21

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONEclover's pov

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"STOP OVERTHINKING THIS SHIT CLOVER AND JUST DO IT," I mumble to myself as I ring Danesha's doorbell. I'm so glad she got rid of that ring camera—if she saw me on the camera she probably wouldn't answer the door. When the door opened I was expecting either Danesha or Adonis, not who the man I was looking at right now.

"Who you?" A dark skin man with a bald head and nice shaped beard with patches of grey in it. He wore a black polo button up and some nice black slacks.

"Clover. Who are you?" I press my lips in a thin line and fold my arms cross each other. The man mimicked me.

"Ohh so you're Clover. I've heard a good deal from Danesha about you."

"Excuse me? What's that suppose to mean?"

He chuckled, not rude but more like he found me amusing. "Relax. Nothing wild. She just mentioned you was... complicated."

"Wow. That's bold considering you don't even know me," I said, squinting a little.

"I don't gotta know you. I'm just the boyfriend." He stepped aside and opened the door a little wider. "But I do know she's home, and she said she wasn't ducking no conversations. So go ahead."

I blinked. "Boyfriend?"

"Mhm."

Well damn.

Walking into Danesha's house felt weird. Not uncomfortable, just... weird. I ain't been here since her and Adonis threw that graduation cookout last summer. Felt like a whole lifetime ago.

"She's in the kitchen," he said, and then he left me alone. Didn't even follow behind. Just turned the TV back on and went about his business. Cool dude, I guess.

When I walked in the kitchen, Danesha was wiping off the counter. No music. No apron. No sassy attitude. Just her, in some house shorts and an old Benedict College tee. Her hair was up in one of those quick-and-done buns, no makeup, just her raw face. She looked tired.

"Hey," I said, standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Hey," she replied without looking up. She rinsed the rag out, wrung it, then folded it over the sink before finally turning to face me. "You came."

"You told me to."

She shrugged. "I ain't think you would. You don't always follow through."

I had to catch myself before my mouth got slick. Instead, I pulled out one of the chairs at the table and sat. "Well, I'm here."

Danesha leaned against the counter and crossed her arms. We sat in silence for a good few seconds. The kind of silence where the air feel like it's vibrating. I watched her take a slow breath, then exhale through her nose.

"I'm not gon' curse you out. If that's what you expecting," she said flatly.

"I didn't come here to argue either."

"So why did you come?"

I sat with that question. Not because I didn't know the answer—but because saying it out loud felt heavier than I thought it would.

"Because I care about your son. And I care about myself," I finally said. "And neither of us can move forward if I don't make things right between us."

Danesha nodded, slow and skeptical. "So this about you and your peace?"

"Nah. This about all of us."

She walked over and sat across from me, resting her elbows on the table. "I told myself I wasn't gonna cry today, so don't say nothing crazy."

I gave a little half-laugh. "You really think I came to hurt you?"

She gave me a look. Not hateful. Just honest. "I think you came here to clean your slate. But Clover... what you did? You broke a boundary that ain't even supposed to be touched. That's my son."

"I know," I whispered. "And I'm sorry."

"You ain't gotta whisper it. Say it like you mean it."

I cleared my throat. "I'm sorry, Danesha. I'm sorry for how I hurt you. For how I betrayed your trust. I'm sorry I didn't come to you sooner and look you in the eye like I am now."

Her jaw clenched. "I knew. I knew before he told me. A mother always knows."

"I figured you had some idea."

"I prayed it wasn't true. And then when I saw that damn look in his eyes when your name came up..." She shook her head. "It made me sick."

I swallowed, my voice tight. "I felt sick too. Still do."

"You know how I used to brag about you? How I told people you were like family?" Her voice cracked, but she blinked quick and brushed past it. "Clover, I ain't perfect. I ain't never claimed to be. But I trusted you."

"I didn't mean to take advantage of that."

"But you did."

We sat quiet again. Not because there was nothing left to say—just because we were both sitting with the truth.

"I don't hate you," she said after a while. "As much as I wanted to, I just... I can't."

"I don't hate you either," I said. "You did what any mother would do."

"You mean cuss you out on Facebook?"

"That, and protect her son."

Danesha snorted. "Yeah well, I regret the post. I took it down."

"I saw."

"I was angry. Embarrassed."

"I don't blame you."

She looked at me for a moment, eyes softer now. "You still seeing him?"

I nodded slowly. "No. He saw me recently though."

She didn't say anything for a long time. Just stared at her chipped nail polish like it was telling her a story.

"Are you going to see him?"

"Yes," I let out softly.

"I'm not gonna pretend I like it. I still think it's messy. Complicated. And if he ends up hurt, I'll hold both of y'all accountable."

"I understand."

"But... he grown now. And I can't control who he loves. Just like I can't control how life unfolds. I did what I could. Now it's his life."

I breathed in deep. "Thank you for saying that."

She stood up and walked to the fridge, pulled out a bottle of water, and slid it across the table to me. That was her peace offering. And I took it with both hands.

"I'm not saying we gonna be cool like we used to," she said as she leaned against the counter again. "I can't pretend this didn't change things."

"I wouldn't expect you to."

"But I ain't gonna keep holding on to this grudge either. It's too heavy."

I nodded. "So... we good?"

She smirked a little. "Yeah we are."

I smiled back at her.

Just then, her boyfriend walked back in the room, clearly trying not to eavesdrop but also not doing a great job of hiding it. "Y'all good?"

"We straight," Danesha said, waving him off.

I stood up, adjusting my purse on my shoulder. "Thanks for letting me come."

"Don't thank me. Just be better."

That hit not gonna lie. I nodded. "I will."

As I turned to leave, she called out behind me. "When see Adonis... tell him to come to Sunday dinners again."

I looked back at her confused. "He doesn't live here anymore?"

"No. He moved out a while back."

"Oh.. okay. When I find him, I will."

She smiled at me. And sooner than later I left outta her house.

━。゜✿ฺ✿ฺ゜。━

I ain't even get to the end of Danesha's driveway before my heart started thumping all over again.

Everything was said. Everything was done. And yet I felt like I couldn't breathe easy until I saw him.

I got back in my car, closed the door soft, and sat for a second with my head against the headrest. My phone buzzed in my lap.

BROOKLYN: He lives off Beecher & Maple now. Apartment 3B. Stacee confirmed it. If you going, go now.

I don't know what made me text them earlier, but I guess deep down I already knew I wasn't gonna be able to sleep tonight if I didn't see him. All that "we'll talk later" bullshit? Nah. Later wasn't gon' cut it.

I pulled off before I could talk myself out of it.

The apartment complex wasn't nothing fancy. Just some brick units with a small patch of grass in the front and cheap numbers bolted next to the doors. I parked halfway on the curb, halfway in the yard—didn't even care. My legs felt wobbly when I got out the car. By the time I reached 3B, I could hear a TV low behind the door.

I knocked.

No answer.

I knocked again, a little firmer.

The lock clicked.

When the door swung open, I swear my whole brain short-circuited.

Adonis stood there with nothing but blue plaid pajama pants hanging low off his waist and a silver chain resting on his bare chest. His eyes were a little red like he'd either just woke up or been smoking. His hair and mustache and goatee was clean. It made my mouth go dry.

"...Clover?" His voice sounded like a scratchy whisper. Surprised, but not mad.

"Can I come in?"

He blinked at me like he had to make sure I was real, then opened the door wider and stepped back.

The second I walked inside, I could smell him. That warm, woody cologne with a little hint of weed and mint. It smelled like him. Home. The door closed behind me with a soft click.

"I ain't expect you."

"I didn't expect to come," I said, not turning around yet. "But I needed to."

He didn't say nothing for a minute. Just stood behind me breathing slow. I finally turned to face him.

His eyes were softer than I remembered. Tired but open. Hurt but still him.

"Your mom and I talked."

His head tilted a little. "How'd that go?"

"We'll never be as close as we once were," I said quietly, "but she doesn't hate me.. so that's good."

He gave a slow nod, jaw flexing a little. "Good."

"I had to do it... for me. For you too."

Silence again. This time thicker.

"I been thinking a lot," he said finally. "About everything. About you."

"I know."

"And?"

"I been thinking about you too," I said. "More than I should've. More than I wanted to."

He stepped closer, arms still hanging loose at his sides, like he didn't know if he was allowed to reach for me.

"I messed up," I said, voice breaking a little. "I was scared. Scared of how it looked. Scared of what it meant. Scared of me."

He exhaled hard through his nose, staring down at the floor. "Clover, I ain't never asked you to be perfect. I just needed you to be real with me."

"I'm being real now."

He looked up. Our eyes locked.

"I love you."

The words came out before I could second guess them. I just want to tell the truth, it sits between us like spilled wine.

Adonis blinked. His lips parted like he was gonna say something, but he didn't.

"I love you," I repeated, voice firmer this time. "And I don't care if nobody understands it or agrees with it. You've been there for me in ways I didn't even know I needed. You've always stayed."

He walked up slow. Stopped just inches from me. His chest rose and fell steady, and I could feel the heat from his body like it was drawing me in.

"I love you too," he said finally, his voice deep, slow, almost broken. "Been in love with you. I just didn't know if I was enough for you."

"You are."

He stared at me for a second longer—then reached out and cupped my face with both hands. I didn't even hesitate. My body melted into him like it belonged there.

When our lips met, it was soft and slow. He tilted his head and slid his tongue in, which I sucked on before adding mine into his mouth. I felt him grip my neck, pulling us closer like he couldn't stand the space between us.

I pulled back to catch my breath—only for him to kiss me again, deeper this time. My hands rested on his bare waist, fingers curling into the sides of those loose pajama pants.

He walked us over to the nearest wall and slipped his hand beneath my shirt, fingertips trailing along my skin. "Lift up your arms for me, ma," he rasped.

I did as told, and he pulled the shirt over my head fast. I did the same to his—while he unbuckled my pants. I slid them down myself. In one swift move, Adonis wrapped his arms beneath my thighs and hoisted me up. I wrapped my legs around his torso, arms around his neck, letting him carry me like I weighed nothing.

My back met the wall with a soft thud, but I didn't care. His grip tightened just enough to remind me he was in control of this moment—and that I was safe in it.

His mouth dropped to my neck, kissing down the side slowly, dragging his tongue across that spot that made my whole spine tingle. I gasped, fingers threading through his curls as I pressed my chest into his. He groaned against my skin like he needed me just as bad as I needed him.

"You don't know what you do to me," he muttered, his voice low and breathy.

"Show me then," I whispered back.

He kissed me again—slower now, deeper, his tongue tangling with mine like we were tasting everything we'd been holding back. I pulled back just enough to look at him. His eyes were dark, focused, but still soft. His forehead pressed to mine again.

"You sure?" he asked, voice damn near cracking. "I don't want this if it's temporary. If you still unsure..."

"I'm not," I said without blinking. "I'm done running from this. From you."

He nodded once, jaw tight, then carried me from the wall toward the couch. When he sat down, I was straddling him, knees planted on either side of his hips. His hands roamed my sides, my back, tracing the curves like he was memorizing them.

I leaned down, kissing him slow and deep again. His hands gripped my waist as he kissed back, then traveled down to the small of my back. We stayed like that for a while—just kissing, holding, breathing each other in.

My fingers traced the outline of the chain on his chest as I whispered, "You know this don't fix everything, right?"

He looked up at me, brushing my locs from my face. "I ain't looking for perfect. I just want real."

I nodded, chest tight.

"That's what this is," I said. "Real."

We kissed again, slower this time. We know that our relationship could potentially be messy, but in this moment—on this couch, with his hands on me and my lips on his—it was just us.

No judgment. No drama. Just me and Adonis.

Adonis separated the kiss. His lips were swollen, eyes lower than usual. He looked primal... like he could devour me with one lick.

With one hand, he gently pushed on my stomach, laying me back on his headrest. His other hand stayed wrapped around me as he unhooked my pink lace bra and pulled it off.

Suddenly, I felt nervous. I hated that. My body reacted before I could stop it—I crossed my arms over my chest, hands covering myself. My breasts were spilling out between my arms.

Adonis blinked. His face looked confused for a second, but then his eyes softened.

"Clover," he said, voice low and raspy. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I promise."

I don't know why, but I felt like I could cry. I bit my lip and looked away for a second.

He didn't push. Instead, he slowly moved my arms aside and pinned them gently on either side of my head with one hand. Then he bent down and started kissing me near my hips, slow and deliberate. His long, thick tongue glided up my stomach, leaving a trail that made me suck in a sharp breath. A moan slipped out before I could stop it.

Adonis sucked on the skin near my ribs, kissing up my body until he reached the side of my breast.

I started to squirm beneath him, needy and aching for more. I needed some kind of collision. Some kind of pressure.

"Stop squirming, baby," he mumbled between kisses. "Let me take my time whichu."

"We have—" I started, but lost my breath the second he bit my nipple. "We have all the time in the world together. Fuck me hard."

"Whatever you want, baby," he muttered.

He let a thin line of saliva fall from his mouth, slow, right onto my nipple. Then he bent down quick and sucked the hell out of it like he couldn't get enough.

I arched my back, pressing my stomach against his. My fingers trailed down into his pajama pants...

He wasn't wearing boxers.

I grabbed hold of his thick member, stroking it slow. I felt his mouth vibrate against my chest when he groaned. He pinched my other nipple and it made me squeeze his dick instinctively.

"Shit, Clover," he hissed, pulling my nipple from his mouth to look at me.

"I want it in my mouth, Adonis," I moaned. "Put it in there for me."

He mumbled something low and incoherent, voice strained.

Then he pulled me down by my waist, holding eye contact the whole time. He moved my hand from his waistband, then pulled his pants down—finally letting that dick breathe.

And every time I saw it, I swear... I forgot how thick and long it really was. I licked my lips without even thinking about it. That man was fine, and that dick was disrespectful. Thick. Long. Veiny. Sitting heavy in his palm.

I grabbed ahold of his shit so fast, I don't even think I blinked.

Adonis leaned his hands back on the armrest—head tilted, breathing heavy. The farther he leaned down, the easier my access was. I used my thumb to smear the precum over his tip, then sat up and took all of it into my mouth. No hesitation.

I ran my tongue around the head, slow at first. Then twisted my head a little—I wanted the whole thing dripping.

"Shit, Clover... keep goin, ma," Adonis grunted, his voice damn near trembling.

I slid my hand behind his thigh and pulled him closer, determined. I could've sworn I had a gag reflex, but the deeper his dick went in my throat, the less I cared. I pulled him out—not all the way though—and hollowed my cheeks, sucking hard on the tip.

He damn near crushed the armrest, but I couldn't even look up to see. I was focused.

With my free hand, I started playing with his balls, gentle but firm. Then leaned back just a bit and picked up the pace, bobbing my head faster.

"I'm finna... ma, I'm bout to—" he barely got the words out before I felt that thick, warm cum shoot in my mouth. It was a lil tangy but I sucked his shit clean.

"Clover... Clover, whatchu—oh shit. Oh shiiiiiit," Adonis stuttered, breathless, when I sucked in his balls next.

I ain't gone  lie—this was fun. And I don't even do this for just anybody. It ain't really my style. But when I do go down? I don't stop til you trembling.

He gripped the back of my head and started guiding me, moving me up and down while I stroked him with both hands.

Sooner than later, he came again—this time all over my chest.

He didn't even let me process before flipping us over and collapsing on top of me on the couch, chest heaving.

"You freaked out, ma," he exhaled between laughs, his voice low and spent.

I side-eyed him, pushing his chest playfully. "You're one to talk. You worse than me."

"I might be," he whispered in my ear, lips brushing against my skin as he kissed along my neck. "And I want more, too."

"I'm already knowing," I raised. I pulled down my lace panties and gripped his dick with one hand, and with the other I let my hands spread on his chest. He rubbed up and down my hips and helped me put it in when lowered myself down. We let out a satisfying moan in sync.

"You tight as fuck Clo. Put it all the way fa me," Adonis moaned.

"I... I... it's too big baby," I responded while moaning. With the pad of his thumb, Adonis dipped his hand in between my lips and rubbed my clit in circles.

"I'm already knowing," I said with a smirk.

I pulled down my lace panties slow, eyes locked on him. One hand gripped his dick, the other spread across his chest, feeling his heartbeat race under my palm.

He rubbed up and down my hips, steady, then helped guide himself in while I lowered down onto him.

We let out a moan at the same time.

"Relax f'me, just like that... There you go," he whispered, coaxing me deeper.

My eyes fluttered shut. His touch was doing somethin' to me. That pressure, the stretch, the rhythm—it was too much and not enough all at once. I gripped his chest tighter, trying to adjust, to take it.

"Damn, you feel too good," he muttered, dragging his hands up my waist.

I moved my hips slow, trying to catch a groove. That first bounce made my stomach flip.

Adonis sucked his teeth and threw his head back, hands gripping my thighs. "Fuck, Clover..."

I started grinding slow, rolling my hips in slow circles while keeping my hands on his chest for balance. Every time I slid down, I swore I felt him deeper. I bit down on my lip, trying not to cry out, but Adonis could feel it in how I clenched around him.

"Just like that," he groaned, his voice cracking a little. "Keep riding it, baby. Don't stop."

I leaned forward and kissed his neck, sucking right under his ear. His arms wrapped around my back, holding me tight.

Each bounce had both of us losing control. The sound of skin slapping filled the room, the couch creaking beneath us. My thighs were burning, but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop.

"Shit, shit, shit," I breathed out, my head falling forward onto his shoulder. "I'm gonna cum, baby..."

"Let it out. I'm right there with you," Adonis panted, rubbing my clit harder while he thrust up into me from underneath.

The last few strokes hit that perfect spot—and everything in me just snapped. I let out a loud, broken moan as my body shook, legs trembling. I felt him follow right after me, burying himself deep as he groaned into my neck.

We stayed like that for a second. Sweaty and tangled up in each other.

Then slowly, I eased off him, legs weak as hell. He caught me before I could fully sit up. He situated me on the couch first before heading to the back—I'm assuming he went to his bathroom.

He came back with a warm cloth and wiped me up. Adonis left again and when he came back he pulled me right into his arms.

"Come here," he whispered, dragging the throw blanket off the back of the couch and wrapping it around us. I laid on top of him, chest still rising and falling hard, head tucked under his chin. He smelled like sex and skin and faint cologne—and I couldn't lie, I loved it.

I can get use to this.

Neither of us said anything for a moment. Just silence, except for the sound of the fan spinning above us and both of our breathing finally slowing down.

Adonis kissed my forehead. "You alright?"

I nodded, eyes still closed. "More than alright."

He laughed softly, low in his chest. "You really was tryna kill me tonight."

"You needed that," I muttered sleepily.

"So did you."

I opened my eyes and looked up at him. "I meant what I said earlier, you know."

He looked down. "That you love me?"

I nodded.

"I love you too, Clover," he said back. "Ain't nobody ever made me feel the way you do."

I didn't reply. Just laid my head back down and smiled to myself as he held me tighter. His fingers lazily traced along my back, and eventually, I felt my eyes start to close.

Wrapped up in his arms, body sore, heart soft... I finally felt at peace. Finally.