Chapter 99

Katniss

"Now why don't you tell us what happened?" Haymitch asks. I still don't say a word to him. Suddenly, I'm angry at him, and possibly even a little bit at Peeta. Why can't they all leave me alone, to slowly deteriorate into complete insanity. It would hurt Peeta, and maybe even my mother. But they could learn to live without me. I'd still be here. My appearance would not change.

I consider completely letting go for a moment, but could I really keep breathing if I were to constantly be thrown into that terrifying dreamland?

That's what you and I do. Protect each other. I watch Peeta carefully, who runs his fingers over the scars on his wrist, caused by the handcuffs he refused to be without. How does he manage to stay positive? How does he manage to console me almost everyday, and never break into pieces? He has flashbacks, but they aren't real things. The memories in mine, which I decide to officially call flashbacks too, are real. They happened.

Right then, I lose it. "I don't know!" I scream at Haymitch. Peeta looks up at the sound of my voice.

"Whoa, sweetheart. Calm-"

"No!" I scream, so high-pitched, I don't even recognize my own voice. Haymitch seems to shrink back in his seat, but just for a moment, out of surprise. I'm standing now, about to lunge for Haymitch, like I did when I left claw marks down the side of his face after the Quarter Quell. He's too quick for me, though. He grabs my wrists and pushes me back down to the chair, still refusing to let go. I try to kick him, but I seem to lose all of my strength. I scream bloody murder, and my mother dashes into the room with us. Annie decided to stay in the empty house next door, and right now I'm glad she did.

Peeta has taken over now. "Katniss, it's okay. I'm here. It's okay," he says, in a hushed tone. I still scream and thrash, but they won't let me escape. I'm surrounded by them all now. I cover my face in my hands.

My name is Katniss Everdeen-Mellark. I am 22 years old. I was in the Games twice. I survived. Prim is dead. Finnick is dead. Boggs is dead. Cinna is dead. Rue is dead. They all protected me. They all died for me, and the rebellion. My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am officially insane.

I can hear Haymitch ask my mother for any medication to help calm me down. I can't hear what she says after. "Katniss, it isn't real. You're okay!" Peeta says. I am shivering uncontrollably now, even though I'm far from cold.

I think about President Snow in that moment, and I can somehow hear Prim say the words, "Whatever it takes to break you." Now I know that it doesn't just apply to Peeta. Snow has been trying to break me all along. Right from the very beginning, even though he hardly even knew who I was then.

I was wounded after the first Games. My dreams turned into nightmares. I could see the faces of the ones who I killed everywhere. After the second Games, I was ruined. Snow had taken Peeta, and I killed even more people. I defied the Capitol once more, and it costed so many of my own people's lives.

Then, I was sent into war. Peeta was hijacked, and he hated me. I watched too many close friends, and my sister get killed. There, that was when I broke. And now, it's all coming back to haunt me.

I immediately take everything about having children back. How could I bring them to this sick and twisted world, where they'd have to suffer through life with a deranged mother and their father's flashbacks. It's all too much.

That's why I'm relieved when my mother injects my neck with a liquid that I assume is sleep syrup. I drift into dreams in seconds.

***

When I wake, my vision is fuzzy for a few minutes. I'm assuming it's because of the sleep syrup my mother gave me. I have no idea how long I've been asleep, but I know it's day, due to the amount of light streaming through the window. "Morning sweetheart."

I just about fall off the bed. Haymitch is standing near the door. "Where's Peeta?" I ask.

"Nice to hear something other than screaming come out of your mouth," he says bitterly. He mumbles something about a headache and I roll my eyes. "He's downstairs. Fell asleep on the couch a few hours ago. Been up for two days straight, waiting for you to wake up."

Two days? There's no way I could have been asleep that long. "Your mother made a meal for you."

"I don't want it," I retort instantly.

"Well, you're going to eat it if we have to tie you down and force feed you."

The rage I felt towards him that night comes plummeting back instantly. "You son of a-"

"Oh, shut up, sweeheart," he says, holding his hand out. I can tell he's drunk, and has been for a while, right away. The sober Haymitch, the one I can't believe I've almost come to care about, would never act like this. He'd never willingly say what he's saying. Or would he? I have only really known Haymitch completely sober in the months that I spent in 13. Maybe he's always this sick and twisted. Maybe I was just too blinded by the loss of Peeta to the Capitol to see it. Maybe we both were.

"I can't believe you," I mumble, shoving the blankets away from my body. "You're a filthy, drunken, liar." I try to get to the door but Haymitch grabs my wrists, like he did a few days ago.

"Let me go!" I hiss, trying to be as menacing as possible.

"What, so you can start screaming and-" he pauses and shows me a bruise on his arm. "-kicking?" I am tempted to hiss for real at him, like I did at Buttercup long ago. I pull my arms from him and move out of the door. I'm actually surprised when he lets me go without another word.

"Katniss." It's my mother who greets me at the bottom of the steps. I don't say a word to her. I grab my hunting jacket and my game bag from the coat rack near the front door. "Where are you going?"

"Out," I mumble. I say something about being back later and bound down the steps. I feel lighter when the warmth of the sun hits my skin and I can taste the sweetness of fresh air. I jog to the woods, the one place that I know can always calm me down.

Okay, so if you didn't notice, this is Chapter 99. I'm still going to do a "special edition chapter" for 100. I just haven't exactly come up with what. I was thinking about doing something similar to Chapter 50, but I'm not sure. If you have any ideas please, please, please let me know!

Thanks! :) -booklover2019