Twenty-Three

Kyungsoo

After I left Chanyeol's house the next day, I decided to go over and talk to Kai before he left. I figured I couldn't be in anymore pain than I already was anyway. Plus, if I didn't do it today, I may never get the chance again.

He was coming out of his house with some boxes when I arrived. He noticed me practically instantly and halted in his tracks at first. Our eyes locked on each other before he started walking again, placing the box in the large moving truck with some of his other things. I came to a stop as he walked over to me, his hands resting awkwardly in his pockets.

"Hey," Kai said, his voice almost silent.

"Hi," I said back.

"I wasn't expecting to see you honestly," he said, scratching the back of neck. "I thought I messed everything up." I sighed and looked down at the grass briefly.

"I wanted to be mad at you, but I couldn't be," I said. "It's not your fault. I should have seen this coming. I guess I was just so hoping things would be different." After a moment of silence, I felt his arms wrap around me and his hand begin to rub the back of my head. 

"Me too," he whispered. I hummed contently into his shirt as I tightened the hug. "I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I what I do know is that I love you and that I'll come back as soon as I can, even if it's just for a visit. Christian boarding school can't be that bad, right?" I smiled and laughed a little as I nodded, pulling back from the hug.

"If anyone can survive it, it's you," I replied, playing with the top hem of his shirt a little. "And anyway, it's like you say, just a little longer and then we'll be graduated adults." I locked eyes with him. "We'll be free then."

"We'll be free then," he repeated. I smiled softly at him and he cupped my face in his hands, gently pulling me in for a passionate kiss. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I replied with any hesitancy. He smiled and pulled me into another hug. I closed my eyes and hoped that some unseen force would stop time so we could stay like this forever. Unfortunately, though, that never happened. Instead, his parents came outside and interrupted our hug.

"Jongin, let's go," his dad said in a stern voice. He sighed annoyingly and slowly pulled back. 

"I'll come back," he said, taking my hand in his. I just smiled in response, causing him to do the same. "Promise me something?"

"Anything," I asked. He looked down and glided his thumb against my hand gently.

"Don't accept any dares to kiss someone else," he said, making me lower my head laugh a little. 

"I promise," I said as I looked at him again, seeing a bigger, more genuine smile grace his lips now. After giving me one more kiss, Kai finally let go of my hand and started to walk towards the car.

"Wait for me, okay?" he said, stopping only a few inches away from the door.

"I already am," I said as tears began forming in my eyes. He gave me one last smile and got inside the car. Then, with blink of an eye, he disappeared down the street. 

He said he'd be back. Deep inside, I knew he would. In my heart, I knew he would. But I also knew the waiting would be the worst part.

After that, the days began to drag on again. I tried really hard to be okay, or at least seem okay, but even that was difficult. I just felt empty, like a hollowed-out shell, like I was only half alive. It was like staring in the mirror and only seeing half of your reflection looking back at you.

It's weird how you don't know how much someone means to you until they aren't there. Or how much you love someone until you can't tell them. I know I constantly told him I loved him, but even then, he'd never truly know how much of my heart those three words carried with them.

I tried to think of ways to contact him, but not even Sehun knew the address of his new school. I guess his parents wanted to spare themselves the embarrassment and decided to keep things quiet. I didn't even bother texting him because I figured they would have taken his phone or made him block my number if they didn't take it. He really was just gone.

I tried to be okay. I tried to move on as best as I could. I tried for him because I knew he would trying for me, too. But I could escape the fact that I really fucking missed him. I missed his smile. I missed the feeling of his lips against mine and the way our fingers always fit perfectly together. I missed the way he smelled like warm vanilla. I missed the way he felt like home. I missed him and I didn't think there would ever be a day when I wouldn't.