Return ~ 4

TESS

Tess could still feel him in the room.

Even hours after Cook had gone, it was like his presence had left fingerprints on the air. The sound of his laugh still echoing faintly in her skull, buzzing  and invisible. His voice doing the stupid stegosaurus bit. How easily they had clicked. The way he crouched on the carpet beside Lewis. The way Lewis had looked at him — curious, unbothered, like he'd already decided it was okay.

She curled deeper into the duvet, knees to her chest, the weight of the mug in her hands the only thing keeping her tethered. The tea had gone lukewarm. She hadn't drunk any.

Her body felt wired, mind pinging between images like it couldn't land on one long enough to breathe.

Would they get along — really get along — or was today just a fluke? Would they clash like most fathers and sons eventually did? Would Lewis inherit Cook's recklessness, that sharp edge that Tess had only barely learned how to dull in herself? Would she be enough to balance it?

How long would Cook even stay this time?

Would he come every day? Every week? Would Lewis start waiting for him? Missing him?

Would she start missing him?

Or would this become a story she'd have to explain all over again in a few years, when Lewis was old enough to remember the goodbye?

Did Lewis even understand what it meant — who Cook was to him? Or had it just slid into his mind like another strange adult who appeared sometimes and made funny noises?

Would he ask to stay with him? Go away with him?

Would she have to share her son now?

Tess squeezed her eyes shut.

She wasn't selfish. She knew she wasn't. But she had raised him. Every morning. Every nightmare. Every fever and scraped knee and invisible friend. That was hers. Hers and Lewis'. No one else's.

And then there was Ben.

Shit.

Ben was coming over. They'd planned it earlier in the week, before everything spiralled. Lewis was at her mum's for the night — one of those rare, blissful breaks where Tess could breathe, where someone else made the dinner and did bedtime and brushed the knots out of his hair.

And now? Now she was in bed, hair a mess, jumper sleeves pulled over her hands, looking halfway to insane and holding a cup of tea she didn't even want.

She heard the front door creak open.

Keys in the bowl. The quiet thud of trainers kicked off. Then:"Tess?"

She lifted her head a little. "Up here."

Ben's footsteps were painfully slow.

When he reached the bedroom, he paused in the doorway, brows furrowing. "You alright?"

"Not really," she murmured.

He stepped in, tilted his head. "Still want to hang out?"

"Yeah," she said, too quickly. "Just... don't expect dinner."

He smiled softly, came and sat at the foot of the bed. Gave her space. "Rough day?"

She stared at her tea. "Rough couple."

Ben didn't push. He rarely did. That was part of why she'd let him get closer.

But still, tonight, something in her needed to say it out loud.

"Cook's back."

Ben stilled. "What?"

She looked at him, eyes tired. "He showed up. Three days ago."

Ben didn't say anything right away — just processed it slowly, eyes flickering as he put it together.

"He came to the house," Tess added. "Didn't know about Lewis. Not properly."

He leaned back a little, like bracing for impact. "Fuck."

Ben exhaled slowly. "And Lewis?"

"I told him," she said. "After they met properly, I told him who Cook was."

Ben looked over, gentle but unsure. "How'd he take it?"

"Better than I thought," she whispered. "But I don't think he gets it. Not properly. He just said... Cook was funny. That he liked him. That he did better voices than me."

Ben let out a quiet breath through his nose. "He's just a kid."

"Exactly." Her voice cracked slightly. "He doesn't understand that this man — this stranger — is his actual father. That I've known about him all this time. That Cook didn't even know he existed until now."

Ben looked at her properly then. Not with anger. Not even jealousy. Just that quiet, almost sad kind of awareness. Like someone reading the ending of a book they always knew would end this way.

"And you?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I don't know. I feel like I've been hit by a truck."

Ben didn't touch her. Didn't crowd. Just nodded, slow and steady. "That makes sense."

Silence for a beat.

Then, softly, Ben asked, "What happens now?"

Tess let out a shaky breath. "I don't know. I really don't. He says he wants to be around — for Lewis — but I don't know what that actually looks like. "

Ben nodded again, not asking more than she could give.

"I just... don't want Lewis to get hurt," she said. "I can take it. I've done it before. But him? He doesn't deserve that."

"You're doing everything right," Ben said softly.

Then she laughed, dry. "You're handling this well."

"I had three years to prep for this bloke, remember?" he said, half a smile on his lips.

Tess looked at him. Her throat tight.

Ben squeezed her hand gently. "Let's just get takeaway, yeah? Something greasy and terrible for us."

"God, yes," she said, eyes closing for a second. "You're a lifesaver."

"I know, I know." Ben nodded once, gave her an over exaggerated smile and left the room to fetch his phone.

Tess leaned back against the pillows, mug still in her hands. Her reflection stared at her faintly from the dusky window. Still, quiet, and not sure of anything at all.

But her heart hadn't stopped racing since Cook walked back through the door.

And she didn't think it was going to anytime soon.

------

Tess knocked on Katie's door — sharp, urgent, out of rhythm with anything casual.

Katie finally opened the door with a yawn, her hair shoved into a half-topknot, clearly having just woken up.

"Okay," Katie said, blinking. "You look like you either killed someone or you're about to."

Tess didn't smile. Didn't even blink. She just said, hoarse:

"Cook showed up at my door."

Katie stared. "Sorry?"

"Earlier this week. Tuesday night."

Katie's mouth opened—then shut again.

Tess walked past her, like she didn't trust her legs to hold her up any longer. She dropped onto the couch and let her head fall into her hands.

Katie followed, still stunned. "Hang on — what? What the actual fuck! What do you mean, he showed up? At your house?"

"I know," Tess muttered through her hands. "I know."

Katie stared, hands on her hips. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I couldn't," Tess said, looking up. Her eyes were red, her face pale. "I've been completely fucking numb, Katie. I didn't know what to do. He just... showed up. At my door. He looked different. Older. He looked like shit."

Katie blinked. "Where the hell's he been?"

Tess let out a bitter little breath. "Prison."

Katie's jaw dropped. "You're joking."

"I wish I was."

"What the fuck did he do?"

Tess rubbed her forehead. "Something bad. Something really fucking bad, I think. He didn't say all of it. But it was after Freddie... after everything."

Katie's voice was low, stunned. "Jesus Christ."

There was a long pause. Katie didn't sit. She was pacing now — half like she wanted to scream, half like she was trying to hold it in.

"And then what?" she asked. "You just let him in?"

Tess sighed. "Yeah. I did."

"Tess," Katie snapped, but there was more panic than anger in it. "What does he want? Like, really?"

"I don't know," Tess admitted. "He said he wanted to be a part of Lewis' life...Well after he found out I even kept Lou."

Katie narrowed her eyes. "Right. And that's it?"

"I think so."

"You think so?"

Katie finally sat, arms crossed tight over her chest. "Did he say anything about... I don't know, you? Like is he trying to worm his way back in?"

Tess hesitated.

"Oh my God."

"He kissed me," Tess mumbled.

Katie gasped — sharp, like she'd been slapped. "And you're just telling me this now?"

"It wasn't like romantic or anything. It was stupid. When I saw him I just crumbled...He just... leaned in. I pulled away."

"Right," Katie said, voice biting. "Because kissing the mother of your child when you've been gone for years isn't romantic at all. It's just 'stupid.'"

Tess groaned, leaning her head back. "Don't do this."

"I am doing this," Katie said. "Because I remember what you were like after he left. You wouldn't eat, you barely slept—Christ, Tess, you broke. And then you had to hold yourself together for Lewis. And now what? He shows up and suddenly he gets to play happy families?"

"It wasn't like that! I just I- I told him he couldn't just do that. That it wasn't okay. That he can't disappear for five years and think I'd still—" She cut herself off.

Katie didn't speak right away. Then:

"Does Ben know?"

Tess leaned back. "He knows Cook's back. I told him last night."

"And?"

"I don't know. He didn't freak out or anything. He was just... quiet. Understanding, I guess."

Katie raised her eyebrows. "Right, but like... what does this mean for you two?"

Tess scoffed. "It doesn't mean anything. Ben has nothing to do with this."

"You seriously think Cook being back doesn't affect things with Ben?"

Tess looked away.

Katie shook her head. "Come on. You know why it matters."

"Katie—"

"No, listen. I like Ben, alright? He's decent. But you and Cook... you've always had this weird, fucked-up, hurricane of a thing. And it never really went away, did it?"

Tess looked away, jaw clenched.

Tess swallowed. "It's not about me anymore."

Katie blinked. "What?"

"It's not just about me," Tess said again, quieter this time. "It's about Lewis. I mean—he took it well, when I told him. But he doesn't get it yet, though. Not really. He doesn't understand that this guy he just met is his dad."

Katie's face softened, just slightly. "No. He wouldn't."

"He likes Cook. He said he was funny. That he did better voices than me." Tess said, almost a whisper.

Katie's lip twitched, but she didn't smile. "Of course he did. Poor kid's got terrible taste."

Tess laughed faintly. "It's all just... happening so fast. And I keep thinking—what if Cook leaves again? What if he hurts Lewis? What if I have to explain that to him one day?"

Katie leaned in, voice firm. "Then you don't let him. You don't let him come back into your life, into Lewis's, if he's not in it for real. Don't let him fuck it up again."

Tess nodded slowly, eyes stinging.

Katie exhaled. "And Tess?"

"Yeah?"

"As much as I hate to say it, If you do still feel something for Cook," Katie said softly, "just... be honest. At least with yourself. But don't let it blow everything up unless you're sure he's not gonna disappear again."

Tess nodded again, her voice small. "I'm trying."

Katie sighed, finally resting a hand over Tess's. "You're allowed to not know what the hell you're doing right now."

Tess nodded, barely.

"But whatever happens," Katie added, "he doesn't get to hurt you both again. You hear me?"

"I hear you."

COOK

Cook was still getting used to the fact he had a kid. A living, breathing, sharp-as-nails little human who looked at him with this weird mix of curiosity and crazy.

Being back around JJ, Freddie, even Katie (who'd looked two seconds away from smacking him — fair enough) felt surreal enough. Tess, of course, was something else entirely. Complicated. Electric. Wrecking. But Lewis? That was different. He was... new. Clean. Not yet fucked up. And Cook hadn't stopped thinking about that. Not once.

Still — there was one person he'd been putting off seeing again for weeks.

Not because he didn't care.Because he cared too much.

Paddy.

His brother would be what — thirteen now? Fourteen? Last time he saw him, Cook had been dragged out the courtroom in cuffs, Swearing blind he'd be back for him. That he'd sort it.He never did.

Not after the first sentence. Not after the second.

Instead, Paddy had been left to grow up exactly the way Cook had. In that house. With her. Their mother — a brilliant, bitter shell of a woman who painted things people worshipped but couldn't keep her fucking hands off the gin.

He didn't want to walk up to that door. He really didn't.

But he was already on the street. Already staring at the lifeless building and rusty sculptures.

No car in the driveway.

Maybe she wasn't home. That helped. Maybe just Paddy. That made this safer.

Cook hesitated at the door. Almost turned around. But then he knocked.

Hard.

Paddy opened the door after a long pause, hoodie half-zipped, earbuds hanging loose.

He froze when he saw him. Studied his face like he barely recognised him.

Cook didn't smile. Just said, quiet:"Alright, mate?"

"Cook!" Paddy immediately lunged forward pulling Cook into a hug sniffing into his shoulder. "What the fuck?"

"Thought I'd, y'know. Drop by."

A beat. Then Paddy pulled away, stepping aside.

Cook walked in, heart in his throat.

The house hadn't changed. Still smelled like a bad memory.

They sat in the lounge, silence growing between them like a living thing.

"So," Cook started, "how's school?"

Paddy snorted. "Shit."

"Some things don't change huh?"

Cook hesitated, then asked, "And...Mum? How is she?"

Paddy shrugged, eyes on the wall. "Still drinking. Still half-mad."

"Sounds about right."

"She's not as bad with me, though. Dunno why."

Cook let out a breath through his nose. "She's always liked you more."

Paddy looked over, a little guilty. "Maybe. But it's still shit."

Another silence.

Then Paddy snapped, "What the fuck is this, man?"

Cook blinked. "What?"

"You just show up? Like this?" His voice cracked. "I never thought I'd see you again."

Cook swallowed. "I know. I know, I shoulda— I shoulda come see you. I shoulda said something."

"Yeah," Paddy said, voice sharp now. "You were supposed to go to prison. Get out. Come back for me. Take me away from her. But you just... vanished. Like everyone else."

Those words hit like a punch to the chest. Cook had spent years drowning in that guilt. Knowing Paddy had been stuck here, stuck in this hell. Alone.

"I wanted to," Cook said. "I swear. I was gonna. But then something big happened. I... I escaped the first time. After court. Hiding out at Freds or Tess's. I shoulda told you. But I didn't want to drag you into that shit. I was gonna wait till things blew over."

Paddy was quiet, jaw clenched.

"Then," Cook went on, "There was something else. Bad. Worse. I ran again. And that time... I really did disappear...Not just from you."

Paddy didn't say anything. Just looked away. His fists clenched in his hoodie sleeves.

Cook's voice dropped. "I don't expect you to forgive me. I just... I needed to see you. Needed to know you were alright."

"I'm not," Paddy muttered. "But you being here kinda helps."

Cook let out a breath. That small sentence knocked the wind out of him.

They sat in silence again.

"There's, uh... something else."

Paddy looked at him.

"I dunno if you remember," Cook began, slowly, "but there was this girl..."

"Tess," Paddy said immediately.

Cook blinked. "Yeah—wait, how'd you—?"

"Yeah, about her—" Paddy started.

But Cook barrelled on, too wound up to process it.

"Look— She was pregnant before I ran off, I didn't know what she was gonna do, alright? I didn't think she'd keep it. But she did. ..

"I've got a fuckin' kid."

Then Paddy said, calm as anything, "I know."

Cook raised his eyebrows in confusion. "You what?"

"She told me everything after he was born. Sends birthday stuff. I see Lewis sometimes too."

Cook's heart jumped. "You serious?"

Paddy shrugged, almost defensive. "I think she felt bad, leaving me here. She never said that, but... I dunno. She just made sure I wasn't completely alone. It was nice, still having some family around."

Cook didn't know what to say to that.

Paddy shifted. "You really have a kid, huh?"

"Yeah." Cook ran a hand down his face. "Fucking mental."

Paddy stared at him. "And you're scared."

"Course I'm scared."

"Don't fuck it up."

Cook looked up.

"I mean it," Paddy said. "You couldn't be there for me. I get it now. It sucked, but... I get it. But this kid? You've got a chance. A real one. So don't waste it."

Cook's throat tightened.

"You are his dad," Paddy added, firm now. "So what are you gonna do about it?"

Cook didn't answer right away.

"I dunno," he said eventually. "She's got this whole life. A good one. And I'm... well, I'm not part of it. I don't know where I stand."

Paddy didn't flinch. Just looked him dead in the eye.

"Then earn your place."

Cook swallowed hard. That line rang louder than anything else Paddy had said.

Earn it.

He didn't know if he could ever make it right.

But he knew now — he had to try.

----

Cook knocked lightly.No answer at first. For a second, he thought maybe she'd gone out—or worse, wasn't going to open the door at all. But then the lock turned, and Tess appeared in the doorway, cardigan hanging off one shoulder, hair scraped up in a knot. She looked tired. Defensive. Her eyes skimmed his face, unreadable.

"Cook?" she said quietly. "Lewis is already asleep."

Cook nodded. "I know."

Tess waited. "So why are you here?"

He met her eyes. "I came to see you."

"...Oh. Ok."

She stepped aside, letting him in.

The place was quiet, dimly lit. Toys tucked away. A plate still out on the bench. The ghost of bedtime still lingering in the air.

He glanced around, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. "I, uh... saw Paddy today."

That surprised her. She turned toward him, arms folded. "How was that?"

"Hard. Good. Weird," Cook said, then shrugged. "He's taller. Voice dropped. Still a cheeky bastard though. "

She gave a tiny, exhausted smile. "Sounds about right."

He looked at her properly then. "You stayed in touch with him?"

Tess hesitated. "Yeah. A bit. I didn't want him to feel alone. Figured he needed someone who wasn't your mum."

"Thanks for that," he said quietly.

She shrugged. "Did what I could. I wasn't the only one you left behind."

That one hit. He didn't argue.

Silence settled again.

She gestured to the couch. "You want tea or something?"

He shook his head. "Just wanna talk."

So they sat.

It felt unfamiliar, even though they'd done it a hundred times before. The space between them felt heavier now. Like it held years of shit neither of them had figured out how to put down.

"After seeing Paddy," Cook cleared his throat. "I want to be around more. For Lewis. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing job-wise, or where I'll live yet — And fuck I've seen a lot. Done a lot that I need to figure out up there," He said gesturing to his head.

"But I'm not running again. I swear to you, Tess—I'm not running."

She didn't answer straight away.

Then: "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah," She nodded, even smiling a little, "Ok."

Cook looked down at his hands. "Good. He's amazing. Like... I see him and I think, how the fuck did I miss all that?"

"You didn't miss all of it yet... Just most of it," Tess said, not unkindly.

That hurt, but it was fair.

"I used to imagine it, you know," she said suddenly. "How you'd be. As a dad. If things had been different."

He looked over, surprised. "Yeah?"

She shrugged. "Sometimes when I was up at 2am with him crying, or when he said his first word, or started school. I used to picture you there. And sometimes I hated myself for doing it."

He studied her. "Tess..."

Her head turned slowly.

"I thought about you every single fucking day," he said. "No matter how much it hurt. I thought about what we had — how quick it all happened, how it still managed to rip everything apart anyway."

She didn't speak.

He shifted a little closer, voice lower now. "I think about what we were. What we could've been. I still do."

Their knees were close now. Closer than either of them probably meant to be. Almost touching now.

"I hated you," Tess said, voice barely above a whisper. "After you left—I hated you. I wanted to hate you so badly I tried to burn the part of me that still cared."

Cook didn't speak. He couldn't.

She went on, eyes glassy now. "But I loved you so so much. It ruined me. You ruined me. And I had to learn how to live with that."

A pause.

Cook inhaled, eyes locked on her. "I never stopped..."

The words slipped out before he could stop them. But he didn't finish the sentence.

Tess looked away abruptly. "Cook...No."

Her voice was sharp.

Cook leaned back slightly, bracing himself.

"You really fucking hurt me," she said, quieter now. "You left. And it wasn't just me you left. It was him. And I had to put everything back together while you disappeared."

He nodded. Couldn't speak.

She turned back to him. "But I'm not gonna let that stop you from being his dad. If you really want to do this, you have to show up, Cook. Not just today. Not just when it's easy. All the time. Because I will not let him get hurt."

Cook stood. Nodded once. "I know."

They looked at each other.

Something unsaid passed between them. Something maybe too early to name.

But it was there.

And this time, Cook wasn't going anywhere.