Chapter 26

“Shane” Ashton groans besides me, stirring in his sleep, his brown curls sticking out in all different directions. “Go back to sleep” he yawns.

That’s easier said than done, especially for him. He fell asleep with no problem and slept calmly throughout the night.

I, however, didn’t rest as easy as he did. I woke up a few times sweating, my heart beating out of my chest thinking about the picture I found in my bag and everything that I’ve learned about Ashton’s past. The sad thing is I don’t even know half of it. I’m in the dark but now is not the time to fight him for information.

Knowing Ashton, if I press him on this he will flip and probably leave me here. I don’t know how to get back to Maryland from New York City.

Last night was surreal, almost as if it never happened. This is all just a bad dream. No one is watching me, stalking me. I want that to be the truth more than I want anything in this world.

Unfortunately the crumbled up piece of paper resting on the nightstand next to me is the only reminder I need that this is all real. There is someone out there watching my every move.

“Stop thinking about it” Ashton mutters against the pillow, flipping his body over to face me.

I look down at him, pouting as I run my fingers through his hair. “I can’t. Why are you not worrying about this?” I ask, needing to know why he is so calm.

His sleepy smile falls from his face, his lips forming a tight line as he looks at me with a serious stare. “Do you trust me?”

“What?” I laugh nervously.

“Do you trust me?” he repeats himself, speaking slowly.

“Of course” I answer honestly. I trust him more than I should.

Ashton sits up, brushing the hair out of my face and tucks it behind my ear. Placing his finger under my chin, he lifts it so we are eye to eye. “Then trust I would never let anything happen to you. I promise you Shane. I will do whatever it takes to protect you.”

I nod my head knowingly. “Thank you” I whisper as he places a soft kiss on my forehead.

I rest my head on his chest, allowing him to just hold me for a few minutes. There is no place I feel safer than in his arms.

“Today is all about you” he tells me. “Whatever you want to do.”

I pull back, cocking an eyebrow at him. “Anything?” I smirk.

“Anything” he smiles, kissing down my neck to my collarbone. “I prefer this” he wiggles his eyebrows up and down, biting at my neck. “But yes, anything you want to do.”

As much as I’d love to do that too, I need to get out of this hotel room for a while. Some fresh air might do me some good.

I slip out of bed for a shower. I try my best to take Ashton’s lead and stop worrying, even if just for a moment.

I’m in a different city with my boyfriend, away from it all. I need to push all the bad to the back of my mind and just relax.

I step out the bathroom, fully dressed. Ashton frowns when he sees that. He is still in only his boxers, probably hoping to get a quickie in before we start the day.

“Get ready” I giggle, plopping on the bottom of the bed, tickling his feet.

He pulls his feet back, trying to fight the smile forming on his lips. “Have you decided what you want to do yet?”

“Yup” I say popping the ‘p’.

“Should I be afraid?” He slips into a pair of jeans while eyeing me for an answer.

“Not at all” I smile, fully aware of how much he’ll hate my idea. “We’re going to the wax museum.” I roll off the bed, searching for a scarf in my suitcase.

"Really Shane?" Ashton rolls his head on his neck, glaring at me from across the room, trying his best to hide his smirk.

"Yes, really" I giggle. "You promised we" I say waving my hand between the two of us, "could do whatever I want today.”

He moves his hands to his hips. “Anything but that.”

"Please" I take a few steps towards him, batting my eyelashes.

He throws his head back, feigning frustration. “Why do you even want to go there?” he huffs.

"It will fun" I assure him, smiling as wide as possible.

This week has been stressful enough. It would be nice to go out and act like a normal couple for once.

"I’m not going" he shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

"Come on baby. For me" I pout, staring up at him with puppy dog eyes, knowing that he will give in to me.

"Fine" he sighs, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me to him.

"Thank you." I push up on my tippy toes, kissing him to show my appreciation for not arguing with me on this.

"But we’re only going for an hour."

"Okay" I grin, happy I won. "You think the One Direction wax figures are still going to be there? You think they will let me pose kissing Niall?" I ask to get a rise out of him but secretly hope I can.

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I drag Ashton through all the rooms of the wax museum. It’s boring as hell for him. He’s probably wondering why anyone would want to walk around taking pictures with wax figures of celebrities.

I think it’s pretty cool, amazing actually, how people can sculpt these figures to look so life like. I’ll have to come back here with Adrienne. She’ll appreciate it more than Ashton would.

After forcing Ashton to take hundreds of pictures of me with my favorite celebrities we make it to the end in under an hour. He basically pushed me through the whole thing anyway complaining that he was hot and his feet hurt.

At the end is the One Direction display. The line is about a fifteen-minute wait. I will not allow Ashton to pull me out of here no matter how miserable he looks. He promised we could do what I want.

“I will throw you over my shoulder in front of all these people” he threatens.

“No you won’t” I roll my eyes and scoot a little further up the line, pulling him behind me.

The little girl in front of me taps my thigh to get my attention. “Hi” she waves. “Is he your boyfriend?” she asks.

She is the cutest thing. Her hair is almost platinum blonde and she has these gorgeous big blue eyes. She’s wearing a One Direction shirt too.

“He is” I answer.

She motions her hand so she can whisper something in my ear. I crouch down to her level. “He’s cute” she says in my ear.

“He is” I giggle. “But he’s being a bit of a Grinch right now.”

“Why?” she asks, looking up at Ashton.

Ashton blows the hair out of his face. “I don’t like One Direction. They’re stupid” he says and a few gasps are heard around us from the young girls on line.

“You should break up with him” the little girl says and a few others agree with her.

“Yeah?” I raise my eyebrows, smirking as I look over at Ashton. He doesn’t seem too pleased.

“You… she…” Ashton stutters over his words, unsure of how to fight with a seven year old. “You’re mean” is his only comeback for her.

“Am not” she shoots back, her hands on her hips. “You don’t know good music.”

“Yes I do” he argues, folding his arms across his chest. “Actually I’m a drummer in a band.”

“What band?”

“5 Seconds of Summer.”“Never heard of it” she sticks out her tongue.

“Yeah well…”

I cut him off before he can say something that will take this too far. “We can go” I tell him. I’ll come back with Adrienne another time.

“Thank you” he huffs, happy that we are leaving.

“But you’re buying me a pretzel.”

“Deal” he smiles, slipping his hand in mine as we exit the building and walk out into the cold New York air. “Where to now?”

“I don’t know” I shrug. “You don’t like my ideas.”

“Just not that one” he chuckles.

“Shopping?”

“Eh, no” he shakes his head.

“Ice skating?”

“No.”“Food?” I raise my eyebrows.

“Best idea you’ve had all day” he grins, skipping away before I could smack him.

I roll my eyes at him, looking around for somewhere to eat. There’s this small, cozy-looking café on the corner.

I order a coffee the second we get seated. I need something to warm me up.

Ashton seems distracted as he stares at his closed menu. “What’s wrong?” I ask him.

“I’m sorry” he looks up at me, sadness behind his eyes. “About everything.”

“Its okay” I sigh, reaching for his hands across the table.

He pulls back. “It’s not” he snaps, running his fingers through his hair, clearly frustrated that this is all hitting him now. “I should have known this was going to happen. I never should have let it go this far.”

“Ashton, look at me please.” His eyes slowly find their way to mine. He comforted me last night and all day. I owe him the same no matter how afraid I am of what could happen. “Don’t be sorry. Because I’m not.”

“You’re not?” he tilts his head to the side.

“No. I’m not. I’m not sorry that I met you. I’m not sorry for the time spent with you. And I’m not sorry for falling in love with you.”

Ashton nearly spits out the water he just took a large gulp of. “You… what?” his head snaps in my direction, choking out a cough.

“I love you Ashton and for that I will not apologize. You are everything I want and no one can tear me away from you.”

“Shane” he sighs, his eyes falling to the table. “I-”

“Please do me one favor?” I ask and he nods. “Don’t say it back. Please” I say in pleading tone.

I don’t want him to say those words without feeling how I feel. I doubt that he could ever feel what I do right now.

With clenched fists, he stands up from the table. He pulls his wallet from his back pocket, throwing some money on the table.

I reach for my jacket but he grabs a hold of my wrist. “Stay” is all he says before leaving me alone in the café.

I knew telling Ashton my true feelings would never play out well but I didn’t think he would leave me alone at dinner. I should give him some space and time to let it sink in. This is new to him.

I finish my dinner despite my humiliation. Many people around us witnessed what happened. If I weren’t starving I would have left too.

I pay the check using the money Ashton left on the table and quickly scurry out of the café. I’m not ready to face Ashton yet. I’m afraid of what he’ll say or do. No one should be this worried after they tell someone they loved them but this is Ashton. Nothing is black and white with him.

It’s snowing when I step outside the café. The sight is breathtaking, the snow falling in front of the bright lights of the city.

All I want is to go back to the room and lay by the fireplace. I would love to be cuddled with Ashton but I don’t see that being a possibility tonight.

Despite how freezing it is I find an empty bench and take a seat. I watch as people hustle around, trying to get out of the cold as quickly as possible, parents picking up their children to hurry them along.

I sit here until my body is numb, hoping that it will numb my brain too. Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. Nothing can turn your mind off.

The lobby of the hotel is filled with a swarm of people, dressed in gowns and suits. The stunning bride and the handsome groom explain the crowd. I watch in awe as the newlyweds embrace one another, hoping that one day I will get to experience something just as beautiful.

Once back on my floor, I hesitate outside the room, afraid to go inside. I don’t even know if Ashton is in there. I doubt he came back here. I should just go inside and figure out what I’m going to do and what I’m going to say to him.

I understand that he doesn’t love me, not the same way I love him. He doesn’t fully understand what love is and for that I can’t hold him responsible for his reaction.

As I pull out my room key, the door opens and young woman in a royal blue gown steps out of the room, the same gown the bridesmaids were wearing downstairs. Her hair is a mess and one strap hangs off her shoulder. She looks both angry and hurt.

At first I think I have the wrong room until Ashton comes running to the door, trying to stop her. His eyes grow wide when he sees me in the doorway instead.

The woman storms down the hall, stabbing her perfectly manicured nail at the down button. “You are sick!” she yells at Ashton before disappearing into elevator.

I shove past Ashton, wanting to get my suitcase and leave. I can’t believe he would do this. No, actually I can and that is the reason I need to leave.

He doesn’t deserve a chance to explain or apologize. He doesn’t deserve me or my love. He doesn’t deserve anything.

“Shane” my name comes out quiet and weak from him.

“Don’t” I warn, holding up my hand for him to stay away from me as I throw everything that is mine into my suitcase.

He takes three long strides across the room, yanking the suitcase and throwing it across the room. “What do you think you’re doing?”

With shaking fists, I slam them against his chest, wanting him as far away from me as possible. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

I grab my suitcase, placing it back on the bed to pack the rest of my stuff. I can’t stand to be in this room with him any longer. The man I foolishly fell in love with has cheated on me.

“Why are you running?”

“Running?” I laugh, fighting back tears. “I can’t do this anymore Ashton. I am not some girl you can fuck around with for fun. I really thought I meant more to you than that.”

My eyes are focused on the television. I can’t bear to look at him right now. I am disgusted.

He shakes his head, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. “It’s not like that.”

“It isn’t? That’s really funny Ashton.” I brush past him to get to the bathroom. “You sought out some pathetic girl you knew would sleep with you because her best friend is getting married and she’s so desperate for attention and brought her up to our room” I yell out to him. “Please tell me I’m wrong” I say sarcastically.

He blocks me in the bathroom, his eyes burning holes through me. “You’re wrong.”

“Bullshit” I fire back. “Get out of my way.”

He doesn’t budge.

“I said get out of my way” I roar, my voice so foreign to me.

“You’re not leaving me.”

“Too late.” I slam my hands on his chest, pushing with all the force I can manage until his feet stumble back and his head smacks against the wall.

I grab my suitcase, running out the door on shaky legs, heading for the stairs. Once I’m back out in the cold snow I can breathe again. I don’t know where I’m going. I need to find my way to Penn Station and call someone to pick me up from the train station when I get back to Maryland.

I’m only two blocks away from Penn when a car comes to a screeching halt next to me. My first thought is the man who is stalking me but reality sets in when I hear Ashton’s controlling voice.

“Get in the god damn car Shane!” His voice is deep and gravely, the palm of his hand slamming against the steering wheel as I continue to walk.

My arms are wrapped around my body, shielding me from the cool winter air. The only reason I’m not freezing to death I because my blood is boiling.

“Just get in the car, will ya?” his tone is lighter but still commanding.

I stop in my tracks, turning to him, leaning over so he can get a clear look at my face. “Give me one good reason.”

“I’m not fucking around Shane. In. The. Car. Now!”

I stand up straight, adjusting my sweater and continue my walk to the train station. This time I am not giving into him. I will stand my ground and not be the girl that falls back into the same patterns.

The car revs up quickly followed by the screeching of the breaks. The door slams behind me, Ashton’s loud footsteps approaching quickly.

“I’m not going to say in again” he warns.

I drop my suitcase, my hand coming up to slap him across the face. He rubs his cheek where my hand hit him, already turning red.

“Don’t you ever come near me again.”

I pick up my suitcase, leaving him behind me.

“I didn’t sleep with her” his voice is weak again but loud enough for me to hear.

Tears fall from my eyes involuntarily. I can’t stop them even if I tried.

Ashton is cursing as I walk away from him. I hear his voice breaking with each word. He’s falling apart as much as I am but he’s the only one to blame.

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