So shiny and new

Mallory

I, Mallory Grace Lynch, was now a real woman. I was no longer a virgin. And as far as I knew, the only one out of me, Edie, and Rena that wasn't.

I wasn't sure what to think about it yet. Part of me felt different, lighter almost, like the weight I'd carried around for so long had finally been lifted. But then there were moments—when I'd catch myself thinking back on it—that the reality would hit me like a wave, and it felt like a shift in the world I hadn't quite prepared for.

I kept replaying the way Kian had kissed me. How his hands felt, strong but gentle, like he was trying to keep me anchored but also wanting to pull me into his world all at once. How everything else around us had just melted away when we were together.

It was a lot to take in.

But that was the thing with Kian. He was unpredictable—hot one minute, cold the next. One moment, he was pulling me close, making me feel like the only person who mattered, and the next, he was pulling away, leaving me questioning everything.

It wasn't even that I wanted him to be different. I didn't. The parts of him that felt dangerous, the parts that kept me on edge, they were just... well, him. And somehow, I was starting to get used to that, starting to want to understand why he was the way he was.

But still, I couldn't shake the questions. What now? Where did we go from here? Was it a one-time thing, or was there something more? Was it just the alcohol from the party, making us both lose control for a moment?

I didn't know.

I sat with Serena at lunch, picking at my sandwich, trying to avoid looking like I was dying inside. But of course, she noticed. She always did.

"You good?" Serena asked, raising an eyebrow at me. "You've been weird all day."

I forced a smile, pushing my food around on the tray. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired, you know?"

She didn't buy it. Serena was way too sharp for that. She leaned in a little closer, her voice dropping. "You're not acting fine. You can tell me, Mallory. What happened with you and Kian?"

I froze. My stomach flipped, and suddenly I didn't know how to breathe. I wasn't prepared to talk about this, not with Serena, not with anyone. I wanted to say something, anything, to deflect, but the words caught in my throat.

"Come on," she pressed, her eyes narrowing with curiosity. "You can't drop a bomb like that and leave me hanging."

I could feel the heat rushing to my cheeks, and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I glanced around the cafeteria, hoping no one was paying attention to us. But of course, it was like the whole world was watching.

Finally, I muttered, "We... we had sex."

There was a long silence, and I could practically hear Serena's brain working as she processed what I said. Her mouth dropped open a little, and she blinked a few times before she spoke again.

"No way," she whispered. "You and Kian? That's—wow, that's huge."

I nodded slowly, my throat dry. "Yeah. I didn't expect it. It just happened, and... I don't know, Serena. It felt different, but also so... weird."

Serena was quiet for a moment, her eyes searching mine, like she was trying to figure out if I was okay. I could tell she wasn't judging me, but I still felt like I was under a microscope. She didn't say anything for a second, and when she did, her tone was soft, careful.

"So... how was it?" she asked, and I could hear the genuine concern in her voice.

I hesitated, unsure how to even begin answering. My mind flashed to everything that had happened. The way Kian looked at me, the way he made me feel—everything had been so confusing, yet... it felt real.

"It was... good," I finally admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "But also kind of... messy? Like, I wasn't expecting to feel so... stirred by it, you know?"

Serena's eyebrows shot up, clearly surprised by my honesty. "I mean, I get it," she said, leaning in closer. "You and Kian are, like, intense. There's so much history there. It's not just some fling."

I nodded, but my stomach twisted. "That's the thing. I don't know what it is. It's not like it's just... easy. Everything with him feels like it's complicated."

Serena thought for a moment, her voice thoughtful. "I get why you'd feel that way. Kian's not exactly the 'relationship' type, is he? But that doesn't mean you can't figure things out, right?"

I stared at the table, feeling a lump form in my throat. "Yeah, I guess. But it's not that simple. He's different with me. He's... he's not like how he is with everyone else. I think he's trying, but I'm not sure what that means."

Serena sighed, her hand gently touching mine across the table. "Mallory, you don't need to figure it all out right now. You're still figuring out what this even means for you. But you deserve to know what it feels like, without second-guessing yourself. You just have to go with it, without worrying about everyone else."

I took a deep breath, feeling a little lighter at her words. "Thanks, Rena," I said quietly, feeling a slight sense of relief. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Serena gave me a warm smile. "You don't have to do anything alone, Mallory. You know I'm always here for you."

I smiled back, but in the back of my mind, Kian's face loomed, as much as I tried to push it away. What did it all mean? What was I supposed to do with how I felt about him?

I couldn't answer that, not yet. But for now, talking to Serena helped. Maybe that's all I needed: time.

For the past few days, it felt like Kian was deliberately avoiding me. It wasn't like the usual tension between us—it was different this time. When we passed each other in the hallway, he'd barely look at me, and when I tried to talk to him, he'd give me one-word answers before quickly walking off. It felt like we were back at square one, like all that had happened between us—everything we'd shared—was suddenly erased.

I couldn't stand it.

After school on Friday, I found him in the garage, tinkering with one of the cars. His back was to me, but I could see the tense set of his shoulders. The moment I stepped in, he stiffened even more. I couldn't let this slide anymore, so I marched over to him, my fists clenched at my sides.

"Kian," I said, my voice a little more forceful than I meant it to be. "What's going on? Why are you avoiding me?"

He didn't turn around, didn't even acknowledge me at first. My heart pounded in my chest as I watched him tighten the wrench in his hand. I wasn't going to let him brush me off again.

"You've been acting weird ever since... well, ever since that happened," I pressed, my words a little quieter now. "What's going on?"

Finally, he dropped the wrench with a clatter and turned around to face me. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes were cold, like he was shutting me out. "You should go," he muttered, his voice tight.

I raised an eyebrow, not backing down. "No. I'm not leaving until you tell me what the hell is going on."

Kian exhaled sharply, rubbing his hand through his hair in frustration. His eyes met mine, but they were full of something else now—something that I hadn't seen before. Fear. Guilt. Something was clearly bothering him, and I needed to know what it was.

"It's not what you think, Mallory," he said, his voice softer now but still edged with tension. "You don't get it."

I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to keep my composure. "Then explain it to me. Because I'm getting tired of playing these games."

He ran a hand down his face, sighing like it was a weight he couldn't shake. "If your dad found out what we did... I..I could lose my job. And I don't know if I can handle that. I don't think I can handle someone else hating me. I couldn't handle him hating me."

I froze. His words hit me harder than I expected. I didn't know what to say at first. Kian had a point—my dad was a hard man, especially when it came to work. And the idea of him finding out that his daughter and one of his employees had slept together... I could see why Kian would be afraid of that.

But still... that wasn't an excuse to just shut me out.

"Are you seriously gonna let my dad ruin everything between us?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. "Because you're scared of what he might think?"

Kian's face softened for a moment, but the anger returned almost instantly. "I'm not scared of your dad," he snapped. "I just don't want to make things harder for you, okay? I don't want to put you in the middle of my shit."

I blinked, a little taken aback by his raw honesty. "Kian," I said quietly, trying to calm the situation. "You don't have to do this alone. I can handle it. Whatever happens with my dad, I'll be okay."

He looked at me like he didn't believe me, and it made my chest ache. But I wasn't going to back down. If he was pushing me away because of my dad, then that was something I couldn't let happen. I wasn't just going to stand by and let him isolate himself.

"I want you to stop pushing me away," I said, taking a step closer to him. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not just going to pretend like everything's fine between us when it's not."

Kian looked at me for a long moment, like he was weighing something in his mind. Finally, he exhaled sharply and ran his hand through his hair again.

"I don't know what to do, Mallory," he muttered, his voice quieter now. "I don't want to lose this. But I don't want to drag you into my mess either."

I could see the vulnerability in his eyes now, the wall he'd built between us cracking. And for the first time in days, I saw a glimpse of the Kian I'd kissed, the one who wasn't afraid to let me in.

"We'll figure it out," I said firmly, stepping up to him. "Together. You don't have to handle everything on your own."

Kian didn't answer right away. Instead, he just stared at me, his eyes searching my face, like he was trying to figure out if I meant it. I wasn't sure if I did, if this would all be as easy as I was pretending it would be.

But I was willing to try.

Finally, he nodded, his shoulders relaxing slightly. "Okay," he said quietly, almost to himself. "We'll figure it out."

I moved closer to him, cupping his cheeks, "I'm in this for the long haul, Holland, I want to be with you."