Chapter 42

Peeta

Capitol Games. Disgusting. I know that Snow created the Games. I know that Katniss and I, and so many others were forced into that arena. Sure, we made it out, but it will never go away. The Games left a scar that could never be healed. But we don't need revenge. That could cause even more problems. Why do even more kids have to die than the ones Panem has already lost? And I have to meet these kids. Get to know them, train them, give them advice. And then send them off to die. I'm not sure how Haymitch has dealt with it for all these years. I know that's probably one of the many reasons why he drinks. It doesn't seem like such a bad idea now, but I can't let myself turn into Haymitch. I have to be there for Katniss. She's all I have left.

I turn the corner in my wheelchair and find my room. I got a room with one other guy I haven't met yet. I hate roommates, except for Katniss. She's the only one I'm comfortable sleeping in the same room as.

I open the door. Two small beds sit pushed up against the walls parallel to eachother. Two dressers stand below a high window. I push the wheelchair over to the bed farthest from the door and lie back on the bed. Maybe I can sneak into Katniss's room tonight. She doesn't have roommates anymore. Annie is missing and Ruth is in the hospital.

I picture Finnick here, if he was alive. I know he probably would have voted no for the 76th Games. I can almost see him, wandering around these halls, broken from Annie's disappearance. Maybe she wouldn't be gone if he was here. But he's not. I have to get that through my mind. I feel guilty about it. He saved my life in the arena and I couldn't repay him. I will never repay him. I tell myself that I couldn't have done anything underground when he died. That there was no way possible go me to save him, but a part of me feels guilty for not even trying. All of those lost lives. I shudder and try to clear my mind of everything.

I close my eyes but the faces of my family, the tributes, and Prim dance around in my head. They glare at me, as if to say "I wouldn't be dead if it weren't for you." I continue telling myself that it isn't true. That I couldn't have stopped their deaths, just like Finnick's. I couldn't have prevented them from bombing Twelve and killing my family. But if I had just swallowed the night lock in the arena, Katniss could have gone home. Sure, she'd grieve but she could move on and start a life with Gale in the Victor's Village. Besides, it was all an act then. Everything would be back to normal. Except we would still have the Games. People would still be dying everyday from starvation. But it's too late now. I need to stop thinking about the what-ifs because it's never going to happen.

A knock on the door awakens me from my thoughts. "Come in," I say. My voice is dry and tired sounding. The door opens. Katniss stands there with a guilty look on her face. I turn away. I know I shouldn't be mad. There's nothing really to be mad about, but if she just voted no for the Games, maybe we'd be able to save the 24 other children.

She sits beside me on the bed. "Don't bother trying to convince me that the Capitol children deserve this," I say.

"I'm not going to," Katniss says.

"What's the point of this? Don't you see? This could start another war. Against us this time. If we go through with this, we'll be just as bad as Snow," I say.

"One Hunger Games isn't going to start another war. I think the Capitol people know what's coming, anyway. And Snow has issued 75 games. One wouldn't even make a dent," she says.

"But there's no reason for them to fight. They already have money. It's pointless, and heartless of us to do to them," I try explaining. We aren't even giving the victor anything in return for winning. There's no point.

"Plutarch will think of something," Katniss says. I shake my head in disgust. "Peeta, it's happening. You can't stop it."

"I know," I say. "But I can't mentor those people and send them off to die." I'm almost yelling now.

"I know. But I don't think it will be that hard since they-" I cut her off.

"Don't say because they come from the place that killed so many of us. They're still people. You told me that your prep team didn't bother you as much as you thought because they're so helpless. Most all of the Capitol people are like that. They can't help how they act. It's how they were taught to act. Snow deserved to die. He was horrible, but not the people who were forced to live there!" I yell. She opens her mouth as if to speak but I start again. "Some of them are bad people. But most of them aren't. Especially the children. They're just kids. Glimmer cried at night in the arena. She seemed violent but she was just a scared kid."

I remember every night while I was with the careers, Glimmer offered to stay up, watching. I thought at first that she just wanted to kill someone first if they came to the camp we had set up. But one night, I couldn't sleep at all. Cato, Clove, and Marvel were all asleep. I heard her crying silently. I never thought to say anything to her. She probably would have denied it if I did, but that was when I realized that even some of the cruelest people in the Games have innocence in them.

Katniss is silent after I said that. "I have to do this. For Rue. They killed her," she whispers. Then she stands up and leaves. I can see that her eyes get fairly glossy, and her lips are slightly parted the way they do whenever she's about to cry. 

Sorry for the short chapter but I'll update as soon as I can 😉

Be sure to vote! It only takes a few seconds.

⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇