one

"Tracy, you can't be serious," you sigh as your brother's wife-to-be begs you to go along with him to his bachelor party.

"I already spoke to him and he said he and the guys would love it if you came along!" she says. You roll your eyes, knowing that Doug just doesn't have the heart to turn down his little sister.

"Tracy, you and I both know he was just being nice," you argue.

"Please? I don't want the guys getting hurt. You know how they can't handle themselves drinking and mix them and drinking in Vegas? It's not going to end well."

"They've been to Vegas before, Trace. And your brother kind of creeps me out," you admit. Tracy sighs, her eyes softening.

"He can be weird, I know. But that's one more reason for you to tag along. Keep them out of trouble and make sure they don't get killed. Plus, Phil's gonna be there. And we all know how much you love Phil," she winks.

"Okay! Fine. I'll go, okay?" you finally give in, not wanting to hear more about Phil. Phil has always been your brother's best friend. Well, along with Stu. But, before Stu came along, It was always just Phil and Doug. Phil practically lived at your house as kids, which most likely had something to do with his life at home. But your parents raised and fed him as their own. And when your parents died, it was like all three of you lost your parents, and you helped each other cope. But you guess that's one reason it would never work out between you. He looks at you like a little sister.

"Oh my god, thank you!" she squeals, jumping up and down.

"I'm sorry but Doug's already on his way to pick you up," she smiles sheepishly.

"Tracy, you're going to be the death of me, I swear," you groan, rolling your eyes.

"You'll have a great time, I promise. Go pack your bags. Have the best night of your life. You're practically 'one of the guys' anyways. I couldn't imagine you at a bachelorette party," she smiles. You sigh, shaking your head but still not being able to shake the smile on your lips. You turn to run upstairs to your bedroom, grabbing a backpack and filling it with necessities, along with some extra clothes. You put on a black bodysuit and a pair of jean shorts, throwing an oversized white button-up overtop, leaving it unbuttoned. You put the backpack on your back and head back downstairs, seeing Tracy looking out the window of the front door.

"They're here," she smiles as you put on your sneakers.

"If I get like- attacked by a hooker or something I'm so blaming you," you chuckle, pulling her in for a hug.

"You'll have a great time. Have fun," she smiles as you walk out the door.

"And thanks for letting me use your house!" she calls after you. You smile, waving before hopping into the back of the nice convertible Mercedes-Benz that your brother is driving for whatever reason.

"Sorry for crashing, Tracy made me," you say, tucking your bag under the seat.

"You're not crashing, Tracy just cares. Plus, you're the biggest party animal I know. Well, along with Phil," Doug chuckles as you drive down the street.

"Uh, Alan, right? Tracy's brother?" you ask, holding out your hand out to the short chubby auburn haired guy sitting in the passenger seat. He certainly doesn't have any similar physical genes to Tracy. He turns around, staring directly at your face without saying a word.

"Okay then," you say, awkwardly dropping your hand.

"You have nice boobs."

"Hey, man, that's stepping over the line. Don't be a creep, please. That's my sister," Doug says.

"Sorry," Alan mumbles, looking back at the road ahead of him.

"Where the hell did you get this ride?" you chuckle as Doug heads down the road to the middle school Phil works at just about a block from your house.

"It's Tracy's dad's. This car is like his third child, and only I'm allowed to drive it," Doug smiles proudly.

"Congrats, bro," you laugh, patting his shoulder as you park in front of the school. The bell shortly rings, all of the middle-schoolers pouring out of the school.

"Do you have to park so close?" Alan asks, nervously holding his head in his hand.

"Why, what's wrong?" Doug asks, the tone of his voice showing he's really not interested.

"I shouldn't be here," he mumbles. You furrow your eyebrows, leaning forward slightly.

"Why's that, Alan?" Doug asks.

"I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school," he says, you and Doug both turning your heads to look at each other.

"What?" Doug asks confusedly.

"Or Chuck-E-Cheese," he says.

"You are so fucking creepy, man," you say, looking over to see Phil walking out of the front doors. He puts his sunglasses on at the same time a kid runs up behind him.

"Hey, Mr. Wenneck-" he starts, Phil cutting him off by holding his hand up.

"It's the weekend, Budnick. I don't know you, you don't exist," Phil says as he continues to walk towards the car. You laugh at the way only Phil would react to that situation before he stops right in front of the car, a large smile on his face as he holds his hands out.

"Shit! Nice car," he smirks.

"I'm driving," he says, tossing his backpack next to you. Doug quickly catches it, gently placing it onto the ground. You move over to the middle seat, making room for Phil to sit next to you.

"No, no chance, but- hey, don't step on the-" Doug says as Phil steps on the edge of the car, jumping into the seat. Doug sighs, giving up as he faces the front again.

"Hey- watch the leather," Doug says defeatedly.

"Would you shut up and drive before one of these nerds ask me another question?" Phil asks, going quiet at the end as he glances around for any kids. He subconsciously throws his arm around your shoulders, tossing his other bag on the ground.

"Animal," Doug mutters, starting the car again and starting to pull out.

"Who's this?" Phil asks, pointing to Alan in the front seat.

"Alan. Tracy's brother," Doug says.

"The creepy one," you whisper.

"I met you, like, four times," Alan says.

"Oh- yeah, how you doin' man?" Phil trails off, still obviously not recognizing him. You accidentally let out a laugh, watching Phil pretend to remember.

"What?" he smirks, looking down at you. You quickly shake your head, trying to get Alan to look away from you.

"Nothing. Sorry for crashing, by the way. Tracy didn't really give me much of a choice," you say.

"Please, baby. You're wild. The party doesn't start 'till you're there," he smirks, winking through the lens. "Plus, she told me that yesterday."

"Of course she did. She just told me I was coming twenty minutes ago," you chuckle, shaking your head as Doug and Phil laugh too. You continue driving down the road, small talk made between you before you pull up to Stu's house, Doug parking along the road.

"Who's gonna deal with the goblin?" Phil asks, referring to Stu's stuck-up evil girlfriend.

"I will," you laugh, crawling over him to get out of the car.

"Really?" you hear an annoyed Doug ask behind you as you walk up the path, taking the sunglasses off your head and putting them over your eyes as you knock on the front door.

"Melissaaaaa?" you call out, Melissa soon opening the door with a bitchy look on her face.

"Release your sexy-ass boyfriend so we can get the hell out of here!" you yell, a large smile on your face as she stares back at you, all the guys laughing from the car behind you.

"Paging Dr. Faggot! Dr. Faggot!" Phil yells from behind you, causing a snort to accidentally leave your nose as Melissa rolls her eyes. Stu walks up behind her, Melissa dodging his kiss before he walks past you out the front door.

"It's okay, Melissa. I'll make sure no hookers take him home," you wink, turning to walk with Stu, hanging your arm over his tall shoulders.

"I hope Vegas gives you herpes!" she yells.

"Damn, I hope it does too, you fucking witch. At least it would show that I know how to have a good time," you smirk, giving her the middle finger as you walk away. Phil is a messy fit of laughter when you approach the vehicle again, Alan cracking up too as Doug tries to hide the smile on his face from Stu.

"I might be single when I get back thanks to you," Stu says as Phil laughs, holding his hand out to you for a high-five. You chuckle, slapping your hands together as you crawl back over him to sit in the middle seat.

"Stu, it'd probably be a good thing if she left you. Look, I have beers," he chuckles, pulling three beers from under his seat, handing one to you and Stu.

"The other guys don't want one. Something to do with them being in the front seat and driving, idontknow," Phil mumbles, a laugh escaping your lips as he uses the bottle opener to open you and Stu's beers for you.

"Here's to the best night of Doug's life," you smile, all of you clinking your beers and taking a sip.

"Take this stupid shit off, Stu," you say, pulling the sweater off his back and tossing it onto the road.

"Hey, that was a limited edition," Stu says, all of you snickering.

"Yeah, I think you'll be just fine," you say.

"Speaking of, I need to get this tie off, too," Phil groans, taking off his vest and tie before kicking them under the seat. You finally pull onto the highway, the wind blowing through all of your hair as the refreshing heat beams down on you.

"I can't wait to be in Vegas," Doug says. Alan stands up, cheering with his arms up to the car next to us.

"Woo! Vegas baby!" he screams, the girl in the backseat staring at him before giving him the middle finger. You all erupt into laughter as the car drives ahead, Alan sitting back down.

"Come on, just till Barstow. Everybody's passing us," Phil whines after another few minutes of driving, taking another sip of his beer.

"Absolutely not. I promised Sid, I will be the only one driving this car. And besides, you're drinking," Doug says, keeping his eyes straight ahead of him.

"Oh, what are you, a cop now? You know I drive great when I'm drunk," Phil argues as you chuckle softly.

"That's true. Don't forget, Phil was always our designated drunk driver," Stu says.

"Helps him focus," you add on.

"Yeah. You wanna explain it to them, Alan?" Doug chuckles.

"Guys, my dad loves this car more than he loves me, so, yeah," Alan says.

"Aw, whatever. Look, I left my cute middle school kids at home so I could come to Vegas with you guys, you know how difficult that was?" Phil asks sarcastically, leaning forward towards Alan.

"That's really sweet, Phil," Alan says.

"Yeah," Doug chuckles, already knowing that it was sarcastic and Phil's going to have a remark now.

"Dude, I was being sarcastic. I fucking hate my life. I might never go back. I might just stay in Vegas," he says, turning to look at you.

"I'll stay with ya," you chuckle.

"Here we go," Doug mumbles.

"You know what, Doug? You should just enjoy yourself because come Sunday you're gonna start dying a little bit everyday," Phil says, showing a small amount with his pinched fingers. You chuckle, taking a swing of the beer.

"Yeah, that's why I've managed to stay single this whole time, y'know?" Alan says.

"Oh, really? That's why you're single?" Stu asks, knowing damn well that's not the reason why.

"Yeah," he says.

"Cool. Good to know," Stu says, nodding as he looks back at the road. You laugh as Phil chuckles, looking out next to him as well.

"Am I alright over there, Alan?" Doug asks, referring to the lane next to us.

"Yeah, you're good," Alan says, Doug hitting his blinker and slightly shifting to the right lane. But, a loud truck honking behind you causes Doug to swerve back over, nervously trying to get back to your lane.

"Oh, my god!" Stu yells. All of you fall around in the back seat, laughing at the occurrence that probably could've just killed you. Well, everybody except Doug who's anxiously gripping onto the wheel and Stu that looks scared as hell.

"That was awesome!" Alan laughs.

"That was not awesome! What the hell is wrong with you?" Doug yells.

"That was insane, we almost just died!" Stu yells.

"You should've seen your face!" Alan says to Doug, you and Phil still laughing.

"Ha! Classic!" Alan laughs.

"That's funny," Phil chuckles.

"It's not funny," Doug says, straight-faced as he watches the road. You continue driving for about fifteen minutes when Doug pulls off, heading towards the gas station in the middle of the desert.

"I need gas. Who's coming in?" Doug asks, parking at a pump and getting out of the car.

"Me," you say, crawling over Phil's lap and getting out of the car, smiling as your legs are finally getting stretched.

"Hey, me too," Phil says, jumping out as well.

"I'm not staying with him," Stu says quickly, getting out and joining you.

"You snooze, you lose, bitch," you smirk, giving Alan the middle finger as you back up with the rest of the guys heading for the store, turning to walk with them. Phil laughs at you, snaking his arm around your waist as you enter the store. Phil walks away, finding a bag of lays and popping it open, starting to eat them as the rest of you look around. You grab a bottle of Powerade, opening it and squirting it into your mouth as you join Doug and Phil in line. You all stare out the window, watching as Alan chases some old man away from the car after he had complimented it.

"He's actually pretty funny," Phil says, eating another chip.

"Yeah, he means well," Doug says.

"I'll hit an old man in public," Alan says.

"Is he all there? Like, mentally?" Phil asks, a small laugh escaping your lips.

"I think so. He's just an odd guy. You know, he's kind of weird," Doug says.

"Kind of? The first words he said to me today were, 'you have nice boobs,'" you say, Phil glancing down at you.

"He said that?" he asks, you nodding.

"Fucking creep," Phil mutters, eating another chip.

"I mean- should we be worried?" Phil asks, going back to the previous conversation.

"No," Doug breathes out.

"Alright," Phil says, looking back ahead.

"No," he repeats. "Tracy did mention that we shouldn't let him drink too much. Or gamble."

"Jesus, he's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit," Phil says as you move up in line, tossing your items onto the counter.

"It's a bachelor party, what do you mean we shouldn't let him drink too much? Isn't like- the whole point of it to get so shitfaced you can't remember what the hell happened?" you ask.

"Yeah, basically," Phil mumbles.

"And one water," Stu says, pushing in between Phil and Doug to put a water bottle on the counter.

"All good with Melissa?" Doug asks.

"Oh, yeah. Told her we're two hours outside of wine country and she bought it," he smirks. Phil sighs, dropping his head before turning to face Stu as he leans his back against the counter.

"Don't you think it's strange that you've been in a relationship for three years and you still have to lie about going to Vegas?" Phil asks. You chuckle, shaking your head.

"Yeah, I do. But trust me, it's not worth the fight," Stu says.

"She's a clingy, psychotic, bitch, Stu," you say.

"Well, you calling me sexy and telling her you won't let a hooker take me home certainly didn't help," he says.

"Oh, so you can't go to Vegas and (y/n) can't joke around but she can fuck a bellhop on a carnival cruise line," Phil says. You laugh again, quickly covering your hand with your mouth.

"Hey," Doug says.

"Okay, first of all, he was a bartender, and she was wasted. And, if you must know, he didn't even cum inside her," Stu says.

"And you believe that?" Phil asks, turning back around.

"Uh, yeah, I do believe that because she's grossed out by semen," Stu says, everyone freezing.

"What the hell do you do during sex? Wait- don't tell me you haven't had sex in three years when you have a girlfriend, Stu," you say.

"Yes--I have. Just on, special occasions. And I just don't cum anywhere near her," Stu says, all of you furrowing your eyebrows at him.

"Dude, that's fucking weird," you say.

"I agree," Phil says.

"That'll be 32.50," the lady says.

"It's 32.50, you gonna pay for it?" Phil asks Stu.

-

You all sit silently in the car, enjoying the quiet and wind blowing through your hair.

"It says here you should work in teams, who wants to be my spotter?" Alan asks, looking up from his gambling book. Phil sighs quietly, taking a sip from his beer.

"I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Alan," Doug says.

"Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a fool-proof system," he says confidently.

"It's also illegal," Stu adds.

"It's not illegal, it's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane," he says, Doug laughing unbelievably.

"Gross," you mumble.

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal, too," Phil smirks.

"Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, Bin Laden," he says, all of you glancing at each other.

"Do you even know what happened on 9/11?" you ask.

"Yeah, the terrorist attack," he says.

"Okay," you trail off, not even wanting to hear more.

"Either way, you gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy, okay? It's not easy," Doug says.

"Oh, really? Okay. Well maybe you should tell that to Rain Man because he practically bankrupted a casino, and he was a re-tard," he says. All of you look back at him from the way he said retard, disbelieving looks on your faces.

"What?" Stu asks.

"He was a re-tard," he repeats.

"Retard," Doug corrects, Phil smiling widely as he glances ahead.

"Dude, you really are a fucking moron," you say.

"You know what- why are you even here? Everyone knows chicks and bachelor parties don't mix," he says.

"You wanna know what else doesn't mix with bachelor parties? Fucking morons," you say, Phil laughing.