Chapter 17

“Hi” Ashton breathes a sigh of relief when I open the door, immediately attacking me, kissing down my jaw line.

“You’re in a really good mood” I mutter against his lips and he hums in response.

It’s weird seeing this side of Ashton. He is never this happy. Even when he’s happy, he barely shows it.

Ever since we got back to school it was like a different side of Ashton. I feared that he would snap and turn into the crazy Ashton I’ve come to know but he hasn’t. At least not yet.

I stayed two nights at Ashton’s room. We lay in bed and watched movies and stuffed our faces with enough junk food to last me a lifetime. It was nice. Comfortable. But … weird.

I wasn’t sure if we were capable of just hanging out. The entire time we’ve known each other we’ve only had sexual encounters or hung out in his room with Calum, Michael and Luke.

With his lips still on mine, he backs me towards my room. “Amy” I try to say but he ignores me as he lifts my feet of the ground to move us faster. I can already feel him growing against me. “I have homework to do” I pull away.

“I’ll be quiet” he grins. I shake my head with a smile. It’s flattering that he wants to hang out with me even if he’s just sitting there watching me type up a paper but I know he won’t be able to sit still or keep his mouth shut for more than two minutes.

“So how’s my favorite girl?” Ashton speaks up.

“I’m o-” I start to say when he cuts me off.

“I was talking to Amy.” He has the stupid smirk on his face. Honestly, I’m not sure if he’s trying to be nicer to her for my sake or still wants to get under her skin.

“I’m fine” she answers, not bothering to take her eyes off the television.

It’s only been ten minutes of silence when he starts drumming his hands on his lap. After the drumming starts, he begins to hum distracting Amy and I from our work.

“Does he have to be here?” Amy cranes her head in our direction, furrowing her eyebrows as she glares at Ashton.

“Shouldn’t your face be buried in a book?”

“Shouldn’t your face be buried in between her legs?” she shoots back. Normally I would be insulted but I didn’t think Amy had it in her. I cover my mouth as I giggle.

“You’re right” he says with a devilish grin. He grabs the pen and paper from my hand and throws in on my desk before laying me down and kissing from jaw down my neck.

“Ashton” I squeal. “Stop it!” I smack his arm but he doesn’t let up on his attack.

“This is my room. I’m not leaving” Amy stands her ground.

“Don’t care” he shrugs. “You can watch all you’d like” he winks in her direction.

I realize he’s serious when he unbuttons the top of my jeans. “Okay, okay” I push his hand away. “Save it for later.”

“You torture me” he groans with his forehead pressed against mine.

I roll my eyes and grab my pen and paper from the desk. “We’ll be in the common room” I tell Amy and drag Ashton behind me.

“You busy tonight?” I ask him. It’s Alexa’s birthday and Adam is getting everyone together to celebrate at O’Malley’s. He said I could invite the guys, not sure if that included Ashton but we were together now, right? At least I think we are. We never really talked about the status of our relationship and that’s not something I wanted to push with him.

“Yeah, practice with the band.”

Since they won in New York they have been putting much more time and effort into rehearsing. They’ve stopped fooling around as much and have been focusing on the music. They have another gig, even bigger than the last, coming up in the next month or two.

“Come to practice” he suggests and it hurts me to turn down the offer.

“I’d love to” I smile big, hoping to soften the blow “but…”

“You’d rather be with your friends” he answers for me even though that wasn’t what I was going to say.

“That is not what I said” I retort. “Alexa is one of my best friends and I can’t miss her birthday. I’ll come by your room after.”

“Don’t bother” he shakes his head. He stands up from the couch, running his fingers through his hair. “I hope you have a lot of fun tonight” he snaps.

“Ashton” I sigh, beginning to feel guilty for no reason.

“Did you even ask me if it was okay?”

“Excuse me?” My eyes almost pop out of my head and all I can see is red. Is he serious? I do not need his permission to go out with my friends. “I don’t have to ask you” I say harshly.

“Yeah you do.” His eyes burn holes through me. I have to restrain myself from slapping him across the face. I should not now or ever need his or anyone’s approval to do anything.

“You can get out” I shove him towards the doorway. “Now!” I yell.

His eyes grow dark. His chest is rising and falling rapidly. I don’t give a shit if he’s mad because I can promise you that I am more furious than he is right now.

He slams the door on his way out. I groan loudly as I throw my body on my bed.

“Why do you put up with that?” Amy questions.

“I don’t know” I turn my head to her. “I really don’t know.”

**********************

I’m running a little behind after the fight with Ashton. I was so pissed off I couldn’t think straight. That included finding an outfit to wear out for Alexa’s birthday.

I want to look hot tonight. Still debating if I want to go to Ashton’s room after or not. I don’t think he deserves to have me there nor do I even feel like talking to him at this point.

To degrade me in such a way. He actually thinks that I should ask his permission to go out with my friends. I respect his concerns and what not but he needs to learn to trust me. Something he has trouble doing with a lot of people but I never gave him a reason to not trust me.

 The outfit I choose is a simple black dress. It’s tight and just covers my ass. I throw on my black leather jacket and a pair of red pumps. Not wanting to waste any more time, I put my hair in a braid and quickly apply some make-up.

Everyone is already at the bar when I get there. I immediately run over to Alexa, wrapping my arms tight around her waist, kissing her face over and over. “Happy birthday my little munchkin!”

“You came!” She’s so drunk already I doubt she even knows who I am.

“Of course I came” I laugh. “Now let’s get us some drinks!”

I fight my way through the crowd to the bar and order us some tequila shots. I know she’s gone but most of them are for me.

After downing three or four maybe five I am ready to just let loose. Ashton is pushed to the back of my mind. I am here with my friends to have a good time.

“Hey pretty girl” someone says in my ear. I turn on my heel, staring up at Frankie. He takes my hand and spins me around. “Well don’t you look sexy tonight.”

“She looks sexy all the time” Adrienne pops her head in between us.

“Thank you” I giggle. I check him out from head to toe as well. “Not so bad yourself” I smile.

His hands fall to my hips and he pulls me closer to him. “Dance with me baby.”

I have no issue dancing with Frankie. Keith never had a problem with me hanging out with Frankie. He trusted me. Didn’t trust Frankie a whole lot but at least he trusted me.

Frankie’s my friend and I’m comfortable with him. We’ve come close to hooking up a few times but it’s never happened. It’s more fun to play around than actually take it to the next step between us.

I know his intentions are different than mine so when I push him back a little he gives me this strange look.

“I have a boyfriend now” I tell him, even though it’s a lie. I feel I’m disrespecting Ashton. Just because I’m mad at him doesn’t mean I’ll take it out in a way that would intentionally hurt him.

“You’re seriously going out with that asshole?” He raises his eyebrows and shakes his head when I say yes. “Remember I’m here for you when he hurts you.”

“Well thank you” I attempt to smile. “But he won’t hurt me” I lie again. Ashton has hurt me so many times already and we’re not even a couple. “He’s not so bad once you get to know him.”

“How about a drink?” he changes the subject. I follow him to the bar and order drink after drink.

We get into this stupid conversation about one of our classes and this impossible midterm coming up next week. Out of all the weird conversations Frankie and I have gotten into in a bar, I don’t think once we ever discussed schoolwork.

“I have no notes” he shrugs. His eyes are glazed over and everything he says is slurred. “I’m gonna fail.”

“You are not gonna fail” I slam my hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go. We’re studying” I say seriously.

“Now?” he laughs.

“Now.” I climb off the bar stool, pulling Frankie behind me.

We help each other walk back towards the dorm. The two of us were stumbling and falling the whole time.

When we finally reach my floor, I see someone sitting outside my room. It’s Ashton. Of course. He looks upset but as soon as Frankie steps into his view a flash of anger washes over him.

“Thought you were stopping my room” he says, his voice calm.  He doesn’t bother to look up at me.

“Just needed to give something to Frankie first.” I place my hands on my hips, getting ready for the fight that is about to happen.

“Yeah and what’s that?” He rises to his feet, hovering over me.

“Dude, its just notes from class” Frankie steps in. Mentally I’m begging for him to just shut up.

“And notes is code for? What?” Ashton cocks his head to the side.

“Code for nothing” I snap. “It’s for our history class.”

“He’s not in your history class” Ashton turns his head to me and raises one eyebrow. How does he know that Frankie isn’t in my history class?

“He is” I inform him. “He just never shows up” I laugh to relieve some tension. It doesn’t work.

“Then why do you want the notes?”

“For the midterm” Frankie answers.

“And you couldn’t get them from anyone else?” Ashton takes a step closer to Frankie.

I squeeze myself between them, placing my hands on Ashton’s chest and push him back a little. “Calm down.”

Okay, we all know the last thing you say to an angry person is to calm down but that is all I could think of in the moment.

His breathing becomes ragged and his fists clench at his side. He has no reason to fight Frankie. He’s mad at me and I will not allow him to take it out on Frankie’s face.

“Don’t tell me to fucking calm down when you were about to fuck him.”

“I’m sorry Frankie” I turn to face him. “It will be two seconds.”

Ashton stares him down until I return with my folder full of notes. “Thanks. Enjoy the rest of our night.” We both watch as Frankie walks down the hall and turns the corner.

“What the hell Ashton?” I scream once Frankie is out of sight.

“I could ask you the same thing” he matches my tone.

“I wasn’t going to sleep with him. I was going to give him the notes and go straight to your room.”

“I’m sure that’s what you were going to do” he scoffs.

“I don’t care if you believe me or not. I’m going to sleep.”

I step around him, changing into a pair of pajamas. Luckily Amy went to a friend’s house for the weekend.

I’m not sure why I put up with him. With any of it. Maybe it’s because he’s the only guy that’s ever got my heart beating this fast. In a good way most of the time. He gives me this sort of rush that I can’t explain.

Even when he’s being a complete ass I still want to be around him. And when I’m furious with him I still want to run my hands through his hair and kiss him like it could be the last time.

But at some point, I need to stand my ground. I can’t give in to him no matter how much I want to. I’m stronger than that. “Good night Ashton” I say as I crawl into bed.

“Wait” he breathes out and I’m already crumbling. “I’m sorry, okay?” he says annoyed – annoyed at himself. “I’m a jerk for how I treated you.”

“Yeah, you were” I reply. I try to hide my smile. He’s apologizing and actually admitting that he was wrong.

“I’m trying. I’m really trying here Shane. It’s hard.”

“It shouldn’t be” I sigh. “It should be easy. Effortless.”

“I’ve never put my trust in anyone. I never had to. I want to trust you Shane” he explains, taking a few steps closer to the bed.

“We’re going to hurt each other over and over again. We already have. But trust that I would never cheat on you. I want to be with you.”

I’m not sure how many times I have to tell him that. I want him and only him. I will repeat it everyday if that’s what he needs to hear to believe it.

“I’m so sorry baby.” He climbs on the bed next to me, taking my hand in his. “Can I stay?”

I sit up on my knees, running my hands through his curls as I stare into his beautiful hazel eyes. “Be with me” I state.

It’s not something I ever saw myself doing. I’m not the girl that is confident to ask a guy on a date and definitely not confident enough to ask him to be my boyfriend.

“What?” he laughs nervously.

“Be with me” I repeat.

“You want that?” he asks stunned. “You would want to be with a fuck up like me?”

I shake my head, upset with how he thinks of himself. “No Ashton” I breathe. “I want to be with this amazing man standing in front of me.”

He smiles and kisses my lips lightly. “Thank you” he whispers.

“Good night Ashton” I say playfully this time.

“Night baby.”