Chapter 40

Shannon's P.O.V.Its been four months since I left her. I don't know what's happening. Everything seems to be so hazy in my head like a thick fog covering the space and you can't seem to see anything and that makes you so afraid because you don't know what lies within. I live like that every single fucking day.

I can hear her voice in my mind and its not the ones I like. They were calling for help, sometimes it would go off as mad, cursing me for leaving her. She needed me and I left her for some selfish shit I'm going through. Sometimes I'd see her in the streets of my town and I'd go chase her just to find out its not her. I've thrown pictures, films and even my cameras because pictures are starting to talk to me and I just can't stand them anymore so I burned them down.

And now I lie awake in my empty bedroom at two in the afternoon listening to my loud thoughts about what I just heard earlier. Apparently, they're going to send me away to a fucking psychiatric hospital. They think I'm crazy, I've had my moments but I'm not crazy. Am I?

'You're going to leave me for good?' I hear Elizabeth's voice say in my head.

"No." I whispered and even then I feel myself getting worked up. The thought of me staying in a psychiatric hospital is just fucking sick. I'm not crazy. I'm just in a stage of grief. I lost the love of my life with my stupid decisions but I'm not crazy.

'They're taking you away'

"Yea, I heard. I don't know what to do about it." Now the thoughts starts to spiral. I can't go to that place, I can't. I won't be able to see Elizabeth. Well, I don't actually see her but its better to know that I can because I'm out here and she's just about a thousand miles away rather than be locked up in a place where I'm surrounded by rather insane people. I can't go there. I just can't

'I need you here Shannon'

"Yea, I'll be there." I got to my feet and stormed out of my room with nothing with me not even money or anything. Mom's busy in the kitchen and I doubt she'll let me borrow her car, maybe Dad would. I walked out of the house without saying a word and just focus on what I'm about to do. I walked past several churches in our neighborhood on the streets leading to my Dad's house far uptown but I didn't mind the distance. I'm used to long walks and conversations in my mind so before I knew it I was standing in front of his front door 25 minutes later.

I knock on the door and moments later it open revealing my Dad right in front of me. My lips twitched upward seeing him.

"Oh hey, you're here" He says looking around behind me looking for something, I don't know. I don't fucking care.

"Yea dad can I borrow your car?" I asked and his gaze turns to me with a questionable look so I continue. "Mom's car broke down, so I'm thinking if I could borrow yours, I'm just going to the shops to buy some things." I try to sound nonchalant and pretend like I'm not going for a run.

"Alright then, come inside." He sighs and steps aside to let me in so I step in before he closes the door behind us.

"Do you want anything to dri-"

"No I'm good." He stops and stares at me but I just gave him a shrug. He raised his brows and went ahead. I wait impatiently tapping my foot against the floor. If Elizabeth was here with me, she might've tapped my foot with hers stopping it from making a sound. She hates it when I get fidgety. Well she's not here right now isn't she.

"Make sure you return it tonight, I have an errand that I have to go to first thing tomorrow." I hear Dad says as he approaches me with the keys making clinking noises as they clash with one another. "Here" He mumbles and gives me the car keys.

"Thanks dad" I immediately grab it and turn around not even bothering to say anything which made Dad stop me by calling my name before I could even open the door.

"Yea?" I whispered.

"Just be safe okay?"

"I will, I'll bring it back later." Lie. Fucking lies. When I heard no response, I open the door and jog to dad's car just outside his garage. I suddenly felt the urge to move fast and so I did. I hop on the driver's seat, turn the engine immediately and start driving.

My mind is on over drive as soon as I get to the freeway. My foot pressed down to the pedal for I don't know how long making me faster and faster. Well, if that's a way I can get to LA in no time to see Elizabeth then I'll do that. I don't care, I'm going to be locked up in two fucking days in a psychiatric ward, so might as well do the one thing I've been wanting to do for the past four fucking months.

Oh Shit!

I don't have money. I glanced at the gas meter just to find out that the car is only half filled. Its not enough to take me to LA. Damn it!

Stupid!

I hit the wheel as my temper goes high and now I'm going 140 miles per hour well that's what my meter is telling me but I don't feel it, so maybe my meter is broken. I look around the car and even opened the passenger compartment hoping to find a misplaced credit card or some money I can spend gas with or maybe a fucking phone since I threw mine against the wall of my bedroom. Well, my phone's full of shit so—

Suddenly a sound of an angry horn comes closer and closer so I jolt up to my seat and immediately saw bright headlights and my hands automatically turns the wheel but then the car went out of control and—

I shot out of the bed sweating and panting. What the fuck just happened, what did I dreamed of. The accident.

"Honey?" I hear Elizabeth say beside me. "you okay?". I open my mouth to speak but my voice isn't working and my throat feels so dry. So I didn't respond and try to just steady my breath for a minute and bring my soul back on my body because that is one hell of a dream. Is it just a dream or a memory. That was the accident right? God my head hurts so bad.

"Shan?" The bedside lamp went on followed by a movement and a hand on my arm, the other on my back. "You're sweating" She mutters before touching my face to look at her.

She studies my face, her brows knitting together as she wipes the sweat off my face. I opened my mouth again but I can't seem to bring myself to speak, I'm too stunned to talk, the dream is still replaying in my head over and over again. It feels so real.

"What is it?" When I didn't respond she gets off the bed and turn the AC down feeling the air getting cooler. She might've left the room as I heard the door opens and footsteps fading away leaving me wondering about the next half of it. Well, damn it was crazy, I was hearing voices and its not my voice in my head its hers, maybe not only Elizabeth's but maybe others too. Was I that bad?

The bright headlights was too familiar, so does that mean it really was real? That's not just a dream but a memory. A memory of the accident. I snapped out of my thoughts as I feel the bed deepen beside me making my head turn to the direction and saw Elizabeth holding a glass of water.

"Drink this" She lets me drink the contents of the glass, the cool water sliding through my dry throat soothing it. When I finished the whole glass, I breathe out trying to put my thoughts altogether.

"Feeling better?" I nod before looking at her and offering a small smile. She doesn't return it, instead she stares into my eyes for at least more than a second before whispering "Did you have a nightmare?"

"Yea" I whispered looking away from her stare. Its too deep and sometimes it amazes me how she does that.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I don't want to, but I feel like I have to so I tell her from the beginning till the moment I woke up. Its so strange how I remember every detail of it and how I delivered it exactly what happened in that dream. By the time I was finished, Elizabeth doesn't speak a word but I can sense the heaviness of how she's feeling right now and that's the reason why I don't want to tell her.

"Babe, I know what you're thinking an—"

"You were going to LA to see me." She whispers more to herself than to me.

"Maybe, I really don't— I'm not sure." I stutter. I don't really know what to say. I'm confused with everything and but the I really don't like the thought of her beating herself up over this. Its not her fault, It never was. It was the disease. "Baby, please look at me" I whisper  

She doesn't respond so I slowly touched her face and turn it so she would look at me and I catch her eyes, darker than the usual. Its there, the creeping storm clouds and haze covering the meadows.

"Hey" I whispered softly and gently. "Stop it, don't beat yourself up into this. Baby, no one's blaming you for any of this okay, not even my family—"

"We both know that's not true." She shakes her head letting out a sad chuckle. "They said it themselves earlier Shannon. They were furious at some point."

"At some point yes, but not right now." She sighs and bites on her fingernails before settling them on her lap. I can feel my heart still racing and I don't know if its because of earlier or the silence of Elizabeth is just making me crazy right now. I want to get inside her mind and kill those fucking thoughts of her. She really doesn't deserve this. I touched her face again forcing her to look at me as I held it in my hands staring into those jade eyes.

"Elizabeth I know what happened to me years ago involves you and me. I was the one who left and that is probably the worst and the most stupid decision the old Shannon had made that led into an unfortunate event. But I lived sweetheart. I had a second chance and that means a second chance to change this. A second chance for us." Her eyes filled with tears and slowly one by one escaping as they slide down her face. I catch it before giving her a kiss on the forehead.

"Its not your fault sweetheart, it never was. It was mine and I won't make that same mistake again. I'm not going back I promise but I'll bring you back to me. One step at a time." She burst into tears as she drops her head on my chest and I held her close in my arms giving her the comfort she needs. We lay back in bed while she snuggles into me as I held her in my arms stroking her back. I let her cry, It hurts me so much hearing her cry but its less worse than a panic attack. If I have to reassure her every day, every hour, minute or second of the day, I would do it in a heartbeat. I'm mean it when I said I won't make the same mistake she (old Shannon) did. I'm not that person anymore and I choose not to be that person anymore. I'm not letting her go again, even if my memories come back, I won't let go. Not this lifetime or the next one if there's one. Never.———————-"So you're still having flashbacks?" Dr. Hampton asks before turning of the flashlight she just shone into my eyes making them them burn. God I hate that thing.

"Yea, I was used to it since I was having flashbacks even before but they've gotten worse since I started to have flashbacks about the accident." I say blinking rapidly as I adjust my vision. She raised her brows quite surprise at what I just said.

"So that's it, you're experiencing much worst headaches causing by having flashbacks from the accident in which there was so much emotional stress going on than having flashbacks of just a simple memory." Well, that makes sense now. since I thought of it. "Like I said before that one of the long term effects of having a severe brain injury is migraine or headaches. So its common for someone with same cases as you do to experience them as years go by. Having troubles with your short-term memory as well?"

Hmm, I did forget that I had an interview last week so they had to reschedule that and Elizabeth's going off on me because I keep forgetting to close the toilet seat or sometimes do things I say I will do the same day I said it, other times I would go somewhere to get something then a couple minutes passed, it would be wiped out and I have no clue on what in the hell am I doing standing in the middle of a roo— so basically,

"Yes. Really bad memory." I say tapping my temple and shake my head with a chuckle. Dr. Hampton smiles and shakes her head as I try to find humor in my condition. Well, this is all too much stress really and I've dealt with this for two years and counting and I've just had enough really. I thought I'm way past the flashbacks and the headaches but I guess I'm back to square one since I've only met the highlight of my lost memories and she's waiting on the hallway outside of this room probably worried of how this would go. My family's with her so I can be sure that she's in safe hands.

"Its getting better though not like the ones before maybe because my girlfriend always reminds me whenever I forget things." Her smile grew wider as she sat down to her seat from across the table.

"I've heard and its just amazing how you two still end up together after years not to mention you have amnesia." I smile hearing that. It really was truly amazing, Well thanks to Scarlett for opening my eyes to my reality back in 2019. I can imagine that smug look on her face if I mentioned that to her, God I miss her but I miss Rose more.

"Yea, it really was. Maybe the heart really never forgets." I winked at her earning a chuckle. She writes down something on her pad and hands it over to me. Its my prescription.

"So when you have these headaches again, you can continue taking Tylenol but I would recommend the gelones. If you experience more symptoms you can always call me, you have my number okay?" I nod as I read the scribbled letters on the piece of paper in my hand before looking up to her and smiled.

"Thanks Dr. Hampton." I smiled as we stood up and she gently ushers me to the door.

"Don't mention it. I'm really glad to see you doing well Shan, its very rare for me to see patients who had a brain injury be having sincere smiles on their faces every time I see them. You're really doing good in terms of your progress." Hearing that makes my heart skip a beat. I'm really doing good to be honest. Not all the time but most of it yes, even more whenever I'm with Elizabeth and its just a euphoric feeling. Like I'm high or something. I just feel so good.

"Thank you, I really have a good and support system so its all on them really." She smiles as we walked out of the door and just what I thought pacing back and fort on the hallways is Elizabeth, My family watches her their eyes moving to her direction. I cleared my throat and their eyes snapped at me. Elizabeth stops and rushes to me wrapping her arms around my waist, woah her hands are freezing and shaking as well.

"What is it? Are you okay? Is it serious?" She pulls away and didn't give me a chance to respond before turning to Dr. Hampton and says with a shaky tone. "Is she going to be okay? What is it?"

"Okay okay, calm down Ms. Olsen. She's going to be just fine." Elizabeth looks up to me so I gave her a proper smile and nod. She lets out a huge sigh of relief as she finally relaxes in my arms. God she must've been so worried waiting for me.

"Its really was just a terrible headache sweetheart. Nothing to worry about. It's normal, I mean, for me." I say completely wrapping my arms around her and giving her a reassuring kiss on the forehead. I glanced up to my family and saw them looking at me and I know that look so I gave them a nod telling them that it's the usual, the one Dr. Hampton warned us about years ago and even when I was beginning to really recover from it.

"So you're good?" She whispers as mom and dad talks to Dr. Hampton, maybe catching up or something. My attention is fully hooked on Elizabeth at the moment. She needs me more than they do.

"Yes, I'm good baby. I promise." I smiled waggling my eyebrows and that made her lips curve into a smile followed by a soft giggle as she rests her head on my shoulders looking a bit more relaxed than she was a few seconds ago. This gives me so much relief, I really hate it when she gets worried because that would lead her to having a panic attack again and I hate that even more. She really needs to have a session again after this trip.

"How're you feeling?" I asked and she lets out a sigh before smiling again.

"Relieved and happy but still worried about your headaches honey."

"I'm fine, nothing a Tylenol can't fix okay. I'm kinda hungry though." She giggles and that made my heart jump out of my chest. Oh I missed that, music in my ears. I joined her chuckling before squeezing her tight in my arms and giving her a kiss on the forehead.

Snap!

I turn to the sound and saw Casey just took a photo of us in her phone and that's when I realized they've been watching us with smiles on their faces.

"Aww, that's just too sweet." Casey cooes making Elizabeth pull back with confusion in her face before turning around in my arms a smile forming on her face.

"So, where are we going to eat?" Dad says making me giggle at the smile plastered on his face. Now that my family and Elizabeth are slowly going back to the way they were before and Elizabeth's feeling more comfortable being around them, I'm feeling a bit more happy than ever. That just makes me so sure about us and the road we are taking. Maybe we really are destined for each other and even if we're not, I'll still make it happen because I'm really sure and I really have a strong feeling that this woman in my arms whose name is Elizabeth Chase Olsen— her second name still really makes me so amazed having subconsciously naming my car after her— Is the one and only woman for me.