♠︎ forty five

eeek, TEN CHAPTERS LEFT! 

i'm starting to get excited to wrap this up and start work on Heavensent - but we gotta get you and Jungkookie your happy ever after first! let's watch our two lovesick nugget-heads try to communicate their way out of this one, shall we?

enjoy!

CHAPTER FORTY FIVE

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♠︎ YOU

You woke up in simultaneous pain and bliss.

Pain, because - well, that was obvious. No one had ever gone as hard with you as Jungkook had last night; and then you'd foolishly allowed him to do it again in the middle of the night, making you even more sore than you had been before.

Not that it was his fault. You hadn't been able to resist him. 

But you were in utter bliss, too. Because you were wrapped up in Jungkook's sheets, and though the other side of the bed was cold, a scribbled note on the bedside table told you he'd just gone down to grab breakfast.

You grinned, a ridiculous, lovestruck smile.

Today was the day this silly game would all end, and something newer, more permanent, would begin. You were sure of it.

If you were going to do this, though, you wanted to be ready for it. So, ever so slowly, you eased yourself up and out of bed, wincing all the way as you limped to the bathroom. Jungkook had bathed you last night; you had a vague recollection of that, but you still felt a little sticky and disgusting after tangling with him one more time after you'd crawled into bed.

The hot water of his shower was a welcome treat and you sighed into it, letting it caress your aching muscles. Your arms had been pulled behind your back all evening and you rolled your shoulders now, trying to loosen the knots there, finding that even with all these aches, you were happy. Happier than you'd been in a very long time. 

A memory rose in your mind from last night; one you didn't fully remember. It was after you'd done that for the second time, after Jungkook's body had settled behind yours once more. You were drifting once more into the realms of sleep, when you'd heard three words uttered in a voice that sounded uncannily like his.

Three words you'd been dying for him to say.

Had he really whispered it? You thought it was unlikely. Your brain had been so fuzzy last night, and you'd had the wildest dreams while wrapped up in his arms. The chances that you hadn't made that up were very slim.

And besides, Jungkook was the kind of person to tell you outright how he felt, not whisper it into the darkness.

So you'd just have to confront him for real, if you wanted to know the truth.

When the water turned lukewarm you shut it off, grabbing a clean robe from the back of Jungkook's door and pulling it on. It was freshly laundered but the scent of his cologne lingered on it, making your stomach curl happily as you tied it around your waist, running a comb through your hair and wandering back out into Jungkook's room. 

A knock sounded abruptly at the door, making your stomach jolt.

It was time. 

You were so consumed with nerves for what you were about to tell him, that it didn't cross your mind how odd it would have been for Jungkook to knock on his own bedroom door.

Because when you opened the door, ready to tell Jungkook the truth despite the nauseous pit in your stomach, you found it wasn't Jungkook at all.

"Tae?" you asked, confused by the presence of your friend at the door.

Taehyung gazed back at you with an expression of pure and utter regret. 

"I'm so sorry," he said, amber irises shifting with guilt."I think I've really fucked up."

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You gazed at Taehyung as he spoke, with a mixture of emotions in succession - confusion, and then horror, and then fury.

When he was finished, you struggled to find the words.

"You..." you began, anxiety roiling in your stomach. "Let me get this straight. You invited her here? Along with the other dancers and models you work with, so it wouldn't seem so suspicious when she turned up?"

Taehyung nodded, his face crumpling with guilt.

"I was so fucking jealous," he admitted, running a hand through his hair. "When he kissed you after you did that skydive - I was trying to be happy for you both, but I just couldn't stop thinking about how... how much I wanted a second chance with you. I know it was the wrong thing, but-"

"But Tae, that was days ago," you protested. "You've had days since that skydive to call this off, if you truly thought you were doing the wrong thing."

"I didn't think she was coming," he defended quickly, his amber eyes pleading. "She said she would talk to the others and think about it, and then I never heard back - I just assumed that meant they weren't coming, if I'd have known, I would have-"

"Told her to hurry the fuck up so you could break my heart quicker?" you finished for him, hoping every word cut him as he winced, realising exactly how angry you were with him.

"No! I would have told her not to come, I swear, you have to believe me," Taehyung finished quickly, but you were already bubbling over with anger.

"I should have known we could never be friends," you shook your head in disbelief, feeling tears well in your eyes. "After everything you did to me, and now this... I can't-"

"I'm so sorry," he repeated, over and over again, reaching for your hand, but you pulled it back. "I know it's wrong now, I know that, I just wanted another chance-"

"Another chance?" you laughed bitterly. "Who are you to decide what chances you get, Tae? What was your plan - watch me get my heart trodden on so that you could swoop in and pick up the pieces? That's fucking pathetic."

Taehyung was wounded by this, and immediately you regretted how venomous you had been. But before you had a chance to apologise, another voice sounded in the corridor, making Taehyung whip around. 

"You."

Both you and Taehyung froze.

Jungkook was standing a few feet away, his hands clenched into fists. You begged him to meet your eye - to reassure you that this was going to be okay - but Jungkook wasn't looking at you.

He was looking at Taehyung with dark, angry eyes.

"I want to talk to you, hyung," Jungkook said, his voice low and quiet. "In private."

"Kookie," you said, unsure why you were even stepping in, but knowing no good could come from letting Jungkook put his best friend in a coma. "It's okay. I know what he did."

His eyes finally snapped to yours. "It's okay? Do you know why he did it?"

"Yes, he just admitted it," you said, as calm as you could. You hadn't forgiven Taehyung, but you were feeling bad for snapping at him and calling him pathetic, especially as he resembled a kicked puppy. "Jungkook, it's okay."

"Okay?" he repeated furiously, his eyes still burning into yours, and you tried to decipher the emotions there. There was anger, yes, but it was more than that. There was desperation, too, and pain. 

He was panicking.

You had never met a panicked Jungkook before, and it seemed that perhaps he wasn't used to it either, his emotions storming over each other to get the better of him.

The situation needed to be diffused, before he did something he would regret.

"Tae," you said now to Taehyung, who was standing very still beside you, his face ashen, at the realisation of just how angry Jungkook was. "Can you give us a minute?"

Taehyung glanced between you and Jungkook, seemingly reluctant to leave you with him when he was so worked up. But he must have decided that Jungkook posed no threat to you, because he nodded slowly, stalking off down the corridor. 

Jungkook eyed you with an intense expression, and you held the door open wider. He strode past you into the room, and you closed the door behind him. 

You had never seen him this angry before - not even when you'd called Namjoon daddy. His emotions right now were on a whole new level.

"Kookie," you said, eyeing him across the room. "Take a deep breath. This isn't the end of the world."

"Are you kidding?" he replied, voice etched with anger. "He did this to get you back. Can't you see that?"

"Yes, and he admitted that himself," you agreed, stepping closer to Jungkook. "He knows what he did wrong."

Jungkook scoffed, raven hair falling in front of his dark, furious eyes. "You're seriously defending him?"

"I'm not defending what he did," you retorted. "I'm furious at him. But it doesn't change the fact that she's here!"

"The fact that she's here changes nothing," Jungkook said, his doe eyes pleading with you - but you could only laugh at this.

"Kookie, how can you say that," your laugh was bitter and sad. "You came here for her."

"But now I have you," he insisted, taking your hand in his and stroking his thumb over the back of it. "I don't want her any more. I haven't wanted her for a while."

You knew this was the truth. Somewhere, deep down, you had known it before he had even said it; that Jungkook had come out here for one woman and ended up captivated by another instead.

It made your heart sing that the woman in question was you, but the song was drowned out by the doubts still buzzing through your brain.

You had watched this scenario play out before in a million romantic comedies, a million k-dramas. This was the point where you let go of your own feelings, and set Jungkook free to be with the woman he'd come here for. Where you smiled, and pretended like the past five weeks had just been sex, so that Jungkook could walk away from here unburdened by a summer fling.

After all, he'd gotten what he wanted from you. It was time to let him go.

It played out so easily in your mind. It would be so easy to just pretend this had all meant nothing.

The part of you that had been burned by Taehyung, all those years ago, was screaming at you to do exactly that. It was clear, now that Jungkook had Yooba here, that there was a chance he would go back to her, despite his protestations. So the safest thing for you to do was to run before he got the chance to run first. Shut your emotions down, and get out of there.

But there was another part that knew this was the wrong thing to do. It was the part that lit up when Jungkook was around. When he told you that you were smart or talented or sexy. The part that admired Jungkook for how open, and honest, and vulnerable he could be, while also being strong. It was this trait that you wanted to channel now.

Maybe millions of other stories ended this way, in miscommunication and lies and shielding yourself to protect your heart.

But if you had anything to do with it, that was not the way this story ended for you and Jungkook.

Instead, you took a deep, shaking breath, and chose to be completely honest about your feelings, for the first time in years.

"I hate misunderstandings," you said softly, reaching for the collar of his t-shirt and running a smooth finger along it. "I know you do too."

Jungkook nodded, watching you intently, trying to figure out where you were going with this.

"So let me be really honest with you here, Kookie," you murmured shakily, finger trembling against his pulse. 

Was this a mistake - to admit this at such a crucial time, when Yooba was right downstairs? Perhaps. But you had survived laying your heart on the line and having it trampled once before. If you really had to survive it again, you could do it.

You blinked up at him, and spoke again.

"I have been wondering all week what this is," you said, calm and honest. "I've been stressing about everything. About what happens when we go home, and you go back to schedule in Seoul and I go back to Daegu. About how we would hide this from the public. About whether you even want that. But none of that changes the fact that I'm falling for you, junior."

Jungkook went still. "You... you are?"

"No, wait, that's wrong," you corrected, pressing your finger against his collarbone. "I'm falling in love with you."

There was an awful, thick silence as you said it. But Jungkook didn't look horrified, or disgusted - he looked entranced, unable to speak under the gravity of what you were admitting.

"And... that means," you continued, feeling shyer now in the wake of your confession, pink dusting your cheeks. "That I want to be with you. When we leave here. If that's... what you want too."

"What I wa..." Jungkook trailed off, speechless, and for three horrifying pulses of your heart you thought he was going to turn and run away. But then the huge bunny grin broke over his face, and you knew that wasn't the case. "Are you kidding me? All I want is to be with you."

"Oh thank fuck," you let out unexpectedly in a long breath, making both you and Jungkook giggle, as his hands went to your waist.

"Holy shit, I never thought you would confess first," he laughed, but it was a laugh of satisfaction this time. Of relief.

"Me neither," you admitted with a cheeky grin. "Seeing as you're clearly more whipped for me than I am for you."

Jungkook didn't even tut at your remark. He pulled you in close, capturing your lips in a gentle kiss. You melted into it, trying to sense how he was feeling too, in this moment. It felt unbelievable to know that he might feel the same way; but still, there was a tiny tinge of doubt in your mind.

When you pulled away, you knew that you had to deliver the final piece of honesty you'd been keeping to yourself, since Taehyung knocked on your door.

"Kookie, wait," you avoided the dip of his lips as he tried to capture your mouth once more. "There's something else."

He eyed you, still concerned, but visibly buoyed by your confession. "Okay."

"When I found out she was here, I was obviously worried," you admitted, twisting your fingers into his t-shirt. "But I was also... a little relieved, honestly."

Jungkook's eyebrows shot up. "You were?"

You nodded. "Yeah. I mean... one of the things I was worried about was her. I even told Yoongi that I was afraid you'd go back to Seoul, realise you liked her instead, and change your mind."

At the idea of this, Jungkook's eyes steeled in determination. "I would never do that."

"I know. But you know what happened with Tae. I can't help worrying about that," you said. Jungkook nodded in understanding, though he still didn't look too happy with this train of thought. 

"So... what are you saying?" he asked now slowly, squeezing your hips gently. 

"I'm saying, maybe it isn't the worst thing that she's here for our last few days of vacation," you  let your finger brush the nape of his neck. "Because... then you'll know that you definitely don't want her, and we can both be sure."

It didn't strike you, when you said this, how absurdly wrong it was. How fucked up it was of you to say it. Because in your mind, this was a totally reasonable thought to have, seeing as another man had fucked you over in exactly this way before. You were just being certain before you dove in and gave up your heart.

But this sentiment did not sit well with Jungkook, at all.

"So... this is like a test of my loyalty, or something?" he asked, irritation ringing clear in his voice. "My words aren't enough proof for you?" 

You froze in his arms, but he dropped your waist, stepping away from you and eyeing you with annoyance.

"No," you backtracked, panic settling in your veins. "No, that's not what I meant-"

"No, what you mean is that you don't trust me," Jungkook continued, clearly set on the conclusions he had come to. "You don't want to be with me until you've had a chance to put me to the test."

"Kookie, that's not true. Even if she weren't here, I would want to be with you," you insisted truthfully - but Jungkook was unconvinced.

"Yet you only realised it this morning, after she showed up," he replied, his voice so quiet it was alarming. "When I knew I wanted to be with you weeks ago."

"Wait - you did?" you asked, eyes going wide at this revelation. But it was too late. Jungkook was already stepping away from you, shaking his head.

"Not that it matters now," he said, his expression steely, and yet you saw the sorrow shining in his eyes, stomach wrenching at the idea that you'd hurt him. "None of this matters if you don't trust me."

"Kookie - no, wait," you took a short, wincing step after him, but he was faster. He made for the door, pausing only to look back at you one final time.

"I'm not Taehyung," he said. "You're going to have to accept that someday, or else..."

The end of his sentence went unspoken, but they still pierced a hole in your heart nonetheless. You knew what would happen if he thought you didn't trust him. You would lose him forever.

Those were his final words before his sad doe eyes left yours, and he slipped out of the room, closing the door firmly behind him. 

Well, fuck, you thought, as the tears sprang to your eyes almost immediately. Now you've really gone and fucked it up.

So much for being honest.

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