me a look that I couldn't read.

"Tell him that I'll meet him." He stated calmly.

"No. You're not meeting Malik. He doesn't deserve to meet you." I replied, getting hot headed.

He gave me a disapproving look, noticing my growing attitude. His stare was intimidating. Not because I was scared of him because I'm not, but because it's Marshall... A man that screams dominance. He knows how to put me in check; In more ways than one.

"Firstly, calm down. Don't get an attitude with me, Sadé. Secondly, I'm meeting him. We got some things we need to talk about anyways." He asserted his dominance.

"Fine." I grumbled I'm response, "But you're not going alone." I insisted.

"Sadé, you're not even feeling well enough to get off the couch right now because of your cramps. No offense. I got it."

"Marshall."

"Sadé."

"I'm going. I don't care what you say. I'm going." I told him sassily.

He ran his hand over his face, stressed out by my current mood. He let out a huff, grumbling something.

"You're so stubborn. Just go tell him we'll be there soon then."

"Okay."

— At Sadé's Family House, 5:49PM

We were pulling into the driveway of my family house, and I could feel a switch in Marshall's energy. It genuinely made me nervous and put me on edge. I didn't like it. I looked over at him, studying his body language: Tense, hardened, not showing much, if any, emotion. He's upset, and is walking into this ready to fight fire with fire. I knew he shouldn't have met Malik. At least not right now.

"Marshall, you're not going to do anything... bad are you?" I asked for good measure.

"No... Not unless push comes to shove." He shrugged, not looking at me.

Oh gosh. I mentally facepalmed myself. I know my brother. He is a man that doesn't take shit from anyone, much like Marshall. They're actually more alike than I thought. They both have strong personalities, and are willing to fight for those they love/care about. And they're also both strong willed. I felt like putting them both in a room right now was the recipe for disaster, but there was nothing I could do accept for try to mediate the conversation so that it's actually productive.

"Sadé, stop stressing. We both agreed to talk like men so that's exactly what we're going to do. Okay?" He asked me in a much softer tone than the one he had with me earlier.

"Okay." I said barely above a whisper due to my bundle of nerves.

We got out the back seats of the car, the driver staying put. He walked up to the house, feeling the tension in the air even from outside. Marshall looked around the property, his eyes scanning everything and taking it in.

"Nice home. You had this built all for your family?" He complimented, trying to ease my nerves by distracting me from what we'd be walking into.

"Yea." I simply responded.

"Wow. You really are a good girl, taking care of your family the way you do. I respect that."

"Thank you. Same goes for you." I returned the compliment, knowing that he does everything in his power to provide for his family just as much as I do mines.

We made it to the front door a few seconds later after we fell into a comfortable silence. I used my key to open the door, not bothering to knock or ring the bell. Grandma Dolly & Trinity weren't home since they had gone somewhere. I think Malik said they went to go shopping or something like that.

"Malik?!" I yelled, announcing our presence to make ourselves known.

"Living room!" He responded out in the distance.

Marshall and I made our way to where Malik was in the living room, greeting him.

"Hey, Sadé. I'm sorry for the stupid shit I called you that day you came to visit. I was wrong." He gave me a hug, greeting me with an apology.

I sighed, not bothering to respond. I really wasn't in the mood for this, but here we go. We exited each others embrace so that Marshall and Malik could meet.

"Well, you obviously know this is Marshall, and Marshall you already know this is Malik." I introduced them.

They didn't exchange words, but they simply nodded at each other respectfully. I mentally rolled my eyes, taking note of both of their pettiness. I sat on a loveseat next to Marshall while Malik was sat diagonally from us on the regular sized couch. I was in the middle of the two men though. I just had this weird gut feeling in my stomach that didn't sit well with me. Something wasn't right. Something was wrong, and I was going to be involved somehow.

"Umm, okay. Let's just lay down some ground rules." I stated, desperately wanting this to go smoothly, "Please do not be petty with one another, don't raise your voices, hear each other out all the way through, no low balls, and for the love of all things I love - Do not try to fight each other. Because I swear to Jesus on both of your lives, I will be angry at the both of you. I do not need my brother fighting with my boyfriend, or my boyfriend fighting with my brother. We are not 5. This is not high school. We are all grown adults. So let's act like it. And quite frankly this whole thing is stupid, but I digress. Please and thank you." I said firmly.

I wasn't directing this at anyone in particular, but if I were to it would be towards Malik. I just want them to get along honestly. That's it, that's all. Marshall squeezed my hand, signaling to me that he was listening and understood my words. I looked over at Malik, who shook his head in agreement, also signaling that he understood. There was an extremely long moment of uncomfortable silence that followed afterwards. Neither of them spoke. Nether of them looked at each other. That was until Marshall decided to be the first one to say something.

"You wanted to talk, Malik, so let's talk. Let's squash the beef." Marshall shrugged.

"Nigga, there's no beef. I just don't like you. You ain't my cup of tea." Malik said nonchalantly.

I heard Marshall let out and audible short angry chuckle followed by a sigh.

"If you ain't wanna squash the beef, then why the fuck did you want to meet me?" Marshall asked, annoyed.

"To get a feel of you, and your vibes. I'm doing this shit for Sadé because she's my little sister. You thought I actually gave a fuck about you? Nah." Malik answered in an aggressive tone.

"You don't need to feel me out for shit. You don't gotta give a fuck because you don't know me, dawg." Marshall raised his voice in an equally aggressive tone.

By now, they were both going back and forth with one another, and it hadn't even been a matter of 2 minutes. Literally disregarding all of the boundaries I had set. I was actually starting to get triggered. I guess I should've listened to Marshall when he told me to stay at the hotel.

I had began to disassociate, not even connecting to my surroundings anymore in an attempt to protect my own feelings and emotions. I just heard constant jabs being thrown at one another, and raised voices. I was physically here, but mentally & emotionally I wanted to scream. Malik was triggering me because he was reminding me of times when I'd get into arguments with him when we were at our absolute lowest point years ago. And Marshall was triggering me because I never really saw this side of him; Him yelling at Malik brung me back to times of when Zach would yell at me. And that was simply because Marshall was my boyfriend, much like my ex used to be, and was now yelling. Although it wasn't directed towards me, I don't like when people yell. I hate it actually. It's just something I could never get used to - Because of my childhood trauma and past relationship trauma. I just can't stand when people yell. It's too much for me to handle.

And it's not the yelling in general that triggers me, but rather the context that it's used in & why. So when it's used to express anger or to degrade someone, but not when you're having a great time, excited, or very passionate about something. It makes me feel like I can't effectively communicate or get my point across because it's blinded by rage. And rage is anger, which is an emotion that triggers me.

While I have done a lot of healing and work on my self to try to not be triggered by such emotions or things, I'm still healing. It's not an overnight process. It's not something that happens within months. It takes time, and I'm learning that. However, I still have my moments where I just don't want to deal with it anymore, much like right now.

I don't even know what they were saying at this point. I was just making sure they weren't getting physical. Whenever I tried to quiet them down to mediate the conversation, they would both end up talking over me and ignoring me. Almost as if I wasn't even there. So I remained quiet. That made me angry at the both of them, actually. Intentional or not, I felt dismissed. I was silently observing the situation, my frustration building up.

I came to a point after a few minutes that I realized that if these two men where going to get any talking done, squash any beef, bury the hatchet, and move on - Even if they don't like each other, but for the sake of me because they both have me in common, and I want them both in my life - that I was going to have to be the one to lead the conversation. I couldn't just sit back and be quiet because obviously that isn't working. So I fell back into reality, put my own emotions aside, and decided to be the bigger person. How I'm feeling doesn't matter right now. What matters is effectively communicating.

"Can we stop, please?" I asked nicely.

No one heard me.

"Malik, can you stop yelling? And Marshall, can you stop raising your voice?" I tried again.

They both briefly looked at me, but quickly went back to arguing with one another. I came to the conclusion that they were arguing about what was said over the phone call after I heard a few of their words that was exchanged. However the fact that they both clearly acknowledged me, then dismissed me, set me off. Before I knew it, I was raising my voice to match theirs to at least be heard.

"WILL YOU BOTH JUST SHUT UP? PLEASE?!" I yelled at the both of them, causing them to snap their necks towards me.

Both of the men were now completely quiet, the look of surprise in their eyes. Malik went to speak to say something to me, but I swiftly shut him up, not finished with what I needed to say.

"Malik, no. Don't say anything right now. Just be quiet! Stop fucking being resentful because Marshall doesn't align with you! YOU'RE NOT DATING HIM. I AM! Get over it." I glared at him angrily.

I then turned to Marshall, glaring at him equally as angry.

"And you, Marshall. You don't say anything either. You need to stop letting your anger cloud the conversation! I get you're upset and defending yourself as well as me, but there's no need to yell." I stated.

I then looked back to the both of them.

"Now, since neither of you can speak to one another like the grown, adult, men you are, I'M going to have to control the conversation. So nobody is talking over the other since nobody can respect the rules I set in place to begin with. We will speak when it's our turn. We will respect each other. And we will not raise our voices. Is that understood?" I looked at the both of them with annoyance, my voice now a lot calmer since I didn't have to yell over anyone.

They both just looked at me, not saying a word.

"I SAID is that understood?" I repeated myself, but this time with a louder tone.

"Yes Sadé." They both quickly said in unison.

"Okay then, thank you. I just want you both to get along. Matter fact, scratch that: I don't even care if you don't get along. I just want you to act like you both have some sense and decency. All of this arguing and yelling is getting us nowhere. That's not what we came here to meet up for. Y'all are here to squash the beef & get to know each other. That's it. Please, just talk normally. That's all I ask for. Not for you to be fucking besties." I ranted somberly.

"I'm sorry, Sae. I'll chill." Marshall said quietly.

"Yea. Sorry, lil' sis'." Malik said calmly.

"Alright. So Malik, why don't you like Marshall? What's is it about him that doesn't sit right with you?" I started the conversation.

I held Marshall's hand in mines, reassuring our unity. Marshall didn't say anything. He remained reserved, wanting to hear his answer as much as I did.

"Well, let's start with the first reason - Because he's too old for you. He's 50 and you're 21. You guys can't relate. He's already lived double your life plus some. He has experiences that puts him miles ahead. And you have yet to get to that point yet. Therefore, you can't even be at the same maturity level, you can't look at life the same way. He already has kids, a home, a whole career that he's had since before you were born. You're just now starting. You two just can't relate."

"I may not be as old as Marshall or as wise even. I may not have had the same exact life experiences as him, but those experiences are still there, nonetheless. I went through a lot of shit. And you know this. Good and bad. I had to grow up at a young age. I had to fend for myself and fend for my family. I had no choice, but to grow up fast. I had no choice, but to be mature. I had no choice. I have a great career. I have a great lifestyle. So I'd say I'm equally as mature as Marshall. I'd even say I had the same amount of experiences as Marshall, which weren't by choice. So just because our ages don't match doesn't mean we don't match romantically. It's a number. I'm grown. I'm legal. It's not like I'm 18. I'm 21 years old." I explained.

"To expound on what she said, because I one hundred percent agree with all that she said, I can relate to her in so many ways. Her age was never an issue for me, and my age was never an issue for her. We had our own, private conversations about our age gap. Not that it's any of your concern because it's not, but we both came to the conclusion that our ages aren't a factor in our relationship." Marshall shrugged.

"And another reason why I don't like you is because of your past - " Malik started, but Marshall interrupted him.

"Not because I'm white?" Marshall cut his eyes at him.

"Marshall, we agreed not to interrupt each other. And Malik, please don't say anything degrading." I sighed.

This conversation is already going left again, and I was getting tired of it. It truly did start off good, but it just keeps getting worse and worse. It was just stressing me out, the whole situation.

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I don't care that you're white. You could be white, Asian, Mexican, fucking purple, I don't care. I still wouldn't like you. You have a past. And we shouldn't just dismiss it because you've suddenly "changed." History always repeats itself." Malik stated smugly.

"Fuck is that supposed to mean?" Marshall replied, offended by what he said.

"You know what the fuck it's supposed to mean. How you cheated on exes, constantly fucking different women when you go on tour, putting your hands on women. That doesn't fucking ring a bell, Marshall?" Malik taunted him.

"Malik, stop."

"Stop what? Stop speaking the truth." Malik directed his anger for Marshall towards me.

Now, I was feeling myself become heated again. What he's saying about Marshall isn't true. Yes, he did those things, but it was his past. Not his present, and hopefully not his future. I trust him. And then he's directing his anger at the wrong person. And I don't even mean just me when I say that because he wanted to pipe up with me, but because Marshall had been nothing but loving towards me. Zach was the one he should've been this worried about, but wasn't. Zach was the one who cheated on me. Zach was the one who fucked 10s of different women. Zach was the one that fucking put his hands on me every fucking day of our relationship at one point. Not Marshall. It would never be Marshall. Marshall isn't Zach. And Marshall damn sure knows my worth.

"That truth is false. That's the past. That ain't the truth, dawg. The truth is that I'm loyal to Sadé, and would never hurt her. Not physically, not emotionally, and not mentally." Marshall defended our relationship.

"That's not true, Malik." I defended Marshall's name.

"Sadé, he has a fucking track record. Assault charges. Felonies for this shit. Fucking take it for what it is!" He raised his voice.

"Malik, no." I told him calmly.

"No what?" Malik asked me, looking me directly in the eyes.

It was just a conversation between me and Malik now.

"No."

"So Marshall has never laid a hand on you?" He asked, triggering me.

"No." I said, my bottom lip ever so slightly quivering.

"Marshall has never cheated on you?"

"No."

"Yet." He mumbled, "I'm telling you, Sadé. I'm trying to protect you! I don't want to see you get hurt!" He told me harshly.

I didn't even respond. I was already so triggered by the questions he had asked me, and how he was casually mentioning all this shit that he thinks I hadn't gone through. I couldn't speak. All I could do was remain silent. I was honestly just trying to compose my anger because all I saw was red.

How dare he accuse Marshall of something like that? He doesn't even know him. He wants to protect me, but didn't. He thinks Marshall is the bad guy, but he isn't. He has the wrong person.

I started to get tears in my eyes, my leg shaking. I was anxious, hurt, and upset. Marshall took note, like he always does because he's a great man, and placed his hand on my knees in an attempt to comfort me. It didn't work though. I was too far gone.

"You're not protecting me by attacking Marshall. You're hurting me." I told him honestly.

My voice was quiet. It's was low. It was calm. Almost like a warning to Malik not to continue. Not to go there with me.

"Sadé you're so blinded by this man it's insane." Malik shook his head disapprovingly, his dreads moving ever so slightly.

Another trigger. Someone telling me how I should feel. How I should be thinking and what I should be doing. And the thing with this is that Malik isn't doing this out of ill will or spiteful intentions though. He's genuinely trying to look out for me. For someone who wasn't in an abusive relationship like I was though, one that was so emotionally, mentally, and physically draining, this wouldn't trigger them. This would be seen as a normal conversation with a brother who just wants to make sure his little sister is okay. But it's not for me.

It's also not from my relationship trauma though, but my childhood as well. Specifically with my grandmother. She would always make me feel unheard. Like no matter what I was trying to tell her, if she wasn't okay with it, or it wasn't what she deemed as correct in her mind then it didn't matter. Sorta like how Malik is saying how I'm wrong for being with Marshall because in his mind, it's wrong. But in my mind, it isn't... Because it's not. So he's not hearing me out because my view is differing from his.

And because Malik doesn't know what I've been through because I've blocked him so far out of that part of my life, he doesn't realize that his words are triggering me. So I can't necessarily blame him, but I am warning him over and over again, and he keeps going. And the triggers just keep appearing over and over again. Back to back to back.

"Malik. I'm not blinded by Marshall. I'm giving you a warning right now. You're pissing me off. I'm being nice to you right now, and you better stop. Like forreal." I finally warned him.

"Look: All I'm saying is that I don't support you dating an abusive or manipulative, cheating, dude. Zach wasn't like that..." He started.

Hearing Zach's name be said out loud was the ultimate trigger. I lost all emotion for a moment. I looked at Marshall, and he was starting daggers into Malik. I looked at Malik, and he was still talking. I just watched him talk while I was silently bottling up all of my emotions and feelings inside.

"... Zach was a good guy for you. He loved you, Sadé. He would've never done anything to hurt you, and that's why I trusted him. I can't trust Marshall. Not with his previous public history with women. Za- " He said.

*Smack*

And just like that, my hand was flying across Malik's face, slapping him. He had obviously stopped talking once that happened. Marshall's eyes were wide open, his mouth lightly agape in pure shock. Marshall had actually gotten up and moved to be in between Malik and I now. I guess as a safety measure since I just laid hands on him, and he knew my temper.

"Nope. We're not doing this, Sadé." Marshall grabbed my arms as I was sat at the end of the love seat, speaking to me in my ear.

"NO FUCK THAT. WE ARE DOING THIS." I yelled, shaking myself out of Marshall's grasp, pointing my finger angrily at Malik, "BECAUSE EVERYBODY FUCKING LOVES ZACH SO MUCH. ZACH THIS, ZACH THAT. FUCK THAT! FUCK ZACH! ZACH WAS THE ONE YOU SHOULD'VE PROTECTED ME FROM NOT FUCKING MARSHALL." I began to cry, all of my emotions exploding.

The room was completely silent. You could hear a pen drop. This is the first that Malik is hearing about any of this. His facial expression was unreadable, but I noticed the shift. I wasn't that close to him, like I was Trinity, so it's not like I'd know anyways. But once I started talking, I kept going. I didn't even mean to say that. It was completely accidental. I never wanted to tell my family about any of that. Ever. But I just couldn't let up. I couldn't stop my heart from speaking the truth. My brain was whopping my ass for saying it though.

"MARSHALL WOULD NEVER TREAT ME LIKE SHIT LIKE ZACH DID. SINCE YOU CARE SO FUCKING MUCH ABOUT ME, YOU SHOULD'VE FUCKING NOTICED. WHENEVER I CANCELLED ON FAMILY PLANS, WHEN I WOULDN'T VISIT FOR MONTHS AT A TIME, WHEN I WAS UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND HIM, WHEN I WOULD COME UP WITH ME MOST OBVIOUS LIES, WHEN THERE WERE BRUISES ON MY BODY AND I HAD TO COVER IT UP WITH SOME LAME ASS EXCUSE. I WAS PRACTICALLY SILENTLY BEGGING FOR HELP, AND NOBODY NOTICED. BUT I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE TO BECAUSE I HID IT FROM EVERYONE AND WAS TOO FUCKING EMBARRASSED. AND I DID A DAMN FUCKING GOOD JOB AT KEEPING SECRET. BUT HERE'S THE FUCKING TRUTH: ZACH FUCKING HIT ME. HE FUCKING BEAT ME, CHEATED ON ME, HE HUMILIATED ME PUBLICLY, HE MANIPULATED ME. THAT WASN'T FUCKING LOVE, MALIK. IT WAS TOXIC. IT WAS THE FEAR OF BEING ALONE. HATE. ANGER. ABUSE. HE DIDN'T FUCKING LOVE ME LIKE I LOVED HIM. HE WAS THE ONE WHO BROKE MY HEART. NOT MARSHALL. He fucking took advantage of me, treated me like I was worthless, called me names, and hurt me in so many fucking ways, Malik. Marshall isn't anything like him. Marshall makes me happy. He's nice to me, and would never do what you're accusing him of to me. He's good. I know you want to protect me, but you're not. As my big brother, I wish you would've protected me from Zach, but you didn't and I can't blame you for that because you didn't fucking know. It wasn't your fault. But don't sit up here and say that shit about Marshall when you got the wrong one." I gloomily and angrily vented.

Once I was done, I was met with silence from both men. Malik was shaking his head, almost as if he didn't believe anything I just said while Marshall was trying to calm me down.

"No... Are you serious?" Malik finally spoke up.

"Dead fucking serious. I wouldn't make that shit up." I scoffed.

Malik just continued to shake his head in disbelief. I couldn't believe he didn't believe me. That broke my heart. My own brother doesn't believe that I was a victim of domestic violence because... I don't even know why.

"Yo, what the fuck?! Are you seriously questioning Sadé, right now?" Marshall hissed at Malik, now angry himself.

"Nigga, this doesn't involve you right now. I'm not questioning her, I just... Zach? Of all people, Zach did that to you?" Malik was at a lost for words.

"It does involve me though because Sadé actually confided in me. This whole thing only happened because we couldn't put our differences aside for her! Now fucking look." Marshall ranted.

Yup. All because of some stupid argument. All because of Malik refusing to get to know Marshall. All because of nothing. That put a bad states in my mouth. All I wanted was for them to put their differences aside. To just talk it out. To be open minded. And they couldn't. They were too wrapped up in their own egos. Too prideful. Too caught up on wanting to be right. It wasn't about right or wrong though. They were losing sight of the bigger picture here.

And just like that they were both back to arguing again. Except it was more intense. It was honestly very immature on both of their parts. Like what is the big deal? Why does it always have to resort back to yelling and throwing jabs at each other?!Marshall was yelling, saying how Malik is a terrible brother to me; And Malik was saying how Marshall isn't shit because he doesn't know him.

I felt myself starting to have a panic attack as tears constantly rolled down my cheeks. I got up to leave, starting to feel myself having a mental break down. Yet I couldn't leave so soon because I still wanted this to desperately end well still. I was so conflicted by my own emotions right now. I still wanted the both of them in my life because I didn't want to have to choose one over the other. And to be honest, I wasn't going to. Either they learn to deal with each other or they leave my life on their own. So while I was full blown having a panic attack now, in the midst of them screaming, looking like they hated one another, I got the courage to speak up. I wiped my tears, standing in between the both of them.

"You guys need to seriously work this shit out. Because I'm not choosing neither of you if that's what you're arguing over. I don't know why it's so hard for you two to talk it out like grown men, but get it the fuck together. For me. I'm leaving. And by tonight, you both have better worked your differences out. Don't call me or look for me until you do. I'm fucking serious. And I'm not just talking to you Malik, I'm talking to you too Marshall." I told the both of them, completely disappointed by their actions.

I walked away, exiting the house. I was disappointed in both of them. Malik said he wanted to get to know Marshall and didn't even try to. He was being so selfish. He was wasting everyone's time by being so closed minded. And Marshall said he wouldn't do anything bad yet he did. That wasn't the Marshall I know. He was being completely caught up in his own ego & anger that he had forgotten why he even came here in the first place. It was just constant arguing back and forth between those two and I couldn't take it. I had reached my breaking point. Like did they both come here to argue for fun or to work their differences out for the sake of having me in their lives? Because I genuinely couldn't tell the difference anymore.

I had made my way outside the front door when Marshall came rushing me. Tears were still falling from my eyes at an uncontrollable rate. My breathing was rigid, and my throat felt like it could close any second. Marshall placed his hand on my shoulder, turning me around.

"Sadé, wait. Don't leave. We'll work it out. I promise. Just calm down. I know you're extra emotional because it's that time of the month, but everything's going to be okay. I swear." Marshall said in an attempt to comfort me.

My jaw dropped. I know this man did not just blame my emotions and what I'm feeling on my menstrual cycle - My period. What the actual fuck? I let out a short chuckle, taken aback by his words.

"You've got to be shitting me." I said to him blankly.

"What?" He asked completely clueless, furrowing his brows.

"Did you just blame my emotions that I'm feeling because I'm hurt and in a triggered state on my period?" I slowly asked for confirmation.

"..." He opened his mouth to say something before quickly closing it.

He didn't say anything as he looked at me, swallowing his lips as he slowly realized that he just fucked up.

"Uhhh... Takesies backsies?..." He laughed nervously as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, his voice raising an octave.

Un-fucking-believable.

"No! That's low-key fucked up. You don't tell a woman that or blame her feelings on her period. I'm serious, Marshall! Don't fucking call me until you work this out with Malik." I repeated myself to him.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I just thought- I mean. I didn't mean to say that..." He tried to hug me, but I pushed him away.

I was shutting everyone out right now. I can't handle this. It's too much.

"No, all I wanted was as for you guys to work things out and be civil. You both mean a lot to me. Can't you guys see that?! What's so hard about it? What's the issue that's blocking y'all for moving the fuck on?? I understand he isn't the easiest person to with, but come on. If I can put my differences aside for Skylar because you guys work together, then why can't you do it for me with Malik?" I ranted out of frustration.

"Nothing. Nothing is stopping us from working it out, honestly..." Marshall admitted lowly.

"Then fucking fix it. And tell Malik to fix it too. I'll be at the hotel when you work it out. I'm really hurt right now, okay? You made me promise to tell you if you made me feel any type of way so I'm telling you: I feel very misheard, dismissed, and like all of what I said was thrown out of the window when I was in there. So because of that, I now feel the need to shut everyone out, put my walls up, and focus on myself. I'm trying not to cry right now because I'm really feeling this tumbleweed of emotions and am trying not to show it. But I would appreciate it if you gave me some time to get myself together. Because this - " I waved my hands around in the air while Marshall's blue eyes were watching my every move, "This is making me feel very anxious. It's a lot to handle. So with that being said, I'm going back to the hotel room, and I want to be left alone. I want you to go back in there, and handle it. Please?" I explained current state to Marshall to the best of my ability in a shaky voice.

I felt so small compared to him in that moment. So unimportant. I just wanted to go. I needed to go.

"Okay. I'll handle it. And so will Malik. I'm sorry." He said to me gently.

He rubbed my arm before letting me go. I turned around, walking to where the designated car was parked. I got inside, telling the driver to drop me off at the hotel, then return back to the house to be able to wait for Marshall to finish up before dropping him off here too.

— Later That Night, 8:21PM

It had been about two hours now, and I taken a shower, brushed my teeth, and gotten ready for bed tonight. Within the time span of me leaving the house to now, I had a total of two more anxiety attacks on top of the one I had while I was there, and was in a constant shuffle of crying & not crying. I was just feeling a lot of emotion right now. I was currently lying in bed alone, tears rolling down my cheeks. I was trying to sleep, but couldn't. I had so much on my mind.

For starters, I was upset at myself for spilling my guts like that to Malik. I didn't want any of my family to know what I had gone through with Zach. It was embarrassing, shameful, and just straight up fucked up. I felt so insecure about it. Deep down I know there's nothing to be ashamed of, but I am. And I just know he's going to tell the rest of the family. Everyone will know that I used to get beat on, taken advantage of, manipulated, cheated on, etc. It's so embarrassing. I didn't want them to look at me any differently or to feel sorry for me. I didn't want pity from anyone. I just wanted to move on from it, and forget it ever happened. Clearly I can't though. Those scars still eat away at me and affect me in ways that I thought were healed.

Then there was the whole arguing between me, Marshall, and Malik. I just wanted them to get along. They're my brother and my man. Who wouldn't want them to get along? Marshall means the world to me, and I'm not going to let him go because of Malik. I really like Marshall, and value him as a significant other. He's the best. I couldn't ask for a better man or a better relationship. It's amazing.

However, Malik also means the a lot to me. We may not be close, but he cares deeply about me. He'd do anything for me. He's my big brother. He's fought for me, he's defended me against my grandmother, he's taken care of me when I was sick, he's been there even when I least expected him to. We may have our differences, our tribulations, but that's family.

Malik did hurt me a lot by not believing me. When he questioned me like he was doubting me, my respect for him tanked. I know I said I wish he would've protected my from Zach, but he had no clue what was happening behind closed doors. Nobody did. But when he did finally find out after I told him accidentally, I didn't expect him to not believe me. He always said he would never let anyone lay a finger on his family - on me. That he would protect them to death, and I've personally seen him go to war about some things with my own two eyes. So for him to do me like that, that was messed up. He was preaching up & down about protecting me then just went mute. I don't think I'll be able to look at him the same again.

And lastly, the triggers. It just flooded back so many bad memories. So many times where I felt like giving up. It really got to me today. I tried my best and my hardest not to let it affect me, but it did sadly. It's not my proudest moment, and I'm not happy that I let it get to me the way it did. I wish I would've been stronger. I wish I could've just maybe buried my emotions a little bit deeper, but I didn't. So it all came out in this explosive way. I regret that so much. I felt so weak: I can't get past my trauma, and I'm freaking 21 years old. Why am I still letting this affect me? I know healing has no timeline, but I wanted it to be done for already.

This made me feel like I wasn't good enough for Marshall. He's such a strong person, and has been through so much and doesn't let his past affect him. Yet here I am, fucking crying like a baby anytime the slightest inconvenience comes my way. He doesn't deserve someone who has as much baggage as me. He deserves better. A woman that isn't constantly battling an internal fight of if she's going to be okay or not - If she's going to let her past affect her present. I felt unworthy.

And then my family. Marshall's family was so nice to me. Yea, Alaina may not have immediately liked me, and they may have asked me some tough questions, but they weren't anything like mines. My family was a hot mess. They were so dysfunctional and Marshall saw it first hand. It's embarrassing. This is why I was so hesitant about it a few weeks ago when we first discussed it back in October. There was no reason he was being judged the way he was. Not even my grandmother judged him like that. Malik ate him up and chewed him out for absolutely no good reason at all.

I just felt terrible. I felt like shit. I was hurt. I was upset. I was sad. A part of me wanted to apologize to Marshall despite me being mad at him. Then there was a part of me that wanted to drag Malik by his dreads against the concrete outside, and force him like Marshall. And then there was this other part of me that wanted to hate myself. I just... I couldn't do anything except for cry. So that's what I did. I cried myself to sleep as I awaited Marshall's arrival.

A/N: Cliffhanger 🤭 Oops. This chapter is very heavy on emotion so this is a part one, and the part two will be posted soon afterwards. We're y'all expecting this much to go down the way it did? Because babyyyyy, this was a lot to swallow. What do y'all think is gonna happen in the next chapter? 🫣👀. Also how do y'all feel about Sadé and Marshall basically being public and confirming their relationship? Chilleeeeeee. See y'all next chapter lol 😆. - 🤎