Chapter 108

KatnissIt's just a day later when Peeta and I are given the okay to go back to District 12. Dr. Aurelius hands me a white bottle filled with pastel pink colored pills with instructions to take them everyday. "As for you Peeta," he says. "We still have to examine the information we got from the test. For now, just try your hardest to avoid anything that might set off a flashback, and we'll call you as soon as we get answers."

Peeta nods, giving me a sideways glance. I know what he's thinking. He's decided whether or not he should avoid me. We both know that it's not going to happen. He can't avoid me, not forever. I need him. Without Peeta, I am nothing. I'm not strong enough to keep going without him. He makes everything okay when I feel like I can't breath, like I can't carry the weight of the world on my back. He takes the burden from me to hold on his shoulders. 

The doctor bids us goodbye and exits into a room filled with medical equipment and computers. "Let's go home," Peeta whispers, taking my hand. A little bit of this pressure lifts from my chest knowing that he no longer flinches at my touch. 

The crowd outside isn't as overwhelming anymore. I know that, as we exit the Capitol, Peeta and I are safe. The feeling is light and carefree. I've never felt like this, in an extremely long time anyway, but there's a tiny sliver of hope that I cling to; that everything will be okay in the end. That Peeta and I can live the remaining days of our lives in peace. It's all I want. Peace. 

In the train, I watch the Capitol people as we disembark from the station. Peeta and I watch the buildings lower in the distance traveling farther and farther away from that place filled with tinted lies with every second. I take Peeta's hand and take a huge breath. "We're going to be okay," I say, confidence echoing in my voice. He softly kisses my temple and I rest my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, while we watch the Districts fly past the window. 

*** 5 weeks later ***

Peeta is in the other room, on the phone with Dr. Aurelius, while I sit nervously on the couch, pulling on the corners of my thumbs. My breath gets caught in my throat when I hear him hang up the phone. I jump to my feet when he walks throught the doorway. An enormous smile spreads on Peeta's face and my heart explodes with a feeling of pure happiness. Before I can stop myself my arms are wrapped tightly around Peeta's neck, and tears are falling from my eyes. I can't even begn to express the sheer feeling of relief and joy I feel. "We're safe now, Katniss. I can't hurt you anymore." 

"You don't hurt me. It's not you." 

A hint of sadness flickers in his plue eyes, but before either of us say anything else our lips crash together, his hands running through my hair. "I love you so much," he whispers in between kisses. 

"I love you too," I say, pressing my face into the crook of his neck. I take in the warm scent of cinnamon and dough. I'm taken back years ago, when I used to hug him like this. When everything was okay. And now, it is again. Peeta is hijack-free, I'm flashback-less. For now we're safe from the painful scars that are memories. Only the ones in our thoughts can hurt us now, but I try my hardest , every waking moment of every day, to never let that happen.  

I murmur the words so softly I can hardly hear it over the sound of Peeta's beating heart. I decide then that there is no turning back now; no do-over. This is now. I have to force myself to stop living in the past. Peeta puts his hands on my shoulders. "Sorry, what?" he asks. 

"I. . ." I suck in a huge amount of air, knowing that when I say it I'll be breathless. "I want a baby." For a moment I can't read what Peeta's thinking by looking at his eyes. He's shocked, no doubt. I am too. 

"Are you sure? Because last time. . ." I glance at my feet, but force myself to meet his gaze again. I have to be strong. I have to be brave. This is what I want. I know it. 

"Peeta, you know why things changed then. But it's different now. Everything is different. I'm not as scared anymore," I say. That's a lie. I'm terrified. The right word would have been broken. I'm not as broken anymore. You mend me; put my pieces back together. 

"Yes. I'm sure." All of the times I had imagined this moment, I had thought I would feel a huge amount of pressure in my heart. That I wouldn't be able to breath, let alone speak. But it's not like that. The words come easily to me, like they've been preprogrammed into my brain. Peeta makes me feel like I'm back in the woods; free, happy, alive. Not at all how I've been feeling these past few years. 

"I don't want you to agree to something you don't want." I know why Peeta is questioning me. He wants to make sure, just as I've wanted for a long time. I've always wanted to be certain. Some on big things, like Peeta making it out of the arena alive instead of me and if it was a mistake to have had pulled out the berries in the arena. Others are small, like the time of day and the hope of a good grade on the exams we used to take in school when I was little. Either way, I have never been as sure as I am right now. I'm scared, no doubt, but cerain? Yes. 

"No, Peeta. I want this. More than anything," I whisper. I entwine his fingers with mine and rest my forehad against his. 

I picture the warmth of a child in my arms, protected by its loving parents. I see the baby's smile and hear the soft giggling. I watch it grow up and become strong, kind, brave, and smart. I try to hide the trembling in my tone when I repeat the words for the last time. 

"I want a baby, Peeta." 

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Wow I feel like I haven't updated in forever. But now you know why. You guys don't know how many times I have redone this chapter, trying to get it perfect. I've been thinking and writing notes about every little detail of this chapter for months. Honestly, this took me more tries than the wedding chapter. Anyways, I hope this is what you guys were expecting (and I know you have been expecting this chapter for a long time). I decided that this is where the story needed to go. It just felt like the right time, you know?

I know some of you will think this is the end, BUT IT MOST DEFINITLEY IS NOT!! I have to write about the kids, don't I? If not, then I have basically failed as a writer :P

Anyways, I really hope you liked it and I apologize for making this A.N. like a million words long. 

Thank you sosososo much for reading. Love you all 

-booklover2019