Chapter Thirty

I wasn't alone with you

Jinhwan POV

It's been a couple days since the incident with Sunny and I can't stop beating myself up for it. I can't believe I was about to attack Sunny, It was Taehyung's fault. He got me so upset and I launched at her. Taehyung has been ruining everything since I met Sunny, that's exactly why I needed to kill him but now what? Sunny saw what I was trying to do, what will she think?

I was pacing around my kitchen like I've been doing for the past couple days. My phone was sitting on the counter in front of me and I couldn't decide if I should call Sunny or not. I know I need to fix this situation but I don't know how. My pacing starts to quicken the more I sat In my thoughts, finally I pick up the phone. I go onto my text with Sunny and begin typing, 

Jinhwan: Hey Sunny, I'm sorry about the other day

I immediately deleted the text before sending, that doesn't even sound sincere. So I tried again.

Jinhwan: Sunny, what happened the other day was totally unacceptable and I understand

I deleted that text too. That sounds too apologetic, I want her to forgive me not leave me.

"Aish..." I throw my phone back at the counter and turn away from it. I was back spiraling over my thoughts. I was going into doubt about our friendship, I knew this was it. Sunny won't want to be my friend after I tried not only murdering her boyfriend but her as well. I sighed at the thought, I messed up again. But I hear a ring from my phone. I quickly turn around and picked it up. With the phone cupped in my hand I read the text. 

Sunny: Hey, can we chat? 

My eyes lit up at the text, she's talking to me! Thats better than being ignored-but does she want to talk about the other day? Is this a good or bad thing? 

Jinhwan: Of course

Sunny: Great. Meet me at the abandoned library

I tilt my head at the text, why does she want to meet there? Sunny and I normally don't hang out at each others houses but the abandoned library seems a bit weird to meet. Usually we'd go to a food restaurant, or take a walk but this is different. Even with the curious thoughts I was too excited to question her. I needed to fix this situation, so I quickly grabbed my coat and begin walking towards the library. 

--

Once I got there I felt a tingly sensation throughout my body. The air was foggy and the mud from the rain held onto my shoe. The wind flew my hair in one direction no matter how many times I was trying to fix it. As I enter the library more thoughts wondered about why she picked this place. There was nobody here, just the dust collected on the bookshelves and a pile of computers that stopped working years ago. I walk further in hearing a sound coming from the back, it led to a door to the back of the library but I didn't enter the door. I walked near it and found Sunny sitting down with an open book in front of her. She was reading peacefully, though her face had guilt written all over it. 

I slowly walked up to her, trying to not scare her. Sunny looks up at me once she noticed my presence and softly smiles, "Hey you..." She speaks in a low tone. I nod in return and take a seat at the opposite side of the table she was sitting on, "I know things have been weird between us..." Sunny begins closing her book and setting it to the edge of the table, "...ever since you found out about my secret,"

"You've been avoiding me," I reach out for her book and brought it to me. She watches as I open up the cover and look inside. 

Sunny clears her throat, "It's not something you were suppose to know," I glance up at her.

"Sunny, I don't look at you any differently," Sunny looks at me confused. I lean into the table and whisper, "I think it's pretty cool," She chuckles at my response. 

Sunny POV

After laughing at his comment I remembered Taehyung telling me Jinhwan is threatening to expose me, is this all an act? 

"Still..." I sigh, "But after what happened last time, I'm not sure where we stand..." Jinhwan closes the book before speaking. 

"Sunny, I'm sorry about all of that. I was so angry at that moment-" 

I quickly interrupted him, "Because of Taehyung?" Jinhwan looks away not wanting to admit anything, "Because he found out about Kyung and Yumin?" Jinhwan looks back at me and widens his eyes. It doesn't last long until the annoyance sits in. 

He sits back on the chair and takes a deep sigh, "So I see Taehyung finally opened up..." I lean into the desk. 

"About everything you are making sure I know nothing about. Why are you such a totally different person when you with me, but a monster when you're not?" Jinhwan bites his lip forbidding to talk, "Jinhwan I thought we were friends...from the moment I met you I felt safe and happy in your presence. Going through everything with Taehyung and Uni, you were the only true friend I had and you helped me forget about all of my worries. But it seems like our friendship was such a fake to you-" 

"It wasn't, Sunny," Jinhwan also leans into the desk, "The reason why I didn't want you to know anything is because Taehyung isn't telling you the full story-he doesn't know the full story," He takes a deep sigh, "All he knows is what everyone else is telling him," 

There was a pause before I responded. I was registering what he said, "Then tell me the full story, because I want every reason to not leave you," Jinhwan looks into my eyes that were full of sorrow then gets up from his seat. I watch as he walks towards the nearest bookshelf and start looking at the book titles. 

"My parents raised me to be emotionless," He speaks with his eyes still glued to the books, "Their relationship has always been toxic so that was the only way I learned to communicate. I was never shown love as a child, never had affection. My parents just saw me as a disappointment in every way possible..." Jinhwan paused holding his emotions in, "My father was always abusive towards me and it carried into high school when I moved from China. Thats when I met Kyung..." Jinhwan turned his body to face me and I stood up giving him my full attention. 

"Taehyung said you lied about the surgery," Jinhwan nods. 

"I did, and I also lied about living with my aunt," I bit my lip at his lies, "The truth is when I met Kyung he made my escape from my personal life, school, into hell. He bullied me blind to the issues I was already dealing with. Kyung never made me get surgery, but he did bruise my whole body," He lightly chuckles looking down at the ground, "My father didn't even care..." He looks back at me, "You see Kyung made all of my existing pain worse and I guess you can say he was the final puzzle to complete my diagnosis which I'm sure you know..." I nod in response. 

"Paranoid personality disorder, " 

Jinhwan rolls his eyes walking up to me, "I don't want to claim it, but even though it's true I don't want to live with it. Do you think I'm proud of my past? Do you think I liked killing those people? I have no control Sunny, "He approaches me and I face him, "When I'm having an episode I can't turn those thoughts off, and when that side of me decides to hurt anyone, I can't stop it," 

"I'm so sorry..." I whisper softly. I couldn't understand why but I felt tears form in my eyes.

"I regret killing Kyung-there I said it! I regret killing my father!" I step back at the sudden volume of his voice, "I spent days regretting those mistakes, and even though they abused me I knew that wasn't me. Yeah it felt good for a while," Jinhwan steps away from me and walks around the desk, "All of my stress was gone, but the pain sinks in...and you know what is my daily reminder of my mistakes?" 

I was hesitant to speak, but slowly opened my mouth, "W-what?" He stops walking and turns to me. 

"My mother," I felt more tears form, "She was there the moment I tried to kill Kyung, she even took me to my first doctors appointment. She came to the hospital daily to see me, she even paid the police to erase everything out of her own pocket. My mother watched me kill me father...she has seen everything," Jinhwan pauses again and looks down at the desk where he places his hand, "Thats why I can't be nice to her, when I look at her all I see is my pain. I see the anxiety I caused her, the panic attacks-everything!" I quickly shut my eyes at his volume again. 

I gently open my eyes, "Jinhwan it isn't your fault, you can't control it," I softly speak attempting to calm him down.

"That doesn't erase the damage I've done! My father, even through his harsh words, wanted me to be successful in life. He wanted to see me do good-and even though he barely showed that through his actions, I knew. But I-I killed him..." I walk towards Jinhwan to comfort him but he only steps back, "Do you think the main reason I don't want to end up in jail is because of being alone? It's not only that, I need to be successful for my father-my mother. Even through the abuse I just want to make them proud, because I abused them too...I'm not innocent at all!" I took a step towards Jinhwan once I saw his tears form. I softly place my hands on his shoulder making him look into my eyes. I watch as his face softly smiles. 

"Don't blame yourself, Jinhwan..." 

"And that's where you come in..." He speaks with cracks in his voice, "When I came here I truly wanted a new start, I wanted to change for the better. Thats why I lied about my past so no one would suspect a thing. And then I met you," A small smile creeps into my lips when he speaks about me, "You helped me feel whole again, I didn't stress about my diagnosis or my past because you saw my for the Jinhwan I really am and not what my diagnosis made me," He steps back making my hands fall besides me, "I was beginning to feel happier again, but Taehyung was upset," I sighed at the thought of Taehyung. 

"He just thought you were into me that's all," 

"Thats why I said I'd back off, I really wanted no more trouble but he became curious, and started digging into my past. When he dug into my past, it made me dig into my past and I started acting like my old self again...thats why I attacked you," I stepped back from him, "I've gone too far now and I know, it's gotten so bad again that I can't control when it happens-" 

"Jinhwan it's okay, you have good intentions that's what matters-" 

"But it's not good enough for Taehyung," I shook my head at his response. 

"Don't worry about him, we aren't together anymore," Jinhwan narrows his eyes at me waiting for me to explain, "I mean you saw it coming right..." 

"I did, how are you doing?" I make my way back to my seat and Jinhwan follows sitting in his. 

"Horrible...He slept with Uni while we were fighting and I just can't forgive him," Jinhwan's eyes widen sitting back in the seat. 

"Wow...I warned him that you won't accept him after everything he did," I shrugged. 

"I just feel so many things, with him, Uni, you. I don't know what to do anymore," 

"Sunny-" Jinhwan quickly stops talking once we hear the back door open. I carefully listen to the footsteps entering the library and watch as Jinhwan gets up from the chair and faces the door. The footsteps stop right when they were facing him. I look at Uni, Taehyung's, and Namjoon expressions that shows they were confused. They thought by now I'd kill him so they probably were wondering if I was in danger. 

Jinhwan looks back at me confused, but see's that I'm not and he realizes what set up this was. He looks back at them and grinds his teeth while watching them carefully. Taehyung and Jinhwan lock eyes and their anger builds up the more they stare at each other. 

Jinhwan finally speaks starring at Taehyung, "So this is why you brought me here, Sunny," 

Sorry for the cliffhanger :(((((