17

BRIGHT'S POV

"I can go home, I already got a lot of security with me." I told Win when I saw him outside. 

"Bright... just let me take you home" He said sounding frustrated. 

I smirked. He has the audacity to get mad at me now?

"If you're gonna get mad for me lashing out, just please, not tonight, I had enough of shit for today." I told him and started walking to the car. 

He didn't followed me after that. I got home and got several messages but I ignored it and crashed to my bed immediately. I seriously don't know what will happen, I want to numb it all again and just turn it all off... but Win coming into my life just changed that, it makes me want to fight, and keep fighting until I'm out of the hurt. 

I woke up the next day with Namtan packing some stuff... 

"Are you leaving today?" I asked her and crossed my arms. 

"No, I'm just gonna go for a quick trip to El Nido, I just want a break, you can come if you want." She told me. 

"When are you leaving?" I asked. 

"6pm tonight. I can call your university and fix whatever it is needed to put you on a week of home school..." She said.

"Do you need me to go with you?" I asked. 

It took her a while before she answered. I was trying to read her expression to figure out if she wants or not. 

"Maybe?" She said and smiled.

"How long are you staying?" I asked.

"Two days, before Dad hunts us down. I said give me three but I'll go back after two days." She told me. 

I agreed to the El Nido trip, I could use some of it. I have been very anxious with everything my father could possibly do. He can go on a rage and ruin everything, including all of us, and that isn't the family that I asked for. 

I packed my stuff and took a nap, these are my coping mechanism, sleep and alcohol, all the same routine. Get drunk or go to sleep to numb it all away. 

"Bright, get up, we're leaving in an hour." Namtan said when I opened my eyes. It's almost dark out, it's the sunset already... 

"Win is also downstairs. Are you running away from him?" Namtan said which made me sigh. 

"I can't keep dragging him into our messes when we can't even sort our relationship mess together." I told her. 

"Talk. Talk to him, if you have problems of your own, I'm sure he does too, you could be not the only person with the obvious daddy issues or whatever, we'll figure things out. Just hang in there for me. We badly need you here Bright." Namtan told me. 

I sighed and fixed myself and went down to talk to Win. I saw him sitting on the sofa as our helper served him with some drink. 

I made my way to the small bar counter of our house and poured myself some drink. 

"I think it's a little too early for alcohol?" Win asked me. 

"I think it's a little too late to say that..." I sarcastically said and sipped on my drink. 

"Can we talk?" Win asked. 

"Can we do the talking when I go back? I just have some stuff to sort out, consider it as space? Go do everything you want to do, I'll do the same..." I told him and took another sip. 

"B-bright... are you breaking up with me?" He asked. 

"I said some space Win... it's all getting a little out of hand can't you see? You're not even ready for the world to know about us and I can't deal with that right now." I told him. 

He sighed and walked away after a few minutes, I had more of my drink and went upstairs to get my stuff and get ready. 

I got everything I needed for University so I decided to close my phone and just shut everybody out, I took out the iPod I have and listened to music for the whole flight, when we arrived, as usual, grandma prepared a feast for us but I was in no mood to eat a lot so I just decided I'd eat and a little and take a nap...

NAMTAN'S POV

I know it's all a lot for Bright, there has been a lot going on lately and it's just too much for all of us. 

"Is Bright alright?" Grandma asked when he ate a little and barely talked. 

I sighed and shook my head. 

"I don't know what to do anymore... I am getting tired as well..." I told her as a few tears fell from my eyes. 

"Come here, forget about all of it for a while okay? Just for when you are here... Bright will be alright, he's just human as well, we'll keep an eye for him, but don't push the healthy routine and lifestyle to him... it harms his mental health more." Grandma said and hugged me which made me cry more. 

I was crying on grandma's arms for a little while because she felt like my safe space. I was at the porch looking at the moon after dinner as I listened to the waves crash by the shore. 

Bright came out a few minutes later, he noticed me but he walked straight by the shore with a bottle of another alcoholic drink with him... I decided to follow him...

"Can I drink with you?" I asked him. 

"Sure..." He told me and passed the bottle to me. 

"Slow down..." He said when I chugged on it as it burned my throat. 

"Meh~ It's fine... I get it... The way it burns your throat, the way it makes you feel like you're floating around when you've had too much of it... It feels like freedom." I told him. 

"Aren't you tired of all of this?" He asked. 

"I am very tired Bright... but I need to fight, I need to follow them, I am the first born, I have to be there for you... and Ton..." I told him and sighed. 

He sighed as well as we continued drinking.

"You can dump it all on me you know..." He said.

"That doesn't sound right... but instead, why not let's all say everything we're feeling, and then keep it here, tonight, no more of it tomorrow and all, we both mind our business after..." I told him. 

He drank and looked at the endless dark sea. 

"If we do that... promise me, you're not telling mom or pushing me into another shrink..." He said.

"Deal..." I told him. 

"Ladies first then..." He said and gave me a sad smile. 

"You know sometimes I wonder, what if I wasn't the firstborn... what if I wasn't the one who catches everything to save my siblings... what if I have a different family, What if I leave you all alone... It's just all too tiring, I can manage but I'm gonna need a lot more thought dumping than this..." I said and chugged on the bottle again. 

"I don't know how I'd explain me but I am very tired, exhausted? In all aspects, it's like I sleep and sleep but I still wake up tired. I just can't anymore. My anxiety is getting really bad that I mess my life up more than the mess it already is. The therapist told me my anxiety can be cured but to be honest, I can't see that with everything going on. I am scared I am too messed up that I bring it all on you and you might be in danger because of me. Sometimes I'm just too anxious my body goes numb and I literally can't feel anything because I felt it all too much. I found Win to be the sun and moon for my darkest days, but I'm afraid I am taking too much of his light and I am making him into another me, he's just not like that. I am tired, I wanna be loved and be happy with no sadness in exchange, because I don't and didn't want all these sadness and anxiety." He said and chugged as well. 

It took us a little while before I finally got the courage from the alcohol to speak again...

"What happened to you and Win? You were happy from your trip..." I asked.

"It's just my petty reasons..." He told me.

I waited for some more details but I didn't want to force it out of him. 

"... he hurt me, in a way that is too selfish I guess? We are both new to this kind of relationship and I just really want to spend as much time with him, he pushed me away when his family was around, I felt like he was ashamed of me, but I also got really scared, that when it comes to his decision, he would never choose me or even choose to fight for me over his family... and I don't know but it hurt and scared me, that I'd be alone again." He said...

"You hurt or you feel scared because you expected so much from them and you'd be very willing to do sooo much for all of us, but you don't get it in return, it feels unfair Bright... and your feelings are valid" I told him. 

"I don't know what to do with Win, do I just watch him go?" He asked. 

"You talk Bright. You talk to him, about everything that you are feeling and going through, because the relationship you very much want with him would not work with you keeping it all inside, but you also have to listen, the talking works both ways, you won't always agree but you would both need to come up with something that meets each other half way." I told him.

BRIGHT'S POV

Namtan and I talked a little more until she said she had too much of the drink already, we were halfway for our second bottle.

"I'm gonna go sleep, it's almost 4am as well." She said. 

I stayed there, stopped drinking when I finished the second bottle and could see everything spinning around me. I laid in the sand... I feel nothing anymore... I don't know if I should be scared or if I should be happy because I am finally free from everything.

I stared blankly into the skies until the sun was already rising... I walked back to my room still a little dizzy and just drifted to sleep when I laid on my bed...

My routine was pretty much the same while I was in the island. I didn't have any social media interactions and such but it was actually for the best. I spent so much time alone on my private island and I even have a little tent built for me to have some shade.  

It's been 4 days since we got here, Namtan went back a couple of days ago, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back but mom called and they are 2-3 weeks away from going back home. I needed to fix my life even if I already got tired trying to fix it for years. 

"Grandma I'll be going home tomorrow..." I mentioned as we were having dinner. 

"You sure?" She asked me. 

"Yeah... I have several stuff to fix back home." I told her. 

"You got this Bright, you'll figure everything out." She told me. 

I packed that night and notified Namtan I am coming home. It's enough running from all of it.

---

I arrived back home at around 6pm, the house was quiet but all the lights were turned on, Namtan was busy doing some stuff on her laptop when I walked inside.

"Great! You are home, I need to stay with Dad from tonight. I did the grocery shopping, also asked some people to clean. I will be gone for a week or maybe two, but I will check on you from time to time." She told me. 

"Do I really have no choice to stay with you?" I asked. 

"None. You are staying here and keep an eye out for yourself, I'll tell you all about the business we are trying to fix after all of it. Mom doesn't want you involved." She told me. 

I went up and she left a few minutes later. I am alone again, but I had that smallest hope, that this alone time will give me everything I needed to fix my life and get it together, to not depend on the people around me.

I had dinner and opened my phone. I checked all the messages, there were a bunch from Win but he stopped two days ago...

Win Metawin

Bright talk to me

We need to talk this out...

Are you still coming back?

Is this a break-up?

How long will you need your space

Bright... I need you too...

I sighed before I tried calling him. He didn't picked up, I tried a couple more times but he didn't really picked up. I left some messages for him. Still no response. 

It was pretty late but I decided to go out for a drink, I am safe with the security detail anyway... I went to the bar we used to go to... but surprise was waiting for me, Win was there, with Love... his face was buried in her shoulders. They didn't get the chance to see me and I was about to walk away when I saw Win grabbing Love's face and kissed her...

I wasn't drunk but everything started spinning so fast around me again, I couldn't breathe, it was like I was drowning with everything. I wanted to scream but nothing came out. I drove back home and decided to pack some stuff. Whatever I am doing, it is better than dealing with Win right now...

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Namtan yelled at me as she saw me at the living room of our mansion. 

"You can't do this alone. I am already here. I am already in this mess even before this family fell apart." I said. 

"You kids did the right choice though... I wouldn't go against me if I were you." Dad said and left us both there. 

"What the hell are you thinking?!" Namtan asked me again. 

"I'll keep myself safe. I promise, just let me help, do something that would fix one part of my life at least." I told her and went up to my old room to unpack my stuff. 

The next day I was supposed to go to school and then attend a meeting with my father to be caught up with the business we are dealing with. 

I did not talk to anyone as school, seeing Love, and the way she was so awkward around me reminds me of what I saw in the bar. She's like family to me, but then, real family can break your trust, what more them? 

"Since you are here... let me get you up to speed. I have a little mess to be cleaned up and Namtan is already working on that, about to finish it actually. You, I need you as my heir, I am doing business with someone, but we wanted the transaction be discreet, you will be dealing with it as well as their representative. You have a meeting at 5pm later, you better get ready." He told me. 

"Meeting about what?" I asked. 

"They are investing in our business and the other business as well, you get a big bonus if you do well." He said and picked up a call. 

I got ready and got driven to the company to wait for my meeting, I was assisted to the meeting room and I was the first one there as well as the secretary dad sent for me. 

"Sir, they are here..." My secretary told me. 

"Let them in, so we'd finish immediately." I told her. 

It was like somebody dumped iced water on me when I saw Win in a tuxedo by the door...

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Thanks for reading! <3