WEEK SIX: Thursday (Touji)

"So, Yuzuru-kun, Touji-kun, tell us how this relationship of yours got started." Ito Ichizou uncrossed and re-crossed his legs, leaning back in his overstuffed chair and giving us a wide grin.

Out in front of the low stage, the studio audience cheered. Off in the wings, I could see Shino recording us on her cell phone. Why, I don't know, since the massive camera equipment in the television studio was all on. She met my gaze over the top of her phone and gave me a look that said Make it good. I tried not to think about the fact that we were on live television at this very moment. Any mistakes or stumbling would be broadcast into every living room in Japan in real time.

Yuzuru spoke up before I could, though.

"Well, even though Seryou's a first year, he already had this reputation around school for dating a lot."

"Oh?" Ito looked over at me. "A ladies' man, hm?"

I held up my hands in protest. "Not really, I—"

"Definitely," Yuzuru interrupted, smirking. "Total player. Everybody knew his game... he dated the first person who asked him out every Monday, then dumped them after a week. Girls at Houka were fighting on Mondays to get to him."

"Even though your school has a rule against dating?"

"Eh, nobody really enforces it."

"I see."

I cast Yuzuru a wounded look. "It wasn't a game, you know. I just wanted to find the right person."

Ito nodded. "So how did the two of you end up dating, then? You asked him out, Yuzuru-kun?"

"Yup. There was a Monday where I ran into him before anyone else. I wanted to see if it was true that he'd date anybody who asked, so I asked him myself."

"What did you think about that, Touji-kun?"

"I figured it was worth a try."

"Then it got confusing, because it was supposed to be a joke, but..." Yuzuru shrugged. "I ended up liking him." The audience cooed approval.

"Ah, tell us about that, Yuzuru-kun. What is it you like so much about Touji-kun?"

"Everything," Yuzuru said brightly, and I felt my face heating up. "He's amazing with people. He knows how to make everyone feel like they're special. He's warm and kind and smart. And he's really, really good at kissing."

Oh god. He just said whatever he wanted, didn't he? On live television, too. I had to hide my face behind my hands for a second as people in the audience shrieked in delight. Ito just laughed in that big, infectious way he was known for.

"Then, Touji-kun, tell us what you like about Yuzuru-kun."

I did my best to compose my expression before lowering my hands. "Well, as you can tell," I said, trying to keep my voice steady, "he doesn't worry about what other people think. He's true to himself, all the time." I caught his big, chocolate brown eyes and felt affection spread through me in a sweet wave. "He's the bravest person I've ever known."

I'm not really sure what the audience's reaction to that was, because I was too mesmerized by the way his mouth had opened a little in surprise. Now that he'd mentioned kissing, I was lost in thoughts of this morning, of our lips coming together at the exact moment dawn broke. I couldn't have imagined a more perfect way to start the day, not to mention the year. He said I was good at it, but I was pretty sure that's only because every time I kissed him I didn't want to ever stop.

Ito moved on in the interview, showing the photos of the two of us from the IG account, asking some of the same questions he'd asked at the rally last night. But when the picture of Yuzuru's injured face came up, Ito steepled his fingers under his chin and paused.

"I want to take a moment, boys, to talk about something quite serious. A lot of people believe that the bullying situation in Japan's school system is out of hand. Yuzuru-kun, this photo was taken after some of your classmates attacked you, is that right?"

"Mm."

"And this happened on school property?"

"Yeah, in the hallway right before lunch."

"What was the school's reaction?"

Yuzuru blinked, like he didn't know how to answer the question, so I jumped in. "There wasn't one," I said. "That was the day the school announced they were transferring us out of Houka because of our relationship."

Ito tilted his head. "I thought they don't enforce the rule against dating?"

I shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to mention our half-naked kissing photo, in case he decided to show that one to the audience too. Ito made a humming noise, like he was drawing important conclusions from my silence.

"I see. So you were both asked to leave the school, but as far as you know, no one has addressed the behavior of the students who assaulted Yuzuru-kun?"

We both shook our heads, and Ito frowned, turning to the audience. "Outrageous. A school that only enforces its dating prohibition when the students are a same-gender couple, and neglects to respond to violence committed on their own grounds when the victim is a gay student. Sounds to me like they're the worst bullies of all. Houka Preparatory Academy, aren't you ashamed?"

Hoots and cries went up across the studio, with several rows of onlookers starting to chant, "Shame, shame!"

Offstage, Shino's satisfied smile could have melted butter.

I was busy watching Yuzuru, to see if he was going to object to Ito calling him gay. He appeared too enthused by the audience's response to have even noticed, though.

Eventually Ito held up his hands to quiet everyone down. "And unfortunately, our tale gets worse before it gets better, doesn't it?"

Now he steered the topic to my hands. This time I was more prepared for the question; I held up my bandages and explained the accident. He played the video clip of us at the hospital, drawing horrified gasps and even tears from the studio audience. Our cheek-kissing selfie came up, and we talked a little about the Love Bravely hashtag and Happy World Coffee's new promotional campaign.

And then, at the end of the interview, Ito said, "We're about to go to commercial, but first, do you boys have any message for your fans?"

Yuzuru gave a thumbs up to the cameras. "We're thankful for all your encouragement and hope you'll keep supporting us from now on."

"For all the kids out there who feel different," I added, "you're not alone. The world needs people like us. Keep fighting!"

The audience applauded, while Ito took a sip from his coffee mug and a guy behind the cameras was counting down with his fingers. When all the camera lights blinked off and the producer announced we were off the air, Ito Ichizou bowed to us again.

"It was lovely to meet you boys," he said sincerely. "Please keep doing just what you're doing, and don't you worry about that hypocritical school of yours. They're going to be eating out of your hands in no time."

Truthfully, Houka was the least of either of our worries at the moment, but we accepted his encouragement and his handshakes. Back in the studio's green room, Shino, Murata and Yuriko were waiting for us.

"Guys," Shino said the moment we stepped inside, "I told you the television and promotional spots were going to come rolling in. This morning I have invitations from three late-night shows, including one in America. There's a menswear department store that wants you to model for their spring catalogue, and four talent agencies asking to sign you."

"What does that mean?" Yuzuru asked. She winked, which prompted him to scowl. I guessed he'd remembered he was still mad at her.

"They want to be your managers and coordinate all this stuff for you, the television appearances and advertising and such. You guys should really think about it. Depending on who you sign with, they could turn you two into real celebrities."

"I don't want to be a celebrity," I told her. Something about the idea of selling our relationship like it was entertainment didn't sit right. It was one thing to help Grandfather's company, to raise awareness and support for gay kids and to fight bullying. It was quite another to parade ourselves around like media-groomed pop stars.

Murata stuffed a textbook in Yuzuru's hands. "Yes, well, there will be plenty of time to discuss this later. Right now, Yuzuru-kun has studying to catch up on, hm?"

Yuzuru accepted the book reluctantly. "Yes, Sensei."

We piled into the Bentley down in the parking garage. Grandfather's driver dropped Yuzuru, Yuriko and Murata off at the hospital, while Shino and I returned to the coffeehouse to help with the cleanup efforts. The conference rooms had been closed off again, and the extra tables, chairs and stage equipment were being dismantled and loaded onto trucks. In the meantime, the front coffeehouse had a line of customers that wrapped around the front of the building. The new drinks we'd launched last night were really popular. I was going to go up front and help the baristas, but Shino held me back.

"If you go out there right now, everyone's going to want to talk to you. The line will get even worse," she advised. Instead, I was put to work in the second floor offices, signing a stack of promotional flyers that were going to be given out at branch stores in other cities. It was tedious and a little weird, signing my name repeatedly over a picture of myself and my boyfriend, but if it was going to help the company I didn't mind.

Meanwhile, Shino was sitting opposite me on the other side of the desk, typing away on a laptop. "The response on social media is even bigger than I'd hoped," she said, her fingers flying over the keyboard. "Both to the rally last night and to the Daily Tokyo Talk interview. Your old high school is taking the heat that they deserve, some of these comment threads are brutal. You guys have fan clubs popping up everywhere. And, look, an anti-fan club, too."

She sounded so pleased that I raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that last one a bad thing?"

"All publicity is good publicity," she said with a grin. "You guys are getting attention, and that's what's most important. The Love Bravely hashtag is trending number one in seven countries, and is in the top three in a dozen more. We're off to a great start, but the challenge is going to be keeping the momentum going. I think you guys should consider doing some more talk show appearances, and meeting with at least a few of the talent scouts."

"I don't know," I replied uncertainly. Yuzuru and I hadn't had the chance to talk about it. I was all for doing what was best for Happy World Coffee, but people already seemed to think they had the right to every last detail of our personal lives. What if there were things we wanted to keep between the two of us?

"It's an amazing opportunity, Touji. You shouldn't waste it."

I looked up at her, trying to find the words to explain, but then the office door opened behind her.

"Natsuki?" I exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

Shino froze, meeting my eyes with such a startled expression that I almost felt sorry for her. My brother entered the room, his eyes boring into her back, but she didn't turn around. Natsuki was so focused on her that I'm not sure he even registered that I was present in the room.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded, stopping about a meter away from her chair.

Coldness settled over her features quickly, displacing the surprise. She still didn't turn around. "About what?"

"You know what. Your brother?! I never even knew you had one."

She returned her attention to her laptop resolutely. "It never came up."

"Like hell it didn't. You were on my case constantly about Touji, but you never once said it was because—"

"Would it have made a difference?" she asked, with venomous calm. I cringed and glanced at my brother, because that tone of voice meant Shino was beyond pissed. She was ready to light his bed on fire while he was sleeping in it.

He felt it too, because his jaw clenched angrily. "Of course."

She spun her chair around. "Well, that just makes it worse, doesn't it? You're saying you would have been less of an ass to your gay brother if you'd known about mine?"

He didn't seem to know what to say to that.

"People like you are the reason Shouta died," she spat, rising to her feet. Her head didn't even reach his chin, but that didn't matter in the slightest right now. She was, without a doubt, taking up the most space in the room. "You don't know how lucky you are. Touji's still here. But Shouta's never coming back. And I'm just glad I discovered the kind of person you really are," she shoved him in the center of his chest, "before I made the mistake of marrying you, you bastard."

I dropped the silver marker on top of the stack of flyers and scooted my chair back. "You guys, I'm just gonna..." But they were blocking the exit, neither paying any attention to me.

"You've got it wrong," Natsuki insisted, taking her by the shoulders. "I was jealous, okay? You and I were engaged, but you were still acting like you cared more about Touji than me. If I'd known about your brother, it would have..."

"Oh, please. If you really thought I was into Touji, you'd have been thrilled to find out he's gay. You'd have supported him every step of the way, if only to get rid of the competition."

My ears were burning. "Guys, maybe I should, um..." I tried to edge around them, but Shino drove Natsuki back a few steps until she had his back pressed up against the door. Well, there goes my escape route.

"Instead, you went out of your way to lie to your little brother about the person he cares most about. It was your bullshit that made him sick, to the point of nearly cutting himself to death, and for what? Because you didn't want to feel embarrassed by him? Because you think you know more about what's best for him than he does? Is it that hard to just fucking love somebody because they're your family and that should fucking be enough? Fuck you!"

Dang... that was a lot of cursing. She could give Yuzuru a run for his money right now.

"Shino," Natsuki protested, but she wasn't even close to done.

"Just be thankful we got to him in time that night," she snarled. "Be thankful that you didn't come home to find your brother hanging like a sack of rice in his closet with a fucking extension cord around his neck, because he thought you didn't love him and no one ever would. Having a gay brother is a hundred thousand times better than having a dead one, you motherfucking asshole."

I was starting to wish for those anxiety pills again, because the picture she was painting... an elementary school girl arriving home from class to find her beloved big brother like that... the thought that Natsuki might have found me the same way, if the situation had been different... My stomach was churning and I was starting to get dizzy.

"God, Shino," I said softly.

She was crying. Not the glamorous alligator tears she could summon with a snap of her fingers, but real anguish that poured thickly down her cheeks. And Natsuki looked like he'd swallowed a coil of barbed wire. Shino pounded his chest with her fist, and then it was like the strength had been sucked out of her, because she backed up a step and dropped to her knees on the office carpet. Her sobs filled the room.

I crouched next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders as she cried. I wanted to tell her it was okay, but it wasn't. "I'm sorry," I said instead. "I'm so sorry, Shino." My brother's shoes weren't far away, still planted on the carpet without moving. My eyes traveled up his pant legs to his face, and he was wearing an expression I'd never seen before; frustration and misery so intense it seemed like he might be ready to start crying too.

"I think you should go," I said, hugging Shino into me.

His gaze shifted to my bandages, as if he was only just realizing I was there. His hands twitched forward, like he was thinking about embracing both of us. Or maybe just snatching her away from me. "But I..."

Shino's sobs had devolved into long, agonized moaning. I shook my head. "Just go."

After another wretched pause, he pulled the door open and walked out. I gathered Shino into my arms and let her cry as much as she wanted.

🍓🍓🍓

"Hey, what's up with you?" Koike demanded, her elbow jabbing me out of my preoccupied thoughts. The noisy chorus of Cruel Angel's Thesis became recognizable in my ears. A few meters away, Utsumi Shunji was swaying in front of the karaoke screen, a microphone clutched in both hands, his glasses sliding down a sweaty nose.

True to her word, Koike had shown up at the coffeehouse promptly at seven P.M., Utsumi in tow, to drag Yuzuru away from his studies for a night of karaoke downtown. She'd picked the place and the snacks, and I handed over my credit card to the bored-looking bearded guy behind the counter. I was content to follow along. The events of this afternoon—my brother's visit, Shino's meltdown, all the stuff I now wished I hadn't learned about her brother—they were haunting me, and I was struggling to get out of my head enough to pay attention.

Yuzuru tilted his head. "You've been quiet all night," he said, peering at me like he was trying to see inside my mind. "Is something wrong?"

You could say that.

I was thinking about suicide. About how much the topic had come up over the last couple weeks. The way my parents and the doctor had looked at me, when I woke up in the hospital. Yuzuru's desperate tears when we were first reunited—You can't, ever! Kanata's comment that it happened to way too many gay kids. My mom's furious insistence that Yuzuru was the reason I'd ended up in the hospital. Even Ito Ichizou asking about my hands in front of the television cameras.

Up until recently I'd been merely uncomfortable with the attention. It felt unnecessary, like an overreaction that I wasn't sure how to set right again. But it wasn't an overreaction at all, was it? Some people, like Shino, really had lost someone. Some people, like her brother, had lost everything.

I hadn't been trying to kill myself when I took those sleeping pills. At least, I didn't think so. But to be honest, I didn't remember much about that night. I remembered being in pain. I remembered that nothing felt real. I remembered loneliness, and hopelessness, and just wanting to shut it all off.

What if Shino and Natsuki hadn't found me when they did? What would have happened to Yuzuru? What would have happened to my parents? To Happy World Coffee? To Grandfather? And Shino, losing two people under such similar circumstances... god, nobody deserved that.

I scanned Yuzuru's face, just a few centimeters from mine. I thought of every kiss we'd shared since Grandfather had brought him to me in the hospital. Of waking up next to him in bed at Grandfather's, of all the fun we'd had filming the coffee commercials, of bathing with him and introducing him to my family and playing the Pocky game and our perfect sunrise date in Grandfather's butterfly garden. And this. Being here in a karaoke room with him and his friends, sharing snacks and music and just being so alive.

I could have missed out on it all.

"Whoa," Yuzuru said, swiping his thumb under my eye to clear the tear that had just fallen, "what's happening? You want to go home?"

I shook my head quickly, winding my arm around his and leaning my head onto his shoulder. "No. I'm okay. Actually, I'm great. Really, really great."

Yuzuru and Koike were exchanging looks over my head that said they both thought I was crazy. So when Utsumi came back to the couch, dropping the microphone on the table, I picked it up. "My turn."

I was terrible at karaoke. But since that was kind of the whole point, I decided just to enjoy it. And I knew exactly what I wanted to sing.

Just give me a reasonTo keep my heart beatingDon't worry, it's safe right here in my arms

Yuzuru's head snapped up in surprise, and I smiled at him over the microphone. Of course he'd know this song... hadn't he said he liked One OK Rock too? And most of the lyrics were English. He probably understood them even better than I did. The drums started in, and the guitars.

Take my handAnd bring me back, yeah

While I was waiting for the next set of lyrics, the server came in with a tray of drinks. She set one in front of Yuzuru, something that looked pink or maybe red, it was hard to tell under the colored strobe lights. Yuzuru didn't even blink. He had his elbows on his knees, and he was gazing right at me. Something came over me in a rush. Joy. Gratitude. Feelings so bright and intense I couldn't put a name to them.

I'll risk everything if it's for you A whisper into the night Telling me it's not my time, and don't give up I've never stood up before This time, though, I won't give upI'm holding a hand I can't let go of

Yuzuru was mouthing the next words with me, and they were so fast he got them a lot better than I did. I caught the stand up, stand up and wake up, wake up parts, but mumbled the lines in between. I don't think he minded. The song went into the next chorus while he picked up the drink in front of him and gulped down about half of it. I watched the flashing lights dancing in his hair, sending streaks of green and pink across his white shirt.

Koike leaned over and said something in his ear. He nodded, trading his glass for the second microphone lying on the table. Then he got to his feet and came over to me.

Look how far we've made it The pain, I can't escape it At this rate I still can't end this, can I? However many times I seem close to dying or rotting awayThere's no end in sight So where do I begin?

Another guitar interlude kicked in. I stepped closer to him, out of breath from belting so loudly. He hooked his finger into the belt loop of my jeans and yanked me forward, which stole all the remaining air I had in my lungs. I stared at him in exhilaration as he raised his microphone.

The bridge was in Japanese, so I understood every word.

I grasped it tightly so I'd never lose itBecause if I open my hand, it will escapeI lose nothing by changing my habits for you

Not only was he a much better singer than me, the look in his eyes was raising the hair on my arms. He had to cock an eyebrow at me before I remembered to keep singing. And then we were grinning and shouting into our microphones together.

Just tell me why babyThey might call me crazyFor saying I'll fight until there is no more

From the couch, Koike had pulled up some kind of app on her phone that put a flickering candle on the screen, the kind that people at rock concerts liked to use instead of real flames. She was waving it over her head, one arm wrapped around Utsumi's neck, swaying dramatically to the beat. I had to laugh. Yuzuru put his arm around my waist and we kept going, all the way to the very last line of the song.

The music faded away, and Koike leapt to her feet, clapping. "Oh my god, that is officially your karaoke couple song," she declared, launching herself at us and knuckling both our heads at the same time. "That was awesome! Utsumi, get your butt up here, we have to come up with something to follow that."

Yuzuru led me by the hand back to the couches, and took another swig from his pink drink. Koike and Utsumi started a new song that I vaguely recognized as another anime theme. But I was quickly distracted when Yuzuru pressed himself against my side and set cool, wet lips to my neck. There was a spark of something intensely cold, and I realized he was holding an ice cube to my skin with his teeth. The sensation tensed deliciously in every muscle of my body. God, what had gotten into him tonight?

While I was still reeling from adrenaline, he slid the ice up my neck to my ear. Ironically, it felt like it was trailing fire. Everything in me was suddenly burning uncontrollably. The ice clicked in his mouth as he moved it out of the way to speak.

"I love you."

Oh, god. If we hadn't been sharing the room with his friends, I'd have shoved him down onto the couch right then and climbed on top of him. Instead I turned to meet his eyes, breathing hard past clenched teeth. How could he be teasing me so shamelessly in a place like this? He grinned, sipped at his drink again, and raised a rice ball to my mouth.

That wasn't what I wanted. I leaned forward and ran my tongue over his thumb instead, closing my lips around the tip of it, holding his eyes until even in the dim light I could see his pupils dilate. There, that was better. I wasn't going to be the only one feeling this way. I licked him a little more before taking a bite out of the rice he was holding.

A funny look came over his face. He swallowed down the rest of his drink, set the empty glass on the table, and pushed the button on the wall that would summon the server. At the front of the room, Koike hit a high note that drew our attention. And for some reason, it was Utsumi that caught my eye. He was standing a little ways behind her, quietly murmuring backup vocals into his microphone, but the way he was looking at her... I knew that look. I was feeling it all too keenly myself at this same moment.

"Yuzuru-san, does Utsumi-san like Koike Arisa?"

"No way," he said, wrapping his arms around me from behind and nuzzling my ear. Chills swept my neck and arms. "He's got a huge crush on some mystery girl."

"Really?"

"He won't tell us who it is."

Yeah, and I was pretty sure I knew why. Koike continued to warble into her microphone, while Utsumi stared at her like a starving man at a bowl of rice. The longer I watched them, the more certain of it I was. Poor guy. Koike had no idea, did she?

We went through maybe a dozen more songs, an entire fried chicken, three snack trays, and Yuzuru kept ordering refills of that pink stuff. I was having a lot more fun than I'd expected. It was hard not to, when Yuzuru was flirting with me at every opportunity. He did the One Direction song again, with even more silly boy-band dance moves. In fact, I recognized a few borrowed from the BL6 performance last night, especially when he knelt in front of me and ran a hand up my thigh until I'd forgotten how to breathe.

But as the song went on, I started to realize something was a little off. His balance, for one. He was stumbling, and the fact that he was grinning through it without seeming to notice was strange. When he came to sit next to me again and nearly fell into my lap in the process, I steadied him and asked, "Hey, you all right?"

"Sure," he said, waving a hand. "But the lights in here are making me kinda dizzy." He reached for his drink, and suddenly alarm was tickling the back of my mind.

"What is that?"

"Hm? Strawberry soda. Want some?"

I took a little taste, and the way it warmed my throat made me gasp. "How many of these have you had?"

"I dunno. Like, four?" His head lolled to the side as he ruffled my hair. "They're yummy."

"They're alcohol," I informed him with mild exasperation. No wonder he'd been so touchy-feely with me all night. I should have known something was up.

"Nuh-uh."

I beckoned Koike and Utsumi off the stage. "Senpai," I said, handing the glass to Koike, "I don't know how it happened, but Yuzuru-san is drunk."

"Drunk?" Utsumi repeated in shock, as Koike took a sip from the cup and grimaced.

"Oh, crap, yeah he is," she confirmed, pushing the server call button.

Utsumi dropped onto the couch next to Yuzuru, his eyes wide. "Shino doesn't drink."

"That's right, buddy." Yuzuru patted Utsumi's cheek hard enough it sounded like slaps.

"I think the liquor he's been downing all night would beg to differ," I replied dryly, but Utsumi shook his head.

"You don't understand. He doesn't drink,"Utsumi said, in such a serious tone that it doused all my amusement.

I turned to Koike, who bit her lip. "Because of his father."

My blood ran cold. The door to the room opened, and the server stepped in with a bow. "Can I get you something else, customers?"

I held up Yuzuru's near-empty glass. "What is this?"

She held out her tray so I could set the glass on it. "A Strawberry Sunrise, sir."

"Is there alcohol in it?"

"Of course. Would you like something else?"

Koike folded her arms. "None of the people in this room are old enough to drink," she said angrily. "And Shino would never order something like that."

The server's mouth dropped open as she caught sight of Yuzuru sprawled on the couch. "But..."

"Are you sure he didn't ask for strawberry soda?" I said.

Her face flushed the same color as the drink. "Oh, no. Oh my gosh, customer, I'm so sorry." She bowed so low I could see the back of her ponytail. "I'm so very sorry!"

"I'm drunk?" Yuzuru asked, his forehead wrinkled in confusion.

"It's okay," Utsumi said, squeezing his shoulder. "You're going to be fine, just—"

"I can't be drunk." He grabbed the front of his friend's shirt. "Make it stop."

"Yuzuru-san, it's all right," I said, moving toward him.

He shrank behind Utsumi's shoulder, thrusting a palm out. "Get back!"

I paused, the terror on his face making me uneasy. "Yuzuru-san, it's me. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Don't come over here! Koike-chan, stop him!"

Koike laid a hand on my arm and tugged me back. "It's not that he thinks you're going to hurt him," she assured me quietly. "You're the person in this room that he loves most. He's afraid of hurting you. "

It took a second to sink in. Because his dad was always drunk when he... I put a hand over my mouth. "Senpai, what do we do?"

Koike sighed. "Bring water," she said to the server, "and hurry." The woman bowed and darted from the room.

Yuzuru was rubbing his eyes with one hand, while still holding a fistful of Utsumi's shirt in the other. "Everybody stay away from me," he shouted. Utsumi rolled his eyes, like he wasn't sure whether he should be flattered or offended that he apparently wasn't included in Yuzuru's hysterics.

I couldn't take it. "Yuzuru-san," I said, approaching slowly.

He scrambled onto the couch, trying to climb behind Utsumi. "I said stay away!"

I sat down about a meter from him. "Listen to me. You're okay. Nothing's going to happen, come here."

He shook his head furiously. "I can't be here like this. You can't be here. Go away."

"Do you want to hit me?"

He froze, his eyes huge and frightened. "No!"

"Then you're not going to. It doesn't matter if you're drunk." He didn't move, and I sighed, scooting closer. "You've been drunk this whole time and you haven't hurt anyone, right?"

"I could have."

"No. You couldn't." I held a hand out. "Not everyone turns into a monster when they drink. Think about how you feel right now. Are you angry?"

His nose scrunched as he appeared to consider it. "No."

"You're not your dad, Yuzuru-san. It's going to be all right." I slid even closer, until my fingertips were brushing his arm. He'd climbed almost onto Utsumi's back, one hand knotted in his friend's hair, and the other arm wrapped around his throat.

"Come on, let Utsumi-san go before you twist his head off."

Yuzuru looked down at his friend's purpling face and released him like he'd suddenly turned to lava. "Oh, shit!" He sprang back to the corner of the couch, tucking his hands into his armpits. "See? You gotta stay away from me."

"Dude, it's cool. I'm fine," Utsumi assured him, rubbing his scalp a little ruefully. His grimace melted as soon as Koike started stroking his hair with a clucking tongue. His blissed expression said he would have let Yuzuru snatch him bald if it meant he'd have Koike's attention. I hid a grin. Mystery girl, indeed.

The server came back with a pitcher of water and several cups on a tray. I didn't wait for her to start pouring, just snatched the pitcher up and filled a glass. I held it out to Yuzuru. "Drink. This will help."

He was fading fast, his head rolling onto his chest like he was about to take a nap. I took the chance and moved next to him, holding the water to his mouth. "Drink," I said again, and finally got him to swallow. He protested, but I insisted until he'd finished the whole glass. By then I guess he was too far gone to remember his fear, because his head dropped heavily onto my shoulder.

I pulled my phone out and messaged Grandfather's driver. "You guys," I said, "I'm gonna take him home."

Utsumi and Koike both nodded. We gathered up our stuff and Utsumi helped me load a very floppy Yuzuru into the limo. The whole ride back to Grandfather's, we kept plying Yuzuru with as much water as he would swallow. He was starting to moan a bit, like he didn't feel well.

"He's gonna barf," Koike said authoritatively. "For sure."

Just to be safe we got the plastic ice bucket out of the limo refrigerator and kept it ready. But Yuzuru didn't get sick. He just leaned against me and made pitiful noises.

"You sure you're going to be all right?" Utsumi asked, after he and Koike and Yamamoto had all helped me lug Yuzuru up the elevator to our rooms. Utsumi and Yamamoto deposited him on the bed in the guest bedroom, where he continued to whine.

"Yeah. I can take it from here guys, thanks." I turned to Yamamoto. "Can you take them home, Yamamoto-san?" It was a long drive back to Yokohama, but I didn't like the thought of putting them on the train so late. They could have just stayed over—Grandfather had plenty of room—but Koike had cram school early in the morning and Utsumi had to work.

Yamamoto bowed. "Of course, Touji-san. Have a good evening."

Once they were gone, though, I was faced with a dilemma. I was able to wrestle Yuzuru's shoes off, because luckily he'd gone with step-in loafers instead of a style with laces. But I wasn't much help in unbuttoning his shirt or pants. I could have called Shimizu Eiji for help, but I could guess how Yuzuru would feel about that.

He started gagging, and I managed to haul him up off the bed and into the bathroom just in time. He emptied his stomach into the toilet while I crouched over him, rubbing his back.

It took a while.

When it finally seemed like he was done, I hit the flusher. Yuzuru collapsed into an exhausted puddle on the tile floor of the bathroom, and I eyed the front of his soiled shirt. He couldn't sleep like that, for sure, but all those damn buttons... Fine. I got up and shuffled through the drawers until I found the scissors we'd been using for my bandages. Easing his shirt out of his pants, I cut the buttons off one at a time. That wasn't exactly easy either, with my hands wrapped up, but I made it work.

Somehow I got him back into the guest bedroom and into a clean t-shirt. I wiped him down, made him drink more water, and made sure there was a pail next to his bed in case he had another round of sickness.

And finally, after all that, I reached over to switch the lamp off and his eyes fluttered open. "I'm sorry," he said, reaching out to grab my sleeve.

I brushed the hair off his forehead. "Shh. It's not your fault."

"I didn't hurt you, right?"

"No, Yuzuru-san. You did just fine. Sleep now, okay?"

He nodded, closing his eyes. But a second later he started wrestling with the button of his jeans.

"Are those bothering you?" I asked. "If you can get them unbuttoned I can help you change. Where are your sleep pants?"

"Don't need 'em," he said, trying to wriggle the jeans off his hips. "Need these off."

"Okay, okay, let me help." I slid them down his legs, pausing for a second as the scar above his knee came into view. For the second time, I was struck dumb by how beautiful it was. Yuzuru had acted so worried about showing it to me, like he'd thought I would be disgusted. Maybe that was the reaction he was used to, but honestly, I found his scar unbearably sexy. The way it trailed up his leg and into his boxers like an invitation. How it spoke of his strength, his survival. For a second my heart caught in my throat, because all I could think about was running my mouth over that rigid flesh, tracing it with my lips and tongue all the way up...

I drew a breath and forced myself to look away, getting the jeans down to his ankles and off his feet. "Better?"

"Mm." But he was wiggling again, this time tugging at the waistband of his boxers.

"Whoa," I said, capturing his hands as best I could. "Maybe you should leave those on, huh?"

"No, I want you to do it."

"Do what?" I chuckled, trying to pull the covers up over him.

"Fuck me."

My knees almost gave out. I went utterly still. "What?"

"You know. Butt sex," he said, continuing to writhe against the mattress. "We should do it now, I just gotta—"

"Ah! God..." I threw the comforter over him just before the underwear came off, but that didn't stop him from producing it over his head and waving it like a flag. My pulse had gotten so rapid and high that I couldn't swallow it back. "Yuzuru-san, you're drunk."

"S'why it's gotta be now. I'm not scared." He tossed the boxers at me, and I had to whip them off my face. "C'mere." He held his arms out, flapping his fingers at me.

I should have dodged, but convincing my petrified muscles to move took too long. He got hold of my arm and yanked. Suddenly I was draped halfway on top of him, the sweet scent of his skin overwhelming my nostrils, never mind the fact that a few minutes ago he'd been puking his guts out in the bathroom. He was torturously warm and solid under me. All the oxygen left the room, and my head started spinning until I was seeing stars. He sighed and kissed the side of my face.

God help me, I couldn't fight it. He'd been teasing me all night, and now this... my whole body went up in flames. I latched onto the softness of his neck with a groan. My ears were ringing as I mouthed his throat, his chest, clawing the neck of his t-shirt to get it out of the way. I climbed onto the bed, lowering my hips over his.

The comforter was still between us, my clothes were still between us, but I ground against him anyway. Desire swept up my spine in a hot rush as he patted my back. Was he serious about this? No, wait, it didn't matter. I wasn't really going to do what he was asking, was I? No matter how incredible he felt, I couldn't while he was like this. He could barely move.

But what if being drunk really did make it easier for him? He was completely relaxed right now. The pain he was so afraid of, he might not even notice it considering how plastered he was. Since he wanted me to, couldn't I just...

No. Damn it, no.

I pulled away from him, panting, my eyes screwed shut. Very deliberately I backed off, feeling the carpeted floor connect with the soles of my feet. He still had one hand wrapped around my forearm, but seemed too lethargic to pull me back.

"Why'd you stop?" he asked, and the way his words slurred together reassured me I was doing the correct thing.

I opened my eyes, cautiously. "This isn't right."

"S'okay. I'm your boyfriend."

"And tomorrow when you're sober, we can do whatever you want. I promise."

His bottom lip puffed. "But tomorrow I'll be too scared," he complained, making my overworked heart swell.

"If you are, that's okay." I was going to stroke his cheek, but physical contact wasn't such a good idea right now. My body ached for him so deeply that my bones hurt. The taste of him lingered in my mouth, and I wanted more so bad. "Just sleep for now."

I pushed away from the bed. His eyelids were drooping unevenly, like he was fighting to keep them open, and he made a limp sound of protest. "But we hafta—"

"Sleep," I commanded gently. And he was so out of it, I think he'd obeyed before I even finished saying the word.

I put some more space between me and the bed, and ran a hand through my hair. What the hell had I been thinking? Yuzuru probably wouldn't even remember this tomorrow. I wanted him. Not his body, him. Drunken sex while he was half-unconscious wasn't the same thing. Yuzuru forcing himself for my sake wasn't going to work either. Even if he was mad at me tomorrow for turning him down, it was the only choice.

I went into the bathroom, closing the door softly behind me, and sank into one of the armchairs. Yuzuru's shirt buttons were still scattered across the floor.

Damn it, I was so hard.

Briefly I entertained the idea of taking my chances with the plastic gloves, in a shower the temperature of the polar ice caps. But even if I could manage it without soaking my bandages, I was pretty sure it would barely take the edge off. I couldn't touch myself, and there was only so much the cold water would do. There was still another whole day to go before the stitches in my hands could come out.

Maybe tomorrow I could talk Yuzuru into another bath. Or just ask him outright if he'd help me. He was always saying I should be more blunt about what I wanted, right?

God, these thoughts were definitely not making things better. My sleeping pill and pain medication were in a little dish by the bathroom sink, so I got up and went to take them. There was no way I could share a bed with Yuzuru tonight, so I could only hope that the medicine might keep the nightmare away. If I was lucky, maybe it would take the erection away too.

I exited the bathroom on the opposite side, into my own room, and turned the television on. It took me a while to find a channel that could take my mind off things, but eventually I settled on a news program in English that forced me to concentrate on translating the words in my head.

By the time the commercials came on, the pressure in my pants had subsided to a much more manageable ache. The medicine was kicking in too, so I clicked the remote off and climbed into bed.

Still, as I floated off somewhat uncomfortably to sleep, my mind couldn't seem to focus on anything except the noticeable absence of Yuzuru's warmth against me.

🍓🍓🍓A/N - As I mentioned last chapter, these latest two installments of the story have theme songs. Here's the One OK Rock song for anybody who's interested ;)

https://youtu.be/Hh9yZWeTmVM