WEEK TWO: Friday (Touji)

I woke to the sound of my new cell phone's alarm. I rolled over and tapped the screen, then stretched carefully, testing the ache in my muscles. They were maybe a little better than yesterday. I buried my face in my pillow where a tiny bit of Yuzuru's scent still lingered, and drank it in for a few seconds. Then I grabbed my phone and sent him a text.

Good morning~ ❤️

I sat up and tugged a knee into my chest, scrolling back through our messages from last night. He'd called me like he said he would—we actually did a video chat so I could walk him through snipping the stems off the roses I'd given him—and I'd gotten to see the inside of his room again, and the exact place on his TV cabinet where he'd set the flowers.

"They're going to be the first thing I see when I wake up," he'd said, filling my stomach with sparkling tingles.

We'd talked a little about our afternoons, but he'd had to get off the phone so he could finish up his post-cram school homework. I was missing him like five minutes after we hung up, so I sent him a selfie I'd taken during club practice where I was sitting at the workbench, repairing arrows and sticking my tongue out. He replied with a picture of himself giving a mocking thumbs-up. It escalated from there. We traded selfies for a while and then random photos of stuff in our rooms, until a picture of his unfinished homework reminded me that I was keeping him from it.

You need to study. I shouldn't be bothering you.

If it was a bother I'd say so

I don't want to make you fall behind again.

But homework is booooooring. Play with me

Text me after you finish.

No fair

❤️

He sent a bunch of other prodding messages that I refused to answer, because if I didn't cut him off he'd keep messing around instead of getting his work done. Eventually, though, I'd had to hide my phone under my pillow and turn on a loud movie to avoid the temptation to reply. When the movie wasn't enough to drown out the silence in the house, I'd downloaded an entire Dir en Grey playlist onto my laptop and played it as loud as my speakers would go, never mind that I wasn't a metal fan. Finally, at almost midnight, he'd sent a picture of his textbooks stacked next to a pile of completed homework. So I'd answered that one.

Good work. Sleep well, I'll see you tomorrow.

Wish I could kiss you goodnight

Me too.

I shivered, recalling our little make out session yesterday. I'd been doing a pretty good job of controlling myself as he undressed me and ran warm hands all over my back and arms. I'd managed to sit still as his eyes roved my body, so warm and curious I could practically feel their touch on my skin. I knew he wasn't ready for the things I wanted, and I didn't want to push him into anything he wasn't sure about. At the same time, I was stressed about Natsuki and my boundaries were weakening rapidly.

But then he'd kissed me, and I couldn't hold back anymore. It had been reckless, and wonderful, and incredibly stupid to do that in the middle of the locker room during a school day. We were lucky no one had caught us.

Stopping him had been one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do, and then he'd run away and didn't come back. I didn't know what it meant... if he was embarrassed, if he was angry. Yuzuru was so unpredictable. But I guess whatever it was had passed. Seemed like we were okay, and that was all that was important.

I heard the sound of a door opening down the hall. Leaping up, I ran to my bedroom door and wrenched it open. "Natsuki?"

Umeki was standing outside my brother's bedroom. "Good morning. I'm sorry if I disturbed you, I was putting towels in Natsuki-san's room."

"Did he come home last night, then?" I hadn't seen him in two days.

"Yes, I saw him this morning when he left for work."

"Oh." He must have gotten home very late, because I'd been listening for him all evening. When I'd texted Yuzuru last night and then gone to bed, I still hadn't heard him come in.

"He mentioned he wouldn't be home for dinner. I believe he plans to dine with the young miss this evening."

"I see."

He really was avoiding me. Since our parents had been gone, he'd never missed dinner at home three nights in a row, and he'd definitely never gone this long without speaking to me. I wasn't sure I could handle another night of sitting at the huge dining room table by myself. Last night I'd given up halfway through and carried a plate up to my room to eat in front of the TV instead, but couldn't get the food down. Not even Umeki's cooking was enough to overcome the misery of being shut out by my brother.

"Is there anything special you would like for dinner, Touji-san?" I'm pretty sure Umeki could see what I was thinking. I shook my head morosely. "Why don't you invite some of your friends to join you? How about that nice young man from earlier this week?"

"He has cram school," I said dully. "It's fine. You don't need to worry about cooking for me, Umeki-san. It's Friday, go home to your family early tonight. I'll see if any of the club members want to do a group dinner after practice."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm going to get ready for school." I closed my door and stood in front of the closet, feeling a wide empty space inside my chest. I had lots of friends. But they weren't the close kind, just people who liked me for my looks or my family connections. Since I was a kid, I could count on one hand the number of people I'd ever really felt close to.

Natsuki was first on the list.

I changed out of my sleep shirt and pants and into my school uniform, wincing as the movements jarred my sore arms. I probably should have put on more balm and taken some painkillers, but I didn't want to. The pain was perversely reassuring, and... and I felt like I deserved it.

On my way to the front door Umeki appeared in the hall. "Don't you want breakfast, Touji-san?"

"No thanks. I'll just grab something at the train station, I'm meeting someone there." I stuck my feet in my shoes and left the house.

I checked my phone a few times on the way to the station, but Yuzuru hadn't messaged me back yet. He'd probably overslept. I bought a couple coffees at the gift shop and settled in to wait for him, pulling up Natsuki's contact information on my phone.

You ever coming home?

I couldn't send that.

Stop being an ass and talk to me.

Nope.

You and Shino are fine now, so can't we get past this?

Yeah, sure, because it was simple as that. I sighed and deleted that message too, then stuck the phone in my bag. There was no point. There was nothing I could say to him. I was the one who had screwed everything up. He didn't want to see me, and I didn't blame him.

"Seryou-kun!"

I looked up to see Tajiri and Masamune coming toward me. "Good morning."

"Are you feeling any better?" Tajiri asked. I knew Yuzuru had messaged her yesterday to make sure I didn't shoot in practice for a couple days.

"Eh. Maybe a little."

"It should be getting easier soon," she assured me with a smile. "If not today, then tomorrow for sure. Just go easy on yourself until then."

I nodded, my attention falling to their entwined hands. Tajiri blushed and met Masamune's eyes, withdrawing her hand with an apologetic look. "I guess we really shouldn't do this here, huh? There are so many students and teachers coming through this time of morning."

He nodded and stuck his hand in his jacket pocket instead.

"Are you waiting for Shino-senpai again?" Tajiri asked me. "You guys really are close, huh? How funny. You've been at every archery practice for weeks now, when you used to barely show up at all. Seems like Shino-senpai's a good influence on you. Except for the whole letting-you-get-injured thing, of course."

"That wasn't his fault," I told her.

"Definitely not," said Yuzuru from over her shoulder. I turned, feeling some of the heaviness lift off of me just at the sight of him. He was rumpled and looked sleepy, but that was typical this time of morning. "It was all Seryou's doing."

I handed him a coffee. "Good morning."

He popped it open. "Morning." I watched his Adam's apple bob as he gulped the coffee down, and a couple seconds later it was like the caffeine became visible behind his brightened eyes.

He leaned toward me and sniffed. "You don't smell like muscle balm," he said warningly. "Did you forget?"

"I didn't have time this morning," I said, which wasn't true but I couldn't exactly say that I wanted to hurt today. That the pain helped distract me from the loneliness and guilt. It reminded me that I deserved everything Natsuki wanted to dish out and more. Yeah, there wasn't a way to explain it that wouldn't sound morbid... lying was better.

Yuzuru frowned. "What about painkillers?"

"I'll take them later. After we get to school."

He didn't seem to like that answer, but said, "Then let's get going." He took the book bag off my shoulder and headed for the station exit. Tajiri, Masamune and I followed. He struck up a conversation with Masamune that I wasn't really paying much attention to because my body ached and I was thinking about going home to an empty house tonight, and that ached in a completely different and far more wretched way.

At school, Tajiri and Masamune headed off to their buildings and Yuzuru stopped me at the foot of the stairs. He opened my bag. "Where are they? You should take them now."

"Huh?"

"The painkillers. You're all hunched up."

"Oh." He wasn't going to find any in my bag. "Um, they're in my classroom." Another lie, and it tasted like spoiled milk on my tongue. He looked up at me.

"Take them before the first bell, okay?"

I took my bag from him. "Thanks, Yuzuru-san."

"For what?"

"For worrying about me." It really was sweet. If I hadn't been feeling so crummy I probably would have been downright giddy to have so much of his attention. "You have cram school tonight, right?"

"Ugh. Yeah, don't remind me."

"Sorry," I said with a little smile. "Then I guess I'll see you after first period." I shouldered my bag and kept the smile on my face in spite of the agony shooting up my arm.

I stashed my bag at the back of my classroom and settled in for the day. Classes went by in a tedious, noisy blur. My classmates were buzzing around the room laughing and talking, and I felt like I was sitting in an impervious bubble in the middle of all of it. In between classes I went to see Yuzuru like usual. His smiles, the sound of his voice, the way my arms and back hurt when I moved—those were the only things about the day that seemed real.

I was planning on eating lunch with him in the upstairs stairwell, but I guess his fourth period class got out early because he was waiting outside my classroom door just as the bell rang. Unfortunately, Nakamura and her friends caught sight of him before I did.

"Shino-senpai!" they shouted, dragging him into our classroom. "You're here to see Seryou-kun, right? Come eat lunch with us!"

He laughed and let them pull up an extra chair by my desk, so there wasn't much I could do. The girls tugged him into a seat and he looked over at me. "You have P.E. fifth period, right? After we eat you should go put balm on before class starts."

I raised a mischievous eyebrow. You don't want to do it for me? He gave me a blushing grin that warmed me to the soles of my feet. I was pretty sure he was thinking the same thing I was—the probability of a repeat of yesterday's heated kisses. With how needy I was feeling right now, I wasn't sure I had it in me to stop us a second time.

"Shino-senpai, will you be coming to the skating party tomorrow?" Sato asked.

"That party's just for your class, isn't it? It's the prize for winning the dance competition."

Sato gave me an accusing glare. "You didn't invite him? You better not have asked somebody else, we won't forgive you."

"Eh?" I blinked at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Honestly, Seryou-kun, have you been living under a rock? Didn't you hear the principal say that each of us gets to invite a guest?"

I hadn't been paying attention. "I'm not sure I'm going to go."

"What?!" All three girls stared at me like I had just said something sacreligious.

"Why not?"

"You have to come!"

"It's ice skating!"

"It's a class party," I said with a shrug. "It's not mandatory."

"But you and Shino-senpai have to go together!"

"He has cram school tomorrow." I turned to him. "Right?"

Yuzuru nodded, looking pretty disappointed. "Yeah, all morning."

Wait, would he actually want to go? I hadn't really thought that ice skating would be his thing. But then, he was always full of surprises.

"The party doesn't start until afternoon! You could totally come!"

He looked over at me uncertainly. "Seryou might want to take someone else, though."

The girls fixed me with incredulous glares, but I was more concerned with the way Yuzuru was carefully not looking at me, like he thought maybe there was a reason I hadn't invited him. Who else did he think I'd want to go with? My parents weren't around. Natsuki didn't want anything to do with me.

Kobayashi smacked me on the upper arm, making me flinch. "You better not!"

Yuzuru batted her hand away from me. "Hey, cut that out."

While the girls swooned I ducked my head, trying to catch his eyes. "Do you want to go skating?"

"Um." He looked down at his lunch rather than at me. "Do you?"

I hadn't, until this moment. I'd been envisioning a long, cold day spent fending off awkward love confessions and poorly veiled flirting from my classmates while I tried not to think about the fact that I'd only gone in order to not be alone all day. But if Yuzuru wanted to go, that was different. I bumped his knee with mine. "If you'll come, then yeah."

"I'll come. If you want me to."

I tried to ignore the fact that Nakamura and her friends were squealing away on the other side of the desk. "Deal." Then, to diffuse some of the fangirling that was going on across from us, I turned to Nakamura. "Who are you guys inviting?"

"My sister," Sato sighed. "She'd kill me if I didn't."

Nakamura grinned. "I'm bringing Amanda, the exchange student living with us this semester. She's a first year at Houka too, but she's in Class Two."

"Well, I'm not bringing anybody," Kobayashi said, looking between them, "because I'm already going with my two best friends."

"Aww!" She was hugged on both sides, while Yuzuru and I exchanged glances. Girls.

His bento was empty, and I saw him eyeing mine so I pushed it over to him. "You want to finish this? I can't eat it all."

"You sure?" he asked, his whole face lighting up. I'd have given him my entire lunch every day just to see that smile.

"Go for it."

He polished it off in about four bites, while I watched in amusement. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he said, "You should go put the balm on before the bell rings. I'll clean this up."

I couldn't put it off anymore, so I agreed and headed to the locker room. It was cold in there, and I worked quickly to get my shirt off, slather the balm half-heartedly on my arms and the back of my neck, wash my hands and put on my school tracksuit. A few of my classmates were already coming in to change for P.E. As I was closing up my locker my phone buzzed.

My heart leapt into my throat when I saw that it was a message from Natsuki. I tapped on it quickly and the phone screen went black.

"What the..." I tapped the screen a few more times, clicked the home button, pushed the buttons on the sides and top of the phone, but nothing happened.

My brother had texted me for the first time in days. What kind of emergency could have caused him to break off the silent treatment? What if something had happened to our parents? I had to get that message back, and I had to do it now. There was only one person I could think of who would know what to do, so I went sprinting out of the locker room.

"Seryou?" Yuzuru said in surprise as I barged into his art classroom, which was on the opposite end of the building from his homeroom. "The bell's about to ring, you're gonna be—"

I went straight past him to his friend's desk. "Utsumi-san, I need your help."

Utsumi looked up at me, his confusion quickly turning to alarm as his eyes darted around the classroom. "Me?"

"Yeah. It's kind of an emergency." I tapped a couple fingers against the phone in my hand, hoping it would be subtle enough to get his attention without raising anybody else's suspicions.

He stood up and bowed to the art teacher. "Sensei, may I be excused for a few minutes?"

She seemed surprised by the request, but I guess I looked pretty frantic because she nodded. "Very well. You have five minutes."

He bowed again, and so did I. Then he led me to the back of the classroom, past a very perplexed-looking Yuzuru, and out into the hall.

"What's this about?"

I thrust the phone at him. "It's gone black and I can't turn it on. My brother just sent me a message and I wasn't able to read it."

He took the phone from me, looking annoyed. "That doesn't sound like an emergency. This couldn't wait until after fifth period?"

I didn't know how to explain the dark feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. All I could do was fix him with pleading eyes. "Please?"

Utsumi sighed and poked his glasses, turning the phone over in his hands. He pressed a couple of buttons. "Did you charge it last night?"

"I..." Actually, I couldn't remember. I'd traded texts with Yuzuru, then gone to bed still waiting for Natsuki to come home. "I don't know."

"Well, it's not hard to figure out if that's the problem. Come with me to homeroom, I have a spare charger in my bag."

"I really appreciate this," I said, walking alongside him down the hall.

He huffed a little. "I'm not doing it for you."

"I know," I said quickly. "Yuzuru-san is lucky to have such good friends."

"I'm not doing it for him either."

Oh. His tone made it pretty clear he didn't want me to ask further, so I just trailed along with him to his homeroom, and waited for him to retrieve the power cord. He plugged it into the wall and then into my phone, and after a second the screen lit up with a battery symbol. "Yup, this'll do it. You'll have to let it charge for ten minutes or so before it will turn back on, though."

"Okay. Thanks."

"I'm gonna get back to class. You can put the cord back on my desk when you're done. Make sure you plug it in every night from now on." He left, and I sat in the closest chair to the wall outlet, watching the screen and barely breathing. I must have checked my watch a dozen times, but finally the battery was replaced by a white apple logo. The home screen appeared and I tapped the messages icon, pulling up the one with Natsuki's name.

Can you cover at the East Kanagawa location tonight?

I took a breath so deep it felt sharp against my ribs. Okay, it wasn't about our parents, and it wasn't anything too horrible. This was the second time in as many weeks that he'd asked for my help at one of the coffeehouses, though, and that was strange. Had Shino meddled again, or was something wrong? I typed back.

Yes, when do you need me there?

I waited a couple more minutes until his reply came through. As soon as you can after school gets out.

Okay. My phone is dying so I may not be able to call but I'll be there soon as I can.

I unplugged the charger and dropped it on Utsumi's desk on my way out. My P.E. teacher made me run laps all period as punishment for being late, but it could have been worse... at least it wasn't push-ups.

The running didn't clear my head, though. All I could think about was my brother. The issue wasn't that I'd been without him for a few days, I wasn't that co-dependent. What terrified me was I didn't know when this exile would end, or if it ever would. I didn't know if he'd told Mom and Dad and Grandfather what was going on, but if he kept shutting me out, at some point the reason was going to surface and I already knew how they'd react. In our family, loyalty was everything. Unity was everything. I'd betrayed all of it for the sake of a girl I meant nothing to.

What if I ended up losing not just my brother, but everyone?

Yuzuru barrelled into the locker room less than a minute after the bell rang, and beelined for my locker. "Are you okay?" he demanded. I was soaked in sweat from running, not to mention shirtless again. All I had on were my track pants.

"Mm." I grabbed the container of body wash from my locker. "I've got to shower, there's not much time before the bell."

He followed me toward the showers, still firing off questions. "What happened? Utsumi wouldn't tell me anything. What was all that about, what emergency? Why would you need his help?"

"I can't tell you," I said, stopping just outside the shower room entrance. Thick clouds of steam obscured the inside, though a couple of my classmates were already in there. "But it's okay now, you don't need to worry."

He crossed his arms. "What do you mean, you can't tell me?"

"Yuzuru-san..." I fingered the waistband of my track pants. "I have to shower."

"I'm not stopping you," he said with irritation, and my lips twitched. Either he hadn't thought this through, or he was saying it didn't matter to him. I was willing to bet on the former, but there wasn't time to clarify and I didn't have the energy to be cautious with him right now.

"Okay, then."

I stripped off the pants and my underwear and tossed them onto the bench next to my classmates' similar castoffs. I kept my back to him in case it did freak him out, which turned out to be a good call because I heard him gasp hard behind me.

"Seryou, shit, what are you—"

"Unless you're going to join me in here," I said over my shoulder, "you should get to sixth period. I'll meet you at the gate after school."

I didn't wait for his reply because I knew I'd crossed a line, but he hadn't left me much choice, had he? Still, as I headed for a vacant shower station I was glad for the cloud of steam that filled the room, and was careful to keep my back to the entrance. The knowledge that he'd just gotten an eyeful of my naked ass hit me with far too much neurotic exhilaration. There was nothing particularly sexual about being naked in a locker room. Several other guys were in here showering too. However, none of them were the one I'd been making out with yesterday. None of them had skin I desperately wanted to feel against mine, a mouth and hands I craved. I turned the water on cold and rinsed the sweat and lust from my skin as fast as I could. By the time I emerged, shivering and goosebumped from head to toe, Yuzuru was gone.

When school let out I went to the gate. My phone had gone dead again during sixth period, so I didn't know if Natsuki had replied to my last text. I was a ball of anxious nerves. Did this mean I'd finally see him tonight? Was this his way of letting me back in a little, or did he just need help so desperately he'd been forced to contact me? It didn't matter, I supposed, since either way it was better than the silence.

The sound of Yuzuru clearing his throat got my attention. He was standing a couple meters away with his gaze glued to the pavement. There was a brightness to his cheeks that I was pretty sure had to do with the fact that he'd seen me naked an hour ago. I could have teased him for it, but somehow that felt a little cruel so I held back.

"You ready?" My shoulder protested the weight of my book bag as I pushed away from the brick wall.

"You have practice," he said.

"I can't today. Natsuki needs my help at the East Kanazawa shop."

His head came up. "The one by my house?" Then he caught on. "So you guys are okay now?"

"I don't know." I should have stopped there. Should have bit my tongue so he wouldn't find out just what a mess I was. But something in me was a little bit broken today. "I haven't seen him since that night."

His eyes widened and he took a few steps toward me. "Really?"

I started for the cement staircase, and he hurried to catch up. I could feel his eyes on me, and had to concentrate to keep my voice steady because my brain was shrieking that I ought to shut up. "The text he sent today is the first I've heard from him."

"Seryou." He put a hand on my wrist, tugging me back. "Why didn't you tell me?"

The tenderness in the question was almost too much for me to handle, because I knew he'd gotten it—how serious this was for me, even though most people would shrug it off. Because no matter how childish and frivolous my issues were, he cared. The backs of my eyelids stung sheepishly. "It's only been a few days. It's no big deal."

"Bullshit." He put his hands on either side of my face. When he couldn't seem to think of something else to say, he pulled me into his arms.

God, he smelled so good. He had a warm, woodsy, bow-rosin scent that I wished I could drown in. Somehow the feel of his arms around me was even more intimate than yesterday, and he wasn't kissing me this time. But his embrace was feeding the most starved parts of me, as if I was only starting to realize how truly ravenous for affection I was. I hugged him back, resting my chin on his shoulder, keeping my eyes closed so tears wouldn't escape.

"You should have said something," he muttered. "I wouldn't have let you be alone if I'd known."

"I'm old enough to be alone in my own house." But my arms tightened around him like a reflex.

"Sure, but that doesn't mean it's not scary."

I gave a half-choked laugh. "When you put it that way I sound pathetic."

"You're not." Yuzuru pulled back to look me in the eyes. "You give so much to the people around you. It's not pathetic to need some of that back once in a while. I get that your brother is special to you. I mean, Yuriko and I have never been that close so I can't say I relate, but I heard it when you talked about what your family means to you."

I swallowed. "Yuzuru-san..."

"Do you need me to go with you?"

"What?" He was one hundred percent serious. "N—no, Yuzuru-san, you have cram school."

"Fuck cram school."

"Are you guys for real?" Koike popped up behind Yuzuru with a scowl. "You're gonna stand not even a hundred meters from the school gates cuddling like a couple of newlyweds? Are you trying to get suspended?" She was keeping her voice down, but we dropped our arms anyway.

"If we don't get going we'll be late for cram class." She jabbed Yuzuru in the shoulder.

"I'm not going."

"Yes, you are," I said firmly. When he turned to argue, I put a hand over his mouth. "It's okay. I think I need to do this by myself. And you can't miss any more cram classes, remember?"

"Seryou—"

"I'll be okay." I suddenly felt like that might be true. Even if it wasn't, as long as I had him it eventually would be. "And if you guys feel like getting a cup of coffee after class gets out, it'll be on the house."

"Don't have to ask me twice," Koike quipped, tugging on Yuzuru's arm. "We have to go. Move your butt."

Yuzuru slung an arm around my shoulders and hers. "Fine, we're coming." He dragged us both, laughing, the rest of the way to the station.

We rode the train together to the main Yokohama terminal, where we had to separate. Yuzuru squeezed my hand like he didn't want to let me leave. "Text me," he commanded. "Tell me what happens."

"I can't," I said. "My phone's dead."

He clenched his jaw, and I gently disentangled our hands. "Just come see me when you're done with class, okay?"

Koike dragged him toward their connection platform. I took a deep breath and headed for mine. I could do this.