𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟓𝟎

CHAPTER FIFTY frat house freak out

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THERE WERE 2 things I specifically loved about parties.

The first was the unlimited access to anything and everything that could provide intoxication- be it drugs, alcohol, or the atmosphere itself. The less obvious factor was getting ready for them, surprisingly something that excited me more than it 'should've'.

At first glance, I obviously wasn't the type of person who got dolled up on a day-to-day basis. I never had the time, money, nor effort to spend on makeup and extravagant clothing, and parties were the one occasion that I allowed that to be an exception. My restricted yet resourceful collection of cosmetics was typically locked away in my bathroom cabinet and unfortunately, with the departure from my house, stayed put exactly there.

Luckily, ever since I got with Rafe, he seemed to be overly keen on buying perfectly crafted outfits for me- be it out of enjoyment or the need to make me presentable when stuck to his side. Nevertheless, having the stress of picking what to wear taken off my shoulders was relieving to say the least.

I stared at the clothes that draped over the neatened comforter on Rafe's bed, tousling my hair over my shoulder that was consequently damp due to the shower I'd just taken. My lips curled into a faint smile as my sight caught onto the tedious blue card that came with each gift of his, a laugh drifting out of them as I noticed the lingerie that laid alongside everything else.

The second I grasped the lace set into my hold, Rafe came through the door and wasted no time in locking it, seeing as our shared occupation of the room was still a mystery to his family. His arms wrapped around my waist, resting his jaw on my shoulder whilst I continued staring at what he bought in paralytic surprise.

"Like your present?" he questioned jokingly, clearly noticing my continually shocked silence.

"Is this a present for me or a present for you?" I teased in response.

"Interpret it how you will." I could feel him smirk against my skin, "C'mon, the party starts at 7 and it's already 5. Plus, we've got like an hour's drive ahead of us."

"I didn't know we were driving there, are you fine with driving back with the state you'll be in?"

"Actually, I thought we could crash in my old dorm. Y'know, for memory's sake." Rafe used his hold on my waist to spin me around, keeping me face to face with him, "I've already got the all-clear from my roommate."

"Then what's this for if we're spending the night in a college dorm? Single beds happen to be quite restricting in movement." I gestured back to the underwear set, the smirk returning to his lips instantly.

"No one said anything about needing a bed." he placed his lips closer to my ear, his words taking the form of a whisper that could easily make me melt on the spot.

Before his path of kisses managed to reach my weak spot, I angled my head towards the bed, "Did you not pick out a shirt?" I noticed, nearly frowning at the missing aspect of his gift.

"I did," he reassured, "it's in your hand."

I glanced down at my hand at his words, furrowing my eyebrows as all that was in them was anything but a form of a shirt. He started laughing at my confusion, the angelic yet pestering sound leading me to one conclusion.

"Rafe, this is not a shirt."

"It can be. It'll look good, trust me. You trust me, don't you?" his fingers pushed my hair behind my ear, using them to bring my face up to his.

"No." I pulled away, "I mean, of course I trust you, but I'm not wearing a lace bra with a skirt. People already think I'm some cheap hooker, and I'm meeting your friends. I'll make a bad first impression."

He took the material from my hand, holding it up to his torso with a sarcastic grin, "Look, it goes up to your ribcage. There's gonna be like 2 inches of skin and then the skirt, I don't see the big deal. C'mon, you'll look so fucking good."

"Fine," I sighed, rolling my eyes at the enjoyment he expressed at my compliance, "but if anyone says anything, I'm killing them and you're helping me hide the body."

"That's if I don't kill them first." Rafe planted another kiss on my lips, eventually allowing me to get myself ready after a prolonged moment.

To my annoyance, the boy's knowledge of style clearly outshone mine, the reflection that met me in the mirror being one I hardly recognised. The black bodycon skirt hugged the slight curves in my frame, amplifying my shape in ways oversized clothing didn't. Despite being hesitant to his idea of the upper half of the outfit at first, I found that I really only needed to trust him from the get-go, the slightly sheer material complimenting my faint tan lines flawlessly.

As a finishing touch, I applied a few blinks of the mascara I'd managed to bargain off Wheezie. Admittedly, it was embarrassing that my closest idea of a friend was a 13 year-old girl who happened to be my boyfriend's sister, but she still managed to treat me better than the Pogues ever did.

A 13 year-old was more mature than the people I once trusted with my life, I laughed to myself.

I continued brushing up my appearance in the mirror whilst Rafe pressed up against me, showering me with affection as if kissing me was what he needed to keep oxygen in his blood. My feet brought me to his level, permitting me to peck him quickly before silently signalling for both of us to start leaving.

Before stepping out of his room completely, I grabbed one of Rafe's discarded jackets, pulling it over my arms in case we ran into someone from the family and I'd need immediate coverage. The grey fleece smelt of the same cologne he was used to wearing, overpowering my drugstore body mist in an instant. I let the sleeves bunch up at my wrists, possibly making myself look like an idiot in the process but not caring based on the comfort that followed.

"You're really beautiful, you know." Rafe said as we reached his Mercedes, backing me against the door, "I'm not just saying that 'cause I'm your boyfriend, I really mean it. You amaze me more and more every time we go out."

"You're mainly the reason why, it's not like I pick my own clothes anymore." I chuckled.

"Did you see the note from earlier?" he questioned, toning down his boldness which came as a shock to me.

"I saw it, didn't read it though. What, did I miss something important?" I replied with another question, not expecting his card to have any more substance than the ones before.

"Nah, it doesn't matter. Let's go before we get caught sneaking out, I'm not tryna face my angry dad again." he moved over to the driver's seat, either forgetting to or purposefully not opening my door for me.

It wasn't like the action bothered me at the surface level, I just feared that I could've upset him, and I knew both of us couldn't take any further turmoil with what had happened yesterday.

❊ ❊ ❊

The drive to Chapel Hill was almost entirely silent. There wasn't a lack of effort in the conversation department as I'd tried countless times over the hour to spark up any form of talk, though I was wordlessly shut down with Rafe only turning up the radio. I sulked in my seat and analysed the sunset that fell over the skyline, hyper focusing on every blend of colours so my internal doubts didn't resurface.

The Mercedes pulled into an overcrowded driveway, bringing us to what I could imagine to be a frat house. Various marble banisters could be made out from amongst the sea of drunk students, existing purely as standby urinals or an offer of support for those who chose to make out against them. I broke into a small laugh watching the scenes of the party unfold, my reaction not even being acknowledged by Rafe while he slammed his car door shut.

Following his actions with bitterness, I used a stronger force to close the door, biting back with the loud noise instead of my shouting. Frankly, I was starting to lose patience with his eternal mood swings, though I could never vocalise my frustration as it'd inevitably point out my identical behaviour.

Silence was my greatest enemy, and thankfully drowned out once more by the sound of music. My feet blindly followed Rafe's lead as he greeted several people on his path, lastly bringing us to the main room of the house. I emerged from behind him once his strolling came to a halt, making out various pleasantly shocked faces on the couch.

My focus immediately fell on the girl who'd been positioned in the centre of the group, pacing my eyes all over her olive skin and perfectly curled locks of hair. The look she made the second she noticed Rafe caused an unease to set in my stomach, quietly watching as she sprung up from her seat and threw her arms around him.

"Well, fuck me!" she shouted in a sort-of cheer form, "Chapel Hill's casanova is back from the dead. I missed you, Rafe."

Jealousy began its course through my veins, taking my body as its own and leaving me in a frozen state. I stared at their extended embrace with a scowl, beginning to believe I'd grown completely invisible among the crowd of strangers surrounding me.

"Missed you too, Zara." his palms remained fixed to her once they broke apart, bringing one arm up and draping it over her shoulders, "Did Conrad tell you I was coming?"

Their conversation continued as I moved my glance to the table of drinks, each one of the bottles being easily accessible to my reach. I cluelessly took my pick of booze, only realising I'd chosen a bottle of tequila before it was far too late. Despite my distaste for the alcohol of choice, I chased a mouthful down my throat, scrunching my face together whilst trying to process the burn that followed.

"Holy shit," I heard a voice come from beside me, "are my eyes deceiving me or did you just take a straight shot of Don Julio?"

I turned to meet the boy who had an oddly impressed smirk painted across his face, running his hands through his shoulder-length hair like my actions were anything to be amazed of. As if to taunt him further, I took another gulp of the drink, maintaining a more content face now that I knew he was watching.

"You say that like it's a big deal." I shrugged nonchalantly, failing to hide my self-pride amidst my growing grin, "What, you never seen a girl who can hold her drink?"

"Never seen a pretty girl do it." his eyes glued to the part of my torso that wasn't covered by the fleece.

"I'm Camille." I introduced myself, trying to drag on the interaction without means of flirting.

"Ty." he held his hand out, greeting me rather formally in such a setting and making me laugh softly, "How come I've never seen you around, Camille?"

"I'm not enrolled here," my fingers brushed my hair into place, "um, I'm with..."

The second my eyes moved back to Rafe's direction, I heard Ty laugh again, "Rafe can't even last one second without a hookup, huh."

"I'm not— I'm his girlfriend." I confirmed, stuttering as he continued his now-loud chuckles.

Even though I vividly remembered Rafe telling me his friends were expecting to meet me, I imagined he'd told them about our relationship prior. Maybe he'd lied and gave me false hope of meeting his friends, or maybe Ty wasn't a friend of his and simply knew of him through college. Nevertheless, my priorities were more set on getting drunk rather than wherever he'd gone.

"You're funny, I like you." he said as I took another sip of tequila, "Come, sit. Rafe is known for leaving girls stranded at the frat, you're safer with me than you are standing."

"He seems to be quite the celebrity," I scoffed, sinking down into the couch with the bottle still pressed to my lips, "why's everyone flocking to him?"

"To be fair, he's been gone quite a while. Can imagine his friends missed him."

"And, what, you two aren't friends?" I asked.

"We are, he has more friends than just me though, as you can see. What 'bout you, he your only friend?" he took the bottle from my hold after I swallowed another long amount, setting it back down on the table.

"Pretty much, if you don't count yourself and his little sister." I rolled my eyes humorously.

He raised an eyebrow at my statement, "So, we're friends now?"

"Sure, why not?" I cocked my head, playing off my confusion to his question.

"Friendzoned within the first 5 minutes, sweet."

"I have a boyfriend, Ty." I reiterated.

"No, you don't, Camille." he copied, another scoff escaping on my part.

"Yes, she does, Tyler." Rafe reappeared behind us, the first words he spoke to me since leaving the house being laced with anger and jealousy.

At least the feeling was now mutual.

In the meantime of the boys exchanging their tensed looks, I leaned over to grab the bottle of Don Julio I'd started drinking, chasing down the testosterone-coated atmosphere in the way I knew best. The burn in my throat was starting to become one of retaliation rather than fun, highlighted by the fact that being around Rafe made me want to drink more.

"Camille, put the drink down." Ty resumed, "I'm not having you be sick."

"Why do you care?" Rafe returned to speaking, "She can handle her alcohol, she'll be fine. C'mon, we're going."

"No." I stated firmly.

"Fuck do you mean 'no'?" he questioned my stubbornness.

"We just got here, I'm not leaving." I shook my head, my intoxication slurring my pleading words to a whine.

"You're leaving Tyler, come on." Rafe held his arm out which I pushed away out of reflex.

"His name is Ty, and he's my friend. I'll stay if I want to, you didn't care before." my volume raised to a shout, frustration mixing with the tequila to create a lethal combination.

Rafe grabbed onto my forearm, forcefully pulling me onto my feet, "Camille, get the fuck up."

"What the hell is your problem, bro?" Ty yelled in my defense, startled by Rafe's humiliatingly violent behaviour.

My protests continued as I was dragged to the upstairs of the frat house, screaming a variety of profane words at the boy which caused heads to turn in our direction. Like always, my need for attention was fuelled by my intoxication, causing my behaviour to become more histrionic with each increasing stare.

Fighting back his hold was like fighting on the losing side of a war: knowing you're doomed yet persisting in hopes for a silver lining. Beneath the layer of clothing that covered my arms, I could feel his fingers begin to dig into my skin, the pressure increasing with the volume of my voice. I let out a last curse-filled exclamation before being locked away in a bathroom with Rafe, his scowl projecting his anger onto me prior to the verbalised alternative.

"Do you always have to cause a fucking scene?" he broke his silence rather unpleasantly, "What is your problem this time?"

"What's my problem? What's yours?" I pointed into his chest, pushing him in the direction of the bathroom counter, "I'm trying to have fun, you're such a buzzkill."

"You think you're gonna have fun with Tyler? You should be grateful I pulled you away from him whilst you're still conscious!" Rafe gripped onto my forearm again.

"I was having lots of fun actually. It was really fun discovering that none of your friends know you have a girlfriend. You told me you were bringing me here 'cause they wanted to meet me and, all of a sudden, we're not even in a Goddamn relationship! How many times are you going to lie to me, Rafe?" I didn't hold back on my feelings, pouring them out like I'd been pouring booze into my mouth just moments ago.

"God, not everything is always about you! I haven't seen these people in forever, and I turn my back for 5 fucking seconds to see you all over Tyler—"

"His name is Ty, and I wasn't all over him." I interrupted his shouts with matched volume, "So you're allowed to have ex-hookups drooling all over you, but I can't even have a friend? You're suffocating me in this life where I'm like your property, it's so exhausting!"

Rafe broke away from my arm to raise his hands to his hair, "Ex-hookups? The only girl you saw me with was Zara, and she's not even into guys. It's like you're holding me hostage over shit that's only happening in your head."

"Only happening in my head?" I repeated out of shock, "You don't pay any attention to me! Of course you don't see it happening because you don't see anyone but yourself."

"You wanna play that game? Okay, what was on the note earlier?" he recalled, "No, you think you know everything about me. Go on, answer the question Camille."

"You told me it wasn't important and now you're switching up. What is wrong with you?" I gestured to my temples, using the addition of physical expression to level the strain in my throat from yelling.

"What's wrong with me is that I'm fucking in love with you!"

It felt as if all the oxygen had been drained out of my lungs through the form of shouting. I'd screamed out every last problem I had with him, even exaggerating some parts just for the sake of staying mad at him. Though I wasn't necessarily proud to admit it, being angry helped me forget that I equally was in love with him, lost in my own obsession of suppressing what was mutually felt all along.

"That's what was on the note. You're making me crazy, Camille! I'm used to being an asshole, I never thought twice about it. I don't wanna fight with you, but it's like I don't even know what I want anymore. The only thing I know is that I'm so fucking in love with you, and I'll do whatever it takes for you to believe that."

I took in a sharp inhale, far too caught up in my pride over how Rafe admitted he loved me first. The fleece that was once on my arms had now fallen to the ground, leaving me in just the lingerie top he'd chosen.

"Prove it." I stared into his eyes.

"What?" he furrowed his eyebrows at my statement.

"If you love me like you say you do, prove it. Prove that you love me, Rafe."

A love as manic as ours came with correspondingly manic repercussions. I loved him through hatred, through violence, and even through death- and each event became something I enjoyed.

So, it was only right to sign off our love in the same way we started it.

Insanity.