43

The crowd had gone wild with the victory. The women were screaming until my ears bled, completely unaware that my feet were jelli-er than the blood in my napkin. They were particularly interested in how I managed to play dirty to make it the next sensation on the office bulletin board. Their challenge was that I couldn't be this confident my trick would work if I didn't know what effect it would have on Jungkook. True. But again, all men were lustful so this trick was not specific to any sexual tension between me and Jungkook. I just cleared the heat of it off by saying it was for the team. The ladies were disappointed that I wasn't up for being targeted and bullied for this. Why should I? An assistant manager and a director? Road to hell baby. Road to hell. Jungkook was being heckled to death by the men, ribbing him and cursing him for falling for a woman's dirty play, regretting betting their snacks on him. He didn't even seem affected by it. In fact, he was smirking and enjoying the defeat as if that had been his plan all along.

I only hoped that it had not.

And every other time that I looked at him, my stupid realisation came sliding in again. The fact that I was inquisitive like a shit fly refusing to leave the house no matter how much you drive it away. Did he actually like me? Was the Namjoon theory right? Was that true?

Did he...

No, no, no. My brain was rotting from all the adrenaline. Get a grip, Bitchie Bitch.

I gulped and then choked when someone's elbow fucked up my belly.

I stumbled, screaming too and then turned.

Enough. I had had enough.

These people were fucking stupid and drunk. I was going to die there.

"Mr Seo!" I bellowed, pushing through the crowd with all my strength. "Mr Min HELP—"

"Miss Kang!" I felt a hand reciprocate and tug me out of the crowd.

Mr Seo grabbed my shoulders and yanked me by the arm. His mouth opened but his head turned to the heckled man instead.

"Let's go, Mr Jeon!" He looked at Jungkook too.

Why the fuck him?

Jungkook was still smiling, rejoicing in the treatment.

His eyes brushed over me, staying for a weird beat.

I blinked.

Then, he looked at the man behind me. "I'll be there." He waved, the smile still caught in his mouth like a hanger.

He wasn't being heckled in the way that I had been. He was too high in the hierarchy to be treated like trash. No one was going to make him uncomfortable and risk a sassy email. That was tacit.

Of course.

Bastard advantages and privileges. That's like, chapter one of knowing how politics and corporate biases work. If you're above them, you get away with almost anything. And a man at that. Yay, you don't get even an ounce of accountability.

Once I was outside, I fell on my fours, nails clawing the mud. My lungs couldn't hold up and my legs felt like they'd been to the Himalayas and back. The shiver. That weird shake was still in me. It was like I had had hardcore sex or something. My legs were trembling way too hard for comfort. If anyone saw me on my fours like this, they'd think I ran a marathon or got railed in the bushes. Neither of which was true. Unfortunately.

This was the stupidest I had been in a while. I hadn't even looked up and I already knew the judgmental look from Mr Seo on me. Sure. Blame me. I'm a woman. My core strength is my brain and my strategy, okay? So fuck off before judging me.

I wish I could have said that to his face. But then I also wished that I could have asked Jungkook what this was about to his face or if I was just fucking myself. And I couldn't do either of those, so I didn't see the point. Very dramatic bitch of me to not say it aloud and clear things, but okay.

"That was about to kill me." I heaved a sigh, finally dusting my knees and rising to his simpering face.

"Really? I'm not going to judge you." He raised his paws defensively. "You did what you had to. We all do."

I rolled my eyes and smirked. "Sure."

"You don't believe me?" He straightened, offended already as he stepped closer. "I'm not like other men, I swear. I love it when women use their advantage like a feline. Very impressive, I swear."

"Huh." My shoulders sagged. "Okay."

Yeah, I was humiliated the fuck out by doing something so obscene in front of everybody. So what? What was anybody even going to do to me for it? Not like I stole their sheep. I just won it the way I should have. Fuck their sea of judgment. A part of me was ashamed but the other just liked the plot.

What I was actually going crazy over was the fact that Jungkook looked like he liked me one second, and then the other, I didn't even know if he was real. Like someone was playing a fucking cake-or-real prank on me.

Mixed signals were wrong. Mixed signals were meant to be kicked in the shin.

I was always good at being hard-headed. In deliberation. Dissect me for using that to my advantage. Whenever romantic potential arrived—which was barely twice—my brain switched off on me. That way I protected my space and my peace. I didn't like making the move first because rejection in love wasn't my forte—as I've displayed very well in the recent events of my life.

Now that I think about it, it was probably because I was always rejected until I was fifteen. I mean, I didn't even fucking like anyone or pursue them and people were rejecting me at school. How the fuck are you going to do that to someone who wasn't even asking for romance? So, Soldier Haerin knew exactly what to do when assholes with mixed signals or men in general tried to break their way in. Act like a nun.

That is why this was absolutely ridiculous.

Why was I left to think on my own? I wanted to beat someone up really badly to cool off the steam or something.

My eyes lingered on my knee. The knee that had touched Jungkook's dignity—twice now.

Twice.

I gulped.

I couldn't even believe that I had been that rancid for victory back there, but—meh. I won, so whateverrr.

Fuck shame. I did it to win. Whenever he was the opponent, I had to win. Win like a lawless bitch. And he wasn't going to get to mess with my head. I was way above this. Good luck to that Human Resources lady with him. She could have him. I wasn't interested at all.

That's right.

"By the way," Mr Seo grinned, leaning closer, "Want to join me and Jungkook for a round of drinks?"

I raised my head, "Drinks are inside," I reminded him, pointing to the hellhole we just escaped.

"No, no." His voice lowered. "We have personal inventory. Somewhere we can chill and drink. Away from this crowd."

I blinked up at him. That was somehow a tempting idea. A place to chill. Far away from everyone else.

"You and Jungkook planned this?" I tilted my head.

"Any problem with that, Miss Kang?" I heard a voice behind me and closed my eyes.

There we went.

When I turned, he was smirking at me with those same damn eyes that made it feel like he knew something I didn't yet. But I, in fact, didn't know something until then. I didn't know that Yoo Mi Na was tagging along with us.

"Hie." Her grinning face peeked from behind Jungkook's frame. "Count me in too. Yay, get away."

She was standing too close to his back for it to be professional or ethical. It looked like they were more than office colleagues.

"Aren't you Human Resources?" Mr Seo muttered, confused about the legality of the situation.

"Yes," she shrugged. "But this isn't Neureva and I do condone fun."

Great. She sounded polished and pretty too.

"Okay," Mr Seo put his hands on his hips, "that makes us four people then. I'm thinking we could find a spot and drink first. There are some darker green areas in the back to explore later. Yeah?"

Jungkook stepped towards Mr Seo, nodding. "I think we'll get some seating places if we walk a bit towards the back. Can you ladies walk?"

They turned to examine our footwear but halted at the tennis skirt I was wearing. The perfectly uncomfortable style to travel. Not a good choice if I had to walk through the marsh to get to a good spot. Not very comfortable.

I rolled my eyes, checking my sneakers and sighing. "I'll be fine. These are skorts."

"Skorts?" Jeon raised a brow.

I looked at Mr Seo, not wanting to see his Jeonalisa face, "Skirts with built-in shorts. See?" I lifted my skirt to show them but Mi Na grabbed my hand.

"We got it. We got it, Miss Kang." She awkwardly laughed as if I were some perverted man trying to flash them.

I was just showing the shorts underneath. Nothing to be so weird about, Mi Na? I clenched my fists and pretended that I wasn't about to be a bitch for that.

Strike one, Mi Na. Strike one.

"Alright. Follow." Mr Seo nudged us, turning to walk towards the exit where we came from. The path started with the neck of a greenery I remembered walking through when we first came.

I wasn't that much of a hiker. And the worst part was that I wasn't even that into drinking. So statistically, I was the stupidest person to have come here. With no fucking mindset and just trudging along like I even knew what they were talking about.

I knew nothing.

And I hated everybody there—Mr Seo on the least of my radar but still.

"Ah—" my legs wobbled a bit and I grabbed this bitch for support first.

"Miss Kang! You okay?" She genuinely asked, holding me up.

I gulped and shook my head. "I'll be fine. I'm just reeling from the competition back there."

"Oh." She nodded seriously. "If you're tired, let me know. We can find a place to sit."

"Sure. Thanks." I smiled at her.

Bitch.

She was nice. Too nice. Suspiciously nice. In a way that made her a Disney Princess with a company ID.

Maybe I was the bitch here. And without reason. Yoo Mi Na hadn't done anything. This bastard had. She was just joining us to have fun. And even if she did have garbage taste in men and liked Jungkook, it wasn't her fault. It was completely natural to follow into a situation.

Yes, I was a bitch. But not to women. That wasn't what I was called to do in this life.

I had to focus my energy on being nice to her too. I had to be the nicest person here too.

I straightened, walking through the twigs and the mud, trying to make conversation and laugh around as well. Mr Seo was out of his mind laughing, all cheerful with everyone.

Once we had reached the parking lot, Jungkook opened his trunk and revealed a bag of liquor. Whisky and rum. My brow shot up, impressed. In a bad way.

He was prepared, huh?

"Let's have a few here and then go back yeah?" Mr Seo said.

I nodded, watching their hands work faster as they revealed empty bottles.

"I've got only two." Mr Seo said. "You both will have to share." He looked at me and Mi Na.

Great. Indirect kisses with Human Resources. This had to be the best trip ever.

Once the drinks were mixed expertly, Mr Seo passed me the bottle, nudging me to start first. I took it in my hands, staring at the dark liquid. It looked like petrol. I was drinking petrol.

My mouth turned into something weird as soon as I took the first sip. I coughed, passing the bottle to Mi Na.

"Yuack!" I beat my chest.

All of them laughed at me.

I blinked, my eyes already watering. "Bitter!" I clamped my mouth.

"Of course, it's bitter." Jungkook took a sip from his bottle, not flinching at all as his throat bobbed when he gulped it. "You'll get used to it."

I rolled my eyes, taking the bottle from Mi Na and forcing another burning sip down and grimacing, trying to smile but my face was breaking. It was fucking breaking apart. The stench of alcohol was everywhere. I suddenly knew what the fuck these drunk people smelled of.

Liquor. Petrol liquor.

I blinked at the bottle, pushing it down my throat again. The heat in my belly screamed at me to hate this taste.

"You know what, fuck that management back there." Mr Seo started the rant first. "They don't fucking deserve us. This is what I mean when I want to party in peace."

"Exactly." Mi Na took a sip again. She looked like an expert. "What the fuck is going on back there even? Thigh strength test? Are those people even in their heads?"

My gaze met Jungkook's, who was drinking from the bottle, but his eyes weren't leaving me. I looked away first.

"My head's finally spinning," I mumbled at them and Mi Na hugged me, cooing at how adorably I had said that. "Is that normal?"

"Yeah. Drink slow, okay?" She patted my shoulder. "It's alright."

Like hell it was.

Once we were filled with it and my head was spinning just enough to make it feel light, we packed and stuffed the car with the empty bottles and stuffed some in Jungkook and Mr Seo's jackets. We decided to tread towards the outer gate of the resort, where the trees lined the narrow path.

It was weird how something numbed this in me.

Mi Na walked ahead with Jungkook, laughing and giggling like something was so funny. I couldn't tell why but I decided to fall a foot behind. Mr Seo was with them, and it was alright, but I could see it. Clearer now.

Jungkook was extra nice to her. In my head, this was what it meant to have chemistry. They had something easy to fall back on. They were already smiling at each other.

I wasn't supposed to be there. With them.

Because, come on, Haerin. When have I ever had what I wanted?

Wait. Did I want...? What the fuck—NO. I didn't fucking want that. This was probably some chronic loneliness wanting to act up and confuse my need for company into romance. No. The heck no.

I didn't need this. I didn't need anyone.

I was always fine.

Fuck. Was that the alcohol? I had to fucking calm down.

I drove a messy hand through my hair and steered a bit behind, pretending to look at the wild mushrooms to the side of the road. The spots on them were cute.

I pulled my phone out and tried to focus on it for a good picture and maybe send it to Bo Ah. She'd like mushrooms like me.

"Hold still." Someone's warmth behind my crouched body made me freeze.

Jungkook.

He tapped the screen of my phone to get the focus better. "Click now."

His breath brushed my ear, hotter than the way my face was warming up. My mouth parted, lungs doing a terrible job. He was so close!

I snapped the picture, looking at it for a moment before nodding.

"You good?" He straightened when I stood up and turned around. "Do you feel tipsy?"

"In a good way." My eyes flicked away. "I'm not...I'm not drunk in a bad way."

"Good." He smirked, turning on his heel again and I hated him like a bitch there.

I kept my distance but he fell into step with me like he knew that I was building distance. Great. Now I was getting charity attention. Fuck this shit. Seriously.

What dumbass situation was this even?

"How's your mom?" I asked finally once Mi Na and Mr Seo were left behind enough to gossip about the others.

Jungkook's lips pressed in a line, nodding. "I do feel like I'm not doing enough for her. I've told her I'm there and it's better now that she knows but I feel useless."

I blinked at him, "You're her son. You can never be useless. Does she come around to talk to you?"

"Yes. It has helped her a bit to rely on me." He sighed.

"You're doing well. She will take her time but come out of it. Make sure you are gentle with her when you try to convince her." I sighed, heavy in my chest because what the hell? Why was giving him good advice right now?

There was a pause.

A weird one.

I cleared my throat, "And you've done enough. You shouldn't...stress so much..."

He remained silent.

Did I say something wrong? Wait. Why did I even care?

"Honestly, fuck whatever standard you're basing yourself on." I dismissed.

He blinked up at me, taken aback by the sudden abuse.

"You're doing what you can and that's all. I mean, how the hell are we supposed to stand up to everyone's expectations? Not to mention the fact that you've been through the trauma of watching all that happen to your own mother." Oh god, I could already feel the regret. "You've been way stronger than anyone else could have been. Matter of fact, I would have used the baton on my dad or sent myself to an asylum or something by now."

He smirked at me. Not with the usual cockiness like I was stupid. Just...smiled. Made me feel like a fucking teenager standing there contemplating if I was saying the wrong thing.

But he just stared.

Why did it feel like I had overstepped some type of line I couldn't back out of? But why did I also feel desperate to get into his good books all of a sudden? When did I want to tell him something nice? FUCK me!

"Hey, look!" He suddenly shot, making my head snap towards the little stream to the side.

"A stream! Let's go!" I jumped too and we started sprinting towards it, making Mr Seo and Mi Na scream after us that it was dangerous but fuck that shit. Their voices were nothing but noise behind me. For once.

For once, I didn't care.

We reached the riverbank, the water glinting under the sun. Seo immediately dumped the bottles on a flat rock like he'd just discovered buried treasure.

"This is it!" he whooped, already uncapping one. "A secret paradise!"

Mi Na laughed, clutching her knees as she sat beside him. "A paradise with mosquitoes, maybe."

"Adds to the thrill!" Seo declared, already pouring.

Jungkook sat down smoothly beside her, his long legs stretched out toward the water, one hand braced behind him like a model in an advertisement. He looked too 'at home' there, his head tilted toward Mi Na as she giggled at something he muttered.

I stayed standing for a second too long, my arms crossed. Of course. The pretty HR princess beside him, laughing like they were in a glossy office commercial. My spot? Nowhere.

Mr Seo noticed. "Miss Kang, sit, sit!" He patted the space across from them. So there I was—facing them, like an outsider watching the lead couple in a drama.

The bottle went around. Seo raised a toast to "freedom from management tyranny," Mi Na clinked eagerly, Jungkook just smirked with that maddening restraint, and I raised mine last, feeling stupid.

They joked. They laughed. Mr Seo was outrageous, Mi Na quick with her banter, Jungkook low-voiced and smooth. Easy chemistry. Natural rhythm.

And me? My smile felt stapled on.

I took another bitter mouthful, eyes darting to the water so no one saw the twist in my face.

They kept talking—about the thigh game, about who else was probably passed out back in the bungalow, about stupid things that somehow made them all laugh together. Jungkook leaned closer to hear Mi Na, his shoulder brushing hers. She didn’t even flinch. Of course, she didn't. Why would she? She belonged there.

My chest pinched sharply.

For once, I didn't jump in with a joke. I just let the laughter roll around me, loud and hollow. It was their scene, their spotlight. And I was just…there.

I pulled my knees to my chest, hugging them, watching the river instead. The ripples seemed more honest than whatever this was.

I wasn't the heroine. I was the background actor, the filler friend.

And maybe that was all I'd ever be.

By the time we realised we were having too much fun, it started getting dark. We roamed around the place. Lost my earring in the process. Splashed water on each other like a war was at bay. Drank and laughed and made merry like we were best friends.

We were not. We were stupid and drunk.

My legs were shaking by the time we returned to the resort bungalow. I was holding my chest for life, shivering like I was about to die.

"Where the hell were you guys?" Mr Min charged towards me, already livid. We were stopped at the door, his confusion had no bounds.

"Just having fun around, Mr Min." Mr Seo whispered. "Chill. Are we finally sleeping?"

"Yes, you are! We've run out of rooms." Mr Min pressed his temple. "The living room downstairs is also occupied by drunk men. You couldn't have arrived sooner?" His eyes shot at me. I flinched.

"...sorry."

Jungkook stepped up and touched Mr Min's shoulder to smooth the mood. "I have my personal room. These guys can sleep there."

I gulped. His room? Was he a mutt or something?

"Yeah." Mi Na nodded. "We can adjust in Mr Jeon's room for the night."

"I don't believe you guys, but if you say so Director Jeon. I'll have dinner sent over to the room." Mr Min muttered, glaring at me for the final time before walking away.

I stood there. Behind Jungkook. Blinking at myself. My heart was already slapping the hell out of my chest as I thought of sharing Jeon's room.

What the fuck was happening with me?