16. Hidden thoughts

⚜ Jr

"Are you sure about this?", i asked Jackson in a low tone as we stood gathered in the hallway a couple of days after the incident.

I was leaving for work at the same time as Jackson moved out since i thought that he might needed help with his luggage. I glanced briefly towards the bags and then at Mark who stood a bit away from us. He seemed uncomfortable with Jackson leaving like this, without discussing it and not even talking to Bambam, that had isolated himself on his room for the past two days.

Even today, he hadn't opened his door when we went to get him earlier.

"I'm sure... I'll call you.", Jackson said shortly with an apologetic smile on his lips, "You too Mark."

"Yeah...", Mark mumbled.

Jackson took two of his bags and went out before me. I stayed and went up to Mark to give him a gentle kiss on the forehead, showing a cheerful smile in a try to make him feel better.

"I'm leaving, I'll text you.", i said and Mark nodded shyly before nudging his head into my chest.

I chuckled and wrapped my arms around him, hoping that he wasn't blaming himself too hard for the happenings.

It wasn't his fault, he had just happened to get involved in their complicated relationship that they've had going for a long time.

A breakdown had to happen sooner or later.

⚜ Mark

When Jackson and Jr had left, i poured a cup of coffee and made a sandwhich to bring up to Bambam as i though he'd be hungry. I felt a bit nervous at the thought of facing him alone, still remembering the hateful glare he had given me... Jr had comforted me with the words that "he just had been annoyed in that moment", but i needed to see it with my own eyes to believe it.

"Bambam, i have food...", i knocked carefully on the door with the tray in my other hand.

No answer.

"Jackson is gone now...", i said and swallowed the growing feelings of guilt that followed.

He had moved out... And whether he liked me or not, i was still a part of the problem. A part of the cause.It was something i just couldn't help but to feel guilty about....

I heard someone moving inside of the room and only a moment after, the door slowly creaked open.

Bambam was wired in a big white blanket so that all that could be seen was his head. He studied me in silence with swollen eyes before he waddled back to his bed and laid down on his stomach. He resembled slightly a caterpillar as he struggled to get to his pillow.

I went up to his bedside and put the tray of my peace-offerings beside him in the bed. A long awkward silence followed before he finally sat up and reached for his sandwhich. I felt joyful but Bambam glared at me with eyes full of distrust.

"What are you looking at?", he asked and i was quick to adjust my gaze towards the window instead.

"I'm not."

He took a sip of his coffee before he sighed and drew his hand through his hair.

"I look terrible, don't i?", he held the cup carefully with both hands and swayed it timidly side to side with the black drink following.

"...Did you sleep well?", i asked in a try to change topics.

"Not really..."

"Okay, uhm... You don't have work today?"

Bambam put the cup down and looked at me for a few seconds, his eyes looked tired and i wondered if he had slept at all these few past days?

"I'm sorry... I really am but could you just... Leave for now, please?", he asked while rising his hand to his head as if it was hurting in there.

I forced a smile with my heart feeling like it got stabbed in my chest. Of course, out of everyone... I was the only one that couldn't cheer him up. How long had he resented me before asking Jackson that question? What kind of story, in which i was his enemy had he produced in his mind?

"Yeah... I'm leaving for work in fifteen minutes, so you know.", i said while moving my stiff body towards the door.

He didn't answer me, and thus i left the room with a big lump of anxiety growing in my stomach.

...

Jr: Are you having lunch?Mark: Yeah, with Youngjae and his lover.Jr: Lover? Haha.

I took a spoonful of rice and thanked Youngjae in my mind as the food blessed my taste buds. He had been the one to pay the chicken delivery man out of kindness and i really was grateful as i hadn't gotten my first salary yet.

The money i had originally brought to Korea was something that my mom had told me to not invest in anything else than a place to live, and since i might was moving out with Jr soon, it could come in handy. It wouldn't feel right to let him pay for the whole thing.

My phone vibrated in my hand as i received another text.

Jr: I'm looking at apartments, i'll show you at home?Mark: Okay, we should ask Bambam first though, or at least inform him...Jr: I'll be home late. Please try to talk with Bambam when you get home, he won't pick up his phone when i'm trying to reach him.

I choked on my food and started coughing.

... Me?

...

"You okay, Mark?", i turned around and locked eyes with Jaebum.

How long had he been watching me?

He smiled widely and left his place beside Youngjae who just shrugged and continued being absorbed by his lit up laptop screen.

"Y-Yeah, i'm okay." I quickly took another bite of my food and smiled slightly to strengthen my answer.

Like hell i was. Me telling Bambam to move out felt wrong, it felt like he would take it wrong and i was also pretty sure that he wouldn't feel like talking to me anymore than he did this morning. Jaebum appeared by my side and put his hand on my shoulder.

His smile was still present as he sat down on the empty space of my desk. I still found him difficult to read... he reminded me a bit of a sly fox. This, despite that fact he had been nothing but nice to me the days that i had worked here. I guess he came here everyday?

"You look pale...", he said while engraving his gaze deep into mine and massaging my shoulder slightly with his hand, "You know that you can talk to me, or us about anything, right?"

...Why did it give me shivers?

"Right."

Creepy much?

Or am i just being paranoid?

I glanced at Youngjae to see how he would react at Jaebum's actions, but judging from what i saw, he really didn't seem to care at all. What kind of lovers were they?

"Oh."

I looked up at Jaebum who had his eyes fixed on the clock on the wall.

"I believe it is time for me to go to work.", he said and stood up from the desk to get his bag, jacket and head towards the exit, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Youngjae waved a half-hearted goodbye with his eyes still glued to the screen and Jaebum smiled at his lover's cold action before he once again looked at me. When doing so, he lifted his chin and his smile turned into a wry one.

What? ...

For now, i decided that i was just being paranoid, and besides, Youngjae seemed to trust him so why shouldn't i? It wasn't like he had done something wrong or evil to me in the first place.

I quickly put my focus on the other unsettling problem in front of me, Bambam. I only had a few hours left to come up with the best way to tell him that we were looking at apartments, and that he probably should too...

Jr: I feel so awkward with Yugyeom right now. Mark: Understandable.Mark: Hey, i'm gonna swing by the juice shop after work and see if Jackson's there.Jr: ... Because you're too scared to go home?Mark: ... No.

Running away? Yes.

I had a bad feeling growing in my stomach about Bambam...

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I'm really sorry for being slow, school is crazy right now. Thank you for reading and supporting! ^^ ~