Chapter 22 - Breaking Point

A/N: Only 1-2 more chapters until you finally get some answers!! ... And the romance can BEGIN 🙃 It only took 22 goddamn chapters... oopsie 😅 But look at all this trust, understanding and shared experiences we've built up first - personally I think that's what we needed to make anything with bloody walled up, closed book Snape plausible 😂 (And by 'begin the romance' I mean begin as in get on a first name basis 🤭😅 and maybe finally get to describe how freakin sexy his voice is haha cause Ash will actually start to notice! ffs how can you not SEE him Ash?!)

PS do u find my authors notes annoying cause I can stop 🙊🤷🏻‍♀️

*

"Ash, what the hell did you do to your back!?" exclaimed Maive. Asha didn't even feel surprised. She just felt a heavy knot of familiar dread form in her stomach. What was it this time?

It was only a few hours since she had returned from Snape's class. She and her roommates were dressing into their school robes, about to head to breakfast. Asha finished hooking the clasp on her bra then walked over to the mirror.

"What?" she asked, sounding nonchalant as she twisted her neck awkwardly, trying to see the reflection of her back in the mirror.

"Oh Merlin's Beard!" cried Victoria, "What have you done to yourself? Has that always been there?"

"No way," insisted Hannah, "I've never seen that before."

"Neither have I!" added Susan, who had paused halfway through buttoning her shirt.

Asha swiped her wand off her bed and turned her back to the mirror. She waved the wand over her shoulder and said, "Glacio," then turned around. Her stomach lurched into her throat. In the mirror was a frozen image of her back which showed a vertical white scar starting at the base of her neck, running down between her shoulder blades and ending just below her bra strap. It was thin but noticeable. Asha fought to wipe the shocked expression from her face and tamp down her fear. She focussed on what came naturally to her - lying.

"Oh!" she laughed, "that! I scraped my back on a nail a couple summers ago. I usually hide it with a concealment charm - it must've worn off."

"Ouch!" replied Victoria, while Hannah and Susan grimaced. Maive, however, looked at Asha suspiciously but eventually returned to digging her tie out of her trunk.

Asha quietly cast a concealment charm on the scar, causing her skin to resemble its usual smooth, fair appearance. She then forced herself to finish dressing and follow the girls up to the Great Hall pretending nothing was out of the ordinary.

*

In the days following, despite taking Snape's potion for dreamless sleep, Asha woke up only to find herself utterly exhausted. Fatigue plagued every fibre in her body. She felt stressed and on-edge all the time. It took all her willpower just to show up for classes and she had no patience for social interaction.

Unfortunately, Asha's classmates had noticed her sudden change in behaviour and were using every free moment to badger her about it (classic Hufflepuffs). Asha knew they were only concerned and wanting to help, but she hated it. Her mind was too overloaded as it was, without the endless yammering of her roommates. She just wanted to be left alone.

That's why one lunch break Asha found herself bursting through the door of the potions classroom. Snape looked up from his desk. His initially irritated expression turned blank when he realised who it was. Asha peeked outside, checking the girls hadn't followed her, before closing the door.

"Winters," Snape began slowly, "what-"

"Please just pretend I'm not here," Asha interrupted. Her voice was strong and emotionless but failed to cover up her tiredness.

Frowning heavily, Severus said nothing. His dark eyes followed Asha closely as she sank into a chair in the back corner. She dropped her bag onto the desk and lay her head on it like a pillow. Severus could no longer see her face but he could sense the tension in her body. He opened his mouth to speak but Asha beat him to it.

"Don't," she cut him off sharply, willing him to understand that she was only there to seek refuge. After a minute or so, she heard the rustling of paper and the scratching of quill on parchment. Mercifully, Snape had returned to marking homework.

In the week following, Asha returned to the classroom during lunch break a few more times. She and Snape had reached an unspoken agreement that she could have an hour's respite while he refrained from asking questions, or even acknowledging her presence. Though they didn't interact, Asha quietly appreciated his strong, calming presence.

Unfortunately, this arrangement did not last long. Asha's thoughts were becoming cloudy and disconnected and brewing potions soon became impossible. During Snape's classes, she could hardly concentrate long enough to read the instructions. Every lesson she was forced to restart multiple times and ran out of time to finish. On a Monday afternoon, she found herself so frustrated and defeated that she vanished the contents of her cauldron, picked up her bag and walked straight out of the classroom. Snape came billowing after her and grabbed her arm.

"Why do I have to keep reminding you that you are not above the rules?" he hissed angrily.

Asha wrenched herself from his grip and continued walking.

"Such insolence is not tolerated in this school, no matter the circumstances!" he called after her, "Detention this evening, Winters!"

Asha did not attend. In fact, that was the last time she graced the potions class with her presence. From then on, she added Snape to the long list of people she was avoiding. She began to spend most of her waking hours skipping classes and hunkering down on the icy shores of the Black Lake.

After a week of truancy, missing multiple meals and avoiding talking to anyone, Asha found herself bent over the bathroom sink. She knew she would not be able to continue like this. The professors would catch up to her eventually. She would be expelled. But nor could she pull herself together. Her mind was constantly swimming. Why was she plagued by unmemorable nightmares? Why did she have knowledge she had never obtained? Why could she uncontrollably perform powerful wandless magic? How could she be a Parselmouth? Why did she feel so fucked up? What was WRONG with her?

Shaking with emotion, Asha looked into the bathroom mirror. Apart from the dark shadows that circled her eyes, her skin was ghostly white. For the millionth time, she thought of the mysterious scar on her back. Confusion and hopelessness seared through her. All she craved was to escape from this hell that was writhing inside her. She needed a drink.

Immediately she thought of Hagrid's cellar, but she had already broken into it last night and found no Firewhisky. In desperation, she suddenly remembered the passageway between Honeydukes and Hogwarts that Filch had led her down after finding her in the Three Broomsticks. Surely she would be able to break past the statue of the one-eyed Witch without a password.

It was the middle of first period, so Asha jogged silently down the empty corridors until she arrived at the statue. She stood there for what seemed like an hour attempting every unlocking and enchantment-disintegrating spell she knew. Just as distress threatened to overwhelm her, a voice sounded from just over her shoulder.

"Ah yes," - she jumped in surprise and spun around - "I see you are familiar with our lovely secret passageway."

Stood either side of her were Fred and George Weasley. They both had their hands behind their backs and mischievous smiles on their faces.

"Do you know the password?" Asha asked desperately, "fucking Filch failed to mention it to me."

"Well, I'm not surprised," beamed one of the twins - Asha had a feeling it was Fred. "You said it yourself; he's Fucking Filch, not Friendly, Forgiving, Fast-route-to-Hogsmeade-sharing Filch. Though now I think about it, I'm not sure your name for him is any more accurate."

Asha stared at him in bewilderment.

"And why yes, we do know the password," he added.

"And we would be glad to share it with a fellow Hogwartian in need," grinned George.

"And you certainly look... in need," said Fred, alluding to how stressed and unwell Asha looked. Relief and gratitude plastered her face. "But," he warned, "you've got to swear not to tell anyone. If too many people know about the passageway, you can bet Filch will find out and seal it."

"I'm good at keeping secrets," Asha assured them.

"Good!" smiled George, before stepping towards the statue; "Dissendium."

The witch's hump slid aside to reveal the tunnel. In her fragile state, Asha almost began to tear-up with relief.

"Oh, and this may come in handy," said Fred, rummaging in his pockets until he pulled out an unfamiliar object and handed it to Asha.

"Er... okay," she said, cautiously taking it from him. Upon closer inspection, she realised it resembled a small, black air horn. From the energy she could feel radiating into her palm, she could tell that it harboured a fair amount of magic.

"That, my friend, is a Decoy Detonator," explained George, "designed by yours truly."

"Riiiiight," said Asha, doubtfully raising an eyebrow.

"This particular prototype has yet to be tested in the field," he grinned.

"Just drop it on the ground next to you, and it should create an effective diversion," explained Fred.

"If it does what it's supposed to, that is," added George. "This one's yours for free if you let us know how it goes."

"Yeah, alright," Asha replied, now impatient to get going, "Thanks."

"Have a safe trip!" chimed the twins, as Asha slid into the passage and the door closed behind her.

This time it took over ten minutes to reach the end of the passage, meaning Filch still knew some secret the twins didn't, allowing him to activate the geographical compression enchantment. Before exiting the passage, Asha cast a disillusionment charm over herself. It certainly didn't make her invisible but it made her a lot less noticeable.

Honeydukes was near empty as she snuck up the cellar steps and out through the shop door. Her Converse quickly became soaked with icy water as she left deep footprints in the snow-covered path. She was so consumed in her hazy, racing thoughts that she hardly noticed the biting cold.

The High Street of Hogsmeade was relatively quiet and the Three Broomsticks was practically deserted given that it was only around 10 am. Peeking through a frosty window, Asha saw only two people in the pub: the landlady standing behind the bar, and a grey-haired wizard who sat drinking opposite her.

Asha cast a muffling spell and waited until both occupants had their backs turned before slipping through the door. She crouched down, still holding the Decoy Detonator and hesitated. She knew Fred and George were talented wizards, but if this went wrong she could be in some serious trouble. In a surge of reckless abandon, she dropped the Detonator onto the tiled floor. Immediately the miniature airhorn sprouted legs and scuttled silently across the pub. It ran straight past the bar, beelining for the ajar door of the storeroom where it disappeared from sight. Asha held her breath.

BANG!

The landlady shrieked and dropped the glass she was polishing. It shattered on the floor. The wizard (in a somewhat delayed reaction) lurched to his feet and pulled out his wand. Clouds of thick, black smoke drifted out of the storeroom.

In a poorly considered attempt at gallantry, the wizard slurred: "Stay back, Rosmerta! I'll protect you!" as he stumbled into the room.

"Mr Alderton, I don't think that is wise!" called Rosmerta sharply, pulling out her own wand. The smashing of numerous bottles sounded from the smoke-filled room, followed by a yell. "For Merlin's sake!" Rosmerta cursed, hurrying in after him.

Realising it was now or never, Asha jumped to her feet and ran to the bar, vaulting over the counter. Lining the shelves behind it was the largest selection of spirits she had ever seen. Immediately her eyes were drawn to a pale-blue bottle located on the far right. Knowing this wasn't the time to mull over her options, she accioed the bottle, lept back over the counter and raced out the door.

Rounding a corner into a secluded sidestreet, Asha came to a halt and leaned her back against the brick wall of Dervish and Banges, panting. The feeling of being wide awake, 'in the moment' and alive almost made her grin. Using her wand, she enlarged the inner dimensions of a pocket of her school robes and stowed the alcohol before sneaking back through Honeydukes and into the passageway.

She emerged from the one-eyed witch just in time. Seconds later, the bell rang and students flooded out into the third-floor corridor for morning break. Asha was consumed by the deafening chatter. She folded her arms and leaned beside the statue, waiting for the crowd to subside.

Mad-Eye Moody came limping out of a classroom. Asha glanced at him and then did a double-take. Her heart skipped a beat. His magical eye was aimed directly at the pocket of her robe that contained the liquor. Asha met Moody's normal eye. After what felt like an eternity, he lifted a hand and tapped the side of his disfigured nose with his index finger, winked and limped away. Asha released the breath she'd been holding.

Crossing a moving staircase, Asha blended in with the swarms of students, making her way to the Astronomy Tower where she knew she would be able to drink in peace. What she didn't notice was that someone was following her...

Severus walked through the corridors, glaring at students as they scurried out of his path. He was returning to the dungeons from Madam Pomfrey's office. As he reached the Grand Staircase, out of the corner of his eye he spotted a flash of Asha's long, dark hair. He'd kept an eye out for her ever since she'd stopped attending his classes. Since then, he'd only caught glimpses of her. He needed to talk to her.

Severus sharply turned his head in the direction he thought he had glimpsed the girl and scanned the mass of students. For a second, he thought he must have imagined it. Then he saw her. She was lacking her usual confident, graceful movements. Her head was bowed as she sped down a lower staircase and disappeared through an archway, heading towards the library.

The Potions Master strode after her, sweeping through the castle even more briskly than usual. He rounded a corner just in time to see her slip through a heavy wooden door at the end of the corridor. Severus clenched his jaw in exasperation. Of course she was going up the Astronomy Tower - one of the few places in the castle that was out-of-bounds except for during classes. The door swung open with a silent flick of his wand and he began to ascend the spiralling staircase.

Asha was shaking by the time she reached the top of the tower. Her exhausted body was not equipt for the mildly strenuous climb. The snow-covered landscape that was visible from the balcony was both nostalgic and unfamiliar. The last time she'd been up here was during summer. That felt like a lifetime ago. Back then she had been happy, strong-willed and herself. Now... Asha felt the prickling threat of tears and hastily drew the pale-blue bottle from her pocket. The label told her it was gin. Desperate to escape from all thoughts, feelings and reality, she unscrewed the cap with a shaky hand and took a large swig.

As soon as the bitter liquid hit the back of Asha's throat she experienced a powerful wave of familiarity followed by an electric shock that coursed through every cell in her body. The sensation was so intense that she failed to notice the door behind her swing open. She choked on the alcohol and dropped the bottle. It smashed on the stone floor sending liquid spraying in all directions.

"You cannot be serious," snarled Snape.

Asha didn't even hear him. She stumbled and braced herself on the balcony railing. A second wave of the indescribable sensation crashed over her as the smell of gin filled the air. She knew that smell. She couldn't think properly. Emotions bubbled inside her from somewhere she didn't know existed. Was she going insane? No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't form coherent thoughts. It was terrifying.

Suddenly the scent vanished. The feeling of static electricity in Asha's mind ceased and her senses returned. She realised Snape had magically removed all remnants of the broken glass and liquor. She turned to face him, still gripping the bannister behind her as her legs threatened to give way. Snape's flowing cloak draped over his arms as he folded them and glared at Asha with an infuriated expression.

"How much have you had to drink?" he demanded, quiet yet deadly.

"Wh-what?" Asha croaked. She was too shocked and muddled to comprehend his thought process.

"Winters!"  he snapped, taking a step closer, "Are you actually attempting to convince me otherwise of something I have just witnessed with my own eyes? I have just watched you take a swig of hard liquor and in the process become disoriented to such an extent that you dropped the substance. And now you have the nerve to stand in front of me; hardly keep yourself upright, unable to focus your eyes and -"

He stopped suddenly and stiffened. Asha heard it too. A second later, the door swung open and Professor Sinistra strolled through with a trail of two dozen telescopes bobbing in after her.

"Oh my!" she started, "apologies Professor Snape, I didn't expect to see anyone up here." She seemed uncomfortable in his austere presence. Snape turned and purposefully positioned himself between the short witch and Asha, presumably so Sinistra couldn't get a direct view of Asha in her 'inebriated' state. Before Snape could respond, Sinistra began to ramble nervously, saying, "Since the weather today is looking fine, I thought I'd set up early for my class tonight. It's going to be-"

"I've just found a student up here, Aurora," Snape interrupted cooly, causing the witch to flinch. "I suggested you lock this door in the future to keep this from happening again." Then he turned his back to her and pointed an arm at the door. "Out," he barked at Asha, still careful to continue obscuring Sinistra's view of her.