♠︎ fifty one

CHAPTER FIFTY ONE

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♠︎ JUNGKOOK

Jungkook normally rose early in the mornings, but not today.

Last night, climbing into bed after that awful conversation, all he could think about was you. You, kissing him like your life depended on it. You, with hurt in your eyes as you walked away from him. You, telling him it was over.

You, on Taehyung's doorstep.

It played over and over again, like some kind of nightmarish loop in Jungkook's mind, unable to shut it off and get some sleep. It felt like a hand had closed over his heart and was squeezing it tight, shutting off all his vital signs. He tossed and turned, remembering every single detail he was begging his brain to forget.

Eventually, in the early hours, he drifted off, running on pure exhaustion alone.

So it wasn't until someone rapped loudly on his bedroom door at noon, that he finally roused from sleep.

At first, he was disorientated, unable to recall where he was or what had happened last night; but after a moment, it came back to him. The fist closed painfully over his heart once more, and he winced at it. 

Before he could begin to replay the awful scene from last night another time, the knocker rapped loudly on the door again. 

"Yeah," Jungkook groaned in it's general direction - but no one entered. 

He huffed, climbing out of bed groggily and lumbering towards the door. It was nearly definitely Yoongi - or someone sent by Yoongi - who was being denied breakfast by Jin until everyone was gathered at the table.

But, just like you last night, Jungkook found him faced with someone he hadn't expected in the doorway.

"Oh," Jungkook's heart jolted. "Hi."

Yoora gave him a small smile. "Hey. Can I come in?"

He ran a hand instinctively through his messy hair, trying to tidy it a little. "Um," he said, glancing around as if this might be some kind of joke or mistake. "I mean... sure?"

Yoora flashed him a grin, wandering into his room. 

Jungkook panicked. What the hell was Yoora doing here? And where were you? Were you, at this very moment, still tangled in Taehyung's-

No.

Jungkook stopped himself, taking a deep breath. He would not jump to conclusions, just because he was hurting, and he'd seen you at Taehyung's door last night. You wouldn't do that to him, no matter how drunk and emotional you were.

And yet none of that explained why Yoora was now perching gingerly at the end of his unmade bed.

"Oh, um-" he moved towards her, straightening out the bedcovers. "Let me..."

Yoora grinned in thanks, shuffling backwards to make herself more comfortable. "Thanks."

"No problem," he mumbled, gazing down at her, too afraid to move or speak. He was utterly perplexed at why she was there. "So... um..."

"I met your girlfriend last night," Yoora cut him off, eyeing him through dark lashes.

There it was - the painful fist squeezing his heart once more. He winced at her assumption. "She's... not my girlfriend," he clarified, trying to hide how much it hurt him to say this. 

"Mm," Yoora hummed. "Are you sure? She was pretty upset about you in bed."

Jungkook's heart twisted again. "She was? Wait - in bed?"

"She knocked on Tae's door by accident," Yoora explained. "And he saw how drunk she was and asked me to help him. We got her to bed between us."

"You did?" Jungkook couldn't hide the relief on his face this time at having a reasonable explanation for seeing you with Taehyung last night - but it was immediately replaced by concern. "Wait... you... have you seen her this morning? Is she okay?"

Yoora gave him a knowing look. "I haven't seen her, but she said she hadn't drunk a whole lot. I'm sure she's fine." 

Jungkook let out a deep exhale, his guts unclenching ever so slightly. 

"Oh," he said, voice breathless with relief. "Well, that's... that's good."

"She seemed particularly concerned by how much you like me," she said, half serious and half amused. "I take it you told her what you told me before, about how you... how you felt?"

Jungkook's heart jolted. He truly had no idea where she was going with this, but he sensed that Yoora had gotten the general gist of his fallout with you this week. In Yoora's eyes, she was the woman he'd liked before, and you were rattled by her turning up here.

She just didn't know about the whole brat taming challenge. Nor did he want her to.

"Well... it's kind of a long story," he deflected, not wanting to admit to Yoora that she was the whole reason he was here in the first place. She would definitely make fun of him for that. "But, yeah, I did tell her that."

"You don't like me any more, right?" she demanded, blinking at him with an unreadable expression.

"Is it awful if I say no?" he said candidly, making Yoora laugh.

"I would rather you say no," she rolled her eyes impatiently. "But does she know that?"

"I think so. But it doesn't matter. I think it's over now," he admitted, wincing at the admission once more. He could barely believe it himself. The three words came hurtling back.

We're done here.

"Jungkookie," Yoora said, shooting him a stern look. "I need to tell you a secret. But you can't tell anyone else, okay?"

Jungkook nodded apprehensively. "Okay..." he trailed.

Yoora's eyes glinted at him. "You know my friend, who's here with me? The dancer?"

"Tala? Yeah," he remembered the blonde, upbeat girl from last night, the one Yoora had spent most of the evening with, chatting to Hobi and Jin. "What about her?"

"I'm in love with her," Yoora delivered matter-of-factly.

Jungkook could have choked on his own spit. 

"I - you - you... you what?" he sputtered.

Yoora laughed lightly. "Sorry. Guess I should have eased you into that."

"You're..." Jungkook knew his eyes had gone wide, and he sat down on the bed next to her to steady himself. "You're gay?"

Yoora nodded, grinning. "Yeah. It's kinda awesome, actually. But you're like... one of the only people who knows, so please don't tell anyone."

Jungkook nodded, because of course he would tell no one - life for openly gay people in Korea wasn't exactly a picnic - but he was still so confused. This whole night and morning had been a total headfuck. "I don't understand. Why are you telling me this? Trusting me with this? We don't even really know each other."

"Well... you did say you had a crush on me. And you have a right to know why I wouldn't go out with you. The real reason," she clarified, with a sly grin. "Not that nonsense about me liking Namjoon instead."

Even if there had been words that Jungkook could have formed in this moment, they were lost to him. 

Yoora was gay. Gay. 

Jungkook realised that this was the second friend who had come out to him so far on this holiday, after Yoongi. What the hell was in the waters on this island?

"Hang on," he said, heart hurtling towards a hundred miles an hour as things began to fall into place in his mind. "So... all that stuff you said about wanting a dominant man, about me being too shy - was any of that true?"

Yoora's eyes were half guilty and half bemused. "Uh... no," she admitted. 

It was so fucking ironic that Jungkook could have died laughing; if it wasn't also wasn't such ridiculously bad timing. 

The whole agreement was bogus. The whole reason he had come here; the very premise of him meeting you, of sleeping with you, of beating you - had been a lie.

And yet, you'd fallen in love with each other anyway.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled to Yoora, who was still waiting for a reply as Jungkook's world as he knew it imploded. "I'm just... processing that."

"I know you guys don't think very highly of me," Yoora continued as the crisis raged on in Jungkook's head, picking at a thread of his bedsheets. "Well - at least, I know Jimin doesn't. That boy couldn't hide an emotion on his face if he tried."

Jungkook remembered, suddenly, what Jimin had said about Yoora all those weeks ago. She's a vapid social climber with the personality of a vacuum cleaner.

But Jungkook had a sneaking feeling now, that Jimin was wrong. The calm, composed, superficial Yoora they were used to seeing was only a facade.

"I know that the way I act around you guys isn't the real me. I was trying to protect myself, by putting up walls around who I really am," she went on now in a quiet voice, as Jungkook gazed at her in astonishment. "But what I didn't realise, was that in doing that I was ruining my chances of finding real friendships. And finding love."

The clenching feeling was slowly returning to Jungkook's heart, but this time out of sympathy. 

"Even Tala doesn't know the real me, and she's the closest friend I have," Yoora laughed. "Isn't that awful?"

"Yoora," Jungkook reached for her in sympathy. "That's..."

"I know," she was still laughing, but the sadness twinkled in her eyes. "I know, Jungkookie."

"I'm honoured that you told me," he said, pausing his shock at this revelation to reach out to squeeze her hand. "But you should tell Tala, when you're ready. She seems so nice, like she'd understand."

Yoora nodded, her grin weakening a little as she tried to compose herself, squeezing his hand back. "Maybe you're right," she sighed. "But Jungkookie, I told you this so you wouldn't make the same mistake. Don't run away from something just because  you're scared of facing it, because it's the fucking worst. I've been on this island for one day, and anyone with eyes can see that you two care for each other."

"It's not me that's running away," he clarified, and suddenly his throat felt very tight, eyes pricking with moisture, and oh god, he really did not want to cry in front of Yoora, but...

Plink!

Jungkook gazed down at the tear on his t-shirt.

Yep, it was happening. 

"Well in that case, don't let her go," Yoora sat up a little straighter, eyes filling with sympathy as tears rolled down his cheeks. "If this is really how cut up you are about it, then show her you're not going to let her push you away."

"Any suggestions on how to do that?" he asked, semi-sarcastically, wiping away a stray tear with the back of his hand. "Because truthfully, I'm stumped."

Yoora raised an eyebrow in seriousness. "Do you love her?" she asked.

It wasn't even a moment of hesitation. "Yes," he nodded, heart racing.

At this, Yoora smiled, and leaned in a little. 

"Then you do whatever it takes," she finished.

As if it were as simple as that. 

Jungkook realised in a momentary flash of clarity, that perhaps it really was.

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Despite this realisation, it took Jungkook all day to work up the courage to go and see you. 

He stayed in his room for most of the afternoon. When he went down for lunch he saw Yoongi - noting with a thrill that his hand was looped through Jimin's once more - who told Jungkook that you had been in your room all day. Seeing no need to be downstairs without you present, Jungkook grabbed his food, and went back to his room.

That didn't mean he was idle. He had to plan what he was going to say; what he was going to do to make you stay with him. He plugged in his headphones, listening to every song he knew about romance and attraction and love, memorising the sentiments and trying to put them into his own words. He wrote the lines in his head, scratched them out and redrafted them; he considered giving up at least five times. 

But then he remembered what Yoora had said. He had to do whatever it took to get you back.

And if it took a grand declaration - if it took him getting down on his knees to convince you that he loved you, and trusted you, and wanted to fight for you - then so be it.

When the sun finally began to dip below the horizon that evening, it was time. Jungkook swallowed down his nerves, and went to you.

It took him a moment to work up the courage to knock, but eventually he did, his knuckles trembling against the wood. He recited the lines in his head as he waited for you to appear, remembering every single word he wanted to say, reminding himself that it was just like being on stage, like remembering lines, except this time it was more important than ever to get it right-

He waited a little more.

No answer.

Jungkook knocked again. "Hey - it's me," he called out softly, but still no one answered, and so he pushed the door open this time. 

You weren't in there; that was immediately clear as soon as he entered the room, dim in the dusky light of sunset. But something else felt off; Jungkook couldn't work it out right away as he wandered into your room, scanning for some clue as to your whereabouts. 

Until it hit him.

The room wasn't just empty of you. It was empty, full stop.

The cupboards were open, hangers and shelves bare of clothes, where they'd been nearly full the last time he'd been here. Your desk was clear of all your papers, only a notebook left behind, which Jungkook had never seen you use. The bedsheets were turned down neatly, properly made; as if you weren't planning on returning.

This is some mistake, Jungkook thought, glancing around the room in panic. This is the wrong room-

But it was your room, alright. There was one horribly obvious giveaway; Jungkook could just about spy the dent in your wall above the bedframe, left there by him a few weeks ago. 

Which meant there was really one one conclusion to make.

Jungkook was too late.

You were gone.

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