38. Rock

The Thorntons and Phillipellis all sat in the living room, waiting for Briar Rose and Josefina to come downstairs so they make their way over to the funeral home to begin the wake.

The plan was to have the wake at the Swellview Funeral Home, give people the chance to say goodbye, time to be with family and friends, and offer condolences to the family that would soon drive them crazy even though the people mean well.

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Upstairs in Briar Rose's room... Briar Rose looked in the full-length mirror as she put her last pin into her sock bun. She sprayed her hair to make sure that no fly-aways would make an appearance and her hair will stay pristine throughout the day.

She then took in her appearance from the full-length mirror. She looked sharp, professional, and polished.

Her dress blues are clean and pressed and fitted for just her. Her nylon tights have no wrinkles or stretches. Her ribbons are placed perfectly on her uniform for order of precedence. Her service heels are polished and shined. And her buttons and medals also shined.

She always felt a sense of pride whenever she put her dress blues on and pined those medals and ribbons to her chest. She earned this. Every chevron, every rocker, every ribbon, every medal, the whole uniform she earned. It was her own sweat, blood, and willpower that got her where she is.

But she got a nauseated feeling in the pit of her stomach knowing that he is the same uniform that her husband wore. He wore this uniform with pride, he was training other men and women to wear the same uniform. The uniform that she's wearing right now. The uniform that her husband died over.

He died because of the uniform he wore.

She knew what she was signing up for when she enlisted into the Marines. She knew the risk of her dying and possibly leaving her family behind. But when she enlisted, she never thought that she would be married and the mother to so many kids. She thought that she would pursue the life of being single and childless, and be that one weird aunt that always gets drunk and way too personal at family gatherings. But no, she ended up being the loving but strict mom who is a one-man woman and multiplies like a rabbit.

A one-man woman

Did she admit she was luckier than others even though her husband is dead? Yes, she did. She got eighteen years of marriage from him and got to raise children with him. The only part she felt cheated about was the rest of their life together. Yes, they built a wonderful life together while in the military, but that came with restraints. They couldn't go and do as much as the average civilian family could.

Jack just had to train this last set of recruits then he would be honorably discharged from 22 years of service. Briar Rose would get out to a couple of months after him. They had no more deployments coming up, Briar Rose would just keep working as a medic at the base and Jack would go back to serving as a Drill Instructor for a little bit and then they would be out.

That when their lives would really start.

She did feel cheated about that they were finally getting to start a "normal" life with him as civilians in only a couple of months. Not being able to watch all over their kids grow up and go off to college together, or watch their kids build lives of their own. To have those big family gatherings when everyone was out of the nest, possibly living far away. For her kids to come over with their spouses and possible children--grandchildren for her to love on.

She didn't recognize the woman that she saw in the mirror. This woman looked absolutely broken. She looked tired, dehydrated, and hungry. She pushed those thoughts out of her head, she didn't have time for grief. She was a Marine and a mother! She had to take care of her family. She was the head of the house now. She needs to help everyone else, she needs to support her family.

She looked back in the mirror and noticed Jack's side of the bed and the things on his nightstand. All the memories started flowing through her mind like a never-ending movie. She felt a huge pang in her chest and tears fill her eyes that did not second guess burning them.

"Come on Briar Rose" she muttered to herself, "pull yourself together. Not today. You gotta be strong for everyone else. Marines have no emotion."

She wiped her eyes and made her way to Josefina's room.

She knocked on the door and asked to come in, when she didn't get a response she asked louder this time and then peaked into the room, only to see Josefina sitting on her bed, all dressed except for the black mantilla and blankly staring at her photos of her late husband and sons.

Briar walked in the rest of the way and closed the door behind her sitting next to Josefina.

"They say that there are five stages," Josefina said, breaking the silence, "shock and denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and then acceptance." She sighed, "when I lost my husband, I didn't think I would make it to the acceptance part. I was sure I'd be stuck between the bargaining and depression stages for the rest of my life. I felt alone, and that I wasn't loved anymore because I knew he loved me. I felt useless and unwanted because I didn't have anyone else to take care of or spend a life with. My sons were grown up and had their own family, I wasn't needed anymore, it was just me." She wiped a few tears that came down her face, "but when you and Jack asked me to move in so I'm not alone, I felt like such a burden, that I was only there out of pity. Then when you and Jack left to go have Pedro and I was stuck taking care of the older kids. I felt so alive, useful, and found joy again. Abigail Isabelle and Elizabeth Lillian kept switching identities on me," she laughed and Briar joined her, "one-second one was Elizabeth Lillian and the other was Abigail Isabelle and then they switched!"

"I remember that when we came home Elizabeth Lillian had a giant EL on her forehead and Abigail Isabelle had a giant AI on her head."

"That's because they kept switching! I asked Jessie who was who and she told me then I wrote the proof in marker on their foreheads!" She exclaimed making Briar Rose laugh.

"My point is, no matter how you feel you are very loved, and not alone." She said looking her in the eye and taking her hands in hers, "you are more than just a Marine, and you are more than just a mother. You are Briar Rose Thornton Phillipelli. You are human. And it is okay for you to have emotion and cry, you lost your husband. You don't have to be strong and the rock all the time. It's okay to put the mask away and just break down every once in and a while, it doesn't make you weak to cry. It's okay to not be okay Mejia."

Briar Rose nodded, "I know, it's just that I want to be strong for the kids."

"Well I'm not one of 'the kids'" Josefina said, wiping the tears that had fallen onto Briar Rose's cheeks, "I'm here for you, and I'll be your rock," she said, gingerly pulling her into a hug.

Briar Rose nodded, letting the tears fall free, and hugged her back.

Okay everyone, buckle up. The next chapter or two will be Jack's funeral. For every one that stayed after his death, thank you so much!