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Lost conversations- gold Celeste ————————————————————The feeling of someone gently playing with her hair woke Lilith up the next morning.

She took a few minutes, stirring slightly but burying her head into the neck of who she instantly knew was ashtray.

Her whole body was relaxed into him, one of his arms around her waist as the other hand played mindlessly with strands of her hair.

He'd been awake for the past 30 minutes, staring aimlessly at the ceiling, orange, yellow and pink hues from the sunrise pouring through his curtains and illuminating his bedroom like his bedroom was a canvas and the sun was the artist.

He was thinking. Like, really, properly thinking. About Lilith, about their confessed love for each other, about the fact that he now felt vulnerable. He now felt scared. It didn't feel real, he remembered his grandma lecturing him on all the reasons to not fall in love before she'd slipped into a deep, lifelong coma. Sure, he was young, but some things just stick, no matter how old you are.

He was ripped from his thoughts as the girl in his arms shuffled slightly, a small yawn coming from her as she buried her face further into his neck. He enjoyed this feeling, the feeling of her cuddled into him, sharing each other's warmth without a care in the world.

"Good morning." He whispered in his raspy morning voice, stroking some of the hair out of her face as she pulled away from his neck, smiling sleepily at him.

He giggled at the sight of her, her hair dishevelled and her eyes droopy, her smile was lazy. He loved the fact that, even though she was messy and had barely even woken up, he still found her the most beautiful person on earth.

"Morning." She whispered back, leaning forward and kissing his cheek gently before looking over at his alarm clock.

Saturday 10th September 2020 6:45am

She sighed in exhaustion, falling back onto the bed gently.

"Why am I even awake right now, it's a Saturday." She whined tiredly, rolling over and cuddling back into him.

"I don't know princess, you can go back to sleep if you want." He mumbled, kissing the top of her head repeatedly before she shook her head apprehensively.

"No, I might as well get up now that I'm awake." She sighed, snuggling further into him. "Do you want pancakes when I get up?"

He grinned at her thought process, it was so sweet how she was so tired and honestly, barely awake yet she was still considering him in everything. "Hell yeah I do." ———————————The couple sat in the kitchen, munching on pancakes. It was now 9:30am, and they were both rather content. They'd slept for a while longer, before laying awake cuddling and talking about the most random things.

"You know, it's your birthday in less than a week." Lilith said, finishing her mouthful as she looked up from her plate to ash, who'd stopped eating and just sat there, processing her words.

He just hummed, shrugging a bit before continuing to eat.

"What?" She asked, confused at his response.

"I don't know." He muttered, shrugging again as he finished his food and stood up, putting the plate in the sink and standing against the counter, arms crossed against his chest as he watched Lilith finish her food as well.

"Well you must know, you don't just give random responses without knowing why Ash." She said, standing up and putting her plate with his before sitting on the counter beside him.

"Well I said I don't know, so I don't know." He mumbled, walking away towards the hallway.

She frowned at his sudden change in attitude. She knew he didn't communicate very well, but she wanted him to talk to her. Why did the mention of his birthday make him switch up so fast?

She just sighed, staying sat for a while longer, a familiar ginger walking into the kitchen and grabbing a bowl to make himself cereal.

"Oh- don't worry about cereal, I made pancakes." Lilith smiled slightly, hopping off the counter and grabbing his plate of pancakes for him.

"Wow- thanks kid." The older male smiled, ruffling Lilith's hair slightly before walking away to the kitchen table. ——————————Ash and Lilith had gone pretty much all day with a weird, unnaturally small amount of conversation.

On any other occasion, Lilith would find their silence comfortable. But right now, she did not. Infact, instead of comfortable, it felt foreign and unusual and somehow disheartening.

She'd finally had enough as she laid in his bed, him laying so his back was fully turned to her. Now THAT was unusual for him. He'd always loved his cuddles with her, he'd usually absolutely revel in them, so why was he being so weird right now?

The rubber band finally snapped when ash shrugged her away as she wrapped her arm around his waist.

"Ash, what the fuck is wrong with you? You've been acting weird all fucking day." She said, sitting up as she turned on the bedside lamp.

"Nothings wrong shawty, I just don't feel too good so I don't wantchu huggin me right now." He muttered, making Lilith clench her jaw in frustration as she registered the lie.

"Don't lie to me ash, please. I just want to help you but you're pushing me away again. I thought we spoke about this?" She whispered, the hurt laced in her voice, making him cringe slightly at the fact he'd managed to upset her yet again.

He didn't reply for a good five minutes, Lilith sat up against his headboard playing with her fingers as she waited for him to finally talk.

She'd started to think he'd actually fallen asleep, before he finally started talking again.

"I guess I just didn't know how to respond to whatchu said earlier." He mumbled quietly, making her frown in confusion.

"About it being your birthday?" She asked, watching as he nodded apprehensively. "Why?"

"Because ion celebrate my birthday. Usually just sit around wit fez and do the usual business shit. Plus ion like birthdays." He whispered the last part, making her scoot closer to him as she stared down at the back of his head, him still completely turned away from him.

"Why though? You seemed so happy when it came to fezco's birthday, why is yours so different?" She asked, gently running her hand over his buzz cut, scratching her nails gently against the back of his head, which she knew he secretly loved her doing.

He finally sat up with her, hugging his knees up to his chest as he stared at the bedsheets in front of them.

"Some shit like. Happened. When I turned thirteen. And I guess it impacted me a lot more than I thought it would, since I like fully hate my birthday now. Makes my fuckin skin crawl." He whispered, playing with a loose thread on his joggers a Lilith wrapped her arm around his back, frowning in concern.

"You know I'm not gonna push you to tell me what happened, but I'm always here for you and you know I'm all ears if you want to talk about it baby." She said quietly, making him smile a bit before looking at her, sadness filled both of their eyes as they sat in a comfortable silence, much different from the silence they'd experienced earlier throughout the day.

They finally laid back down in his bed, Lilith cuddled into his side with her head buried in the crook of his neck, his arms wrapped securely around her body, pulling her fully against her, warmth and comfort and security overwhelming the two of them.

"Thank you, I love you." He whispered as he started to drop off into sleep, her smiling and pressing a gentle kiss to his neck as an 'I love you too' since she was now too tired to speak.

She didn't know what ashtray was hiding, but she wasn't going to pressure him to tell her, because she loved him and she knew he would tell her eventually. He just needed his time.

Fezco had always told her about how ash was a very secluded, tied up person, who never spoke about his feelings and if he did, it certainly took him some time.

Lilith was accepting of that, and she loved him for who she was, which meant that even though she wanted desperately for him to tell her, she needed to be patient. Because she loved him, and he loved her, and that was all that mattered right now.

Authors note: Shitty soft chapter for all of u because I have no imagination right now, it's like almost midnight help.And yes I do actually know what I want to do with ash when it came to his previous birthday and trauma and stuffffff lol.

Word count: 1488