Chapter 6: Parting is Such- Horrible Sorrow

The next day i had the worst headache when dave woke me up for school. I got up with still half asleep and we both got in the shower. It wasn't weird or anything. When we got out, i put on my ring.

"Whats that" he asked looking it "it's pretty"

"Present" i said "which you still haven't given me mine" i grinned, changing the subject. He smirked

"If your willing to be," he said looking at the clock "about an hour late" i laughed

"You can go that long?" i asked, curious. He nodded

"Sure" i smirked

"Well that sounds like a blast" i said "but, unfortunately i've got to leave" he smiled and put his hands on my shoulders

"Later" he said. I grabbed the rest of my things and i started to head out the door, but Dave stopped me.

"No" he said looking me up and down. I cocked an eyebrow

"No?" i asked, laughing "no what"

"Those shorts... are a no" he said. It was almost summer, and the weather was getting quite warm. I didn't feel like wearing jeans today. I groaned

"Fuck offfff" i whined and laughed a little and kept walking. He huffed and followed after me. The morning air felt nice

"I'll see you at lunch, darling" he said as we got to the building "better get in there and get your homework and stuff, alright? Make me proud" he kissed me quickly, slapped my ass, and i headed in giggling. I walked into my first period class and sat down

"Get lost yesterday?" the teacher asked. I blushed and bit my lip

"No ma'am... on my way back from taking Dave to the bathroom my mom came and picked me up. It was my birthday..." i said. She rolled her eyes

"Mhmm, i saw you with a boy yesterday... at a bar" she mused. i blushed and all the kids were looking at me, and i sank in my chair. She didn't take too much notice to me not answering. I guess she didn't expect me to reply. The bell rang and she kept on talking about whatever the fuck she was teaching about. The day dragged on and on before lunch. I waited at me and dave's usual table. But he never showed. I don't know why it effected me so much, but I was pretty upset. he was late picking me up too, I was contemplating just going home when he spoke up.

"Those shorts are still too short" he called behind me. I turned around and he shook his head "sorry im late, baby, Gar was high as shit and wouldn't stop talking. I slipped out when he fell asleep" I walked over to him and we started walking, his arm around me

"Sounds like Gar" I said flatly. I was a little upset he didn't make it for lunch. I couldn't help it.

"Well how was your day" he asked. I shrugged

"Wasn't the best, but when is it ever" i grinned.

We got back to our place, which was thankfully free of people. I had no interest in talking them right now, they were chaotic guys and i just wasn't in the mood. I sat on the ground in front of the couch.

"Honey whats wrong" he purred, kneeling down to be at my level. I smiled weakly at him

"Nothing" i said, pushing his growing bangs out of his face "i love you" i whispered looking into his eyes. He smiled warmly at me. I lived for that. He kissed the top of my head, then stood up

"Come on" he said, holding out his hand for me to grab. I stared at him. He rolled his eyes impatiently "dinner" he said and i grabbed his hand. He pulled me up and put an arm around me. I bent down and kissed Reaper's nose telling him we'd be back, dave not letting go of me. We got to a restaurant. I was dead silent, just looking at him. Admiring his facial structure

"Tell me something you've never told me before" i thought about it, hoping that didn't mean he knew. I could think of one thing i had never told him, aside from the school thing today.

"I uh" i stammered "promise you won't get mad?" i asked, scared. He nodded curiously. I took a deep breath

"I was pregnant once" his expression didn't change except for his eyes. They got soft. Confused. Waiting for me to explain. I blushed "it was like..." i sighed "about a year ago" i mumbled. He looked frozen. It was a quite painful memory for me, really. My life seemed to be spiraling out of control back then. I didn't like to talk about it. But i had to tell him someday. It was a pretty big thing. If this was as serious as i was hoping then he'd need to know every secret i had.

"But-" he said barely audible "but who". I blushed and shook my head

"Well that's not important is it" i said "whats yOur secret" he looked at me like i was the dumbest person

alive to ask that, but saw how embarrassed i was and let it go

"Well" he said, a little shaken " i used to have a cat" i scoffed

"What a lie" i mused "you hate cats" he nodded, ashamed

"It's true" he grinned slightly "i'll show you a picture when we get home"

I was tired when we got home. Dave ordered wine for me, and that always made me really tired. Vodka made me horny, whiskey just made me angry, and beer got me happy. Unfortunately when i'm tired and drunk im more likely to spill random things and dave knew that. So by the time we got home, i was a little more than tipsy. He had his arm around me

"Your gonna kill me one day" i giggled and sat on the couch. He grinned and leaned down, kissing me softly. I pulled away closing my eyes, and leaning my head back. I felt good.

"Honey?" he asked. I loved the sweet pet names. They made me feel like we were a cute married couple. It meant to me that we were serious. He put a hand on my leg gently

"Mmm" i replied

"Will you tell me who's it was?" he asked in a shaky voice. I laughed slightly

"James" i blurted. It was true. That time he walked in on me and we fucked, turned into something else. I never told anyone about it. Not even James. I felt his hand get tenser on my leg. I opened my eyes. He was staring straight ahead of him, anger in his eyes. "Dave-" i slurred quickly, trying to explain and calm him down, but he put a hand up.

"Go home, jackie" he said, trying not to yell. I didn't say anything nor move. After three whole minutes he turned to me slowly. "Go home!" he yelled.

"This is home" i said, my voice cracking and my eyes watering. I couldn't believe this. The pain was obvious in his eyes. They were pleading, but angry. A sea of conflicting emotion. He shook his head

"Your real home" he said standing up. When i didn't get up he grabbed my arm, pulling me up and taking me to the door, opening it. I was crying at this point pretty heavily. He pushed me out the door "i never want to see you again!" he yelled in a rage. It physically hurt me when he said that. I started to protest but he slammed the door. I didn't know what to do. I stood there for a while trying to comprehend what had just happened. It was so quick, and I was still drunk. was I supposed to come back to get my stuff? I wiped my tears and left. I started the walk to the guy's apartment. I figured it was the best place to go, now. it was a sort of long walk, and it was raining. I wondered why Dave was so mad. sure it was James, but I didn't carry on with it... I didn't want it. we didn't date. and it was especially when me and Dave weren't together. I didn't see the problem, really. I thought he'd be a little more understanding and sympathetic.

I knocked on the door, cold and wet. I waited and when nobody came I knocked again. James opened the door. I smiled weakly at him. his eyes got wide and he let me in quickly

"h-hey" I waved to Kirk when he looked quite concerned.

he waved back and James lead me into him and Kirk's room. "gonna tell me what happened?" he asked softly as he got me a pair of his sweats and a shirt of his for me to wear. I looked at him and he turned around. I started to change out of my wet clothes

"Dave kicked me out" I said. I didn't want to admit that. as soon as the words came out of my mouth I started to cry again

"what?" why?" he asked. I told him he could turn around and I out my wet clothes in the bathroom.

"I just... I told him something about a thing I did and he got upset... told me he..." I chocked. I couldn't admit it. I started to sob and he wrapped his arms around me, rubbing my back and stroking my hair.

"let's get you to bed" he said a little awkward, but sincere and caring. I nodded and wiped my tears on my sleeve. him and Kirk had two beds. he motioned me to get into his. I crawled in his bed and he got in too. I'd never slept in the same bed, really, before. It was nice to have someone there for me, but I wanted it to be Dave. badly.

"what'd you tell him" he asked softly after twenty minutes of silence. I bit my lip. he had to know sometime...

"I was pregnant" I said trying to sound strong "with uh. you- your kid" I said and hid my face in my hands, hoping this was all some dream. that I was really in my own bed, Dave's arms wrapped around me and we'd just had a nice night; eating dinner, watching a movie but getting distracted and having a popcorn fight, and then staying up late talking and eventually making our way to bed. I missed reaper too.

"wait..." he said, confused. "but we only.. where-" he stammered "my kid? your sure? where is it?" he said finally getting the questions out. I sniffed

"yes I'm sure. It was from that time..." I said "and it's" I choked. I couldn't say it. I pressed myself against him "gone" I whispered and sobbed into his chest. I'd never had to say that out loud and it hurt me. but I wasn't ready. and I made the right choice for me and the child. he was quiet for a long time. he didn't move for a long time. then he wrapped his arms around me

"it's okay" he said quietly "it wouldn't have been the best thing anyways" I nodded and pulled away from him

"your not mad?" I asked. he shook his head

"no" he said. he didn't sound completely sure of himself. but it was more reassuring that I'm not a monster than kicking me out of my own apartment. "let's sleep" he whispered and laid his head down. I nodded and laid with him. he was warm.

"I love you" he whispered in my ear and wrapped his arms around me. I didn't like it deep down. I didn't want this. this was what would have happened. this is how it would be. but it wasn't what I wanted. it wasn't what made me happy. Dave made me happy. I wanted Dave now. I wanted him forever, not James. so I pretended I didn't hear him. I did love him. I always had, and always will. but not in the way I love Dave. I love James in a special 'pregnant with your kid but I never told you and it's coming out a year and a half later sorry' way. he was my best friend. and having sex was a mistake. but it wasn't what messed up here. it was my relationship with Dave. all because I got drunk almost two years ago I was paying the price for the third time. once when I found out about the baby, twice when I decided to not go through with it, and three times now.

I eventually fell asleep thinking frantically about the day. it wore me out, and I couldn't stay awake.

{I know I know. this is shit. but honestly I'm not really sure where to go with this. More to come hopefully today}