Cardigan

Sunlight streamed in through the windows of my room, alerting me it was now morning, and guessing by the brightness in my room it was late morning. I stretched out against the mattress only to feel Noah's arm still firmly around my torso. I heard him groan from behind me as my movements disturbed him. I pulled his arm away from me with both hands though he seemed to fight it, he let me win. I sat up fully before turning to sit on my knees facing the man who held me so safely. "Good morning, sleepyhead" I whispered before leaning forward and pecking him on the lips quickly.

"Good morning, princess" his voice heavy with sleep as he rubbed his eyes.

"Are you ready for your last day off before recording starts?" I asked with raised eyebrows. Noah didn't answer, but reached for my wrists pulling them to him causing me to fall forward into him. He turned slightly, wrapping me in his arms as his lips found mine, kissing me softly.

"Now I am" he breathed out after pulling back from me.

"What's on the agenda for today?" I asked running my fingers through his messy hair.

"That depends" he looked at me seriously. "Are we going to talk about last night?" he asked.

"Does talking about last night give me a better outcome for the day?" I asked, confusion setting in.

"It most definitely does," he nodded, not breaking eye contact.

"I just got in my head." I tried to brush it off.

"I know," he nodded, "what got you in there in the first place?" he asked, brushing hair back from my face.

"Just," I sighed. "That girl, and her career" I started, "and you have your career, and you're both successful and I'm not. I don't even have a job." I confessed. "Makes me feel like shit"

"Alex," he sighed as he dropped his head back before immediately picking it back up to look at me. "I don't want you worrying about that." he brushed it off.

"I am going to worry about it, I have nothing, Noah." I sat back up, pulling myself from his grasp. I don't have a job, I have no income, I have nothing to call mine, I have nothing to fall back on" I could feel the stress of my words weigh down in my stomach.

"Alex you don't need a job," Noah sighed as he moved to sit up as well.

"Yes I do, I need something" I pushed.

"Why? you have me here, I can take care of you" he seemed to be bothered by the subject at hand.

"You don't get it, I need my own thing. To feel like I'm not some kind of leech" I countered.

"Alex, don't ever say that" his voice was stern "don't ever say that again, I don't want you thinking of yourself that way." He paused before he went on "I don't want you to have a job." his voice still harsh as he spoke. "I don't want you to have a job, I'm selfish, I know that." His last words sounding like a confession.

"What are you-" I started before he cut me off.

"I don't want you doing anything that takes you away from me, I don't want you to work, I want you with me." he stated his voice growing softer as he spoke. "If you really want to work, I can't stop you," he sighed as his eyes found the sheets our legs were still tucked under. "But I'd rather you not," he confessed. "I need you here with me," he brought his eyes back up to mine.

It took a second for his words to fully process, once they did I couldn't stop myself from leaning forward pressing my lips to his. His hands went to my waist pulling me into his lap as he deepened the kiss. Although not all my anxiety around the subject was settled by his words, he had done enough, he had melted me down, in this moment I wanted nothing more than to be his. Noah turned and laid me down as he moved over me, his lips finding my neck, and I knew what he wanted, I felt his hands traveling south, pulling at material as he went.

Grabbing my phone off the nightside I unlocked it to see what happened over night. I sighed, opening the text thread from the unknown number.

Did you enjoy the party last night?

So it isn't over. I felt sick, with no time to process I locked my phone and tossed it on the bed as I heard Noah walking through the bathroom into my room. "Are you ready to go?" he asked as he adjusted the t-shirt he just pulled on.

"Uh, yeah" I glanced back at the phone before heading to the door. I didn't want it weighing me down right now, it can stay here. Noah began following me, almost making it out the door before the phone on the bed went off.

"You almost forgot your phone," he said while he turned and grabbed it from the center of the bed, my heart felt like it stopped in my chest as I watched him glance at the lit up screen as he made his way back to me. He stopped just short of the door. "Alex." I watched his face pale as he stared at the screen. "Unlock your phone for me.'' He turned the device towards me and I obeyed as if I didn't know what was going on. He pulled the phone back to his chest, I watched his face as he scrolled back through what was now the long thread of disturbing texts. I felt more sick than ever before, this was it, I trust him to keep me safe but at what cost? "Get down stairs, living room, now" his voice was low and rough as he spoke. I quickly made my way down the stairs as his voice boomed behind me. "Nick! get out here now."

When I got to the living room I placed myself in the corner of the couch, pulling my knees to my chest as I waited for the storm that was brewing upstairs.

I watched Noah jog down the stairs, my phone still in his hand, Looking up as he stepped into the living room, he spotted me and stepped directly in front of my before squatting down to be eye level with me. "Alex, why didn't you tell me?" he spoke slowly as if he was trying to control his reaction.

"I was scared," I said barely above a whisper. "I was afraid of what would happen." I confessed as I felt tears well up in my eyes. "I'm sorry" my final words pushing the tears down my face. Noah looked down with a sigh before standing back up and turning to face Nick as he entered the room.

"What's going on?" Nick asked confusion written on his face. "Woah" he said quietly after realizing the tension the room held.

"Sit down" Noah instructed, Nick took a seat on the far side of the couch, leaving a large gap between us. Noah handed my phone off to Nick before he started pacing around the room. I couldn't watch Nick read the texts, I kept my eyes trained on the floor where Noah was walking. When Nick finished reading he set the phone on the coffee table with a light thud.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" his voice was hoarse with emotion as he spoke. I couldn't answer him.

"Doesn't matter, we know now." Noah brushed off the question he had just asked me. "What the fuck are we supposed to do?" he asked Nick as he sat on the coffee table between us.

"I don't think the police can do anything with just texts," Nick stated. The two of them started a long debate that I wasn't mentally prepared for, so I zoned out and eventually let my eyes close, only to be woken up by Noah. I opened my eyes to find him carrying me up the stairs, towards our rooms I assume.

"Wait," he stopped right as he got to the top of the steps. "I thought we were going somewhere before all this happened?" I asked still hoping I had some freedom.

"You still want to go?" He asked confusion evident on his face.

"I don't want to hide" I said weakly, I was steady losing hope.

"Alright, let's go then" Noah turned around at the top of the stairs and started a slow descent down back to the living room. I tired but failed to contain the smile that spread on my face foolishly. I feel so lucky to have him, have him love me, protect me, want me. I couldn't think of it too much or tears would appear in my eyes and spill over ridiculously.

I leaned back into Noah's chest, A bottle of wine gone between us, Noah insisted on relaxing in the bathtub, something I couldn't argue with. "It's going to be okay" his arms held me in place against him.

"It doesn't feel okay" I countered, turning my head to look at him.

"I'll make it okay," he argued back, a smirk pulling at his lips.

"I love you," I whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

"I love you too," he said before pressing a kiss to the side of my forehead.

"I'm sorry for not telling you" I felt the need to get the apology off my chest. "I didn't mean for it to go on for so long,"

"Don't apologize, I'm sorry you didn't feel comfortable coming to me" he said softly. "You should never feel like that." I didn't know what to say so I left it at that. A moment passed before he spoke again. "Are you going to be okay being home alone tomorrow?" He asked as his hand glided up and down my arm.

They start recording tomorrow, "I have to be" I said the first words that came to mind.

"You don't have to be okay, baby, if you aren't comfortable we can push recording back till all this is over" Noah suggested.

"No, no," I started, "you can't do that just for me, I'll be fine" I countered. "I promise"

"Alex, it's fine, it's not a big deal" Noah tried to calm me down.

"No it is a big deal, and the more we do to accommodate it, the bigger of a deal we are letting it be" I argued as I sunk down further into the water.

"Fine, if you want us to, we'll start recording tomorrow" he agreed halfheartedly. "Though, I'd rather be here with you," he added.

"I'd rather have that too, but you have a career that you love and before all of this you were so excited to get back in the studio, don't let my problems spoil this time for you, please." I begged him as I held onto the arm he had wrapped around me.

"You're not spoiling anything Alex, don't think like that, that's how you get yourself in your head all the time." Noah spoke words that were more true than I'd like to admit. "You've got to get better at how you view yourself. Me and you, we don't see the same person when we look at you"

"I wish I could see myself the way you do."

"I wish you could too, baby" he stated. "I really wish you could."