Chapter 6

{Trigger Warning- Self harm, suicide, death, abandonment}

Alex P.O.V.

He looked me dead in the eyes.

"Well, a few things actually. Right before I hit the wall, my mom and my cousin. They are both..um, they're both dead." John's eyes went wide, and I could tell that he genuinely cared. "Yeah, I grew up in Nevis. It's in the Caribbean. My family was always very poor. When I was 10, my dad walked out on my brother, my mom and I. I don't remember much of my dad, except that he wasn't the nicest person, but wasn't the worst. Anyway, when I was 12, my mom and I got really sick. My brother took care of us. He did everything just right. I don't think I would be here without him. Basically, one day my brother came to check on my mom and I, and he brought us medicine. My mom refused to take her medicine, instead giving it to me. I was pretty young, so I didn't fight with her, but I was smart enough to know that she wasn't going to be here much longer." John had tears in his eyes, and so did I. He got up and moved to sit next to me on my bed. I looked down at the blankets and continued. "The next day, I was feeling a little better, but my mom was not. She told me that she loved me, and that no matter what happened, that I should always do what I loved. You know, live everyday happy. She didn't make it past that day. That's when I started to... you know." I looked at my wrist, feeling ashamed."My brother James and I were sent to go live with our cousin, Peter. I loved Peter. He reminded me a lot of my mom. I could tell him anything, and he would listen. One day, James and I came back inside from playing in the rain, and we found Peter lying on his bed, dead. The doctor's, they said he swallowed pills and overdosed. I never knew he was sad, John. I always thought he was a happy person. After that day, I stopped cutting. I couldn't imagine someone finding me dead. My brother and I split up after that. When I was 17, my town got hit with a really bad hurricane. So many people died during the storm. Many died after because they had no way of living. For a few months after that, I fell back into some bad habits." I grabbed my wrist, remembering the days when I locked myself in the bathroom, hurting myself. "I knew I had to get out of that place. So, here I am." Tears were falling down my face and John's. "Alex. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have done anything. Besides, you're here now. All of that is my past. It's over." I looked back down at the bed, ashamed of what I did to myself back then. Just then, I felt John's hand grab mine, while his other lifted my chin. He just looked into my eyes. It was like he was trying to mentally take all the bad away from my mind. Like he wanted to only ever see me happy. I wonder if it was true. Did he really want me to only ever be happy? Did he really care about me that much? John didn't say a word. He just kept looking at me. I took my free hand and wiped my tears away. He just kept looking at me. Straight into my eyes."John," I said only a little louder than a whisper. "There was something else I was thinking about. Before my mom and my cousin." He nodded, showing he wanted me to continue. "John, I'm bisexual. And the only two other people who knew were-" "your mom and cousin." I nodded, even more tears coming down my face. "John.""Alex.""I was thinking about you."He just stared at me, shocked. All of a sudden, I heard a noise. I jumped at the break of silence. Letting go of my hand, John shot up, wiping the tears off his face. "Um, sorry. Sorry. That's my alarm. I got to go to work." I just sat there, still shaken up by the alarm. And John? He just stood there with his phone in his hand, staring at me. After a few seconds, he walked towards his dresser and pulled out his clothes for work. He grabbed his keys and headed for the door. I just stared at the floor, confused and scared for what would happen when John got back from work."Hamilton?"I turned around to face the door and John. "Yeah?""I'm not going anywhere. I will be back. I'm sorry." He hesitated until I nodded my head. With that, he shut the door, leaving me alone. I put away the groceries, then sat back on my bed. I grabbed my laptop from my nightstand, and continued to write.

(A/N: how are you guys?!! I legit said i would be updating everyday, then I didn't. But I'm here now!! A couple things. 1) its 10:45pm and I should probably be sleeping. 2) ANTHONY FREAKIN SHAVED THE SIDES OF HIS HEAD AND NOW HE HAS TO WEAR A WIG. 😂i find this so funny idky. 3) i watched a video of him and jazzy singing take the world by JOHNNYSWIM and i actually cried. It was amazing!!! 4) chris is leaving Ham on November 13th which is really really sad. 5) LESLIES CHRISTMAS ALBUM IS COMING OUT IN LESS THAN A MONTH!! 6) i know there are not a lot of characters as of right now, but i am planning on putting laf and herc in the next one again. Also, maybe a burr appearance. I have a chapter written, but it doesn't fit the storyline yet. That chapter has the sisters, jeff and mads in it so... soon!! Promise!! 7) i love you. You are worth it. I am here to talk. And remember, taking your life is permanent. If everything seems to suck, look harder. There is always something to look forward to. Maybe you have one shirt that looks really good on you, or you love the smell of cinnamon. Whatever it is, it is worth living for. 8) HATERS BACK OFF ON NETFLIX MADE ME CRY FOR ABOUT 7 MINUTES STRAIGHT!! BUT ITS SO FREAKIN GOOD SO WATCH IT!! 9) I apologize for all the feels in the past chapters. 10) thank you for reading all this😊)