60- 1 Love

Though this bond has been the hugest pain in my ass this entire last year...

There is a few perks. One being, if I ground I can feel him, not just his emotions, almost like where he is, as if an invisible string was pulling me towards him. I didn't know that until... maybe 10 minutes ago.

I look around cautiously for any signs of life, or Liam.... Hetta for that matter too. Knowing my luck I'll run into someone..

I keep going, past some couples, past some of the infantry, past all signs of life. As I draw closer I get a hint of that sweet smell I know all to well... I'm close. Though it doesn'f feel like it? Not exactly.

I see 2 bodies leaning on the walls right next to the Parapet, damn I haven't even been this way since I crossed it last summer. I see the faint light of a cigarette before it quickly vanishes, I see Bohdi and Garrick leaned smoking.

They eye me as I approach,  " Calm down.." I outreach my hand for one of them to pass me their cig, Bohdi does still looking a little apprehensive. " Not enjoying the party?" Garrick asks.

I chuckle exhaling. " No. There's nothing to exactly celebrate is there Garrick?" My eyes go to his as I take another puff. " I already needed to pretend for one conversation with the King, Melgren and my damn mother. Sick of it."

I hand the cig back to Bohdi. " How are you guys doing?"

" Fantastic." Bohdi answers taking a puff himself. " Though it's not as bad with a little.. reliever."

" I find it very humerous all you Leaders and shit are the ones that does everything illegal."

Garrick smirks " Just helps take the edge off. Not going to tell are you Sorrengail?"

I smirk, " Never, Just stay on my good side."

I scan around, I can feel him.... Where the hell is he?

" Here for Xaden?" Bohdi asks.

I nod slightly glancing at him.

" I'd wait for tomorrow Freya. He's.... This is the one night a year no one should talk to him. I mean, Garrick is one of his best damned friends and I'm his cousin. We can't even look at him."

" That's why your out here?" I question.  " Just to watch him?"

" Support from a distance." Garrick answers. " You can always wait here with us and see... But I know things haven't been.." He trails off... how does everyone know?!

" I haven't seem Mairi..or Canavero." Bohdi says.

" They're in their dorms." I answer. " And I need to talk to him... If he doesn't want to talk to me he can push me off the Parapet for all I care. It's... stupid.. but urgent. Hell, I'll even say I didn't see you two so you won't get your asses beat."

" Deal." Garrick says with a crooked smile.

I nod, " Good, does he have one of those?" I mention to the cigarette, when Garrick shakes his head I take his. " You two could share right?"

He simply pulls out another, " We got back ups."

I let out an amused chuckle, " Ofcourse."

I take the few steps to the Parapet just outside of the walls where I see the thin stone walkway, about a third out... Xaden.. just sitting there, feet dangling as he looks up at the sky.

I take a few more steps, the wind whipping my dress as I slowly take one step at a time... I should've worn pants... I almost fell last fall.. in pants even then... it would've made this idea a hell of alot easier..

Maybe for one of the first times, I can see why Xaden says I have alot of bad ideas and don't think...

Though he makes me lose all my clear thinking. Hence, why I'm on the damn parapet again, in a dress.

I glance at Xaden, the wind whipping my body forward and I gasp catching my footing. " Shit!"

" Freya?!"

I look up at see Xaden jumping up to his feet, looking wide eyed at me. " Get off!"

" No!"

" Freya I swear to Malek!"

" Talk to me!"

I hear him yell profanities the whoel way he jogs towards me..jogs...

I grabs my shoulders glancing down " Dammit Freya turn around right now!"

" No."

He squeezes harder, boarderline hurting my shoulders. " Drop that!"

He nudges the cigarette out of my hands letting it fall into the dark abyss below. " And a dress..." He leans down bunching the material knotting it. " That's how you die, stepping on this damn dress."

He quickly comes back up looking at me with such...intensity. Hurt, hate, betryal, anger, worry, sadness... I can feel his emotions just swirling and only intensifying as he stares longer. " Turn around, walk, and stay in your damn room." He growls. " And stop being such an idiotic dumbass."

" Then talk to me...please."

" I have nothing to say to you." He snaps, the wind blows again making me shirt slightly, Xaden grabs me holding me close to his chest. " If you fall, we both die remember."

" Says the one that was out here first."

" It's night, I have shadows. You don't."

" I'm not leaving until you talk to me Xaden. I'm not, I refuse."

He stares at me, another gust of wind hits, squeezing me tighter. " Dammit...Dammit! Fine..fine! Just please... step off this damn thing."

" You promise?"

" Yes! Now start walking!" He backs me up a little, still keeping a firm grip on my hips as we walk slowly off the Parapet. If I wasn't so focused on getting back on solid ground or his hands on my hips I could've figured out something to say.

" Who told you I was out here?" He asks.

" I felt it."

" So who gave you the cig?"

I stay silent, Xaden sighs " The death roll is going to be damn long tomorrow."

We finally get to the edge where the ground was, I take a shaky step, Xaden steps right behind me scanning.... No Bohdi, no Garrick. They were probably smart to leave.

" Go to your room." He demands slipping past me.

" Xaden!"

He still walks briskly, I grab his hand " Xaden Riorson!"

He pulls away once more not even bothering to look back.

I feel my emotions scramble, the fraustration, the anger at myself... the hurt i feel not having him, making me sound weak, my voice cracking in almost a cry. " Xaden Please!"

He freezes, his body goes rigid as he stops still facing away from me. " Freya.." He says lowly, as if warning.

" Please let me talk Xaden...Please.." I beg, my voice cracking, I feel tears in my eyes which I don't even know why they're there. It's so out of character for me to actually cry... And here I've been..crying not once but twice already in the past few weeks because of this man... 

I see him shaking his head slightly as he turns glaring at me, though when he meets my eyes fully, he winces as if seeing me like this physically hurts him, which it probably does in a sense.

" You have 2 minutes." He says simply slowly coming back over.

" I just want to apologize." I say quickly," For all of it."

He shakes his head, " You don't-"

" I do!" I almost yell before I quiet again. " I do..."

" I don't blame you Freya." He says with an edge but also a sense of softness. " Liam is the beter one, he always has been. He cares for you, he's..." He trails off swallowing. " He's the safest option."

" No-"

" I'll be leaving. And you still do the dumbest shit-"

" But-"

" Your in the same year, and I know he'll keep you safe, along with Hetta-"

" Xaden-"

" And it's better for that to have happened while I saw still here to see it other then feel it when I'm trying to get shit together or on the front. I couldn't have thought straight and something could've happened and we'd all be dead-"

" I WANT YOU XADEN!" I yell. 

He pauses again just staring at me, I sigh wiping my eyes. " I want you." I whisper. " And what I did... after I lectured you was so damn unfair... For you to see that with Liam... I kissed him first.. I did... You can't blame him."

" I've known for awhile how he feels about you Freya, it wasn't one sided."

" But he would've never acted on it, because he adores you. He told me he owed you everything, and he knows it'll never happen again."

" Don't... because of me..." He utters shaking his head as he refuses to look at me.

" Don't get me wrong... I love Liam-"

I see him flinch, " - But I....need you more... What I feel, even without the bond as crazy and stupid as it sounds is more then love Xaden..."

Again he's quiet.

I take a breath, " You've chased me down, you've told me how you've felt. More then that, you showed me. You didn't kill me when I hid in that tree."

" I left a scar on your lip."

" You didn't kill me..." I persist. " You've always watched over me, and i hated it at first, I hated that you knew everything I was doing... But now I find so much comfort knowing no matter where I am your there. You saved me at the Gauntlet, you saved me at Threshing-"

" Rhys did."

" After you told Segyl to call him." I counter. " Even after that, after all the stupid shit I do time and time again you still stay with me, and you can't say it's just the bond because we both know it's not. You made sure my safety always comes first, you had me guarded."

" And yet I still couldn't keep you from getting hurt."

" You've kept me alive." I say with the most sincerity I can muster, I know it's been over 2 minutes. I even dare to take a step closer, " And above all...For the first time in my 20 years of living... You've made me feel welcomed. I wasn't just the ' Other Sorrengail' the ' White one' the ' Halfblood' you saw me... Freya.. You trusted me, believed in me and that felt so... refreshing to be told I'm something other then a shadow or a mistake."

I feel the tears slowly dropping.

I could only imagine what everyone here would think if they saw such a killer like me showing human emotions, especially crying...

I wipe my face.

" I have been the luckiest girl to have you. I'm lucky to know such a caring person."

" I'm not caring." He says back softly.

" The scars on your back say otherwise. Liam would've been long dead, and if you weren't you wouldn't have the fierce loyalty of all those kids behind you." 

We were now only a inches away at this point as I stare teary eyed at him and he looks... for once like his age.. without the looming cloud, without the bitterness, his face is semi relxed though still sad. 

We just stare.

I sniffle looking away, " Thank you for going past the two minutes..."

" You had two more seconds, I counted slow." 

I couldn't even manage a smile at his relentless sarcasm, I take this in being this close to him because it very well might be my last time.

" I understand if you want nothing to do to me. Say the word. And I won't look, glance, or talk to you ever again if that's what you want, and I'll do it.." I whisper. " I deserve it."

I see his jaw tick, one...two...three..times. 

He shakes his head. " No, your mine." He whispers. " I'm keeping you, and I understand. I just hurt like absolute hell, I thought I'm the one that pushed you away.."

He grabs my hips pulling me into him, pressing his lips so tenderly into mine. " It pained me not having you around, I felt sick. Not having you around Fury would damn well kill me."

He kisses me harder, which I happily return. " Please... Don't ever do something like that again. Especially on such a shitty week."

I nod, " And I'm sorry, for all of this, for their celebration-"

He stops me kissing me again. " You lost Brennan and I lost my dad. Don't apologize."

 I sigh but nod. " Ok."

I see a flash of a small smile appear as he looks in my eyes, cupping my face with both of his hands. " This doesn't mean I'm still not going to Kill Liam once he gets better. Or Bohdi or Garrick for letting you out here."

" Xaden-"

" They're like my brothers, and I'm going to kick all their asses like brothers." He states stubbornly.

I give him a look, " Please don't... I take all the blame."

He looks again though a small..suggestive look came across his face. " You do?"

I cock a brow but nod. " Yes?"

He nods slightly, " Fine. I'm taking out.." His hands gripped me tightly " All my fraustration.." His lips get closer to my neck " From the last couple weeks.." nudging my head to lean to the side as he kisses from my shoulder up to my earlobe biting it lightly then whispering in my ear. " On you.."

Then he pulls away, " Don't expect me to be nice. Especially..." He takes in my dress reachign to undo the material he tied up. " When you look like this... You better be n some type of protection because I'm not stopping... I'm going to show you who the tell you belong to.."

His hands go from the dress under the slits feeling my body. " I'm going to show you who this gorgeous body belongs to." His hands rest of my ass, " Your staying in my room tonight."