Chapter Three: Breaking Down

The moment Lena stepped foot into her apartment, she broke down into tears. She wasn't sure whether her tears stemmed from the relief of being freed from the elevator or from the pain and darkness in her heart.

She tossed her bags onto the couch, turned on the stereo and poured a large glass of scotch.

"Soldier Of Love", by Sade began to play.

https://open.spotify.com/track/0bgsj8kz5zWbQ6njk2Oqoz?si=Lqp1pxXGS827LYHRUfZifA

She drank down the entire glass and slammed it down on the table. The last month was the worst of her adult life. It seemed fitting that she would end the year, trapped in an elevator, contemplating public urination.

The only bright light in her night was her conversation with Kara. It was one of the best conversations she had in a very long time. She was always talking to aggressive attorneys and clients. Kara was the opposite of aggressive. She was soft and supportive in all the right ways and Lena needed someone who understood what she needed.

Speaking to Kara made her feel warm and safe, but it also scared her to death. Her heart and her emotions were still raw. She was crying constantly and her consumption of alcohol was bordering on concerning. She knew in her heart that she wasn't ready to feel anything for anyone, but even her short time talking to Kara awoke something inside of her. Something that made her ache. Something that consumed her thoughts and her heart.

Hearing Kara reassure her made her feel stronger. If they had met at a different time, she would have ran to Kara's building. If she was emotionally stable, she would have insisted on meeting Kara, but her heart just wasn't ready. The stress and pain in her life was almost too much to bare. She knew in her heart that she wasn't worthy to take up space in Kara's precious world.

She wanted to see Kara's face and meet her but she knew it wasn't in the cards. She knew that she needed to heal and she couldn't do that trying to start something up with someone new. She would need to be content with the memory of their conversation, but it was important to keep Kara at arms length. She could sense Kara wanting something more from her and she knew she just had nothing worth giving.

She would have to be content with the memory of their conversation. She knew Kara would never be hers but she would try and find a way to say thank you. She could do that much.

***

"She Lit A Fire", by Lord Huron.

https://open.spotify.com/track/0zCckv4tx3KzJ5GGTRbbLf?si=Kb5q6L65TgygmUEh85vZCQ

Kara searched for the next week trying to find the woman she spoke to. She went to the Tyson building and tried speaking to security about the trapped woman, but they had no idea what she was talking about. It turned out that having a woman trapped in the elevator on Christmas Eve was no big deal to the people who worked at the Tyson building.

Kara's hope was renewed when she remember she could look at the list of law firms in the building. She ran to the elevator bank and looked at the list of the companies in the building. There were fifteen law firms in the building that started with a G. Kara wondered if she should fight to maintain her connection to Lena or if this was fate telling her to let it go.

Kara returned to the office and sat down at her desk. It was unusual for her to take any time for herself, but her mind was consumed by the mysterious woman.

Kara laid her head down on her desk and gently slammed her head onto the desk a few times.

"Come on Kara. Get a fucking grip. You never even saw her face", Kara muttered to herself as she continued to pound her head against the desk. "Please let her be an ugly racist. Knowing my luck, she's stunning. God, please help me."

"Flower delivery", a chipper voice said loudly behind Kara startling her.

"What?", she asked turning around quickly.

Kara found Rebecca, the firm's annoyingly chipper office assistant holding a massive arrangement of flowers.

"What is that?" Kara asked.

"They're for you", Rebecca said handing Kara the arrangement. "Someone must love you very much. This arrangement is breathtaking."

Rebecca quickly scurried off and left Kara sitting there with half a flower shop in her hands. Kara set the arrangement down on the desk and pulled out the card.

To my hero,

Thank you for all of your help the other night. I survived and celebrated with a glass of whiskey the size of my head. Your kindness and your words gave me the strength not to give up. For that, I will forever be thankful and indebted to you. You're lovely. ~ Lena

Kara looked at the envelope and the card. No address, no phone number. She gave Kara nothing.

"Come on Lena. Give me some help here. The flowers are beautiful, but I just want to talk to you. Maybe I could call the flower shop. Maybe they have your information."

Kara reached for her phone when it began to ring. She picked it up. Even before Kara could speak, she heard Lena's voice on the other line.

"Hello? Kara?"

A warmth rushed from the top of Kara's head to the tips of of her toes.

"Hello. Yes. This is Kara."

"Hi Kara, it's Lena. The woman from the elevator on Christmas Eve."

Kara couldn't speak. There was just silence.

"The lawyer? The woman who was way too truthful with you? The woman who had to pee really bad."

Suddenly, Kara started to laugh uncontrollably.

"I speak to so many strange women in elevators. Could you be more specific?" Kara asked teasing. "Hi Lena, how are you? It's good to see you escaped."

"I'm good. Did you receive my flowers?"

"I did. They are gorgeous. I've never seen flowers this nice before."

"Good. That's what I was aiming for. I wanted something that said 'thanks for putting up with my insanity for hours and listening to me talk about how badly I needed to urinate'."

"How was that first pee?", Kara asked not caring how crass the question was.

"Heaven. I just grinned from ear to ear", Lena said, equally oblivious to the social convention of not discussing bodily functions.

Kara chuckled loudly, which did not escape the notice of her co-workers around her. They looked up for a moment and gave her the side eye before returning to their work. Kara turned around and whispered into the phone. Normally she would have ended the call when she saw disapproving eyes but she couldn't risk losing her again.

"I'm glad you called. I was kind of disappointed I didn't get your number the other night and the call cut out in the middle of you saying your last name."

"Oh. My last name is Luthor."

"Ohhhh. There are probably some very confused women with the name Lena Lu out there right now."

Now it was Lena who exploded into raucous laughter.

"What did you do to those poor Lena Lus? Never mind. I'm not sure I want to know."

"I just hated the way our call ended the other day. I at least wanted to check in and make sure you got out of the elevator safely."

"I was so glad you warned me about the reset. It was terrifying. All of the lights shut off and there was a loud noise and a jolt before the elevator started up again. It moved down normally and I was finally freed. I was so happy I cried a little. It was a little scary going through everything alone after having you there to keep me calm. That's really why I sent the flowers. I really appreciate you getting me through everything. It was wonderful that you called Joe, but hearing your voice helped soothe me in a way you'll never know."

"I'm glad. All I wanted to do was make you smile so things didn't feel so bad. I know you've had a terrible time and you weren't exactly in the best place before you stepped onto that elevator."

"Well, you succeeded in making me smile during the worst experience of my life and for that, I will forever be indebted to you. Forever, I mean it. Hey, I need to run into a meeting but I wanted to make sure you got your flowers and say thank you again."

Kara panicked.

"Lena, before you go. Can I get your number?"

"I don't know. Listen, I really enjoyed our conversation and I appreciate everything you did but I am just not in a great place right now emotionally. I know you probably want more. With everything that happened I just can't give a whole lot right now."

"I just want to be your friend."

"How about this? Are you working late tonight?"

"Always."

"Why don't I call you tonight? We can talk while we work. Maybe it will make things less lonely and miserable."

"That's not a bad compromise."

"I just feel a little sensitive right now. I need to take things very slow, even if this is just friendship."

"Go as slow as you need to", Kara said softly. She felt like she was a hostage negotiator, talking to a person standing on a very thin ledge. She knew she needed to be cautious and take it easy or she would scare her off. A huge part of her thought she should just walk away. Lena was clearly a little crazy and maybe not the most stable at the moment. Still, she liked her and she wanted to know her as much as she could.

"I will be here and you know where to find me. Just call me if you feel like talking, okay?"

"I will. Thank you for understanding, Kara and thank you for everything on Christmas Eve. You really were my hero."

"Hearing your voice right now makes it all worth it."

"I'll call you tonight. Have a good day."

"You too."

***

Kara spent the remainder of the day completely distracted. The thought of Lena's voice echoed in her mind. Really, she knew nothing about this woman, but she wanted to know her. She wasn't quite sure why. Maybe it was because she had been working so much, she hadn't been able to establish a real human connection with a woman in a while. Maybe it was because Lena was so deeply flawed, it gave Kara a purpose.

Maybe it was because the sound of Lena's voice made their hairs on the back of her neck dance. All she knew was how thankful she was that Lena had reached out. So, she didn't have her number. She had her name. She could now track her down and reach out to her but she had to respect Lena's request for control and a slow pace. She knew if she pushed too hard, Lena would walk away.

***

It was half past eleven when Kara had given up hope that Lena would call. Her heart sank and she felt a sadness wash over her.

"Head On", by Man Man played softly through Kara's computer.

https://open.spotify.com/track/6pwYi8JStPRDK7bk2qul9w?si=XuVRYhPUQ6ajF08WVPLaGw

"Maybe she decided I wasn't interesting enough to talk to. Maybe she decided she wasn't ready for a friend. Jesus Kara, maybe she just got busy and you need to stop overthinking this."

Kara was so focused on her disappointment, she didn't hear the first ring of her phone. When she realized it was ringing, she fumbled to answer it.

"Kleiner Shaw", Kara said praying it was Lena.

"Hi Kara", Lena said softly.

"Hi Lena." A smile moved across her face and her checks flushed with heat.

"I'm sorry I'm calling so late. My secretary scheduled a nine pm client interview that ran long."

Kara couldn't help but grin.

So, she was busy.

"All I wanted to do was kick the client out and call you."

Now Kara's heart leapt in her chest.

"No worries. I was just sitting here reviewing more calculations. We're going to the build site tomorrow, so everything has to be ready."

"I hope I'm not disturbing you."

"Not at all. It's nice to have the company. No one else works these long hours, so I'm by myself. I like hearing your voice. So, what are you working on?"

"Two Purchase and Sale agreements and a few emails back to clients. Nothing interesting."

"I think the law is very interesting."

"You don't have to lie, Kara. The law is boring, even to lawyers", Lena said with a little chuckle.

"It's not a lie. I think lawyers are brilliant. The law is so complicated. How do you remember all of the cases? I'm always fascinated when I watch legal dramas and lawyers are always firing off case names."

Lena exploded into laughter.

"You're cute."

"Why thank you", Kara said grinning. "I like to think so."

"And you're modest too."

"Life is too short to be modest", Kara said uncharacteristically playful. "I'm fucking awesome."

"I agree. I think self-confidence is very attractive."

"So, you think I'm attractive?"

Lena was silent. Kara could feel the awkwardness of her pause. She decided to move on.

"So, I have a question for you", Kara said.

"Shoot."

"How hard was it getting back into an elevator for work?"

"Pretty awful but I work on the 40th floor so stairs aren't an option for me."

"I'm impressed you didn't just work from home."

"Trust me, I considered it. Instead, I peed, grabbed water, some snacks, my warmest sweater, a blanket, an emergency radio, my trusty pocket knife, and clenched my jaw all the way up. I'm probably going to be a crazy prepper for a while."

Kara knew Lena had suffered a serious trauma, but she was so honest, Kara couldn't help but laugh.

"I am so sorry. Your delivery is just too funny."

"I get it. It doesn't sound funny in my mind and then I say it and even I have to laugh."

"But, you were okay? Really?"

"I was. I made it to the 40th floor and I am strongly considering taking the stairs down when I go home. It should only take me an hour to get downstairs", Lena said with a sad laugh.

"You'll be okay. How about you tell me when you're leaving and if I don't hear from you within ten minutes I'll call Joe."

Lena chuckled. Kara wished she could see Lena's smile but she knew Lena was sensitive and maybe had a screw loose. She needed to be careful and tread lightly.

"I like that idea. Thank you Kara."

"Don't mention it. I'm just your resident engineer, slash elevator hero."

"I guess I'm lucky that you answered. What if it had been someone who didn't speak English or a phone sex line? My whole evening could have gone very differently."

"If it had been a phone sex line, your evening definitely would have gone very differently. You may have not wanted to leave the elevator. Sorry you ended up with the boring engineering firm."

"It got sexy there when you were talking to Joe. I wonder what he looks like."

"He sounded like he was about five feet tall, covered in body hair and prematurely balding. I'm seeing Danny Devito in my head."

"Yikes. Okay. There's an image that will be burned in my mind for eternity. Thanks Kara."

"I like when you say my name", Kara said before she thought about the way it sounded. She meant it. She liked the way Lena said her name.

Lena said nothing. There was just silence.

"Lena? You there?"

"Yeah. I...I just...well", Lena stammered.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Listen, I am keenly aware that I keep saying things that are too much and I apologize. I will really try and do better. I just meant that it's nice to talk to you."

Kara could hear Lena breathing and thinking about what Kara just said.

"Okay. Kara, I'm okay talking, but we need to keep this completely platonic. I just can't start anything. I hope you understand."

"I do. Hey Lena, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

"It's okay. Actually, I think I'm going to go. It's late and I might treat myself to a full six hours sleep."

"I hope I'm not the reason you are going."

"Nope. I just need to head home."

"Can we talk again? I mean...no pressure. I'm here if you want to talk and I promise I will be be on my best behavior."

"Kara, you are so sweet. You are such a wonderful person, but I don't know if I can handle this right now. Thank you for your help. Thank you for everything."

"Please don't go."

"I should. I should go but Kara, you are amazing. I mean that. I hope the next girl you rescue from an elevator isn't fucked up in the head and emotionally unavailable. You are truly exceptional and any girl who wasn't screwed up in the head would be very lucky to be with you. You don't deserve this. I'm just not right at the moment. I might be someday but not now."

"Lena, please don't hang up. I'm sorry if I pushed too hard."

"Don't be sorry. It's me who is sorry. I never should have let this go this far. I just wanted to say thank you. I just wanted to say how I appreciate your kindness and I think you might be the most interesting person I've met in a while...maybe ever."

"I understand and I really don't understand. I don't like saying goodbye."

"Kara, you're exceptional. Go out there and find a woman who will love the hell out of you. Whoever she is will be a very lucky woman. Goodbye Kara."

"Lena...okay. Goodbye."

The phone went dead and Kara sat back in her chair, wondering where she went wrong. She hung up the phone and took a deep breath.

"Fuck."

***

"Empty", by Ray LaMontagne played through Lena's office.

https://open.spotify.com/track/33JX2be3eKVhl5xk8YQhVc?si=frclOoZ9Tbmh69koYUAm2A

Lena hung up the phone and immediately began to sob. Her heart hurt and her body ached. Everything in her wanted to continue to talk to Kara, but she knew she couldn't. She couldn't feel something intense so soon. She couldn't like someone and she knew she would like Kara. Kara deserved more than to just be a rebound. Lena knew in her heart she was doing the right thing. Not the easy thing. The easy thing would be to talk to Kara, play with her heart, but never be able to give her the same love Kara could show. No, the right thing was to walk away and let Kara find someone she deserved. Someone warm and sweet. Not someone fucked up and emotionally and psychologically broken.

She opened her computer and brought up the webpage for Kleiner Shaw. She found a picture of Kara and stared at it for a brief moment. She pressed her fingertips to her face on the screen and she sobbed more.

"I wish things were different Kara. I wish my heart or my head were healthy enough to give you everything, but I'm afraid I'm just too big of a fucking mess right now. Your voice will haunt my dreams. Your face will be burned in my mind, always."

Lena closed the lid of her laptop hard. She opened her drawer and pulled out a bottle of cheap whiskey.

"I guess if it's meant to be, we will meet again someday."

***

TWO YEARS LATER

Kara and her sister Alex stood in the middle of the department store on Christmas Eve waiting in an enormous line to pay.

"Jesus Kar, why the hell did we wait until the last minute to get Mom's gift?"

"Insanity. That's the only response I can give you. We must have been stark raving mad to think this was a good idea. We're going to be standing here waiting until Valentine's Day."

"At least they have a wrapping station. I can't deal with the idea of wrapping her present after all of this."

"Hopefully Mom likes it."

"Are you kidding? Mom would like anything. Maybe we can scrap this, head home and make her cards and cookies like we used to."

"Somehow I don't think that would go over well. We're grown ass adults. We need to get her something special."

"LENA LUTHOR!", a loud voice bellowed from the wrapping counter.

"LENA LUTHOR! Your package is ready. Please pick it up around the corner.

Kara's heart leapt out of her chest and sank at the same time.

"Alex, did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Do you remember that night? Christmas Eve two years ago when I talked to that woman who was stuck in the elevator?"

"You mean the woman you said broke your heart even though you never met her?"

"Shut up, but yes. That name they are calling out. That's her name. Lena Luthor. She could be right around the corner."

"You have a girlfriend Kar. She's not all there upstairs in the brain department but she's hot. Don't go chasing a ghost."

"Sorry Alex. Stay here. I need to go check and see if it is her."

Kara thrust the food processor into Alex's arms and ran around the corner. She looked around the table where they were handing off the wrapped presents. She ran up to the table and frantically cut in front of people in line. She grabbed a mousy man's shirt and looked him dead in the eyes.

"Excuse me. Did someone named Lena Luthor just pick up her package?"

"Yes. She just walked away. That's her right there", the mousy man said pointing at a woman with long black hair. She wore a camel hair coat and walked away at a brisk pace.

"Thank you!", Kara said to the man as she let go of his shirt.

Kara ran through the department store after Lena. It was as though fate had brought them together but cruelly threw road blocks in her path. First an elderly woman stepped in front of her and walked as slow as humanly possible. Next, a mother and her young daughter walked and stopped to enjoy the Christmas lights. Kara growled.

Finally, Kara ran outside and looked around but the woman with the long dark hair was gone.

"Fuck. Fuck. Mother fucking fuck fuck."

"Ooh La La", by Faces

https://open.spotify.com/track/4lJ6YVXQ0jUk5ILu0PSrA4?si=BrM6ju9PQ1CdhqWnjg6RDQ

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?", a voice asked from behind her.

Kara turned around slowly and saw a stunningly beautiful woman with long black hair and the greenest eyes she had ever seen. Her ruby red lips parted and she smiled so effortlessly, Kara wanted to weep.

"Lena?"

"Kara?"

The two women stood only a few feet apart. Snow began to fall on their heads as they stared deep into each other's eyes.

"I can't believe it's you", Lena whispered.