Chapter 38

In blink of an eye, I rush inside the house calling out her name. My heart's racing so fast, I can hear it louder than my footsteps. I can hear crying and I know its her. What the fuck happened?

"Elizabeth?" I say as I approach the kitchen and there she is in my mother's arms sobbing. Mom looks at me with worried eyes as she strokes her back but I shrug it off and rush towards them and that's when I noticed how heavy she's breathing. A panic attack— I thought.

"Elizabeth." I say gently as I place a hand on her back. Mom eventually pulls away as I take her in my arms trying to calm her down. Everyone is silent and the only sound surrounding the room is her sobs. My family is clearly confused, shocked or whatever explains the horror and worry in their faces but Elizabeth is what's on my mind right now. What happened? She was doing so good earlier.

Dad clears his throat that made mom and Casey look towards him and gestured them to go, which I'm very thankful for. Mom hesitates for a minute just looking at me but eventually caved in when I gave her a desperate nod. They leave.

"Hey, hey. Its alright. Its just the two of us now sweetheart." I whispered along with sweet nothings which usually works all the time. I tried my best to calm her down and it seems to be working seeing as her sobs slowly dies down to just sniffs and heavy breathing. I wait patiently just holding her and placing soft kisses on her head until she has fully calmed down.

Now my mind is having these thoughts of what might've triggered her panic attack. What the fuck happened in here.

"I'm sorry" She whispers, it was barely even there but with the silence surrounding the room, it was loud enough for me to hear it. I tried to pull back thinking maybe she's ready to talk now but she stopped me pulling me back into her again gripping the fabric of my jacket. I sigh.

"Alright." I whispered and kept my arms around her and wait for her to just tell me anything even though my mind is racing with various possibilities of what might've caused that attack again. I didn't speak for a while and just stroke her back ever so gently hoping it'll put her into ease. Was it too much for her? Going here, where everything happened, where I had my "black outs" as my parents said, meeting my parents, who completely cut her off for the past two years, who told her nothing about the accident, who didn't told her anything at all and all of the sudden she's here with them probably having a conversation while cooking us something for dinner like nothing happened at all? Is that it?

"You want to get out of here?" I suddenly asked like my own voice has a mind of its own. It took a while again, but she nods, the tiniest nod. "Okay then, I'll borrow mom's car-" She shakes her head.

"Right, how about a walk?" I asked unsure of it. Well, celebrities don't walk around in public because of those invasive paparazzis and as much as I love long walks I didn't dare to ask her for one again after the first time we had one back in New York. But, surprisingly she nods immediately and I smiled. Well, its uncommon to have men taking pictures around in Texas so I think its pretty safe to have a long walk.

"Alright then a long walk it is." I placed one last kiss on her forehead before pulling away and taking her hand in mine. We made our way towards the front door and walked out of the house after yelling "Mom we're going for walk!" I don't know if they heard it but I'm pretty sure they did because I caught a glimpse of them in the living room just staring at each other clearly shaken up on what just happen.

What did happen?

We started to walk her arm wrapped around mine and our hands laced together. She doesn't talk or speak yet and I wait patiently. With a month of being together, I mastered the art of patience when it comes to her and her panic attacks, having an understanding of what she's going through. I've done my research and it comes with a strange familiarity of it.

Its a good thing we live in a quiet neighborhood, and I've walked these streets for a thousand times during those two years. Its very strange to do this again since a half of it was me being in a wheel chair with my mom or dad or even Casey, if she's around town, pushing me along, and half of it was me in crutches doing physical therapy for my leg. I really love long walks, it eases up the mind and makes you relax mostly when everything around you seems so calm and that's what I'm feeling right now, and how I wish Elizabeth feels the same way too.

Suddenly, I hear a sound almost like a soft breath so I glanced at her and saw a small smile creeping on her lips. It was the slightest curve of the corner of her lips and I swore its becoming a smile. I might've been staring for a while because then she looks up meeting my eyes for the first time since we arrived at my house, and she smiles now. Even if its a small one, I'm still so happy about it, it makes mine grow wider.

"What?" I asked. She breathes out and looks away resting her head against my shoulder.

"We haven't done this in a while." She whispers and actually that makes me feel sad remembering why we haven't done this for quite sometime. "You reallylove these long walks and I'm starting to like them too."

"Yea, we should do this more often then. There's a hiking trail near my house in LA, its pretty secluded. We can go there if you want to. Maybe have Zoë and Liz tag along with us. I swear they are fun to be with." I let out a soft chuckle and that actually earned me a nod and a smile. She was quiet for a while again so I wait again until she says.

"Uh- Shan?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you remember, uhm. Jess and Peach?" I smiled. Ahh yes, my two best friends.

"Yea. They visited me, I think on the first few weeks after the accident and they kind of drifted off after that. Mom said Jess moved back to Canada and Peach is traveling around the world with her boyfriend. Well, I'd like to think we're still friends. I just haven't heard from them since then." She sighs sadly, wait. She knows Jess and Alex so they probably knew her and they didn't tell me. Why? I suddenly felt this sense of betrayal oozing from the pit of my stomach up to my head and it doesn't feelso good.

"You know Jess and Peach?" I asked and she smiles, nods her head and say.

"They're your best friends, you introduced me to them on Mark's birthday party which is exactly two weeks of not seeing together because of-" She pauses and her smile fades. "Because of the rumors and the cheating incident of Robbie." She trailed off with a deep breath at the end.

"Oh" was all I can say. They knew her and they didn't mentioned her, even Mark. Why? Are they mad at her? Was she that bad for me and blamed her for what happened. the slow oozing of betrayal is starting to rapidly boil up to my chest and I'm fully aware that I needed to calm myself down before she even notices and for some reason,  I know exactly what to do. I let go of her hand and swung an arm around her shoulders pulling her closer to me. Her arm rests around my waist gripping on my denim jacket as she lace her hand with mine dangling on her shoulder. She hums as I place a kiss on her temple before looking up to me and whispers.

"I'm sorry, about earlier" I let out a smile and nod kissing her temple again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked gently, she looks away and stares ahead and that just answers my question so I wait again giving her hand a little squeeze, wait for her to be ready to tell. The sun is up today and the sky is clear ,very opposite on what I see in her eyes and how I wish it would clear out soon enough.

We continue to walk in comfortable silence just enjoying the summer breeze until we reached the park where we see a bunch of kids playing on the play ground while some of the grown ups are taking pictures of their kids by the fountain or just strolling around like we do. It's not a crowd that we should be worried of but there are a number of people in here since its still summer and school starts not until next month.

"You don't have sunglasses on my love." I say as we walked further into the park, few eyes were already on us. She looks up to me and shrugs before giving me a soft smile.

"That's alright. Its just you and me, and people here seems to be nice. I really don't mind."For some reason my love grew for her. She looks away and smiles looking around the area. How amazing is my woman and now I realize, its not the public or I mean the people around her she has trauma for, its just those screaming men a.k.a. the paparazzi invading her personal space.

I let out a soft sigh and spot an ice cream truck. "It's very hot do you want some ice cream?" I asked. She smiles and nod showing me a glimpse of those perfect white teeth of hers. I chuckled at how adorable she is.

"Alright then, why don't you go sit on the bench over there baby, under the tree and wait for me okay?"

"Okay" I squeezed her hand as she pulls away completely going to the bench where I told her to wait for me. I smiled before going over yo the ice cream truck yo order us some ice cream. I ordered two scoops of caramel crunch for my lady and two scoops of plain vanilla for me. I kept my eyes on her while I wait for my orders and saw a little girl ,maybe about six to seven years old more taller than Rose though, goes up to her with a notebook and a pen. I watched how she interacts with her. That adorable smile, those gentle hands as she writes on the notebook taking quick glances at the little girl who is probably telling some kind of stories where his brother, if she may have, also loves superheroes like Spiderman or Ironman. Well everyone loves Ironman, he's cool. A bit of an arrogant fool but I love it in some kind of way and that makes him that cool.

"Order up!" I snapped back into reality turning my head towards the truck. I smile as I take two cones of ice cream and paid for it before making my way to my girlfriend.

"—Its great to meet you Suzanne." I hear her say as I approached her. The girl giggles and squeals as she runs to her mom making a smile form on my face.

"Super hero duties eh." I say, announcing my presence. She giggles and sighs as I sat down next to her.  "Okay 2 scoops of caramel crunch for you my love and two scoops of vanilla for me." She giggles taking her treat from me and takes a bite.

"Oh, that is good ice cream." She sighs resting her head on my shoulder as I put an around her.

"Have we done this before?" I asked and she shakes her head, looks up to me and smiles saying,

"No, this is the first time." I nod. "But you did tookme on a date on a park where you and your sister used to go when you were kids. You told me that. It was kind of a date. Well, we had a photoshoot and then after that we had a picnic and it was amazing." My heart skips a beat as she tells me this because the skies in her eyes are getting clearer, the memory is bringing back the sparkle in them.

"A photoshoot?"

"Yea, you found your old camera in your house so you decided to have a photoshoot. I have copies of it back in LA along with other developed pictures we have, I'll show them to you when we get back home." I sighed wondering if the pictures I've burned were the same as hers. It could've been easier if I haven't burned them in the first place.

"What's wrong honey?" I hear her whisper so I glanced at her and smiled shaking my head.

"Nothing to worry about, I'm fine." She hesitates and stares at me. I couldn't quite figure it out what she's thinking but she looks away and looks down on her half eaten ice cream as I took another bite of my own.

"Okay" She sighs and return our gaze on the kids playing around on the swings and on the slide. We sit and finish up our ice creams but this time, you can tel that there is a growing barrier between us. We are in our own separate worlds and I hate it. Is this how she felt like when I was in her position today? its like we've switched places and I know I have to fix it this time. I might not remember entirely who I was two years ago, what fucked up Shannon went through, but I have a clue and maybe I am seeing that through her right now and I need to make it right. I had a second chance, we had a second chance and this is it.

"The pictures you got," I start. "Do we have the same copy of that? I really want to see it because stupid ol'Shannon burned all of my copies so—" She looks up and smiles cuddling closer. She nods her head and that is a huge fucking relief for me, the weight really flew out of my chest and now all I feel was excitement on what the pictures looks like. At least, now I know I would get to see all of them.

"Really?" That came out too enthusiastic that made her pull back and look up to me giggling.

"Yes. We have the same ones, you always get pictures develop twice so we both can get one of each."

"That's quite a relief actually." She tilts her head in confusion asking why. So I say "I thought we have different copies of pictures and that would make me feel so bad that I wouldn't get to see the rest of it since it was incinerated into ashes." I let out a soft chuckle but her smile slowly fades down until she looks down to her hands again.

"I got too overwhelmed." She confesses and I didn't speak, I let her tell me what's on her mind and not force it out of her. One thing I've learned since I've met her.

"I know I said I'm not mad or anything, but when I saw them and it wasn't the thing I was expecting like— Ugh, this is so fucking hard"

"Sweetheart, if you're not ready to-"

"I am, I just—" She sighs. I can feel my heart beating loudly in my chest. "I was expecting them to be mad or something because its easier for me to understand why they did that or why didn't they told me something but then your dad. God , your dad pulled me in his arms and then your mom and Casey joins in. It kinda messed up my mind." She settles back in my arms and plays with our hands together as she continues.

"Don't get me wrong Shan, I love your family. I really do, but how can they not tell me what happened to you for the past two years and now pretend like nothing ever happened. I'm so sorry but I'm hurt. I really think I deserve some kind of explanation for that." I feel my heart tighten in my chest hearing that. She's right though, she deserves a proper explanation.

"I know sweetheart and you're going to get one. I promise." I pull her in closer and she looks up to me with hopeful eyes and whispers.

"I'm really sorry I ca-" I take her lips into mine cutting her off and get lost in them. Her lips are sweet from the caramel ice cream she just finished. Her hand that made its way to the side of my face as we continue to kiss is cold, freezing making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. We pull apart but I held her hand, both of her hands and starts planting soft kisses on it and warming them up. She softly giggles as I do this.

"You have nothing to apologize for Elizabeth." I whispered against her hands. "Non of this was your fault, you have to remember that." Her eyes still in denial even though she's still flashing me with that smile, I can really see right through her, like a book. "Please?"

"Shan-"

"Just please, look at me." She hesitates once again but still she looks at me and I try to find her through the fog in her eyes, she's somewhere in there. I know it. "Where are you?"

The moment the question rolls out of my mouth, her eyes filled up with tears and drops her head on my shoulders burying her face further into my neck, hot breaths slamming to my chest. I take her in my arms forgetting we're not alone in the park but at the moment it felt like it was just us.

"I'll bring you back."'I whisper placing a soft kiss on the side of her face and whisper to her ear once again hoping it will get to wherever she is.

"I'll bring you back, I promise."