Chapter 4

You stayed like that for a while. Maybe five minutes or more. Just breathing and letting him breathe too.

You could feel his heart beating. Fast, a little unsteady, like yours. Like neither of you knew what came next but for once, maybe that was ok. Maybe this was what healing looked like. Not a big apology. Not some dramatic scene. Just two people, scared out of their minds, holding on anyway.

Eventually, he pulled back just enough to look at you.

"Can I stay?" he asked, voice barely there.

You blinked at him "Here? I mean I am alone until Monday"

He nodded. "I won't touch you. I just... don't wanna go back to my place. Not tonight. Not if it means going back without you."

You almost said no. Not because you didn't want him there, but because it felt too big. Too intimate. Too much.

But then you remembered how cold it felt, all those nights you cried over him. How empty your bed always seemed no matter how many pillows you stacked on it. And maybe it was selfish, or stupid, or whatever. But you didn't want to sleep alone tonight.

You gave a small nod. "Yeah"

He took off his shoes like he was afraid to make noise, and you crawled into your bed without another word.

You thought maybe he'd stay on the edge of the bed to give you space. But instead, he slid in behind you, careful and slow, and wrapped an arm around your waist like he was asking for permission with every movement. You didn't stop him because you didn't want to. Maybe it was exactly what you needed, what you both needed.

He tucked his face into your shoulder, and you swore you felt him tremble. "You smell like me" he whispered. And you didn't know why, but it made your throat ache.

" I like it " you said soft turning around to face him and reached down and laced your fingers with his, your hand shaking slightly.

" It's ok " You heard him whispering " I am here... I won't go" And with that he kissed you, soft and slow. It was different from yesterday, it wasn't messy or hot. It felt like this time he was afraid, to touch you, to be near you and you were too a bit.

"I missed you" he breathed, resting his forehead on yours.

"I missed you too, more than you know " your fingers squeezed his, harder, like you wanted to convince yourself that he was real and he was there. 

You stayed like that. In his arms and the room was quiet

He didn't say anything. Just held you. His fingers brushed up and down your spine, light, like maybe he didn't even know he was doing it. Like he was trying to memorize the shape of you. Again.

You pressed your face into his chest. Listened to his heartbeat.

"You okay?" he whispered after a while.

You didn't answer right away. You weren't sure. Maybe. Maybe not. But he was here.

"I don't know" you said, voice low. "Not really"

He nodded. You felt it. Like he understood. Like he wasn't gonna push for something clean and pretty when things were still bleeding.

You didn't say anything else. You didn't need to. He moved slightly, pulled the blanket over both of you and you let him. You didn't flinch. You didn't move away.

It wasn't like last night. No rush. No hands desperate to get under clothes or erase time. This was different, real and slow and so fucking scary in a whole other way.

"You should sleep" he said into your hair. "It's late"

You shook your head. "Can't, and it's not that late tho "

"Do you want me to talk? Like say stupid stuff 'til you pass out?"

You laughed "You mean bore me to sleep?"

"Exactly."

You smiled. Just a little. "Yeah. Maybe."

He cleared his throat. Thought for a second. "Okay. So. This one time, Reiner convinced me to eat an entire weed brownie before an exam, and I swear to god I thought I was inside the PowerPoint presentation. Like physically inside of it. I cried. I felt so shit Jesus"

You laughed. It slipped out before you could stop it and he grinned.

"There it is" he murmured. "That sound."

"Shut up." 

He didn't. "You snort when you laugh too hard"

"I'm gonna punch you"

He laughed under his breath, and it felt weirdly perfect. Not fixed or healed. But like something was alive again.

You shifted a little closer, your legs brushing his. He let you. His hand found your hair, soft and slow, threading through it like he'd done it a hundred times before. Like he'd missed this.

"Don't disappear tomorrow," you said. Barely audible. You were still scared that it will end, that he will change his mind and ghost you and you will end up alone and miserable again.

"I won't." Armin answered and cupped your face looking deep into your eyes.

"I mean it Armin"

"I know." He paused. "I mean it too" 

He said it like a promise. Like something sacred. Like maybe he'd tattoo it into his skin if he could.

You did't say anything right away. Just let the silence settle again, soft and safe. The kind that didn't need to be filled. His thumb brushed your cheek, like he was checking you were still real.

Outside, the night hummed quiet. No cars. No voices. Just the kind of silence that only happens when the world is asleep and you're still wide awake.

Your fingers were still tangled with his. He hadn't let go. Not once.

"Do you ever think" you whispered, "how different things would be if you'd just said something? Back then?"

He exhaled slowly. Like the question hurt, but not in a bad way. "All the time"

You nodded, because yeah. Same.

"But maybe we weren't ready" he said, voice low. "Maybe we had to break first"

You looked at him, eyes tired. "We didn't have to break that hard." You didn't deserve to cry night after night because of him, to numb the pain with drugs, alcohol and sex. You didn't deserve to poison yourself until you felt nothing, to fill the void inside you.

He gave a broken smile. "yeah. You're right. I was just stupid"

"Yeah"  you said, matching his tone. "You were"

But your voice was soft. No venom. Just truth, and a little ache.

Another beat of silence. His hand moved, just a little, resting on your hip like it belonged there. Like he'd been waiting to do it for years and forgot how to.

"Do you want this?" you asked suddenly. " Like for real?"

You didn't mean the sex. You meant the late nights, the hard conversations, the pieces of you that still weren't healed. You meant you. In all your forms. Not just the girl he almost fucked in a hookup room. Not just the hoodie-wearing, mascara-smudged shit looking version of yourself lying next to him now. You meant everything.

Armin didn't flinch. He just nodded. Once. Firm. "Yeah" he said. "I want all of it. Even the scary parts. Especially those"

You swallowed the lump in your throat. You weren't used to people choosing you like this out loud, without hesitation.

"You're not allowed to fuck it up this time," you said, voice thick.

"I'm not planning to." His fingers curled against your side. "But if I do... if I ever start to...I want you to tell me. Yell at me. Throw shit. Whatever it takes. Just... don't go quiet."

You blinked fast. "I don't want to lose you again."

"You won't".

And the way he said it, not like a guarantee but like a vow, it made something in you soften.

Finally, your eyes were starting to close. Not because you weren't scared anymore. You were. Still were. But his arms around you were steady. His voice was warm. And for the first time in forever, maybe it was okay to let yourself rest.

You pressed your nose against his collarbone. Whispered, "Wake me up if I start crying in my sleep."

He kissed your forehead. "I will."

And then he added, almost too quiet to hear-

"I'd hold you through it anyway... I'm so sorry""So fucking sorry..."

Time got weird after that.

You weren't sure how long you laid there, ten minutes, an hour, the whole night maybe? his breath warm against your hair, your limbs tangled. At some point you lost track of time and you slept. Not deep but enough.

You must've dozed off, because the next thing you knew, there was light creeping in through the blinds. Soft and grey. Morning, but barely. You blinked slow letting ur eyes adjust to the faint light.

And he was still there. Armin, asleep beside you, his face buried in the pillow, one hand still resting on your waist in a possessive way. You just watched him for a second. 

You wanted to memorize him like this. Not the version that left. Not the one that made you feel like you weren't enough. But this, the one who came back. The one who stayed.

Armin stirred a little " Fucking Creep" he said with his voice rough from sleep opening his eyes and you laughed.

" I'm sorry " you said still smiling at him. "I'm not that weird you know"

" You were starring like a creep " Yeah you were actually doing that, too late to pretend you weren't.

"You stayed..." His expression softened and he pulled you into his chest again. The ache came back, a quiet one. You still had questions. You still had hurt buried under your skin. This didn't magically fix everything. And you knew that but it was something, a beginning.

" I told you, I won't go" He blinked at you, took a breath, and then spoke again "You didn't cry"

You smiled just a little. "Not yet"

"Good" He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, slow and gentle. "Means I did something right"

You almost laughed. "Bare minimum Armin" He had a long way to go but you hoped he will continue to walk on this path with you... maybe, just maybe this could turn well eventually.

He smiled back. "Still counts"

" You're right "

Then his phone buzzed and you felt his body tense slightly, like he was hoping you didn't notice but you did. You fucking did.

He reached over you, slow, like he didn't want to wake you fully even though you were already awake. Already staring at the ceiling and bracing for whatever came next.

He picked up the phone, opened it and didn't say shit. But you caught the change in his face. The subtle guilt and your heart dropped into your stomach.

"Who is it?" you asked, voice low.

He didn't answer right away. Just turned the screen face-down on the nightstand.

"Just someone," he said. "Doesn't matter tho"

You rolled onto your back, looked at him full. "Someone you used to like... fuck?"

He took a deep breath, and his jaw flexed. "Yeah."

You nodded slowly. Tried not to let it show that it fucking hurt. Even though it did. Not because you thought he'd been faithful when you were apart, he didn't owe you that. But because it was now. And now felt fragile, unsure and not safe at all.

"She didn't know I was here" he added. "She's not...I haven't talked to her in weeks. I swear." He said fast and you could feel that his heart started to race.

You were quiet for a while You didn't know what to say. 

"You don't have to explain," you said. "We weren't together."

"I know. But still." He sat up, rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't want you thinking I'm... juggling. Or keeping things open. I'm not."

You sat up too, pulling the blanket with you. "I just don't wanna feel like I'm the side hoe"

"You're not," he said quickly. Too quickly. "You never were."

Your eyes flicked to the phone. "She thinks you're still sleeping with her?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "Maybe. I didn't really end things, I just... stopped replying and... yeah"

You laughed once. An emotionless laugh "So you ghosted her."

"Yeah." He looked ashamed. "I was a dick."

You nodded. "Yeah. You were." You were glad that he did ghost her. It meant that he didn't had feelings, and it was just a fuck, nothing more.

"But I'm here," he said. "With you. I chose this."

"Then act like it," you said, meeting his eyes. "If you want me, really want this, you don't get to half close doors and keep people around just in case. You don't get to disappear when things get hard... not again at least"

"I won't," he said. His voice cracked a little. "I won't run. I just... I didn't think I'd get a second chance with you. I didn't plan for it. But I want it. I want you. Fully."

You watched him. Let yourself believe him. At least for now.

"Okay" you said. Quiet. "Then tell her. Be honest. And don't make me feel like I'm competing with other girls."

"I will," he promised "Today. First thing."

You nodded. Let yourself lean back into him again. Still scared. Still bruised. But maybe that's what trust looked like now, letting someone prove it and you hoped he wont break you all over again, because you couldn't take it, not after everything.

"Just don't fuck it up" you whispered against his collarbone.

"I won't," he said, voice low, steady. "Not this time."

OMG JESUS 2 CHAPTERS IN A DAY THAT'S A LOT. I hope you guys like it and I appreciate every comment and vote. Thank u all <3 . If u wanna moot me add me on discord  reeas.1

I'll post next soon. BE READY FOR CHAPTER 5 YALL!!!!!!!!!!