Chapter 4

"Luckily the cut wasn't that deep. You should be healed in a few days." 

You nodded as Hanataro wrapped gauze around your injured arm. The cloth went straight up to your elbow.

"Are you doing okay (Y/N)-san." you looked at Hanataro confused. "I-I'm fine why do you ask?"

"You're shaking." he pointed out. It took you a while to realize he was right. Your shoulders were shaking like crazy. You gritted your teeth. The action didn't go unnoticed by Unohana, who was observing you from a distance.

"D-Don't worry, it's just been a rough day. " you stood before he could ask anything else rushing out of the Fourth Squad Barracks. You kept your head low as you moved to get to your squad.

You weren't sure what exactly you had done to deserve what Byakuya had done to you. You lips quivered as you recalled the blank look in his eyes. You heart was breaking every time the moment ran back through your mind. You were always seeking out him, now you weren't sure you could even look at him anymore. 

You were terrified of him.

"It's you." you jumped, turning around in a panic. Your eyes widened when you recognize the red haired male. "A-Abarai-san." you took hesitant steps back. 

"Hey you don't have to look so scared I'm not looking for a fight. " You stood there for a while. Your nerves were on end. You felt pathetic. Everything scared you now.

"I..wanted to apologize on behalf of my taicho. I have no idea what got into him. We just saw you training with Ichigo and-"

"I-It's fine!!" you said stopping him. You forced a smile. "He was just trying to help. He's right, I'm weak. I need to be strong. Just one hit from his blade and I was down. "

 You didn't look Renji in the eye.

"A-Anyway, I need to get going." you wanted to find any excuse to get away. You were scared that Byakuya might show up. And you couldn't deal with that.

"See you later." you said dismissively as you flashstepped away. Renji sighed.

"You really worked a number on her taicho."

~~

Months Later

(Y/N)-san, could you carry these to Kuchiki-taicho please. " you flinched at Jushiro's request when he held out some documents for you to take. The white haired captain studied you closely. You never told your captain of the accident. You were to humiliated. All that time you spoke of getting stronger and all it took was an attack to your arm and you were done for. As for Byakuya. You had avoided all interactions with him as possible. You never recovered fully after what happened.

Not mentally at least. You couldn't look at Byakuya the same. Now he scared you just as much as hollows did. You knew it was wrong, he was on your side. He would never intentionally hurt you. That's what you kept telling yourself. But all you could see were those dead eyes as they approached to strike you down. 

You had numerous nightmares where he succeeded, where Ichigo wasn't there to protect you. You lost count of how many times you woke up screaming in fear. You couldn't understand why you were so terrified of him now. Maybe it was because at one point you actually loved him, the event had left you emotionally damaged.

Of course Jushiro noticed. You were unnerved for months, it hurt him more that he couldn't figure out why. You were a lot more edgy. After you got that injury on your arm, you had never been the same. Jushiro watched a few times when you would train. Your hands would shake sometimes. He seen that type of fear before. Jushiro sighed. "It's time this ended."

"(Y/N)-san, what's wrong? You've not been yourself. As your captain it's my duty to take care of my subordinates. Please, let me help you." 

Your eyes shook, and against your will, tears rushed down your eyes. Jushiro stood there stunned as you started to sob, body trembling. He moved towards you pulling you into his arms. "W-What's the matter!? He asked a bit panicked.

"Was she attacked by a hollow?" Jushiro didn't know what to do. You couldn't keep pretending nothing was wrong, you needed to talk to someone about it. You had been bottling up all your emotions for so long. You slumped to your knees. Explaining what had happened that day. You trusted Jushiro, he would comfort you. He would help you get pass this.