9 (Y/n)

*Flashback*

It was sad, heart-crushing even, to see Kakashi. Every time I saw him he always had that depressing aura around him. But it had lately become much worse. 

Ever since I saw him at the academy I would think of him more often than not. I guess you could say I was one of his annoying fangirls, but unlike them, I preferred to go unnoticed and watch from afar. These days though, I had been thinking about him more and more. Mostly because I was worried about him even if we had barely talked before and he probably didn't even remember me. But also because puberty had undeniably hit him good. He was cute before, when we were kids, but now he was so handsome... I could stare at him from afar for hours, imagining an impossible future in which he felt the same way about me, any way about me. A future in which he at least noticed me. 

But back to the point; as much as I felt sad for him, I could not know how it was to lose your father, your teammates, and your sensei; one after another until you were left completely by yourself, so young... I never knew my parents, and my team quickly broke apart because the three of us quickly ranked up. So no, I could not know how it felt, but I could understand and see his pain. The pain that prompted me to approach him and talk to him. But I was too much of a coward to get myself to do it. 

Instead, I worked long and hard to get the perfect excuse to approach him until, finally, I was allowed in the ANBU. Not only that, but given my young age and abilities, I was even lucky enough to be put in Kakashi's team. And despite everyone's pitiful comments, I was beyond excited.

I knew Kakashi was known for being strict, hard, and sometimes arrogant. But honestly, he had all the right to be that and more. He was one of the best ninjas in the world despite being so young. And I knew that if he was this strict it was to make sure nobody else died. I didn't care about what others said, they just didn't know him enough. And yes, he was my first and only crush, but I knew my infatuation had nothing to do with my opinion on this. If everyone just watched him some more and had a little more empathy, they would understand as well. 

I first met with my new ANBU team on a cloudy and windy day, a horrible one. The cold stuck to my bones almost all day, and it was only replaced by a pleasant fuzzy warmth whenever I was close to Kakashi or he looked at me. Even with his uninterested eyes, he still made me all nervous and flustered.

I wasn't told where I'd meet my teammates, all I was told to was to change into my ANBU clothes. I was taken to the locker room where a few of the members looked at me, fresh meat to the ANBU. I ignored all of them and put on my rabbit mask.

"(Y/n)," my name was called, making me slightly jump. Although it wasn't the unexpected voice that startled me, but whom it belonged to. I closed the locker door, and after turning around I was immediately met with a dog ANBU mask whose owner I knew was Kakashi  "I'm Kakashi, leader of team Ro and your new captain, follow me when you're done to meet the rest of the team" he sounded unamused. I slightly flushed under my mask from excitement and nodded, following him suite.

We walk for several minutes in silence, but I didn't mind. In fact, it made me happy to be able to be standing with him this close, to be able to be in a position where I could prove my worth to him and everyone else. As I said, the walk there was silent and peaceful, until we started to get deeper into the training grounds where all of a sudden a few shuriken were thrown at me. 

I dodged them with ease and bare movement, stopping along with Kakashi. 

"What are you doing?" Kakashi asked the 5 other members of division Ro that appeared "Explain yourselves" he demanded, making me blush some more from how cool his roughness sounded, especially given that he was defending me. Well, not really, but I liked to think he was. 

"We just wanted to test the newbie," a bald man whose mask had a big red dot in the middle spoke.

"You must have sensed she's no ordinary ninja," Kakashi said maintaining his harsh tone, and once again I had to bite my lip with a smile from his words. 

"I apologize," the bald man bowed to him. There was a short silence before Kakashi spoke again. 

"This is (Y/n), and as of today she will be another member of team Ro," Kakashi introduced me, this time, the strictness was replaced by complete aloofness. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you all. I hope we can all work well together" I spoke, bowing behind Kakashi. Once again there was a short silence in which none of my new 5 teammates (besides Kakashi) said anything.

"Kakashi," a purpled-haired girl whose mask was black and white suddenly said "why don't we start today's training with her? Let's see what she can put into the team" Kakashi seemed to ponder about it for a few seconds. 

"Ko," Kakashi called someone who I recognized as the bald man "you wanted to test her abilities," he said, and then looked at me "go on" he signaled us with his head before he and the rest of the team retreated far away from us. 

I swallowed, immediately understanding I was probably supposed to fight Ko. Especially when he put himself on a fighting stance and threw up a kunai. He caught it mid-air and lunged at me, luckily I was fast enough to grab one of my own and block. I threw a punch aimed at his stomach but he deflected it to the side and then used my own knee to jump and kick me with his other leg. As soon as I felt his feet on my leg I foresaw his attack and was able to dodge him, immediately rolling back to dodge any other attack he could throw. But of course, as skilled as an ANBU should be, he swept the floor with another kick as soon as I landed. I jumped, dodging it again. It would be too embarrassing to get hit by that novice attack. 

I charged an attack with the kunai, taking advantage of the fact that his leg sweeping the floor had left him giving me his back. But he kicked back from that position, making my hand let go of the kunai that was deemed lost. He took advantage of that and started to be the one to throw attacks at me, but if I was good at something that was agility. So I quickly composed myself and dodged all of his attacks until I saw an opening and kicked him under his chin with my whole palm. He fell a few steps back from the blow but I grabbed him by the collar of his vest. I approached him and with a quick twist of my waist and hips, and with a basic judo technique, I threw him over me to the other side despite his bigger and more muscled frame, all thanks to that momentum I had created. 

He hit the floor with a loud thump, even bouncing a few times. And before he could get up I jumped to the air and threw the last two kunai I had left. But he still managed to dodge, even dodged my body when I fell aiming at him with a kick. He blocked my next attack and suddenly did a move I had never seen before. 

He bent his body so much his leg came towards my face from a place I didn't expect. It hit right in my nose, stunning me for a second as I gave a step back. But when I opened my eyes everything surrounding me was black. 

'A genjutsu' I immediately thought 'A bad one' I sighed, knowing I would be able to dispel it in a second. But as I did so I found myself being kicked into the air by Ko, aka the bald man. He kicked my stomach and chin, and then made hand seals as he blew an enormous cloud of smoke onto me. 

The wind in that jutsu made me hit the floor so hard that I was out of breath for a second. But the pain only flared up my desire to beat him. I stood up and breathed in heavily as the smoke started to dispel, and so, as Ko's figure and everyone else's distant figure started to be visible, I closed my eyes. I extended both arms to the side, bringing them up as I let some of my chakra out of my body. Some burning flares started to surround me as I did my summoning jutsu. I brought my hands to my chest, charging a burning fireball, and let it go all of sudden as I started to feel how my katana appeared from my chest. I opened my eyes, now flaring red, and saw Ko putting himself in a very defensive stance despite having half of his attire burned because of me. I grabbed the handle of my katana and pulled it completely out of me, and after I did it all the flames around me disappeared, instead they concentrated on the blade of my sword, making it a burning long katana. 

I deftly swung my sword to my sides as I calmly approached him. After all, pulling this jutsu always meant winning all of my fights. He seemed to hate my confidence and decided to attack me with his kunai again, but I easily dodged all of his attacks no matter where they came from or where they were aiming at. He seemed to become more impatient, especially because the flames of my katana had managed to burn him a few times again. This made him more careless and thus he started having more openings. Finally, in one of his sloppy attacks, I kicked his back with the back of my katana, the part that wasn't deadly, making him fall face to the floor. 

"Yugao," Kakashi's voice picked my attention. He called another ANBU of the team, the girl with purple hair. She nodded and threw herself at me to help his teammate. 

But this time I couldn't just dodge. I'll admit, she was way better at swords than her partner. But thanks to the flames of my katana, unless she hit me she would still be at a disadvantage. However, soon enough, Ko joined her and they both attacked me from different sides one with his kunai and the other one with her own katana. It was more difficult, mostly because of Yugao's great skills. 

I was still able to dodge or block most of their hits, managing to cut Ko here and there or hit him with the back of my handle. But I'll admit, Yugao was good as she managed to cut me a few times as well. So knowing I was at a disadvantage in numbers I decided to finish Ko first. I focused most of my attacks towards him whose small kunai could barely block me until I finally burned him and hit him, throwing him away once again. But Yugao immediately wielded her sword at me, forcing me to block her. 

I looked at her black and white ANBU mask that was starting to become even darker thanks to my flames. But amidst the red flares, I suddenly saw a kunai that had been thrown from Ko's direction and that she dodged so that it would aim to my head. I had to push Yugao's sword to quickly block the kunai, but right after that, I felt a blow to my stomach. It was Yugao's sword handle. 

It must have been infused with chakra because it completely rid me of any oxygen. And before I could even react she was on top of me, her blade being put against my throat. 

"Nice," I heard someone, one of my new teammates, mumble, but it got completely overshadowed by the words of my new captain. 

"You're slow," Kakashi said to me, walking closer to me and Yugao who still hadn't retreated her katana from me "and wasting your abilities" he added, making me frown. 

I had always gotten compliments, amused comments that said how I would be one of the greatest ninjas thanks to my rare kekkei genkai. So it obviously bothered me to get the contrary, especially coming from him. 

"Yugao, patch her and Ko up" he ordered the purple-haired girl who finally let go of me and helped me up "Yoji, Tenzo, you're up next" 

He wouldn't usually talk to me unless I talked to him first, and when he did he was most times short and distant. It was like that most times, and I didn't mind—most times.

Most times my admiration for Kakashi and just sheer excitement to be around him and in the same team made it bearable. I knew that when he criticized me he did it for my own good. And that when he was blunt and cold, rude, he didn't really mean it. I knew, but it still hurt sometimes. 

But for some reason, and with some time, the times when Kakashi treated me right ended up being more abundant than those when he was cold. All the nice and kind Kakashi could be of course. But to me, that was more than enough. 

We had just finished a mission and its report, but despite how much exhausted I was, how my muscles ached and felt heavy, I still felt jittery. The reason? It just seemed that Kakashi's apartment building and mine were in front of each other, so most times we happened to walk the same path home after missions, training or meetings. We hadn't talked about walking together, hell we didn't even talk or walk next to each other. But after we both realized we lived nearby we happened to coincide more and walk 'together'. 

As I said, most times we would be silent and he wouldn't even say goodbye unless I did. But other times, and lately more often than not, we would exchange some words even if idle and mostly uttered by me. 

"I think thanks to Yugao's tutoring I might be unmatched with my katana now," I said with a confident smile as I watched my calloused hands from so much training. Kakashi didn't say anything for a while, but I paid it no mind because he was more of a listener. 

"You two shouldn't get too attached," his voice unexpectedly sounded. My eyes opened wide and I stopped looking at my hands to look at his face. He was looking upfront and wore his usual cloth mask. But I honestly had become so used to his ANBU mask that I was always blessed to see him with his other one. I could see his dark and hollow eyes, beautiful and entrancing, although maybe for the wrong reasons. I could see his scar and beautiful silver hair that always made me wonder how soft it'd feel against my fingers... "Your friendship might get in the way of your ANBU duties," he said after I didn't say anything back. I blushed slightly, realizing I hadn't answered because I was too busy adoring his profile. 

"Aren't you friends with Tenzo though?" I asked, and his face looked to the front again. He remained silent for a while.

"We work close together" he finally answered. 

"That just sounds like you're too shy to admit you're friends" I chuckled, and I could see his eyes going to the floor for a few seconds, just making me smile more "Well, Yugao is my friend and I don't see the bad in that. Things happen, especially in the ninja career, we both know that. That's why if something ever happens we will be able to cherish the friendship we had" I said with a small smile, remembering some of the great moments I had with her, my mentor in the ANBU besides Kakashi, and my first and only friend—my best friend. 

"Those feelings might get in the way on a mission" he repeated again. I frowned slightly, but I wasn't angry. His words just reminded me how stubborn Kakashi could be.

"Hey, I'm a professional, 'kay?" I said sounding hurt that he doubted my abilities but with a teasing tone. 

"You still haven't even been able to defeat me," he said, rolling his eyes with a bored tone. 

"I will! ...Someday... I'm the closest to make it behind Itachi" I frowned harder, still not angry. Actually, I was kind of happy. I was always happy whenever Kakashi talked to me. 

"I doubt that, but you're on the right track to make it evenly matched I guess," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Thanks?" I arched my brows and tilted my head, unsure whether that was a compliment or a snarky remark. But once again, we fell into silence, but I didn't mind, and in fact, it was very soothing just to be around him. Especially under the beautiful setting sky. It was so warming that I didn't even realize we had both arrived at our respective buildings. I only did because of Kakashi's words, and I couldn't have realized any other better way.

"Rest well," he said goodbye for the first time. I smiled "we have training early tomorrow" he added, looking away from me.

"Goodnight" I smiled gently and turned around as well. 

"Oh, and have this" he suddenly said, forcing me to turn around again. As soon as I did he threw something at me that I caught mid-air "My sword is too small and I think it suits yours better" he said, and finally left before I could say anything. 

I looked at his fleeing figure and then at what he had thrown at me. I picked it up and dangled the cute red and black charm that should be put around the handle of a sword. 

Everything seemed to be perfect. As a team, we were one of the most renowned in the ANBU, Kakashi and I had become close despite him still being mostly stern, and long lost was the initial distrust from my teammates. Instead, we too become close, making me feel like I finally belonged somewhere. And my love, that only did but grow, started to slowly set a horrible idea in my mind. 

I was in love with him, I knew that, but I also loved him as a teammate, a figure to look up to, and a friend. Even if he would never say we were friends we had undeniably grown closer to each other. I loved to be around him even if it was in silence, and I wanted to spend more time with him besides training and missions. So in the end, it was only about time that the idea of confessing popped into my mind. After all, it had started to become a nuisance to me. My feelings, they were starting to be bothersome, as if they had a mind of their own and just wanted to be spoken aloud once and for all. To be free. Unfortunately, it seemed this breaking point fell on a fateful day. 

We had reached Konoha after a five-day-long mission and a whole-day trip in which we had to carry Ko's body on our backs. Ko had been killed in an unexpected fight on our way back, but at least we were able to bring back his body. Even if that meant we had to take turns to carry him on our backs. Needless to say, not a word was spoken throughout the whole trip. After all, it was usually Ko the one to brighten up the mood.

We reported our mission at the headquarters and then everyone left on their own without a word. I went home and showered a couple of times to get rid of the sweat and smell of blood. Then I ate a simple bowl of rice, but I wasn't much hungry. Instead, I felt like walking around, especially now that the sun was setting. 

So I did, and on my way back I happened to catch a glimpse of silver hair. This was a path I usually liked to take because of how secluded it was from the centre of Konoha, so I really didn't expect to meet anyone around, especially him. 

I didn't approach him at first, I just watched his figure. He didn't seem to have changed or gone home since we came back as he still wore the same stained clothes. His hair rustled in the wind and his ANBU mask laid next to his sitting body. His eyes were fixed on the dusk light that reflected on the clouds. He was beautiful, but he looked troubled. He was always the one to tell me not to get attached in case things like these happened, and I knew it was his experience who said that for him, but he would as well think about our team's loss. 

"Hey," I finally said, approaching him and sitting next to him. He didn't do the least gesture of noticing me and just kept looking at the horizon. I didn't say anything for a while, just sat there with him and the setting sun "You know," I began lowly, unsure of what to say and unsure if I should look at him.

"You don't need to talk about it. It was his fault, he lowered his guard. We had nothing to do with it and the mission was a success," he said, as cold as usual "I told you not to get attached with the other members" 

"I know, I don't feel bad," I said, looking at my feet. And it was true, I liked Ko, we were friends, but he, like all of us, knew what we were getting into. And he would punch me if I ever felt down because of him "Why are you here then?" I asked, looking up at him again. As usual, it took some time for him to answer. 

"I felt like it," he answered simply, making me sweat-drop "I like it here, it's calm" he added, and his eyes faltered to the floor for a second. 

"Can I stay?" I asked, hugging my knees as I flushed from nervousness at the thought of his answer. He looked at me from the corner of his eyes and did something between a shrug and a nod. We remained in our usual comfortable silence, watching the sun disappear behind the mountains until my thoughts became so loud and my chest felt so heavy I couldn't hold it back anymore "Kakashi," I called him. My heart pounded against my ears.

"Mhm," his voice made it worse. 

"I—" I tried to say it but my voice broke and I just turned even redder. I looked away from Kakashi who looked at me curiously "I," I bit my lip, hugging myself tighter until I buried my face on my knees "I'm in love with you..." I said getting quieter towards the end as my words got slightly muffled due to my legs. My whole body began burning when there was no reaction, movement, or word from Kakashi. But I was too embarrassed to uncover my face from my legs. 

"You're not," he said after I heard some shuffling. He said it so composed, so calm... it irked me. I rapidly unhid my face, looking at him who now was standing up. 

"I am! I've been since the academy!" I admitted, getting more flustered the more I spoke, but also feeling my heart break the more he didn't reciprocate. I saw him clench his fists and it bothered me even further, so I stood up as well "You act cold but I know you're the first one to worry about everyone! You act strict because you blame the rules for the death of your father and teammates. I know that because I love you" I could barely finish my words when he fiercely put on his ANBU mask and turned towards me. 

He grabbed me by my collar and pulled me up close to his face, almost making my face touch his ANBU mask. 

"You're a child trying to act like an adult. You're confusing admiration for love" he spat to me. I looked at his big and frowning eyes through his mask, they seemed in a dark and complex turmoil.

"My feelings won't change no matter what you say" I stood my ground, stern as I also frowned. His eyes hardened on me, and so did his fist on my clothes. He then threw me to the floor, making me fall on my butt before  he disappeared.

A/n: I wanted to share some info I found while researching for this chapter. I didn't know if ANBU members spoke to each other in code names because almost every fanfic I've read of Kakashi they call him Hound, etc. but it seems that's not actually accurate. It seems that in Konoha they use their names and they use code names only on missions. Also, the code names seem to vary each time. I'm not sure how much correct that is, but I found it on different sources and I think it kinda makes sense.