Thomas~1

The days had started blending together. Wake up, feel nothing, go back to sleep. Repeat. The thought of doing anything outside of these four walls felt unbearable. Tess wasn't sure when it had started getting this bad, only that she felt... heavy. Like she was carrying something she didn't know how to put down.

At first, she told herself it was just the end-of-summer blues. That she was just tired. That it was normal to feel a bit off when everything was changing. But that didn't explain why she could barely bring herself to get out of bed, why she felt stuck in her own head, why every thought spiraled into another until she couldn't breathe.

She used to wake up excited about something, even if it was just a day out or getting pissed at the pub. But now, she barely checked her phone. Barely answered texts. Her mum had stopped trying to get her to leave her room, just sighed every time she walked past and saw Tess curled up under her duvet.

And she really wasn't thinking about Cook.

No, she wasn't thinking about the last time they'd spoken, when she'd yelled at him over something she barely remembers now—something stupid, something that wasn't really the reason she was angry. She wasn't thinking about how he'd looked at her, frustrated, tired, waiting for her to say what she really meant.

She hadn't. She never did.

She wasn't thinking about the way he finally sighed and said, "If I'm such a fucking burden, I'll just get out of your way." before walking away. She was so used to being hurt by Cook that she had never even considered that she made him feel the same way.

The knock on her door was sharp, impatient.

"Tess, open up."

She ignored it.

"Tess." A pause. Then, louder, "I swear to God—"

The door creaked open, and Katie stepped inside like she owned the place, hands on her hips, eyes scanning the room with immediate disapproval.

"You look like shit," she announced.

Tess groaned and rolled over, dragging the duvet over her head. "Thanks."

Katie ripped it away. "Alright, that's enough of this depressing little pity party. You're coming out."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

Tess barely had the energy to fight her on it. "I don't feel like it."

Katie narrowed her eyes. "What happened, girl? You were fine when I got back from France, and now—" she gestured around the room, at Tess, at everything. "Now you're just locked up in your bedroom all the time."

Tess exhaled, rubbing her hands over her face. "I don't know, Katie."

Katie folded her arms. "It's him, isn't it?"

"No."

"Liar."

Tess stayed quiet.

Katie scoffed, sitting on the edge of the bed. "He's a dick, Tess."

"Yeah..." Tess swallowed, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I think I fucked it up this time."

Katie gave her a look, waiting for her to explain.

Tess hesitated, pressing her lips together. "It was... just a fight."

"Just a fight?" Katie raised a brow. "So why are you acting like the world ended?"

Tess exhaled sharply, looking away. "Because... because I think it was the last one."

Katie rolled her eyes. "So? It's Cook. He fights with everyone. He'll get over it."

"Not this time."

"Why?"

Tess hesitated, then shrugged, trying to play it off, but Katie wasn't buying it.

She sighed. "I don't know. I just—he was right, okay? I don't know what I want. I never do. Every time something starts to feel real, I just... ruin it. It's like I can't help it."

Katie studied her for a second before shaking her head. "Jesus Christ, Tess. You sound like Effy."

Tess scoffed. "Thanks."

"I'm serious. This is classic self-sabotage."

Tess flopped back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. "Maybe."

Katie sighed. "Look, I don't know what the fuck is going on with you two, and honestly, I don't care. What I do care about is you not wasting away in this room. One last night before school starts. You need it."

Tess hesitated.

Katie smirked. "Don't make me drag you."

Tess stared at the ceiling for a long moment before finally muttering, "Give me 20 minutes."

Katie grinned. "That's my girl."

----

The music pulsed through the club, heavy bass thrumming under Tess's skin as she moved with the crowd. The lights strobed overhead, flashing blue, then red, then white, catching glints of sweat on bodies packed too close together.

Tess let her head fall back, exhaling sharply as she danced between JJ and Pandora, their energy infectious. JJ was grinning, arms flailing, completely off-beat but not caring in the slightest, while Pandora spun in circles beside him, doing some weird interpretive dance.

For the first time in weeks, Tess felt something close to okay.

Katie had been right—she needed this. Needed to be surrounded by people, by music, by chaos. Anything to drown out the noise in her head.

Across the club, Katie laughed with Emily at the bar, Naomi looking surprisingly animated. Freddie was by the DJ booth, talking to Thomas over the thumping music.

And then there was Cook.

Drink in hand, a girl in his ear, laughing like everything was fine.

Tess looked away.

"Alright, alright," JJ panted, stopping for a second to brace his hands on his knees. "I think I'm dying."

"Come on J," Tess said, grabbing his arm and pulling him upright again. "Keep up!"

Pandora twirled into Tess's side, grabbing her hands and shaking them. "You're smiling!" she squealed over the music. "Oh my god, I haven't seen you smile in ages!"

Tess rolled her eyes but didn't stop dancing. "That's dramatic."

"No, it's true," Pandora insisted, beaming. "Everyones so happy!"

Happy.

Tess wasn't sure if that was the right word, but she let Pandora believe it. She let herself believe it, even if it was just for tonight.

JJ let out a breath and straightened up. "I'm gonna get a drink."

Tess, throat dry and out of breath followed him to the bar.

—-

JJ had been going on for what felt like hours, talking about something involving quantum physics, a random girl from his science class, and how he thought he'd seen a model at the supermarket who looked like someone from a documentary he'd watched. His words were a constant stream, a jumbled mess of tangents and half-formed thoughts. Tess barely noticed. Her eyes were fixed across the room, lingering on Cook.

"And so, in quantum mechanics, particles can be in two places at once, right? So, theoretically, they could be anywhere in the universe simultaneously, which, I think, is kind of like relationships, you know? You can be in a relationship with someone, but also—wait, no, that analogy didn't—oh!" JJ's voice suddenly shifted as he leaned forward, snapping his fingers in front of Tess's face. "You're not listening, are you?"

Tess blinked, snapping back to reality, feeling a bit disoriented. "What? No, no, I am. That sounds really interesting, J."

JJ raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. "What was I talking about, then?"

Tess hesitated, glancing at him, then back at the crowd. "Sorry... just been—"

"Distracted?" JJ finished for her, his voice teasing.

"Yeah." Tess let out a breath, still feeling the weight of her thoughts.

JJ smirked knowingly. "You've been staring, by the way. Although it doesn't matter—Cook won't notice."

Tess's face flushed, and she immediately snapped her gaze away from Cook. "Sorry? What?"

JJ pointed in the general direction of Cook, who was laughing with a group of people, completely unaware of Tess's gaze. "You've been staring directly at him for the past three minutes."

"I have not."

JJ shrugged. "Have to. I mean, it's kind of hard not to notice when someone's staring at the same person for so long."

Tess let out a frustrated sigh, trying to ignore the tension building in her chest. "I wasn't staring, okay?"

JJ leaned back in his chair, swirling his drink, clearly unfazed by Tess's denial. "Anyway, as I was saying," he started, launching back into his earlier ramblings, "I'm not saying I'm an expert on relationships—because, you know, statistically speaking, I'm the least qualified person here—but even I can see that you and Cook have some serious unresolved tension."

Tess groaned, rubbing her temples. "JJ..."

"What? I'm just saying, it's like textbook. You two are constantly in this push and pull. Kind of like gravitational waves, except instead of, you know, expanding the fabric of spacetime, you're just imploding emotionally."

Tess couldn't help the snort that escaped her. "That's a new one."

JJ grinned, clearly pleased. "Thank you. I try to keep my analogies fresh."

Tess took another sip of her drink, letting the burn settle in her chest. She didn't want to think about Cook, didn't want to think about the last few months. She wasn't sure how to even start explaining any of it, especially not to JJ.

She glanced over at the crowd again, and this time, she couldn't stop herself from looking at Cook for a moment too long. He looked fine. Like everything was fine. Like nothing had happened between them. Like they were just... friends.

Before she could stop herself, she turned away, her chest tight.

JJ followed her gaze and, for once, didn't immediately speak. He just stared at Cook for a moment before shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "You know, I used to think Cook had everything figured out."

Tess raised an eyebrow, confused. "Really?"

JJ nodded, his voice quieter. "Yeah. I mean, he's Cook, right? Does whatever he wants, doesn't care about the consequences. But lately, I don't know... He's been different."

Tess kept her expression neutral, not wanting to acknowledge the pang in her chest. "Different how?"

JJ hesitated, looking like he was debating how much he should say. "Just... I don't think he's as fine as he wants people to think. But, uh, you didn't hear that from me."

Tess swallowed, the words hitting harder than she expected. "Right."

JJ nudged her with his elbow, his tone light but serious. "Look, I know I'm not the best at this sort of thing, but... if you miss him, maybe you should just tell him."

Tess laughed hollowly, shaking her head. "It's not that simple."

JJ cocked his head, considering her for a moment. "Well, neither is quantum mechanics, but we still try to make sense of it."

Tess let out a small laugh, shaking her head at his analogy. She didn't know what to say. What was there to say? She wasn't sure she even understood it herself. How could she explain how she felt when she barely understood it?

----

Eventually Tess escaped JJ's scientific analogies to the bathroom. She leaned in close to the mirror, steadying her wrist as she ran her eyeliner over her lash line. Her reflection stared back, tired eyes rimmed with black.

The club bathroom smelled like cheap perfume and bleach, the bass from the music outside making the walls tremble slightly. Girls came and went, laughing, fixing their hair, gossiping about who was snogging who. Typical night.

She barely noticed the girl at first.

Bent over the sink next to her, hands gripping the counter so tightly her knuckles had gone white. Breathing too heavy, like she was trying to slow it down but couldn't.

Tess capped her eyeliner and glanced over.

"You alright?"

The girl didn't answer right away. Just kept her head down, shoulders rising and falling with each shaky inhale.

Tess hesitated, then put a hand on her back—not heavy, just enough pressure so she'd feel it. "Hey. Sit down a sec."

For a second, Tess wasn't sure if she would. But then, without saying a word, the girl let go of the sink and lowered herself onto the small couch against the wall.

She looked familiar —someone Tess had seen in passing, maybe had a class with once. But there was something else, something about the blank way she was staring at the floor, as if she wasn't really there.

Tess sat down next to her, stretching her legs out. "You have a bad pill or something?"

The girl shook her head. "No." Her voice was quiet, distant.

"Too much to drink?"

Another shake of the head.

Tess frowned. "Then what?"

The girl finally turned her head slightly, meeting Tess's eyes for the first time. Her pupils were blown wide, but not like she was buzzing, but like she was completely gone.

"I dunno," she said softly. "I just... forget how to breathe sometimes."

Tess blinked, caught off guard. "Right."

She studied the girl for a second, her face finally clicking into place.

"You go to Roundview, don't you?"

A pause. Then, a small nod.

Tess already knew the answer. Sophia.

Silence stretched between them. The sounds of the club muffled beyond the bathroom door.

Sophia twisted a ring around her finger absentmindedly. "I think I'm fine now."

Tess didn't buy that for a second. "You sure?"

Another nod. Sophia stood up, smoothing her hands over her dress, eyes flicking back to the mirror as if checking she was still there.

"You're Tess, right?"

That threw her. "Yeah."

"I thought so." A tiny, unreadable smile. "You're kind of cool."

Before Tess could even respond, she was gone.

The door swung shut behind her, and the club music swallowed her whole.

Tess sat there for a moment, an uneasy feeling curling in her stomach.

Weird.

Just another girl having a messy night.

Right?

----

Tess pushed the bathroom door open, stepping back into the hazy, neon-lit chaos of the club. The music hit her full force, a heavy, pulsing beat that thrummed under her skin.

That whole thing with Sophia... weird.

She shook it off, weaving through the bodies on the dance floor. Across the room, Freddie was sitting in a booth, nursing a beer, looking significantly more relaxed than he had the last time she'd seen him—slouched outside Effy's house.

"So," she said, tilting her head, "how was the end of your summer then? Haven't seen you in ages."

Freddie leaned back, exhaling. "Not bad. Got chlamydia."

Tess blinked. "Wow. Exotic."

"That's what I said!" Freddie gestured with his beer. "Then I realised Cook had it as well and didn't feel quite so special."

"Oh, right. Of course." Tess snorted. This meant Cook had been sleeping around again. She wasn't necessarily surprised, she just wanted to go as long as possible ignoring it.

Freddie laughed.Then, after a beat, he scratched his neck, glancing at her. "Err... sorry."

"For what?" She raised an eyebrow, already knowing what he meant but not in the mood to go there.

Freddie hesitated, then shrugged. "For, you know... bringing him up."

"It's fine." She shook her head, brushing it off.

"You sure?"

She nudged him with her knee under the table. "Seriously, Freds. Just because we...well whatever happened between us happened and I don't really know where we stand but you don't have to avoid him at all costs ok?"

"Yeah... good." He nodded, seemingly reassured.

Tess smirked. "So, who gave it to who?"

Freddie snorted. "Oh, we didn't. There was an intermediary."

"Ah." She sipped her drink. "A middleman."

"I'm all clear now though...Not sure about him" He chuckled, turning towards the dance floor.

Tess's eyes wandered to where Freddie was staring. Cook was dancing with some girl. "Let's hope so."

Tess felt the vibration in her pocket before she heard the muffled ring over the music. She pulled out her phone, frowning at the name on the screen. Mum.

"Hold on," she muttered to Freddie, already standing. He just nodded, watching as she pushed through the crowd toward the exit.

Outside, the cold hit her immediately, a stark contrast to the heat inside. The street was quieter, but the bass still throbbed from the club walls. She pressed the phone to her ear, hunching into her jacket.

"Mum?"

"Tess, darling, is that you?"

Tess sighed, rubbing her temple. "Yes, Mum. You called me?"

There was a pause, then a faintly slurred, "Oh, right... Where are you? I can hear music."

Tess rolled her eyes. "I told you. I'm at Naomi's tonight. Why did you call me?"

Anna hesitated. "Well, I can't find my keys, and I just—"

Tess exhaled sharply. "What? For fuck's sake."

"Tess!" her mum scolded, but she was laughing.

Tess pinched the bridge of her nose. "Is Chelle there?"

"No. Don't you think I would've done that first if she was?"

She groaned. "Use the spare."

"The spare?" Anna repeated blankly, as if the concept was foreign to her.

Tess barely heard her, though. Out of the corner of her eye, near the back entrance of the club, she caught a familiar figure—Sophia.

The girl was half-hidden in the shadows, shoulders hunched, stuffing something into her pocket with shaky hands. Even from a distance, there was something off about her, something dazed and detached. For a moment, it looked like she might collapse, but then she straightened, wiped her nose on her sleeve, and disappeared back inside.

Tess stared after her, a strange unease creeping up her spine.

"Teresa, where did you go?" Anna's voice crackled in her ear.

Tess blinked, turning away from the door. "Spare key, Mum! It's under the plant pot, remember?"

She listened to the shuffling on the other end as her mum fumbled around, mumbling to herself. It took another solid minute before she finally found it.

"Got it! Oh, you're a lifesaver, darling."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Love you! Night!"

Click.

Tess pulled the phone away, shaking her head. God. She couldn't even remember the last time her mum had done something like that.

She glanced back at the club entrance, debating whether to go back inside.

-----

Tess moved on autopilot, pushing through the back door and into the dimly lit stairwell, still thinking about Sophia. But the second she stepped inside, she froze.

Cook.

Against the wall. Some girl wrapped around him, skirt bunched up, his hands gripping her thighs. It took half a second for the scene to register, but it felt longer. Like time had stretched in the worst way.

Her stomach twisted, her body rooted to the spot.

And then Cook turned his head.

The second his eyes met hers, something in his expression shifted. Surprise, then something else—something less readable. He immediately pulled back, dropping the girl's legs as he stepped away.

"Oi, what the fu—" the girl started, but Cook wasn't listening.

Tess had already turned on her heel, shoving the door open and stepping back into the cold air.

Tess didn't know what pissed her off more—the fact that she saw it, or the fact that she cared.

She had turned so fast she barely registered the cold hitting her skin, only stopping when she was pressed against the brick wall outside, cigarette between her fingers, lighter flicking aggressively. Her pulse was still too high, chest tight with something she refused to call jealousy.

She inhaled deep, the smoke filling her lungs, trying to push the image from her head.

Then, the door creaked open again. She didn't need to look.

"Surprised you gave up a shag just to come out here," she muttered.

Cook let out a breath, stepping up beside her, hands deep in his pockets. "Yeah, well. You looked like you were gonna fuckin' pass out."

Tess barked out a laugh. "Didn't know you cared."

"I don't." Too quick. Too defensive.

She glanced at him, tilting her head. "So why'd you stop, then?"

Cook dragged a hand down his face, exhaling hard. His jaw clenched, and for a second, he looked like he wanted to brush the question off completely. "Jesus, Tess."

"What?"

He let out a humourless laugh, shaking his head. "You want me to go back in and finish, yeah? That what you're getting at?"

Tess rolled her eyes, flicking ash onto the pavement. "Do what you want. Don't know why it concerns me."

Cook snorted, but there was something tight about it. "Didn't exactly want you to see that, you know."

That made her pause. She turned, looking at him properly. "Why?"

Cook glanced away, jaw clenching like he hadn't actually thought about it. "Dunno. Didn't feel right after that."

Tess let out a dry laugh, shaking her head. "That might be the saddest thing I've ever heard."

"Oh, piss off."

She took another drag, watching him from the corner of her eye. He was trying too hard to look unbothered, like he hadn't just been caught in the middle of it.

"You know," she said casually, "if I didn't know any better, I'd think you actually felt guilty."

Cook scoffed, rubbing a hand over his face. "Fucking hell, Tess, don't make this a thing."

"Not making it a thing, just—" she cut herself off, exhaling sharply. "Forget it."

Silence settled between them, thick with unsaid things.

After a moment, Cook glanced at her cigarette. "Got another one?"

She hesitated, then sighed, pulling one out and passing it over. He took it, brushing his thumb over the filter before leaning in for a light. Their eyes met for half a second, and something passed between them

Eventually, Cook flicked his cigarette to the ground, crushing it under his boot. "We going back in, or you still need a moment to recover?"

Tess rolled her eyes, flicking her own cigarette away. "Fuck off."

And with that, they disappeared back inside.

-----

Everything was a blur of flashing lights and shifting bodies, the bass so deep it rattled through her chest. Tess was moving in sync with the sweaty, laughing crowd, arms thrown around Naomi one second, spinning into JJ the next. Her skin was warm, head light, everything tinged with that hazy, golden feeling of not thinking too much.

Somewhere in the chaos, she ended up on one of the spiralling staircases. Thomas was grinning down at her as they moved to the beat. He was clearly very proud of his club night, and she was laughing, leaning back as the song swelled around them.

Then Thomas pulled away, disappearing into the mass of bodies.

And that's when she saw it.

At first, it barely registered.

Just another figure in the crowd, swaying like the rest. But something was off. The movement wasn't casual—it was unsteady, teetering on the edge.

Sophia.

Tess blinked, her head swimming. The girl stood on the railing at the top level of the staircase, arms loose at her sides, her body almost blending into the flashing lights and shifting silhouettes.

Tess felt something cold cut through her haze. A split second of clarity.

And then, Sophia jumped.