|| chapter forty

"Owlpaw, it's time to wake up. It's almost sundown," a gentle voice and a little nudge caused the dark brown apprentice to be woken from his slumber.

All night he couldn't forget the words Flintpath had spoken to him. The horror and grief in the warrior's eyes was something he would never forget. And what happened after...

Robinstar swarmed out of the medicine cat's den, her tail lashing as she quickly surveyed the cats in the camp. Most of the cats were awake, regardless if they wanted to be or not. Everyone was on edge, likely due to Flintpath's outbreak.

"Cats of RoseClan," the leader began, gaze sweeping the cats, "Recently, we have been pelted with devastations. I know this is very upsetting to most of us, but mere moments ago, our medicine cats received a vision from StarClan. Lilybreeze, Adderflight, please come up here to tell the Clan what happened," Robinstar meowed, flicking her tail at both cats, who trotted up to her after Robinstar had shuffled to the side.

Lilybreeze and Adderflight had a very swift discussion, heads tilted together as their quiet tones drifted around the camp. They drew away, lifting their heads.

"StarClan has decided to share a vision with us," Adderflight announced, "As I was sitting next to Shrewfoot and Lilybreeze, we heard a low growling. Instantly, it was like something was pressed around us, almost swallowing us up."

Lilybreeze's fur stood on end as Adderflight nudged her to continue, "We felt as if we were being crushed and an additional feeling of prickling in our fur soon came too. It was almost as if we were being poked..." The she-cat trailed off, gaze seemingly glazing over.

"And then there was sudden alleviation of the pressure... I don't know what it was, but whatever it was, it combated the pressure with strong strokes that almost appeared as if it were waving it away with a wing," Adderflight resumed after Lilybreeze had trailed off. His gaze slowly began to glaze over as if it were being infused with stone, "Storms of leaves began to whip around and sparks of green fire spiraled around us. Tufts of white fur appeared out of nowhere, seemingly flying through the air, frosty pieces of small, green objects swirling around. Dust seemed to swoop in, followed by small pieces of light tan fur. Little pieces of stems and a small rattling noise filled the den..."

"It all disappeared with one swoop of darkness and there was just the den around us."

Shocked murmurs spread through the cats, gazes flashing as the two medicine cat's eyes grew bright and glimmering again. Some cats sent suspicious glances at others, ears twitching and eyes narrowed.

Robinstar quickly told hold of the situation, asserting, "Now, myself, Yellowspark, and the medicine cats will discuss this and get back to you all as soon as possible. For now, continuing as normal is the best plan of action..."

But the words she had spoken just blurred onward in Owlpaw's mind. Something was very wrong in RoseClan and there was nothing he could do, nothing, nothing...

"Owlpaw, please," meowed the cat again and after opening his eyes, he realized it was Finchtuft.

The apprentice staggered to his paws and gazed around his den. He remembered the time when he thought it was safe in this den, where nothing could get to him or hurt him or injure anyone he cared for. But StarClan didn't care about that, no, they didn't, they wanted his friends to suffer so he had to watch them.

A growl nearly escaped the dark brown tom but he swallowed it back, forcing himself out of the den. Finchtuft slipped out behind him, studying the apprentice nervously. Owlpaw could feel his burning gaze on the back of his neck, making his fur prickle.

Owlpaw wanted to do it. Turn around and snap at him. Let everything out. All of it. From the sickness to now. Hazelberry's incident included. Everything.

But the sun that was shining, despite it being sundown, his head cheered happily somewhere inside of him, swirling around elatedly, singing "New-leaf is coming, new-leaf is coming" until it really did come.

Forcing the thoughts out of his head, the apprentice headed to the elder's den. That's not me, he reminded himself, I can be happy in RoseClan. I know it. I.. know it. He heard Finchtuft's little "Owlpaw" behind him, but the dark brown tom paid no mind. He continued to where he presumed Flintpath and Stonecall would be.

And as he peeked in, he realized he was right. Stonecall lay, asleep, next to Flintpath, who was awake. The tom's eyes were dull. They held no emotion, no visible recognition of any capable feeling.

"Owlpaw?" Flintpath turned to him, voice flat. Stonecall lifted his head a little and after seeing the dark brown apprentice, the elder instantly put his head down.

"That's me," replied Owlpaw.

"Ah," Flintpath looked away.

"Are... are you hungry?" The apprentice queried.

"No."

"Oh... Oh.. Okay. I'll see you later then, I guess..."

"Okay. Bye."

The dark brown tom slipped out of the den, swallowing a sigh. He made a quick stop at the fresh-kill pile, snagging two mice. Next, he headed for the medicine cat's den. He hoped that the medicine cats wouldn't mind his visits. He glanced up at the tree before heading inside, ducking his head and blinking so his vision would adjust.

Lilybreeze was sitting in the main part of the den and as the apprentice entered, she jumped a little, turning around and tilting her head, "Owlpaw? What's wrong? Are you sick?"

The tom shook his head, "I'm here to check on... Sedgestorm and Shrewfoot."

"I see," she replied, "Sedgestorm's in that offshoot, Shrewfoot's over there, in case you didn't know," The calico she-cat flicked her tail at two different offshoots. The apprentice dropped a mouse in front of her and she smiled at him.

Owlpaw headed to Sedgestorm's, padding through it until he came upon a little area with a few nests. Sedgestorm lay in one of them, his back still crooked and plastered with herbs. The apprentice sat down next to him for a moment, touching his muzzle to the warrior's leg before withdrawing and heading out of the offshoot.

Swerving sharply, he quickly turned and headed into Shrewfoot's offshoot. After sneaking through a little tunnel, the apprentice came upon an awakened creamy tom, whose paw was wrapped up in a neat little bundle of herbs.

"Owlpaw!" Shrewfoot exclaimed, attempting to stand, clearly failing, huffing rather irritably, and then sitting back down, curling his tail carefully over his paw.

"Hi, Shrewfoot," The apprentice greeted him, dropping the mouse in front of him, "Enjoy."

"Thanks!" Shrewfoot dove hungrily into the creature, tearing into its soft meat with pleased purrs, "It's delicious!"

"I hope you get better soon," Owlpaw watched the tom eat.

Shrewfoot smiled, "It's healing well."

"That's good," The apprentice replied, "I should... be hunting now. I'll see you later."

"Thanks for the mouse!" exclaimed Shrewfoot as the dark brown tom slipped out of the den. As he passed Lilybreeze, he gave her a little nod and exited the medicine cat's den.

Cats were gathered.

What did I miss?

Robinstar's gaze snapped to Owlpaw; she had clearly called everyone together for a meeting. She blinked at him.

"Just in time."

Owlpaw hurriedly shuffled over to sit at the edge of the crowd, curling his tail swiftly over his paws. Everyone's gazes burned into his pelt and he felt as if he was being burnt to a crisp from their scorching eyes. The sun, which now sat on the horizon, even stared at the apprentice.

"I have heard that there is a cat in this Clan who has worked very hard to be where they are now, and especially to stay there. Their life has been plagued with hardships, but this certain cat had to watch all of their rank disappear," Robinstar meowed, sweeping her gaze over the gathered cats, "And this cat has been rewarded very minimally. Today, I think it is time to give them their warrior name. Owlpaw, please step forward."

All gazes flicked back to the apprentice. He rose to his paws, muscles stretching and contracting under his sleek dark brown fur as he padded forward. He stood in front of Robinstar, head lifted.

"I, Robinstar, leader of RoseClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down upon this apprentice. He has trained very hard to understand the ways of your noble code and I commend him to you as a warrior in his turn. Owlpaw, do you promise to defend and protect your Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

Two simple words. It should've been easy and painless to speak them. In a smooth tone, right? Just like always. But the weight of them pressed down the tom's voice. A silence spread over the cats. The tom could feel the edged glances, the irritable glares, the confused looks, icily scorching his fur.

And then magically, almost like StarClan had relieved the pressure, he could speak again.

"I do."

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Owlpaw, from this moment on, you will be known as Owlshade."

Instantly, cheering broke out around him.

"Owlshade! Owlshade! Owlshade!"

The words swirled above camp as the newly named warrior dipped his head to Robinstar.

"And," she raised her voice over the cheering, "A new tradition will be implemented today. Instead of warriors sitting guard at the camp entrance, each new warrior will tell a story of a cat that has passed due to the sickness, beginning after their ceremony. That night, they will sleep in the middle of the warrior's den, in the warmest spot possible, and the deputy will sleep next to the senior warriors. I hope this will inspire generations of storytellers and ensure that nobody will forget what occurred."

"RoseClan! RoseClan! Owlshade! Owlshade!" The Clan began to cheer.

"Owlshade," Robinstar flicked her tail at him and dipped her head, shuffling out of the way, "You may tell your story now."

The warrior rose to his paws, a sense of calm filling him. He had never had everyone's attention for this amount of time before and if he did, his words were not taken into account. He thought of speaking about Hazelberry, his family, Meadowdapple, Heronleap, Nutgaze, Rainpad, Logbite, Sorrelflame... Whitepaw... Ashkit, Maplekit...

No. None of them are good choices. I can't single out one cat.

Wait!

Owlshade straightened his shoulders and lifted his head.

"My story will be about the past versions of ourselves that we have lost," announced the dark brown tom, "We all acted a different way before the sickness. Some of us were happier. Some of us were kinder. Some of us were more extraordinarily proud of their actions. Some of us were louder - some were quieter. We all changed, for the better or for the worse. It all depends on how you look at it.

"If you grew quieter, you can take that as a more observant personality you've grown into. If you're more actively engaged in conversations, maybe you just needed something to wake you up from your quiet slumber. It all depends on how you take it. But I do know one thing that goes for everyone here."

"We all changed, no matter if you like it or not. We all changed and you cannot go back to your past self, no matter how hard you try. Now, you must learn how to settle into your new self, whether that means you learn how to be more observant, or more outgoing, or maybe more kind. But we all changed - there is nothing you can do about that - and you have to learn to accept that. Our past selves are no more. RoseClan will rise to be the greatest Clan StarClan has ever seen. I know it."

As Owlshade spoke, he felt it. The feelings of sadness and grief and anger and uncertainty and everything bad, all slowly leaving, all slowly skipping and slipping away. The feelings of hope, of happiness and pride skirting in and skittering to a stop at the tom's paws. He felt power course through him, like he could do anything he wanted with his new name and his speech. He felt like the moon could become light if he wished it so, the sun could become dark if he wished it so, and everything was right at his paws. Everything to help Robinstar, Yellowspark, and the medicine cat's journey to help RoseClan bloom.

And he started the cheer, the amazing cheer that swirled and howled its way through the clearing, searing its way through everyone's mind and clearing the area of anything bad. It replaced the bad with good; the anger with placidity; the grief with hope; the sadness with happiness...

"RoseClan! RoseClan!"

What will you do with your new self?