Chapter 23

(Kelsey's parents)

"Care to tell me what the fuck is going on?"  I snapped to the two adulterers that still hadn't noticed my presence.  They broke apart like they were about to have a heart attack.  JJ went over to stand in front of her, like a knight in shining armor.  How cute.

    Realization washed over their faces once they saw it was me and Simon, followed by a relax stance.  That infuriated me more, as if this was allowed to happen right in front of me.  "I'm waiting..."  Simon placed his hands on my arms, I didn't notice how tensed up I was. 

    "Listen Kells, there's a lot of things you don't know," JJ started.

    "Obviously."

    "Me and JJ, we were young when we noticed our feelings for each other, but we want two different lifestyles.  Jide is a star, always moving around and I want a stable family."

    Analeigh's explanation wasn't doing anything to to calm down my temper.  If anything I was more furious that this was the first time I was hearing about this.  "So, what?  You thought your wedding day would be a good day to have goodbye sex?"

    "Don't be so judgmental," JJ shot back.

    "Oh that's rich coming from you!  All this time you're the one telling me everything I've been doing wrong and now that you did the shittiest thing to my own blood.  You were literally just yelling at me for not telling my family about Simon, should I tell them about you two?" 

    "No!"  Everyone should in unison, even Simon.

    My eyes rolled and I started walking toward the door.  "Of course I'm not going to, bur get your fucking shit together Analeigh.  If there's one thing I learned, second guessing the obvious choice only leads to disappointment."

    Heels clacked on the polished floor that was beginning to annoy me from how pristine it was.  Like it had never been walked on a day in its life, if only something could be so fortunate.  All day long JJ was lecturing me and making me feel like shit and then goes round to do that.  Sometimes It's like he's not my best friend anymore.  He yells at me any chance he gets and the more he yells the more I distance myself.  There were times I called Freya, Cal, or Vik before talking to Jide because they knew how to be my friend.  It upset me.  Obviously JJ meant the world to me, and then some but whatever weird thing we were going through, it was killing me.

    Things used to be so easy between us.  When it was only me and Jide, we never fought.  I could be completely wrong and he'd still love me.  That not how it is recently, even when I wasn't anything wrong, it wasn't right.  I wanted to go back to the best friend I could lay down with all day talking about useless shit.

    Footsteps echoes after me, immediately I figured it was Simon, he was the only one to come for me anymore.  "Kelsey, please wait."

    It had to be JJ, probably ready to shout at me for being rash with my cousin.  "No thanks, if I want to be scolded I'll look for my parents."

    "Stop, I'm serious."  He grabbed my wrist which I ripped from him but stood there waiting for what he had to say.  In front of me, JJ looked distraught and hopeless, like how I've been feeling on the inside, it was easier for him to express his emotions.  He looked like my best friend, with his stupid hair and all.  "What are we doing wrong?"  He asked me softly.

    "I don't know, you stopped caring about how I felt over everyone else.  You're supposed to be the only one who gets it."  Once upon a time before everyone else started to make me open up more too.

    His exterior physically deflated in front of me, "you don't need me fore that anymore."

    "What are you talking about?"

    "Everyone want to take my place, be the top person in your life.  I always knew it would happed, the second you came here I knew there wouldn't be a single person who wasn't in love with you.  In fact, they're all hanging on every word you say, the whole lot of them and now there's no more need for me to be your sanctuary."

    Never in life this I ever think that Olajide Olatunji would be jealous.  Yet here we were and he thought there was really someone out there who could replace him.  Not even Simon could, the connection I felt with JJ was so deep, it felt like it went past this life.  Was I being blind to his feelings this whole time?  After everything he'd done for me, befriending the weird girl, protecting her from the bad guys, letting her move in with him after years of not speaking, and I couldn't make him feel like the most important person in my life.  Even my parents came second to JJ at times, a horrible thing to say but the truth. 

    I grabbed his hand, "before all of this madness, of friends and the limelight it was just us.  In the end, it's going to be just is, can't you feel that?  Even when you're not around I can feel when something is wrong, you can too.  That's why you answered the phone that night, wasted years and you still picked up."

    "I'll always pick up."

    "And you'll always be my sanctuary, it doesn't matter who thinks they can replace you.  I love you, Jide."

    "I love you too, Kelsey."

    We shared an intense embrace, they were the kind of hugs only JJ could give.  Secure, warm, familiar.  Everything he was.  My favorite hugs were his, even if I told Simon that his were, at least he was first in kisses.  It was weird, having a best friend and a boyfriend that weren't the same person, it got tricky at times.  For the longest time it seemed obvious who I should care about more.  We all like to make a list of people who are the most valuable to us but things aren't always back and white.  Loving them equally was the best thing for me.

    Simon and JJ, two best friends, it only made sense I got stuck with both of them.  No one was as lucky as me.  They looked like the complete opposites on the outsides but couldn't be anymore alike. 

    "Oh, and JJ?"

    "Hm?"

    "Kiss my cousin one more time and I'll kick your ass."

    Me and Simon had made our way back into the reception hall where everything was still in up swing.  My parents shoved a shout of whiskey and a bottle of beer in our hands as soon as we were spotted.  What a great Mum and Dad.  That was the average Scottish wedding though, getting too drunk and all the men trying to arm wrestle each other.  I couldn't imagine going to any other kid of wedding, it would be too boring.  If only the rest of the rest of the guys could have been here, they would have had a blast.

    Throughout the night drinking and jumping around no longer mixed so the DJ slowed down the music.  Simon somehow forced me to come and dance with him, which really was us swaying back and forth.  It was always a stupid concept to me, but Simon gave me the dimpled smile and that was it.  JJ had taken over flirting with me aunts, who all knew and adored him.  After Mum and Dad busted his balls for not coming to visit them they gushed about how proud they were.  My family was his, his was mine.

    Can't Help Falling in Love was blaring through the speakers, the most over played wedding song of all time.  "At my wedding, there won't be any cliché songs like this."

    A grin perked up on Simon's face, "else?" 

    "The wedding will only be 10 minutes long and the reception won't end until the next day.  I probably won't wear white either, I'd be lying."  I giggled and winked at him.

    "We're going to get married I think."  His words made my heart skip a beat.  For anyone else it would have been strange to say but he was drunk and knew that could tell me anything.  Marriage was a serious topic, it felt right talking about it with him.

    So I responded, "what makes you say that?"

    "Just feels right, you know?  Breaking up honestly doesn't seem like an option, never crossed my mind, never will.  Ever since the day we said I love you I could have married you any minute.  We could do it right now and there won't be any regrets."

    "You're drunk," I dismissed with a laugh, trying to ignore the urge to run out to the nearest courthouse and get hitched to this man.  Everything he said was true, about how easy it would be to spend the rest of my life with him, what a weird feeling.

    Simon twirled me around and pulled me into his chest, "drunk?  Yes.  Telling the truth?  Definitely.  We would make some pretty cute kids."

    "Whoa, let's not get ahead of ourselves, that would mean I'd have to learn how to share you,"  My nose scrunched up.  Having kids was something that never even come to my mind.  The chance they could have as bad as a childhood as I did was too scary to think about.  Besides, I wouldn't be a good mother, my reckless lifestyle mean too much to me.  They would be cute though, with his blonde hair and smoky blue eyes, maybe my freckles.  Hopefully having his talent with just a touch of my attitude.  Yeah, they'd be really great.

    My eyes wandered over to my own mum who was talking to anyone who would listen.  She was beautiful and captivating.  Had things to say that people wanted to listen to.  As a child I never gave her enough credit.  Wishing she would have kept me in Scotland with my family.  Now I all she wanted to do was gave me the best opportunities out there.  There wasn't one selfish bone in her body, at least not when it came to me.  Mum would drop everything it I needed her to.

    My dad was the kind of man who put his family first.  After all these years he still looked at Mum like she was the only woman in the room.  To think I was an outcome of that kind of love, it was incredible.  Dad was my rock, reminding me that Bryer's didn't let people get to them.  When JJ left I cried to him after I laid awake for too long, thinking.  He'd say, "it's your job to prove what he's missing.  Be the best Kelsey you can be, don't prove any asshole right by giving up.  I didn't raise a quitter."

    Eyes as green as mine captured my graze.  Mum had spotted me staring, a small smile played on her lips with a nod of her head, silently signaling me to step out with her.  I told Simon I'd be right back before walking out the exit doors and into the cold, late night.  The stars shone extra bright.  Living in London amongst all the noise and lights it was easy to forget about the trillions of small suns.  When I was really young and would get angry, Mum would make me go outside and count them until I calmed down.  It was something that I wish I would have stuck with, she knew what she was doing raising me. 

    "How are you sweetie?"  Her melodic voice sang though my thoughts.  It was one thing talking to her over the phone each night, this was a different story.  It was the first time she was seeing me in months, the last time I had been miserable and completely hopeless.  Now I had best friends, a boyfriend and a successful career in the matter of months.  I questioned if I deserved it

    "I'm so great, Mum, so great."  Tears welled up in my eyes so quickly in stung.

    She nodded her head, knowing why I got so emotional.  "You have no idea how proud your father and I are of everything you're doing.  We watch your videos all the time and it feels like you're still at home.  This Simon boy, what's he like?"

    "He's a dork," I laughed and wiped away the tears on my cheekbones.  "There were times where I managed to almost ruin everything between us, he still stayed.  I never thought I'd be able to be with someone, let alone love someone the way I love Simon.  It's almost too good to be true, like he's going to realize I'm not worth it one day and leave me."  Those were my deepest, darkest fears I hadn't admitted to anyone.  They would say I'm crazy and that he's head over heels fro me but that didn't stop the doubts.

    A sigh left her mouth, cold air made it so that a puff of smoke travelled in front of us and disappeared in thin air.  At first it felt like out conversation ended on that.  "You know you got your stubbornness from me, right?"  Our family likes to think your experiences made you hard but you could have lived the perfect life and still would be the brat you are.  My entire life people either loved me or hated me fore being as self assured and quick with a comeback.

    "Things weren't easy for your dad and I in the beginning, or really until we got married.  He was one of the bad boys, smoking cigarettes on the schoolyard instead of attending class.  I was always busy getting good grades and going out to parties every weekend.  When our paths crossed, I couldn't stand him in the slightest.  His cheeky remarks, as if he were entitled to the world made me loathe him.

    "For months he scouted me, actually going to the classes we had together just to bug me. So eventually I gave in and accepted his offer to on a date.  After that things got very hot quickly.  We dated and fell deeply in love and the age of 16.  For two years things were almost perfect, even our fights made us stronger.  Then came the time for me to attend Uni, and your father promised that if I went he would be coming."

    "But I thought you did go?"  I interrupted, confused as to where this was going and how it was supposed to help. 

    She leaned her back on the wall before continuing.  "I did go.  Me and your father broke up because our lives were going in different directions and I was not about to let a man tell me how to live my life.  I thought that would be the last I would see of him.  Another great love that would be lost within memories.  But it wasn't.  We never told you this because it didn't seem to matter but I was engaged once before, in my last year at Oxford.  Would have married him too if I hadn't ran into your father one day while visiting you grandparents.  We started chatting and one thing lead to another.  Quickly I realized that marrying someone else didn't make sense because no one was Scotty, no one was your father.

    "What I'm getting at is if this is the love you think it is, it's not a matter of if you're good enough.  My family hated that I was with your father, he wasn't going anywhere with his life.  No one could talk me out of it and we got married and I had you, the greatest thing to ever happy to me.  Of course I think you're the most beautiful, talented woman on this planet but if not feeling worthy enough is your fear, I promise you, true love has no eyes."

    Her words, supposed to make me feel better, had me thinking about another two people.  Analeigh and JJ.  Perhaps Kevin wasn't the obvious choice after all.  He was the man after JJ that could never compare, they didn't have a chance to solidify their love before it was too late and Analeigh was wed to someone else.  Tonight really was their goodbye, never to be able to kiss their true love again.  Their story was over and my heart hurt for JJ, being lost, like Mum said, in memories while Analeigh got to start over new, even if she should never get the same feelings she got with Jide.

    It was selfish, to think about their feelings rather than Kevin's, on anyone else's.  One thing I learned is that no one ever said love was a selfless act.  In fact, it was one of the most selfish feelings in the world.  No one fell in love with someone for their benefit, and you don't fall out of love once someone moves on.  It can either be the best experience of your lifetime, or the worst.  How could people be held accountable for the things they do when they're blinded by this disease.

    What JJ and Analeigh did was undeniably wrong, and yet I found myself wanting to go comfort my best friend.  So that's what I dd.  I kissed my mother, thanked her for her wisdom and ran as fast as these six inch heels would let me. 

    When I entered the ballroom the first person to fall into view was Simon, who was talking to my father, he noticed me enter.  Their interaction was a worry for another time.  So many people were walking back and forth the room and none of them were JJ.  Did he leave already?  Analeigh was holding onto Kevin so I knew they didn't sneak off again.

    Without saying anything to Simon I walked back out, ready to go up the elevator and to his room.  Then I saw him, right outside the door with his head in his hands, elbows resting on knees.  Somehow in my frantic state I zoomed right past him the first time.

    "Oh, Jide," quickly I went into protective mode, picking up his arms so I could slide onto his lap and hold him close to me.  The smell of liquor was evident, the only time he really got emotional was with a few drinks in him. 

    "I love her Kells, I'm sorry but I do and my chance is gone," he sobbed.  If only I had known before when I was so insensitive.  "We could have been together but I fucked it up."

    My arms instinctively tightened around him, "it's okay, love.  If she can find someone else, so can you.  Until then, I'm right here and not going anywhere, it's time for me to be your sanctuary."

    "You always were." 

    We sat like this for awhile, him literally crying into my shoulder while me telling him what he wants to hear.  In the back of my mind my thoughts raced.  This could be if I didn't play my cards right.  Leaving Simon and finding him again wouldn't be possible, he was the one everyone adored.  It would be crying on his wedding day, wishing to go back and do things right.  I would never forgive myself if I fucked it all up.  The best decision will always be him.  Sacrifices can be made anywhere else, just not with our love.

    As if hearing my thoughts, the door opened again, revealing the boy always on my mind.  His lingering smile from whatever was going on in there turned to worry when he saw Jide and I.  "Is everything alright?"

    JJ took one deep breath and stood up, pulling me along with him.  "Not yet, but it will be.  Let's go get this over with."  He started walking away, Simon in pursuit but I reached out and grabbed his hand.  He turned to me, the way he looked at me, like I was the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, left me breathless.  There was never a time he didn't look at me like that.  Except for when I pissed him off, of course.

    "Please, don't let me push you away."

    Like always, he seemed to understand the way I needed him to.  His hand came up to push my hair back while he brought his addicting lips to my ear.

    "I'm yours, forever."

Don't be mad at JJ, sometimes love is hard:( The last chapter got quite a lot of feedback and it's so motivating you have no idea THANK YOU to everyone who commented and voted. You're all amazing don't forget to comment and vote bye<3 ALSO THANK YOU FOR 4,000 READS THAT'S MAD IT FEELS LIKE MY HARD WORK IS PAYING OFF.