2 (look at me)

The cafeteria was buzzing with the usual chaos of lunch hour—voices overlapping, trays clattering, the hum of conversation weaving into the sound of squeaky shoes on tiled floors. My friends sat across from me, laughing at something Dao had just said, though I hadn’t been paying enough attention to even recall the topic.

Instead, I found myself idly swirling the pearls in my boba tea with the straw, staring at the little whirlpool it created, my thoughts circling just as aimlessly.

“North, what are you daydreaming about?” Easter asked suddenly, his voice cutting through the fog in my head.

“Huh?” I blinked, caught off guard, my hand freezing mid-swirl.

Easter tilted his head, studying me. “You spaced out. Again.”

“North, everything okay?” Phoon chimed in, frowning slightly.

“Uh—yeah, I’m fine. Why?” I replied a little too quickly, forcing a small smile that didn’t convince anyone.

“You keep zoning out of the conversation,” Dao pointed out matter-of-factly, raising his brows.

I glanced around the table. They were all watching me now, expectant and a little concerned. Normally I was the loud one, the chatterbox who filled every silence without even trying. Now, sitting there quietly, I felt like a glitch in my own personality.

“North, you’re way too quiet for someone with your personality,” Easter said, his tone light but threaded with concern.

I dropped my gaze back to my drink, the tapioca pearls bumping against one another as I stirred. The silence stretched. A sigh slipped past my lips before I could stop it.

Should I tell them?

“Hey…” I started hesitantly, my voice softer than usual. “So, um… if I wanted to go on a—like—a proper cute date… how should I even ask him out?”

The question dropped into the middle of our table like a stone.

Everyone froze. Dao’s chopsticks hovered midair. Phoon’s mouth actually fell open. Easter blinked at me in surprise.

“Uh—what?” Phoon said finally, his face scrunching in confusion. “North, since when do you get nervous about voicing your opinions? What’s going on with you?”

All three leaned in now, curiosity lighting their eyes.

I bit my lower lip, the words tumbling out before I could stop them. “I don’t know… it’s just—he’s always busy, you know? And… I already asked him out twice last month and he rejected me both times. So I didn’t want to come off as clingy. But I…” My voice cracked slightly, betraying me. “I miss him.”

“Awwww,” Easter cooed immediately, reaching across the table to grab my face between his palms, forcing me to meet his eyes. His thumbs squished my cheeks, but his expression was serious beneath the playful act. “Go ask him. You two are boyfriends, after all. You need to communicate, North.”

“I want to!” I groaned, slumping forward. “But—God—he’s so emotionally constipated half the time I can’t even tell what he’s thinking. I know he loves me, but… sometimes I just feel neglected. Like I’m trying too hard and he doesn’t even notice.”

My friends exchanged looks but didn’t interrupt. They were sitting straighter now, their attention fully locked on me.

“And yesterday…” I continued, my frown deepening as I remembered. “I went to his office. He was drowning in work, but I thought maybe if I teased him a little he’d relax. And he did—he teased back, for a moment. But then he went right back to his work, ignoring me completely. I must’ve dozed off waiting for him, because the next thing I knew it was morning and—” I swallowed hard. “I didn’t even get to see him before I came here today.”

Silence fell again. The cafeteria noise around us felt suddenly distant, like we were sitting in our own little bubble.

Dao leaned back first, exhaling. “North… that sounds rough.”

Phoon tapped his fingers on the table, his brows furrowed in thought. “I mean, if you really feel neglected, you have to bring it up to him. Don’t just keep bottling it up, man. He’s not a mind-reader.”

“But what if he takes it the wrong way?” I muttered, finally taking a sip of my drink. The sweetness of the tea didn’t cut through the heaviness in my chest. “What if he thinks I’m too much? What if he—” I stopped myself before finishing the thought. What if he gets tired of me?

Easter rolled his eyes dramatically and flicked my forehead. “North. Stop spiraling. You’re not ‘too much.’ You’re just… you. And he clearly chose you for a reason. If he didn’t want you, he wouldn’t have stayed.”

I rubbed my forehead, pouting slightly. “You guys make it sound easy.”

“Because it is,” Dao said simply. “Ask him out again. Not like, ‘Hey, want to go eat?’—but actually plan something. Make it hard for him to say no.”

Phoon nodded, warming up to the idea. “Yeah. And if he’s genuinely too busy, then at least you’ll know where you stand. But don’t keep torturing yourself like this.”

I leaned back in my chair, staring up at the ceiling with a sigh that felt too heavy for my lungs. My friends were right, annoyingly so. Still, doubt gnawed at me.

Because asking him out wasn’t just about a date. It was about whether he wanted to make time for me.

And I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear the answer.

✿✿✿⁠ 

I sat cross-legged on the damp grass of the campus grounds, staring up at the sky. The clouds had gathered thick and heavy, a smudged watercolor of gray stretching endlessly above me. It was going to rain—I could feel it in the sharpness of the air, in the way the wind picked up just enough to ruffle my hair and send fallen leaves scattering across the lawn.

Classes had ended for me earlier than usual, but Easter, Dao, and Phoon were still stuck in their respective lectures. That left me alone, killing time in the middle of campus while the world around me hurried on with its own business. Students passed in clusters, some rushing with notebooks clutched to their chests, others sprawled out in groups under the awnings, laughter rising above the dull hum of the afternoon.

I sighed, glancing down at my hand. My couple ring glinted faintly under the weak sunlight peeking through the clouds. Without thinking, I raised it to my lips, blowing softly against the surface before polishing it against my shirt. When it gleamed, I grinned, satisfied.

“Perfect,” I murmured to myself, holding it up proudly like some treasure.

Pulling out my phone, I scrolled through our chat. My thumb hovered for a moment before I typed quickly.

(Me)

Hello Phi!!!What are you doing?

I hit send and stared at the screen. A part of me expected him to take ages to reply. Johan wasn’t exactly… chatty. But within a minute, my phone dinged.

(Long-limbed demon)

Work

I rolled my eyes so hard it was a miracle they didn’t fall out. Typical.

(Me)

Phi… it’s gonna rain. Can u pick me up?

The three dots popped up almost immediately. My heart thumped, ridiculous as always.

(Long-limbed demon)

On the way.

My grin stretched from ear to ear. Just like that, my entire mood flipped. That’s the effect he had on me, the stupid, stoic demon.

I scrambled to my feet, brushing bits of grass off my pants. Then, in a frenzy, I pulled out my tiny pocket mirror, running a hand through my hair until it fell just right. I tugged at my shirt, smoothing out the wrinkles. Anyone watching would’ve thought I was about to meet a celebrity, not my own boyfriend.

Still, the butterflies wouldn’t settle.

I wandered toward the campus gate, hugging my phone to my chest like it might steady my racing heart. The drizzle started just as I reached the entrance, fat droplets spattering onto the pavement. The world smelled like wet earth and rain-soaked concrete. I tugged my jacket tighter, bouncing on my toes in impatience.

Minutes stretched endlessly. I refreshed our chat, even though I knew he wasn’t the type to send another message. Johan wasn’t built for small talk. He was built for silence, for intensity, for making me wait.

Finally, headlights swept across the road. My lips tugged into an instant smile as his sleek black car slowed to a stop in front of me. I dashed forward, yanking the passenger door open and slipping inside with relief just as the rain thickened into a steady downpour.

“Phi!” I greeted brightly, water droplets clinging to my hair. “You came fast!”

But he wasn’t looking at me.

One hand rested on the wheel, steady as always, while the other held his phone pressed against his ear. His brows were drawn, his voice low, clipped—speaking rapid-fire Thai as he discussed something I couldn’t follow. His focus wasn’t here, not on me, not even on the storm outside—it was locked firmly on work.

I sat back against the seat, my grin faltering just slightly. The rain drummed harder against the roof, drowning out half the conversation anyway.

I fiddled with the hem of my shirt, my eyes flicking to his profile. He was beautiful, frustratingly so—sharp lines softened by the dim light filtering through the windshield, jaw set in concentration. And yet the warmth I had felt moments earlier ebbed away, leaving me with a quiet ache.

I’d polished the ring. Straightened my shirt. Fixed my hair. But sitting here now, it almost felt like I hadn’t been noticed at all.