I cant hurt her again

I looked up at him tears filling my eyes as I slowly began to shake my head.

————————

"What do you mean?" I asked a lump forming in my throat as a tear rolled down my face.

"It doesn't matter now" he said moving his hand to my jaw, softly rubbing my cheek.

I looked away from him feeling horrible. What did me mean he could hear and feel me. I held my breath as I looked back at him. I watched his eyes wonder to my stomach.

"I heard everything Ash" he said low.

A hard cry left my chest as I looked away from him once again. I left him in the worst state not knowing if he would live. It was easy to leave but it wasn't easy to know that he actually heard me. I remember in the hospital I hoped he would hear me. I don't remember what I actually said but knowing he pushed through recovery because I told him that I loved him hurt me. It really showed that he did use love me and that he did try to change for me.

"I'm sorry" I gasped out softly.

"I understand why you left" he said grabbing my hand lightly. "I just want you to understand I was trying for you. I was trying to change" he continued.

I sniffled as I watched his lips move. I had no idea what to say. I didn't know how to even feel. He tapped my leg lightly and gestured me to get out of the car. I followed him out of the car and sat next to him on the hood of the car silently crying. Tom lightly grabbed my head and held me in his chest.

"I feel so horrible" I said low.

"I'm not going to try and make you feel better about yourself Ash" he said softly. "I did horrible things to, but I was really trying to change" he continued sighing.

"I though you did until that race befo-" I started.

"I know. I know. I shouldn't have done that but it was hard" Tom said pulling me from his chest and looking at me. I know noticed his cheeks were stained with tears. I tilted my head to the left raising my eyebrows.

Tom lightly grabbed my hand as I followed him. We walked down a set of stairs before I felt the sand between my toes. We walked a bit further before sitting down. I listened as the waves crashing drowning the noise of my cries.

My feelings weren't explainable, and I couldn't focus on a single thought swarming my mind. I felt Tom shuffle closer to me as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Ashley" he said low.

I lifted my head from his shoulder looking at him. "Yes Tom?" I replied softly as he looked towards the ocean.

"I still love you" he said as his eyes slowly wandered back to me. I opened my mouth to speak before he grabbed my cheek lightly.

I smiled before he kissed me softly. I kissed back before he stopped and pulled away. I gasped low as he laid me down on the sand. He hovered over me before kissing me once again. That familiar feeling of his lips intertwined with mine gave me a sense of home. The cold touch of his lip ring sending chills down my spine. The ends of his braids falling on my shoulders sending a smile on my lips. He slowly pulled away before sitting up.

"I- I guess we should head back now" he said giving me a weird smile.

"Yeah" I shrugged nodding my head.

I followed behind him was we walked back to the car. We were soon off into the streets swerving through cars. It all felt a little awkward. We didn't talk but gave each other glances.

The car soon stopped, and I looked out the window at the house. Before getting out of the car I turned to Tom giving him a small smile.

I got out of the car walking up to the house quietly. I opened the door before turning to Tom behind me. It was silent.

"They must have gone to bed" I said low.

"Mhm" Tom said suspicious.

"Okay well-" I started before Tom cut me off.

"Goodnight"

"Night" I smiled walking to my room.

I shut the door and wobbled to my bed. I fell into my pillow before letting a few more tears slip out. What the fuck was happening?

...

I rolled over facing away from the sun blaring into the room. I sighed and sat up crossing my legs. I needed to figure out what to do from here. I needed to understand my feelings.

I wanted to go back to Rome but yet I had nothing left there. I didn't have my empire or Jai. I could go start fresh somewhere else, but I didn't know if that's what I wanted. A part of me wanted to stay here in Tokyo and see what would happen between me and Tom. Last night was a blur and didn't feel real. It was stupid for me to think to stay here with him. Tom is a horrible person that couldn't care about anyone expect his reputation but maybe he has changed.

I sighed shaking my head. I can't be this delusional but something within me wanted to try. Wanted to know if he had changed. But it would be a risk. A risk myself and Bree.

I also wanted to stay because sister was here, and I didn't want to leave her again. Lauren was here and being with her again made me realise how much I had missed her. Yet here there was so many memories that I didn't want to face again.

Either way I had nothing to go back to and staying here would be stupid of me. I tried so hard to leave my past behind but here I am considering staying. Staying with someone that ruined my life. Yet someone that I did love once.

"Hey" Bree said behind the door.

"Come in" I replied.

"What's the matter with you?" she said raising her eyebrow.

"Nothing" I smiled.

"Did you have fun last night?" she asked.

"Yes it was good to catch up with an old friend" I said before grabbing my phone. "I need to message him" I laughed.

I began to type a message to him. 'Hey are you okay?'. I clicked send.

"So do you like him or something?" she asked squeezing my leg.

"No" I laughed. "We were always close" I added before looking back at my phone.

It was photo of a baby wrapped in a pink blanket with a text below reading 'sorry for leaving you last night. My sister had her baby'. I smiled before I began to text back. 'Oh my god she's so cute. Tell her I said congrats'.

"Okay well me and Bill are going out today" Bree said standing up.

"Okay have fun" I replied.

"Call me if you need anything" Bree smiled before opening the door.

"I will" I nodded before she shut the door.

...

I stepped out of the shower as I grabbed my brush. I brushed my wet hair before walking out of the bathroom. I got changed into a large top and shorts before walking out of the room. I grabbed a glass up filling it up with water before taking a sip.

Tom's POV

I walked into the kitchen noticing Ashley standing by the sink. I walk up quietly placing my hands around her waist unexpectedly. She let out a small gasp before laughing. I couldn't help but smile. She turned around with a small smile. I noticed her puffy eyes and sighed low.

"What?" she said looking at me worried.

"Nothing" I replied smiling.

"Let's watch a movie?" she asked. She didn't seem so sure on her words.

"Yeah okay" I replied letting go of her hips.

I walked over to the couch as she sat down next to me. I grabbed the remote playing a random channel. I held my breathe as I resisted my urge to touch her. I didn't want to hurt her. I regretted last night. I shouldn't have said anything.

It was silent and awkward as we watched the movie. I knew she only asked because she didn't know what else to say. Ash moved around so that she was now lying down with her head on my leg. I grabbed a pillow and placed it on my lap before she repositioned and laid her head back down.

...

I leant over looking at her soft face as she slept. I smiled to myself softly before hearing a car roar outside. I rubbed Ashes arm trying to wake her up but she wasn't budging. I carefully got up letting her head down softly.

I began to walk over to the front door before Bree came busting in. She rolled her eyes at me as Bill came in after her.

"Bill I need to talk to you" I said.

I turned around walking towards the back door as I heard him follow behind me.

"What?" Bill sighed.

"I need your help" I bit my tongue as I turned around to face him.

"Tom?" he said as he tilted his head.

"Please, I can't hurt her again" I said low.

"What do you mean?" he asked taking a step closer.

"Just please listen" I said breaking eye contact. I didn't want to do this.