𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟒𝟐

CHAPTER FORTY TWO sunsets & speeches

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LINE AFTER LINE, Rafe and I still struggled to reach a high that even compared to what we brought each other. With every strip of cocaine that he snorted off my thigh, I took the same dosage from my fingertip, our shared intoxication not being for the faint hearted.

Being addicts, our bodies were used to the drowning of sorrows with harmful substances, taking the responsibility to build up a tolerance over time. There was one drug I wouldn't be able to grow used to; him.

I knew that, for the rest of my days, I'd continue to fall weak under his touch as if it was the first and last time. After years of being used for what my body could provide, he was a breath of fresh air, and I quickly became dependent on him like I once was on alcohol.

Peach-flavoured liqueur tastes better coming off his lips, and coke certainly hit harder for him when taken from the surface of my skin.

My nostrils flared with the last dose of cocaine I snorted, knocking my head back with the growing euphoria I was feeling. A smile that had no true reason behind it refused to fade from my lips, the same expression being mirrored on Rafe's. Though I'd previously limited myself only to weed, coke wasn't seeming as bad of a drug as everyone made it out to be.

It was a stereotypical Kook thing, but it's not like that automatically makes it bad. Reputations precede everything, and sometimes it's best just to look past it based off your gut instinct.

"You feeling okay?" Rafe looked up from between my thighs, dusting off the last of the remaining powder.

"I feel fucking amazing." I grinned, "Why didn't I do this before?"

"'Cause you used to be roped up with Kiara. Don't know what you ever saw in that bitch." he sat on the opposite end of the boat, preparing to take us to the next place on his extensive date plan.

"Y'know, I used to have a crush on her. Thank God it never went past that."

"Wait, you like girls?" he raised an eyebrow, smirking at the newly learnt fact.

"I don't wanna put a label on it, but yeah." I replied. "Life's fun when you don't care about things like that."

"Have you, y'know?" he spoke awkwardly, struggling to find words to say without coming across the wrong way.

"Fucked a girl? God, you're like every teenage boy ever." my head shook with laughter.

"C'mon, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just curious."

"Let's just say May wasn't too keen on me having sleepovers after I brought a Touron home once." I used my indirect words to gesture towards the response, watching Rafe's eyes widen progressively with shock. "What about you?"

"What about me?" he retorted.

"Could you see yourself being with another man?"

He hesitated. "I mean... I've never really thought about it. I've only ever liked girls. Dunno how that would work, anyway, being with a guy."

"Dick in the ass, that's how it works."

Both of us broke out into a fit of laughter, mainly because of how comfortable we were growing with each other. There were miles of difference between our relationship from just a few days ago, and our shared company simply brought us that much closer. I'd never thought for a second that Rafe Cameron would become the most important person in my life, but times have certainly changed since then.

I'd be perfectly content with having him as the only other person on this Earth with me if it meant we could share more of these effortlessly happy moments.

I readjusted my position on the boat seat, staring out onto the setting sun. The coral-toned sky fell over each crashing wave on the beach, brightening up the water with a golden light. Everything seemed prettier the longer I stared, and I couldn't help but wonder which drug it was a result of.

The familiar sound of a lighter clicking made me jolt my head back onto Rafe. A single cigarette rested between his teeth as he struggled with the flame, attempting to cup his palm around it whilst also keeping control of the boat.

Noticing his failing actions, I grabbed the lighter from his hold, igniting the end like he'd not been able to. He exhaled the cloud from his lips and passed the stick to my outreached fingers, permitting to take my own drag of the smoke.

"You don't like smoking." I recalled, remembering all the times he'd throw my half-burnt cigarettes on the floor.

"I'm a changed man, Cami. You're to blame for that." he joked, tucking my hair behind my ear before retrieving the rolled tobacco from my mouth.

"You're so fucking sappy."

"I'm not," he scoffed, "I'm just... mesmerised by your existence."

I stared at him blankly before suddenly snorting with laughter, covering my mouth to suppress the noises that came from it. Being high made everything amplified, and was clearly the reason behind why I found his statement so humorous.

"What?" Rafe chuckled awkwardly.

"Mesmerised by my existence?" I repeated. "You say that like I'm a zoo animal."

"You never let anyone compliment you without making fun of them. Just let me be nice for once."

"You? Being nice? God, I've corrupted the King of the Kooks." my eyes rolled sarcastically, causing him to playfully kick my shin.

"And I've turned the most self-righteous Pogue into one of us. Things changed for the better, huh."

We pulled up by the dock of the Glissons' estate, returning the boat to its original place and taking any traces of our belongings from it. Since I was just getting used to life in Tannyhill, having to secretly occupy a Figure 8 house without being caught was certainly proving to be a challenge.

Rafe linked my hand with his before resting his arm on my shoulders, pulling me close enough to plant a peck on my temple. Instead of heading for the front door, he led us toward the nearby beach- it clearly being the last stop on today's plan.

I shielded my eyes as we moved closer into the sunset. One thing I'd always loved about the Outer Banks was evenings by the ocean, though I hadn't spent many of my nights anywhere but at work. The golden sun highlighted everything that was even remotely nice on the island, making it appear that much more beautiful under the beam of light.

My head tilted to give me a better view of the boy beside me, observing his sun-kissed features. Working in an environment where Rafe was a frequent customer made me familiar with his face, but I'd never paid enough attention to just how flawless every aspect of him was.

"Why're you looking at me like that?" he noticed my stares, a red flush coming across his cheeks.

"I'm mesmerised by your existence." I teased, reaching up on my toes to peck his rose-tinted skin.

"I hate you." he faced the other direction in an attempt to hide his wide grin.

"We're way past that stage, Cameron. Don't kid yourself."

I locked my fingers around the back of his neck, pulling him to a height where kissing him was no longer a difficult task. There was no sexual intention in how our lips fell on each other, despite the obvious need that came with the drug we took.

Sex always overpowered any of my old relationships, whether I wanted it to or not. I shouldn't have been used to people leaving after I gave myself to them, but I was used to it more than I should've been open to admit. Somehow being used and discarded was second nature to me, and everything changed once I met Rafe.

I thought he'd used me in the beginning. Nothing hurt more than the drop in my stomach when I saw him with Amelia, but there was no point being stuck in the past when the present was so worth living.

I'd never felt that way before.

Every day spent in his presence made me realise just how many similarities we shared. Anything I hated about myself became perfect when found in him, and it was the most hypocritical of devotions one could ever have.

If it meant I could kiss him like I did then, I'd take the title of the world's greatest hypocrite with pride.

Rafe's chest rose as he pulled away from the connection of our lips, catching his breath as a result of the wordless moment between us. My Converse sank down into the sand, no longer needing to strain on my tiptoes to have to reach him at face-level.

Wanting to feel the same affection as I did seconds ago, I wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head where I could feel his heartbeat. I wasn't typically the touchy type of person, which was a clear explanation as to why the boy I was fixed to remained stiff.

"Hi." he laughed softly, tucking my hair behind both ears and using his hands to move my gaze onto him.

"Hi." I copied, staring into the same dilated pupils I'd adored all these previous times.

Eyes weren't anything but a gateway to people's stories before I fell on his. I was quick to analyse anyone's emotions through a simple glance, but never Rafe's. There was something so beautifully wrecked in the emptiness of his irises, and I admired them each time like a critic admires artwork.

Even when I was looking too far into them, there was not one flaw I could name. Standing close to art often results in noticing all the individual brush strokes, and each curve that went a little over the intended line, yet nothing seemed imperfect on him.

I would spend day and night building a museum for his eyes alone; they deserved to be worshipped by everyone like they were by me.

"You done yet?" Rafe continued toying with strands of my light brown hair.

"Why, are we in a rush?"

"You're gonna miss the sunset." he placed his hands on my shoulders, spinning me round so that I was facing the direction of the water.

He replaced his hands with the rest of his arms, holding me close against his body and swaying slightly as we looked out onto the ocean. I wrapped myself around him as he peered over the curve of my neck, occasionally pressing his lips against the exposed skin.

His touch made me feel complete. No matter how similar we were, he was always going to be closer to the complete version of myself than I would ever be, and his small actions brought me nearer to that than anything could.

People spend the entirety of their lives searching for a purpose and, by some miracle, there was a chance that I had found mine.

There was no other explanation for how perfectly our souls fit with each other than the fact that they were meant to, regardless of how different we were at first glance. All that mattered to me was every little moment in his arms, knowing that nothing could make me feel in ways he did.

Not alcohol, not cigarettes, not coke— just Rafe.

"How've you liked today?" I sensed his smile against my shoulder.

"It's been random, but not too bad."

"Not too bad," he scoffed mockingly, "why do I even try to impress you?"

I shook my head at his comment, "You say that like I'm forcing you to do anything."

"I wouldn't mind, depends on what conditions fall under 'anything'."

I stared out onto the waves as I took in Rafe's statement, coming up with the right response to what he was proposing. Taking his hands from around me, I led him further down the strip of sand, reaching a point where the ocean was close but not exactly reaching us.

"Now I'm scared." he laughed with underlying nervousness, watching as I kicked off my white Converse.

"You'll be lucky if I don't drown you." I moved my hair to one side. "D'you mind giving me a hand?"

A brief silence signified his confusion for what I'd asked. It wasn't like me to pass up on an opportunity to swim, and the setting sun only made the chance one that I needed to grasp.

"Fine, continue being a pussy." my fingers took hold of the dress zipper, letting the white fabric pool down at my feet. "Last one in the water's a rotten egg."

I clutched over my chest as I headed towards the waves, diving straight in once reaching an appropriate depth. My eyes stung from being flooded with saltwater, but the warmed temperature made any pain worthwhile. Blinking rapidly to clear my eyesight, I made out the image of Rafe laughing at me, bringing me back to the time I'd done the same at his party.

"You're insane." he chuckled, pulling the shirt over his head shortly after.

The closer he got to the shore, the louder my cheers got, constantly grinning as he followed my act of diving. I swam further out towards the last beam of sunlight that fell over the crashing waves, turning back to face the boy once the brightness became unbearable. The water was now reaching my shoulders, helpfully covering the skin of my exposed torso.

"Could've told me we were gonna go to the beach," I moved my palm against the wave so that Rafe's hair was completely soaked, "I would've worn a swimsuit if I knew."

"I'll make sure to never tell you for future reference." he picked me up by the waist, permitting me to wrap my legs around him.

"Of course you're getting off on this." I rolled my eyes sarcastically. "I won't be surprised if you end up throwing away all my clothes one day."

"I was only planning on the bikinis, but thanks for the idea."

I bit my inner cheek to hide the ever-growing grin that appeared with every word he spoke, taking his chin into my hand and positioning his face towards mine. Allowing myself to gaze at his features for a brief moment, I crashed against his lips at the same time as the wave, thankful for how possessive his hold was on me.

His intentions behind the action were both tender and passionate; a reflection of the exact split emotions I associated with him. For a fling that only started off based on surface level attraction, it'd grown into something equally strong as it was delicate. Nothing about us made sense, but I couldn't care as long as he continued having the same effect on me like he did from the start.

My eyebrows cinched in confusion whilst Rafe retreated from our kiss, despite still keeping his arms around my waist. I gathered my breath as I analysed his nervous mannerisms, wondering what had silently happened to spark his change in attitude.

"Hey, you okay?" I cupped his face with both palms, brushing strands of hair out of his eyes using the pad of my thumb.

"I need to tell you something, but you have to promise to stay quiet and not interrupt me."

"We both know I'm not one to make promises, but I'll try." I let out a soft laugh, having never seen him so focused on collecting himself.

"This is gonna sound really corny, but bare with me." he spoke like he had something rehearsed; a possible answer as to why he'd taken so long in the bathroom earlier.

"You're always corny, it's nothing new."

"Fuck off." he chuckled.

"It's getting dark and I'm getting cold, hurry up." I splashed him with a handful of seawater.

I watched him take a deep inhale and shut his eyes, only making me wonder more what he'd be dreading.

"Okay, um, I took you to all these places tonight 'cause I wanted to show you where I grew up. I know your life was far worse than mine, and I feel like a dick for complaining, but things aren't perfect here on our side of the island. I just kinda wanted to show you parts that are perfect to me, and I guess I hoped you'd love them like I do."

"Even if I enjoyed beating the shit out of Topper, I actually didn't mean for that to happen. I wanted to make today the best it could be for you, 'cause your standards are high for no reason, and I thought I messed up the second my fist hit him. But, you helped me, and I've never seen a girl even compare to how hot you are when you're beating someone up."

I broke out into a gentle laugh at his last statement, knowing he intended it to be more of a compliment than how it came across. My grin hadn't left my lips for a second since he'd started speaking, and I didn't want to ruin the moment in risk of it fading.

"Cami, you are the most beautiful, most addicting, fucking craziest girl I've met. I don't care if this makes me sound like a narcissist, but you're like a carbon copy of me, and I love that about you more than I should."

Ditto.

"I've fucked up so many times with you, and now I've fucked up 'cause I was planning to ask you this while the sun was still setting. There is no one I'd want to spend another sunset with but you. Damn, I'm really dragging this on, aren't I?"

My head nodded at his question, causing us both to grin just as wide as each other. If it was even humanly possible, I felt my heart warm with each confession he made. Everything he said matched what I'd been thinking all along, and enhanced the idea of being made for each other. The water-coated skin of my forehead rested against his, savouring any affection whilst I waited for his impending question to be voiced.

"Camille Fox, will you please be my girlfriend?"