Is this too much?

Spencer

As soon as the clock strikes five, i'm grabbing my things rushing out the doors. I think about meeting Clara at her house but instead I drive for the hospital and wait for her to come out. I hope i'm not rushing things. I just love being around her, it makes my racing mind feel peaceful. When I see her standing outside and pulling her phone out I honk my horn to get her attention. Her head jumps up and I wave at her, a smiling beams on Clara's face as she walks towards me.

"Need a ride?" I poke my head half way out the window. I hope she doesn't think I'm some weirdo. Her blue eyes twinkle as she nods and goes around to the other side of my car.

"Couldn't wait to see me?" She laughs, and I know she's teasing me but she's completely right, I couldn't wait."Something like that."

As we drive towards Clara's place, I can't help steal quick glances at her. I'm amazed how easily I can speak to her and how comfortable I feel in her presence. We chat about our days and share small little stories until we reach her driveway.I get out to walk her to the door. I know she invited me to stay but I don't know if she remembers that because she hasn't mentioned a movie yet and it's starting to make me anxious. I don't want to stay if she doesn't want me to anymore. We're standing at the door and i'm just hoping she says something about it to me soon.

"Thanks for the ride." Clara's smiles breaking our sudden silence.

"Anytime. I'd rather me drive you around then you get into some random car with a random stranger. I know what people are capable of." I start to ramble and realize i sound like a possessive boyfriend. We're not together at all yet but i feel protective of her. I don't want anything bad to happen. As she stands there smiling at me, not a flaw in her face, i just want to lean in and kiss her. I fight the urge until I see the longing in her eyes. She licks her lips like she's half expecting me to lean in. So I do. Leaning in slowly I press my lips to hers, savoring the moment. Clara responds immediately, wrapping her arms around me. I wonder how much longer this will go on. I'm met with my answer when Clara pulls back, breathless and flushed. Same state as I am in right now.

"Would you like to come in for that movie?" Clara smiles, her voice soft and inviting. My heart skips a beat. I know things are moving too fast and apart of me knows i should be saying no. But i cannot deny the strong connection that i feel for her.

"Sure," I say returning the smile, following her inside.

"Okay so I don't want you to think I'm lame." Clara pauses as she sets her bag dine on the counter. I noticed her place is much more pick up than last time, not that i minded all the pillows and blankets thrown around. I think that the only picture i've seen in her apartment is of her and her niece, i haven't seen any other family photos yet. I'm guessing she doesn't have a good relationship with them. Oh God, i'm profiling her. I can't help it i'm so used to it I just profile anyone i come across now.

"It's a scary movie. So, i hope you're not as much of a scaredy cat as I am." One corner of Clara's mouth folds up into a smile and I laugh. I love scary movies.

She walks off into what i'm assuming is her bedroom. I almost follow her but I don't realizing she is probably going to change out of her scrubs. Of course I wouldn't mind watching but I don't think either of us are actually ready for that. So is it down on her couch and look around the room.

"What movie is it?" I ask in a louder tone that which I normally speak in. Clara comes out pull down her shirt so get a glimpse of her torso, I notice a scar on her rib cage but I don't say anything.

"The Nun..?" She tilts her head to the side and smiles before walking towards the kitchen asking if I want popcorn.

"I haven't watched the nun, it's apart of the conjuring franchise, correct?" I turn over to look at her and she's nodding her head. Her dark hair is in a pony tail and it doesn't look like she has any makeup on. She still so beautiful. I don't understand how one person could look so perfect.

When the popcorn is done pop i hear her empty the bag into a bowl and watch her waltz over to the couch taking a seat beside me. Clara sets the popcorn down on the table and reaches for the remote clicking through apps in her tv until she finds the one with the nun on it. When she presses play she sets the remote back down and grabs the popcorn. She curls up next to me chasing my body to tense up. I wasn't expecting to her to sit so close. It only takes a few seconds before my body relaxes again.

I lied when I told Clara that i hadn't watched this movie before. Derek, Garcia and I went and watched in theaters when it first came out. Garcia didn't sleep well for two weeks after that. Each time there's a mild jumpscare Clara's whole body tenses up and she jolts. Then we laugh about how it wasn't that scary afterwards.

Once the movie ended we both sit and start talking like we usually do. Clara is sitting right next to me yet has her legs stretched out across my lap.

"Thanks for watching that with me. Sorry if I was a little dramatic." She laughs off her embarrassment, which she shouldn't even be embarrassed about given the fact id pay to keep that close.

"I had a nice time." Really Spencer? Those are the words that come to mind? I yell at myself internally and she asks how my leg is doing. I pat where the wound is a shrug.

"Doesn't hurt much anymore." Clara looks like she's biting her tongue trying not say something she really wants to say.

"What's on your mind?" I ask her and she apologizes for whatever is about to come out of her mouth.

"The day you were shot after your surgery i overheard doctors saying you were refusing narcotics, who refuses pain killers after that?" She covers her mouth afterwards as if she wasn't the one in control. I give a light smile.

"On a case a few years back i was kidnapped. I won't go into detail it's a long story but it was Dilaudid." Her eyes deepen in concern and sorry. "I've been clean for a while, I intend to stay that way so I avoid all narcotics." 

"I'm proud of you Spencer, i can't imagine having to go through that." Clara cups my face with one hand  and tilts her head at me. Her hand is soft. She makes me feel safe, i understand what people mean when they say you'll know when you met the one. I think i've met the one. Clara Hastings.

She brings her lips up to mine and places gentle kisses on my lips. I grab her face with both of my hands and deepen the kiss. She ends up laying back on the couch with me on top of her. I can feel her trying to take her clothes off from underneath me. I pull back and look up at her clock hung on the wall.

"Is this too much?" She sits up grabbing my hand. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to try and move so fast. I don't normally act like that, I swear." I can hear the anxiety in her voice, thinking that she did something wrong. I shake my head.

"It's okay, trust me I want to. There's nothing more that i'd rather do. But i want to do this right Clara. I like you a lot." I wasn't sure if what I was saying made any sense to her, it barely made sense to me. But it must because she smiles her adorable little gummy smile and tells me she likes me too. Clara stands up goes to the fridge before sighing.

"Do you like chinese?" She reaches for her phone and I nod. "I had every intention on trying to cook something tonight but I never got a chance to get the store." Clara calls what i'm guessing might be the chinese place down the road, she orders her food first and then repeats the order I just told her next.

Clara picks out another movie to watch claiming that if she wants ti sleep tonight we need to watch '10 Things I Hate About You' while we eat dinner. I've heard of this show beefing before but i've never watched it.

"Come on you'll love it. It's a classic." She says handing me the bag of food to set up while she grabs us waters from the kitchen.

"Classic for teenage girls maybe." I add which causes her to throw the water bottle at me instead of handing it to me like a civil person. "I was just stating a fact. Don't need to get violent." She glares me down again.

"Do not make me throw this one at you to Spencer Reid." She point the bottle in my direction and throw my hands up in defense. I put them down when I feel her sitting next to me and opening her carton of food.

Halfway through the movie Clara is fast asleep. Leaving me alone to watch Kat and her boyfriend have an argument. I turn off the TV no longer interested in the movie, all my attention is on a peacefully sleeping Clara. Her face looks soft and with her head resting in my lap I don't want to move. So I do what any good "guy you're going out with" would do. I close my eyes and try to fall asleep with her. I don't want to mess this up. I don't want to put her at risk either, letting her into my life even more than she already is would put her at risk. I take a deep breath. Cat is in prison. She can't do anything anymore. She can't hurt her.

I wake up from the sound of Clara's phone alarm going off and her groaning. Somehow we ended up tangled in each others arms stretched across the couch.

"What time is it?" I sit up and stretch my neck, not the comfiest couch in the world. I'd sleep on rocks if that meant I got to wake up next to Clara though.

"5 am." She mumbles slowly standing up and walking for the bathroom. I hear the shower start and I reach for my own phone. I'll have to be at work in about two hours, usually I go into work at this time too but we just closed a case. Today will just be a lot of paperwork and going through files. Everyone's favorite thing to do.

I know from what Clara had said that she always is going into work at different times right now. I remembered she mentioned that by next month she's hoping for a solid schedule, she's hopping to be on the pediatric unit permanently. I imagine switching services, is what i think she called them, all the time would get annoying. She knows what she wants and they won't give it to her. She's working for it. I admire that.

I grab my things and slip my shoes back on. I knock on the bathroom door and get a why from Clara.

"I'm gonna head out, text you later?" I say kind of leaning into the door.

"What'd you say?" She shouts back, the sound of water covering my voice.

"I'm leaving." I shout back but it's no use because she still tells me that she can't hear me. I open the door and she peaks her head out of the shower curtain smiling at me, her eyes tired.

"I'm going to head home to get ready for work. I'll call you later?" I almost question as if i need her approval to leave and call her later. She smiles at me "Okay."

When i got to step out she stops me before the door shuts. "Spencer!" I lean back in. "Aren't you forgetting something?" She grins at me, I know what she wants by the lay she pours her lip. I walk into the bathroom, fully this time, and kiss her goodbye.

"Call me later." She mumbles pulling away from me.

I feel like a kid on Christmas. She makes me feel like I can truly be myself, i feel secure with her, she feels like home.