He Was A Dwarf, He Was A Hobbit, Can I Make It Anymore ObviousObsidianCreates

Summary:

Thorin can't figure out how Bilbo doesn't know he's flirting. Bilbo is flirting so subtly that Thorin doesn't even know it. Somehow neither of them realize there's Cultural Differences to explain.Work Text:How can I be more obvious?

Thorin should probably be listening to the meeting more intently, but his mind can't help it's focus elsewhere.

He's given Bilbo armor of Mithril, not only a metal more valuable than any other single item in the treasury, but a piece of light weight and easy maneuverability, such as fits Bilbo's methods of fighting and defending.

He did so in front of the whole company, and professed that he trusted only Bilbo of all of them. Perhaps these were dismissed by the hobbit as acts of pure madness, which would be... more than fair, but Thorin had reiterated Bilbo's deserving of the gift many times after The Battle, to prove the act genuine.

He defends Bilbo at every turn, against any who dare question his place in Erebor. He's had plants and books and cookware and even soil itself brought over from Hobbiton specifically, after learning of the various Shire settlements. He's asked Bilbo about his family history many times, always prompting Bilbo to go on when the hobbit worried he'd become too long-winded.

Mahal knows those times were near brain-melting, with how each family branch came with several stories, and those stories came with stories, and how the family tree was really more a twisting vine that kept merging and then splitting off and merging again with other vines.

But he'd paid attention, and made sure to let Bilbo know by referencing some of those stories sometimes. And it always made Bilbo smile brightly, gleam brighter than any jewel, than even the Arkenstone itself.

And yet, Bilbo seems to remain under the impression that the only intent is friendship.

Even when Thorin asks him to weigh in on "Matters of the royal family". When Thorin says he considers Bilbo apart of the family.

So obviously, the question occupies him often.

How can I be more obvious?

Bilbo angrily shoves another pie Bombur's way. Bombur looks at him.

"Not that I'm complain', Bilbo," he says, grabbing his fork. "But this is the third one, you know."

"Well aware," Bilbo huffs. "But the meat's too dry again. I'm still struggling with adjusting to cooking so far below ground."

"Is it that different from your smial?"

"You've no idea," Bilbo grumbles, rolling out more dough. "It may be under dirt, but under dirt is very different from under stone. Not to mention cooking with coal instead of wood. And the difference in grain types, herbs, even the texture of the meats are different."

"Can't get it to taste like home?"

"I'm not trying to make it for myself, I'm trying to perfect it for Thorin."

Bombur grins. "Really?"

"Mmm, he mentioned once the texture he prefers his meats to be in pies, and I haven't been able to get it right yet. If I was at home, it'd be perfect every time, mind you."

"Why're you so focused on that, then?" Bombur hopes this means Thorin will finally stop with his shameless and, frankly, desperate flirting.

"Trying to court him, obviously. But don't you dare tell him I said so!"

Bombur chokes on the pie. "What?!"

"No way to start a courtship, asking outright like that. Makes a bloody scene of everything," Bilbo mutters as he puts the new pie in to bake. "The things I would hear about Primula after she asked Drogo, just out in the open like that, ha! Good for them that it worked out, but I'm too old to risk that kind of humiliation now."

"Humiliation?"

"The gossip." Bilbo's tone is so somber that Bombur wonders if perhaps 'gossip' means in Hobbiton what 'beheadings' means in Erebor. "Everyone knowing you're trying to start a relationship with someone, it always breeds misery."

"How?"

"Well," Bilbo starts with a rueful chuckle, "Angry competition, for one! If everyone knows who everyone's after so obviously, things sour quick. Attempts to ruin the courtships, mainly. The lies Prim had to deal with, just unbelievable, all to try and drive Drogo away from her."

"There's that little respect for courtships?"

"On the surface, there's plenty. Behind one's back, though, that's when it becomes a dreadful business. Not to mention the risk of rejection. Better for a quiet one where nothing goes anywhere and things can stay amicable. If it's public, well." Bilbo shakes his head. "That always gets messy."

"You think Thorin would you reject you?"

"I've no idea. Which is exactly how I want it." Bilbo sits down. "As long as I continue with this path, Bombur, I might never have to have my heart broken."

"And... what if he doesn't know you're trying?"

"Same result."

"And you'd just never ask?"

"Nope."

"... How do you think dwarves court, then?"

"I heard something about gifts, I think. Three of them, right?"

"Usually, yeah." Like a Mithril shirt, for example. Or moving almost the whole of Hobbiton into the mountain. As to if that counts as one gift or as many, that depends on who you ask.

"And something about braids and beads, I believe."

"Right. Has Thorin asked to braid your hair?"

"No, of course not. I don't know if he could, actually." Bilbo frowns suddenly, and touches his hair. "It's a bit too short for dwarven braids, isn't it?"

"He could make do."

"Mmm... but we're talking as if he'll return the affection."

"What would he have to do, then? To return it?"

"Usually it's done quite slowly. Having something to give back when food is brought over, like having a tart ready at the table. Checking if they're low on anything, as well, which basically amounts to sharing one's kitchen. Offering to mend things that may need mending in return, and then after a bit insisting it's no trouble and no return needed. And sharing, that is what really makes it official. Especially if in public."

"Really?"

"Sharing a pie in public is as good as shouting it from the top of the hill."

"Never would've thought Hobbits to be subtle courters."

"Please," Bilbo huffs again. "If we were anything but, I assure you idle gossip sessions would end up more like what happens here after insulting someone's metalworking in the forges."

"That's the problem?" Kili groans and plops his forehead down onto the table. "Uncle's been going mad, and Bilbo's been flirting right back the whole time!"

"Why don't they just ask each other about courting rituals?" Fili says, throwing his hands up. "We're the ones suffering watching all of this!"

"Tauriel and I talked about all this ages ago," Kili says into the stone tabletop. "How has Uncle not realized Bilbo has no way of knowing Dwarf courting?"

"Should we tell him?"

"Someone has to, he'll never figure it out at this rate."

"Should someone tell Bilbo, also?"

"Can you imagine? Bilbo learning Uncle has been very publicly trying to court him this whole time? He'll die of shame!"

"He won't ever figure it out either, though."

"You tell Bilbo then, Fili. I refuse to watch him turn to smoke and ash when he finds out the whole mountain knows about this."