Cigarettes & whiskey

This wasn't Jai.

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I rolled over holding my mouth before running into the bathroom. I fell beside the toilet and began to throw up my insides. My eyes watered as I coughed up everything. I fell back onto my knees and held my head. I leant back over the bowl gagging but nothing coming up. My throat hurt and my head was pounding. I reached up and flushed the throw up down the toilet and rested my head on the bowl.

I built up the courage to stand up. I looked in the mirror and sighed before turning around and walking out of the bathroom. I walked out of my room and to the kitchen but stopped when I stepped on a smash bottle. I winched and kept walking. The bench was filled with empty bottles. I sat on a bar stool and lifted my foot up and pulled out the tiny pieces of glass with my nails.

I stood up and walked around my bench and grabbed a glass from the cabinet. I poured a glass of water while leaning on the bench. What happened last night? I searched the kitchen before finding a large bin bag. I began to walk around the bench collecting all the bottles and putting them into the bag. I sweeped up the broken glass on the floor and put it into the bin.

I finally finished tiding up the area and sighed. I tied up the bag and placed it in the kitchen. I re filled my glass of water and walked out of the back door. I walked down a set of staircases and felt the sand cover my feet. I smiled at the familiar smell of the sea. I walked closer to the water and smiled at the sun blared in my eyes. I felt the water splash up as the waves crashed just Infront of me. I walked along the shore for a moment before backing up and sitting down as I held my cup.

As the waves crashed before me moments of last night began to catch up to me. I sighed taking a sip. I had no idea what to do from here. I decided I wouldn't think about it. I would go along as it played out.

...

I felt sand fly with the wind onto my back. I turned around and noticed Bree walking closer. I sighed and took a deep breath before smiling. She sat beside me slient. I worried Bill must had told her.

"Ash" she said softly. "Tell me" She added as she turned to me.

"What?" I smiled.

"You have to tell me" She replied looking at the ocean. I felt my eyes water and sighed.

"When I moved here to Tokyo I met this guy. His name was Chase and he was the leader of a known gang" I sighed feeling my heart rate rise. "Me and Melissa were drugged at a club our first night in Tokyo" I continued.

"Omg" she said looking at me.

"We were taken. Chase didn't allow us to do anything. I was forced to deal for him. I was his little pet" I said looking away as a lump grew in my throat.

"Pet?" she asked.

"Pet" I reassured her. "They did races and me and Mel were forced to go. Chase and Tom didn't like each other much because Tom had an ego. He would always win" I spoke quietly.

I looked down and began to play with the stings of my shorts. I felt her hand grab my wrist as a tear rolled down her eye. I opened my mouth and began to speak.

"On the way to a race one night I had kicked Mel out of the car and she-" I started.

"Why?" she cut me off softly.

"It was a stupid reason" I said in regret. "After I kicked her out Bill had picked her up from the side of the road and brought her to the race. I hated the fact she had done that. I hated Tom so I asked Chase if I could race instead of him" I said softly. "I won and Tom didn't like that" I sighed.

I looked down at the coast and bit my cheek. I didn't want to have to tell her.

"It all happened so quickly, Chase was on the floor, and I was in the back of Toms car" I said as a tear rolled down my cheek. "That was it. I tried to leave but it wasn't possible" I broke.

"Ash so what really happened to Mel?" she asked lightly.

"She was planning to kill us with Chase" she said blankly.

"What?" she said stunned.

"I was taken by Chase again and when Tom got a hold of me again she wasn't there" I shrugged.

"What happened with you and Tom?" she asked with her voice cracking.

"I don't want to talk about it" I stuttered.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she questioned as I turned to her.

"I wanted to protect you" I cried.

She leaned forward and held me as we both sobbed. "I'm so sorry" she sobbed.

"It's okay" I sniffled.

"No, its not. I can't believe I dragged you here" she choked out.

"I wouldn't of came if I didn't want to" I smiled as she let go of me.

"That's why Bill got so mad when Tom helped you to the bathroom and why you and everyone got on so well" she spoke holding my hand. "Ash?" she added.

"Yes?" I forced a smile.

"I love him. I can't leave him" she sulked.

"This is why I didn't want to tell you" I broke as I fell into her arms.

The memories violently flickered through my body. It was like a replay of all the worst moments. I began to feel my body lightly shake under her as I relived the horrible moments for a second. I bit my bottom lip trying to holdmy cries in.

"These scars?" she said moving my hair from my shoulder. "There from Tom?" she continued.

I looked up to her and closed my eyes letting out a hard cry. I hadn't felt so vulnerable in a long time. I hadn't told anyone my story. It was so hard to tell her this. I had bundled all my emotions up trying to seem stronger and unfazed. But was I really?

"Jai and Tom what's that situation?" she said stroking my hair as I laid my head in her lap.

I stared at the ocean silently crying. "Jai and Tom raced. Jai won but cheated. They aggreged to race again but Tom bet that if he won he could have me. Tom ended up winning but I was so angry I wouldn't give him a break. When we got back to the house there was a lot of people, and he was embarrassed by my constant screaming. He hated I was damaging his image. We went for a drive and ended up in a accident. I left the hospital" my voice broke.

"Shush it's okay" she said holding me.

"I didn't know if he was going to make it and I left" I cried. "He told me he loved me right before the car hit us. He was crying" I added in shambles.

I closed my eyes crying and relapsed the crash so vividly.

"I left and went to Jai knowing he would take me in. I'm happy I left. It was better for me" I tried to argue with myself. "But the way he broke down to me always made me wonder" I cried.

"You're okay" she cracked. "You left and your happy now aren't you?" she continued.

"I am but I use to wonder" I started. "I don't know why? The shit he put me through I didn't know why I still thought about him" I continued.

"Because he made such an impact on you, and it changed you for the better. You were brave enough to come here and face him every day. It proves how strong you've become" she smiled. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that" she stuttered.

I laid in her lap as she stroke through my hair. I stared into the ocean rethinking everything. I felt empty and I didn't know why. Numb. I always pushed my thoughts away after I left. Acted like I hadn't gone through all of the traumatic things I went through. I completely tried to numb those memories but after talking about it again it brought back all those memories and fears.

"Let's go back inside" I said softly.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Mhm hmm" I mumbled.

We both stood up and began to walk along the shore. It was silent as we walked up the stairs closer to the resort. Bree stepped inside first as I followed behind immediately getting caught in Toms stare as he walked out of his room. Chills ran down my body as I looked away. I kept my head down before I felt someone grab my wrist.

"Let's talk" Jai rambled.

"No" I said bluntly not facing him as his grip grew tighter.

I looked down at his hand wrapped around my wrist and looked up to him with my eyebrows furrowed.

"Why are you doing this?" I pleaded.

"What?" he asked.

"Acting tough Jai. Are you intimidated by Tom so you're trying acting tough?" I asked innocently.

"No. What?" he stuttered.

"You so are. You are always too afraid to speak down to me. To lay your hands on me. You're trying to act like him" I groaned trying pull down my wrist.

"What" he said as I watched his arm raise.

"What you're going to hit me now?" I snapped leaning closer to his face giving him a small grin.

I knew he wouldn't do anything. He was just acting like this because Tom was here. He was never like this. He never raised his voice towards me, nor has he ever hit me. He groaned defeated and dropped my wrist and stomped outside. I began to walk closer to my bedroom. I walked in grabbing my phone and walking back out. I joined Bree on the couch with a sigh. I turned to her with a forced smile as she looked at me with red puffy eyes and also forced a smile. I could tell I had hurt her by telling her. I knew this would happen if I told her.

"I'm going to book him a trip home" I moaned unlocking my phone.

I was about to purchase the ticket when Jai came storming in. "I'm leaving!" he yelled like we cared. "You better call Maria and tell her I'm not a part of this anymore" he continued.

"Okay" I said bluntly turning off my phone. It wasn't like he was any benefit to the business.

I sunk into the couch and watched the TV. I wasn't even paying attention though. Explaining everything to my sister made me rethink everything. I hated it.

I was caught up in my thoughts when I watched Jai walk outside. I stared intently at in wondering why he was still here.

...

I sat up and looked around in a daze. I must have fallen asleep. I looked towards the large window and saw that the sun was slowly setting. All of them were outside drinking again including Jai. I rolled my eyes walked into my bedroom quickly changing. I brushed through my hair quickly and walked back out of my room.

I joined them outside, sitting between Bree and Lauren. I picked up a drink promising myself I wouldn't have too much. Though I loved the feeling of having no care in the world I would always wake up with consequences. I pulled the bottle from my lips and smiled. I couldn't help but send Jai a glare every time I caught him looking at me.

Soon Bill got up at sat next to Bree, I could feel the awkwardness in the air. I leant behind Bree and mouthed 'I'm sorry' to him as he smiled. 'it's okay'  he mouthed back as I turned and picked the bottle up again. I raised the bottle and as I put it on the table and made eye contact with Tom. His stare was hard, but he looked away when I saw him.

Me and Lauren were chatting away when our favourite song came on. I smiled as she grinned too. She stood up taking my hand and dragging me off my chair. We began to stumble around as we danced. Both of us couldn't contain our laughs as we spun each other around.

"Let's go for a swim" Lauren muttered.

"It's going to be freezing" I laughed holding her hand. 

Lauren grabbed my hand and pulled me. As we walked past the table I reached for a bottle. She held onto my hand as we went giggling down the stairs.

"The ocean?" I laughed.

"Yes now come on" she slurred picking up her pace.

I raised the bottle to my lips laughing as we ran closer to the beach. I placed the bottle down beside us as she let go. I took off my jumper, so I was only in a crop top and shorts. I laughed and turned to Lauren. She was in sweatpants and a jumper but that didn't stop her from running closer to the water. I began to laugh and ran in after her.

We were completely drenched as the waves crashed on top of us. We stuck closer together as we floated. I turned to her with a smile as she came closer. I smiled then looked away slightly laughing.

"It's so cold" I said awkwardly as she stayed silent.

I felt her hand on my cheek and my head slowly swivelled. She floated closer to me, and I watched as she closed her eyes. I dropped my smile and backed away.

"I'm sorry" Lauren said upset.

"No, its okay" I smiled as she began to swim away.

"Lauren wait!" I yelled as she made it to shore.

She turned back and looked at me before she began to run up the stairs. I sighed and turned back to the moon lighting up the water. I let the water cast me around in the water before I began to swim back to shore. I walked out of the water shaking. I walked up to the bottle and picked it up. I walked back to the water and sat down while drinking the bottle. I raised the bottle up and the moon lit up the glass. I drunk the last little bit and sighed.

...

I stood up trying to catch my balance as I reached down and grabbed my jumper. I wobbled as I slowly began to walk back. I made it to the stairs and held the rail as I carefully stepped up each step. I made it to the top and sighed before realising everyone had gone back inside.

I stumbled into my room with a sigh and quickly paced to the bathroom. I immediately took off my soaking clothes and jumped into the burning hot shower. I sat on the shower floor too drunk to stand up and keep my balance. Once my freezing body warmed up I built up the courage to stand up and get out of the shower.

I stood Infront of the mirror as I brushed my hair. I pulled out a pair of shorts and a large top from my suitcase and threw it on. I yawned before walking out of the bathroom to get a glass of water. I stood over the sink waiting for my glass to fill. I turned off the tap and sat on the bench as I sipped my water. I placed the glass next to me as I heard a door open quietly. I went to turn when I was met with Toms eyes. I smiled lightly before looking away. He stepped closer to me as I got off the bench and turned.

"Stay" he said softly.

His tone was soft but also demanding. I turned around and was faced with his chest. I looked up as he looked down at me. I went to speak but nothing came out. I backed against the bench. I watched as he slowly raised his hand to my cheek. The warmth of his hand making me let out a small smile. I felt his other hand reach around my waist. All I could do was stare up into his dark enticing brown eyes. I had no idea what was happening. His other hand left my cheek and held my waist as he effortlessly lifted me on top of the counter. His hands found a new place on the thighs. I looked down confused. My breathing became heavy as he rubbed me lightly. I looked up at him as he subtly played with his lip ring. I wrapped my legs around him as his hand made its way around my neck and his other on my cheek. I chocked lightly out before grinning. I leaned my head in as he did to and out lips met. The curves of our lips perfectly aligning. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I smiled against his lips. His lips tasted like cigarettes and whiskey. The way that he kissed me was like he was hungry for me.

The sudden feeling of his cold lip piercing snapped me back to reality. I pulled away and slowly pulled my hands away from his neck.

"I'm sorry" I blurted out before picking myself up from the counter.

"What" he said a little angry.

I looked back at him once more before quickly running back to my room. I slammed the door shut and leant against the door. What the fuck was wrong with me?

Toms POV

I took a step back and leant to the bench with my arms crossed. I couldn't help but grin. I was caught up in my thoughts before I felt sharp cold metal slice deep into my stomach. I let out a small wince before looking down at the floor dripping in blood.