♠︎ thirty nine

CHAPTER THIRTY NINE

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♠︎ YOU

"Seriously, girl? It's been an age," Nia greeted you when you rang her the next morning. "I was wondering if you'd died or some shit."

You grimaced with guilt, though you'd literally seen her a few days ago. Nia was known to exaggerate.

"Sorry, Ni," you apologised, holding the phone between your ear and shoulder as you rummaged through the fridge in search of yoghurt. "Things have been weird here."

"Oh?" you heard her perk up at the thought of gossip. "Spill."

"It's nothing serious," you dismissed, not really wanting to go into your feelings for Jungkook right now - especially not in the kitchen, where you could be overheard. "Just... things are changing, I think."

Nia faked a yawn. "Boring. You fell for Jeon Jungkook. How predictable."

If you weren't so astounded by the fact that she guessed this was even about Jungkook, you would have realised that it was one of the only times she'd ever called him by his real name.

"How did you-?" you were lost for words. "Did Yoongi tell you?"

"Nope."

"Namjoon, then," you guessed, even though Namjoon - to your knowledge - had no idea about your feelings. Had Jungkook been talking to him?

"What? No," Nia dismissed. "I haven't talked to Namjoon since I left."

You snorted. "Yeah right. I literally saw him facetime you the other day. And you were giggling like a schoolgirl on laughing gas."

"I do not giggle for any man," she said indignantly, but you could sense her smiling. "And anyway, that was a business call."

"Ni, you called him pookie and then told him that you conveniently happened to be in Seoul the week he gets back. Do you think I'm dumb? I know you better than you know yourself," you replied, pouring some yoghurt into a bowl and grabbing a spoon to tuck in. "What is it, you don't wanna admit you like him?"

"Well, what if I do and then he doesn't like me back?" she said, her voice guarded. Nia did not quieten when she was vulnerable, like you did - she just got steelier. "Imagine falling for a guy and him being like... 'um, no thanks'. I don't think I could actually deal with the embarrassment."

"You just spent like a decade in love with Yoongi," you pointed out through a mouthful of yoghurt.

She tutted. "Yeah, but he doesn't like women. That's nothing to do with me. But if Namjoon doesn't like me, then that would mean it was like... my fault."

Your heart ached a little for your friend. She was so desirable - you knew a million boys who would fall at her feet in Daegu - but she'd always been entirely blind to it. She knew she was hot, but the idea that someone might want to date her was unfathomable for her. It was partly due to how outspoken and confident she was - society had conditioned her to believe that no self-respecting Korean man wanted loud or independent women.

But Namjoon did. You knew Namjoon did.

You polished off the yoghurt with one final spoonful and considered what must be running through her mind. "Ni, every hour after you left he checked his phone. Namjoon, the man who can't check his texts to save his life. And he keeps blabbering on to me about how good of a sculptor you are, even though it's not your full time job, as if I haven't directly seen your sculptures with my own two eyes. The guy's bananas for you."

Nia sighed wistfully at this, as if finally accepting it. "And also, he does have a really nice cock."

As you laughed at Nia and her priorities, you heard someone come into the room, and twisted a little to find Jungkook grinning in the doorway. You ushered him in, mouthing - it's Nia.

He just nodded, waving at you to carry on. 

"Anyway, I think you should just talk to him," you continued, as Jungkook wandered over to you. "Tell him how you feel. I guarantee he'll be so happy he'll shit his pants."

Jungkook laughed quietly behind you, having no context to this conversation whatsoever. It was only now that you realised he'd drawn up behind you, resting a hand lightly on your hip.

"Maybe you're right," Nia muttered begrudgingly, as your heart sang at the warmth of Jungkook's palm. "Girl bosses gotta be brave, after all."

You felt Jungkook's smile curve against your shoulder, clearly hearing Nia's words. Before you could reply, though, his smile turned into a kiss, and then another, peppering a trail of them up towards your neck. You tilted your head to allow him access, sighing a little as you did.

"Ni, I gotta go, I uh... need to pee," you said, knowing full well that your words came out breathless and laboured, but not really caring. "I'll call you soon, 'kay?"

"Mhm," she hummed knowingly, as Jungkook's tongue dipped out to lick a lazy stroke over your neck, sending sparks down your spine. "Say hi to Jungle Gym for me."

You hung up the phone before you could bother to correct her.

"Nia says hi," you managed in a gasp, as Jungkook took his cue from you dropping the phone, his hands wrapping fully around your waist and pulling you into him.

"What stupid name did she call me this time?" he smiled, just below the shell of your ear, though you were certain he heard it for himself.

"You don't wanna know," you grinned, reaching back to grasp the nape of his neck as he trailed his kisses downwards, towards your shoulder. When he stopped for a moment, you turned to face him, the smile not dimming from your face. He looked gorgeous, skin glowing and hair damp, already changed into his pool shorts.

It was barely ten in the morning, and it was already blazing hot. Clearly, he'd decided to just spend the morning cooling off in the water, and you were half-minded to join him - before you remembered that you weren't actually free.

"I have to go," you patted his chest gently. "My interview with Tae is today."

Jungkook's smile dimmed ever so slightly, but he recovered it quickly. "Okay. Come find me after?"

You nodded, sensing exactly why he was affected by this, but too chicken to bring it up. Taehyung had made his intentions with you clear, after all. It was natural for Jungkook to feel weird about it.

You wanted to tell him not to worry. That you were even planning on telling Tae about the two of you. You knew it would put his mind at rest.

But the problem was, these new feelings for Jungkook were just that - new. And as much as you had... physically explored them, you still hadn't really talked about them all that much. Really, you were just too chicken to let on about the full extent of your feelings for Jungkook and where you wanted them to lead.

Because truthfully, with just under a week and a half left of vacation, you still had no idea where this was going.

You knew you needed to talk about it, that much was obvious. But not today. Today, you already had one difficult conversation to get through. 

So instead, you leaned in and kissed him once, soft and slow. He reciprocated, running a hand through your hair, and when you made to pull away he dove back in, seeking your lips urgently once more. You let him have it, figuring you could be five minutes late for your interview - but you were interrupted by footsteps.

You sprang apart just before Hobi wandered into the kitchen, grinning and wishing you both a good morning. You knew you were probably blushing furiously, and you looked anywhere but at Jungkook's bandmate, thrilled a little by the idea of being caught.

"Um," you said, moving out of the door and casting a glance at Jungkook. "I'll see you."

Jungkook just nodded, and you realised he was blushing too. It surprised you for a moment - Jungkook was never embarrassed about kissing you - until you realised that you weren't in the bedroom right now. It wasn't just the two of you any more.

Sometimes it still surprised you, the difference between Jungkook in public and in private. 

And as you made your way to the terrace, you realised that you liked both halves of him in equal measure.

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Taehyung was already waiting for you at the fringe of the forest when you arrived.

"Hey," he beamed, shooting you a boxy grin, which you returned. He had developed a pretty solid tan since he'd been here, obvious now in the vest and shorts he wore to combat the heat, his skin glowing a shade of honey caramel.

"Thanks for doing this, Tae," you said, but he waved it off as if it weren't a problem, indicating into the forest. It was far too hot to sit anywhere indoors or in the sun to conduct this interview, so you'd decided to take a walk through the forest, hoping the cool canopy of trees would protect you from the heat. You wouldn't be able to write, but you had your dictophone, which you'd just have to rely on this time. 

Thankfully, Taehyung was more than happy to answer your questions, so the interview itself only took an hour or so, walking side by side in the cool forest. He thought seriously about each question before he answered it in detail, and there was something comforting in listening to his deep voice as he talked about the last few years of his career. Years you had not been involved in.

Feelings aside, it made you excited to be his friend again, away from all of this. A fresh start.

"Amazing," you grinned after your last question, switching the dictophone off. "That was great, Tae. It's not often I can just spend an hour with an interviewee and get everything I need."

He laughed. "I'm happy to do it for you. You know that."

There was a moment of tense silence, as you digested what he'd said.

It has to be now, you urged yourself. Tell him.

"Look, before we go, I..." you trailed, stomach flipping a little. "I wanted to talk to you about something. About what we were talking about the other night."

Taehyung didn't react at first, except to say - "Oh?"

You nodded, trying to work up the courage to do this right as you walked onwards. "I'm really happy we can do this, Tae. And that we decided to just put all the shit behind us."

He grinned. "Me too," he agreed. He sounded so hopeful that it made your heart ache in guilt.

"But," you twisted your fingers together, "I think maybe you should know that Jungkook and I are sort of..."

You fought for the words. Because what the fuck were you supposed to say you were doing?

"Dating?" Taehyung offered from beside you.

"No," you blushed, heart lurching into your throat. "But... we're not not dating. I'm sorry, I know that makes no sense."

Taehyung was quiet at this. His eyebrows were drawn in, as if he were thinking hard.

Shit, you panicked. Shit, this is bad.

"I just don't want you to get the wrong impression," you stammered, words coming out in a jumble due to your nerves. "Because I know I said before that maybe things would change... but now this is all happening with Jungkook and I just... I really wanna see where that goes. Not that I don't still forgive you and everything, I do, it's just... it's not gonna be anything more."

Taehyung stopped walking, and you stopped with him, gazing at him with baited breath as you waited for his reply. You knew you'd done the right thing in being clear and communicative with him, but that didn't mean it wouldn't hurt him.

"Okay," he said eventually, in his deep murmur, though he looked pained. "I understand."

"I'm sorry, Tae," you said honestly, your heart squeezing at the thought of him being upset. "I think it's best if we just stay friends."

But if Taehyung was upset, he hid it well. He gave you a small, sad smile. 

"I get it," Taehyung nodded. "To be honest I sort of... suspected. That he liked you, at least. I didn't know how you felt about it."

You nodded, and silence fell between you once more. It was hard to decipher exactly what he was feeling, but you could see that he was at least a little disappointed.

"When I say I want to stay friends, it's not just me lamely friendzoning you," you promised after a moment. "I do actually want to be your friend, Tae."

He smiled, nodding. "I know. Me too," he said, before he resumed walking, waiting for you to catch up to him.

"So Jungkookie, huh?" he continued, as you fell into a rhythm again. "How'd that happen?"

You grinned, happy to tell him a story that would relieve the tension a little from the awkwardness of before. Taehyung knew about Jungkook's crush on Yoora, so you filled him in on the rest, about why he had come here and how things had changed since then.

"Kinda crazy," he murmured, sounding amused. "You literally came here to help him snag another woman?"

"That's what I said," you agreed with a smile. "It's nuts. It's like something out of a romance book."

Taehyung grinned, nodding. "Well, I'm happy for you. You deserve to be happy," he said, reaching out to squeeze your hand gently.

You could see, when you glanced at him, that he was sad. His amber eyes were tinged with it, a drawn look, and you knew he was disappointed to hear this. But he wasn't going to voice it, or let it get in the way of how obviously excited you were about a new connection blooming with someone else.

It was at this moment, strangely, that you realised he was a good person.

And as you strolled back to the house, talking about anything and everything in easy conversation, you were so glad you'd let him in as your friend once more.

⁃⁃♠︎⁃⁃

You'd planned on returning to the resort and having a nice, quiet day by the pool to combat the blistering sun. But there was something happening that afternoon, that you had conveniently forgotten about.

"Kookie," you said, trying to be as calm and nonchalant as you could. "I... um, I was thinking. How about you do it for me?"

Jungkook just grinned at you, from where he was strapping into his helmet. "Nice try. This was your forfeit for losing the swim race, remember?"

You huffed. You did, unfortunately, remember, but you'd been hoping it was all a joke.

Who the hell made skydiving a punishment, anyway? On what planet was this a sane forfeit to have to do?

You had hoped, after Yoongi had mentioned it, that he was exaggerating. But no - apparently Bangtan did nothing by halves, especially not punishments for losing in games. You should have learned that lesson from watching RUN BTS.

And so here you were - on a plane with Jungkook and the instructors, thousands of feet in the air above the island, preparing to skydive down to where the other boys were waiting. 

Namjoon, Yoongi, Jimin and Taehyung had all had the chance to jump if they wanted to, but decided against it. Hobi and Jin, as your fellow losing teammates, had already jumped - both had been absolutely terrified, and insisted on getting it over and done with, rather than have to wait for everyone else to go. On the other hand, you were determined to wait as long as possible before taking your turn, terrified by even the concept of it.

And Jungkook? Jungkook was just here to skydive for fun. 

Sadistic bastard.

"What's wrong, are you afraid of heights?" he asked now, watching as your instructor helped with your harness, which you stepped into with trembling legs. "That's not... how would Nia say it - that's not very girl boss of you."

"It's not heights I'm afraid of," you shot back, ignoring his teasing words and the smug look on his face. "It's more the bit where I fall thousands of feet through the air to my death. That would not be very girl boss at all."

"Oh, it's perfectly safe," the kind instructor chirped in from behind you, handing you a helmet, and Jungkook waggled his eyebrows at you in agreement.

"See?" he added. "Perfectly safe. Nothing to worry about."

"Off you go then, junior, if you're so brave," you muttered, trying to stave off the rising anxiety in your stomach, which was frankly turning into nausea, by making him go first. 

Jungkook didn't even seem fazed by jumping. "Do you want a kiss for good luck?" he teased, cockiness painted across his face.

"No," you huffed, crossing your arms and looking away, ignoring the trembling in your limbs and reminding yourself to be a brat even in moments of crisis. "It's perfectly safe, remember. I don't need any luck."

Jungkook shrugged, walking towards his own instructor. "Suit yourself, little one."

You stood your ground, annoyance radiating off you at him making you do this and being so damn calm about it at the same time. When Jungkook jumped, you wished you could have looked out the window of the plane to see if he made it okay - but even looking down made the whole world spin with dizziness, and so you relied on your own instructor to tell you that Jungkook had made it to the ground safely.

And then it was your turn.

In the end, it was sheer competitiveness that made you decide to do it. You couldn't go down there in the plane and look Jungkook in the eye, knowing he had bested you at this. You just couldn't. So you were going to have to jump.

That didn't make the actual jump any less terrifying. You knew that you were there, listening to the instructor speak about the way you should land and where to place your arms, but you felt far away at the same time. Like this was happening to someone else, and you were just watching in horror.

By the time you stepped up to the edge of the plane, you were close to fainting.

But then you both tipped over the lip of it and you were falling - so fast that it didn't even feel like falling, it felt like running at the speed of light, and you were no longer scared but entranced, by the way you were moving through the sky. Before you could even bring yourself to be horrified at falling through the air, the parachute was open, and you dragged sharply upward, both you and the instructor settling into position as you slowed almost instantaneously.

The slower speed made the racing of your heart more obvious and you took deep lungfuls of air, finally able to blink and look around you, the nausea at moving so quickly fading away. The island sprawled below you, green and lush and beautiful, the glittering pools twinkling in the blazing sun that you felt even now as you rushed towards the ground. You spotted the mountain you had hiked, the beach where you'd held the campfire.

And, very very far below, were seven figures the size of ants peering up at you.

You let out a sudden sharp laugh of joy, and the intstructor began to point out the key parts of the island, and you were listening but you were also not, too dazed and thrilled by how incredible this all was to really take it all in.

You kept grinning the whole way down, flooded with energy and adrenaline, until you hit the ground, the rush of movement suddenly flowing out of you and leaving you feeling breathless and satisfied as you realised what you had done.

I did that, you thought with intense pride as you stood. I really just did that.

You couldn't stop smiling as the instructor untethered you, letting you walk on shaking legs to the boys who were gathered at the edge of the field behind a gate. They were whooping and hollering, Jin and Hobi jumping up and down in congratulations, and you couldn't help but laugh at them, tearing off your helmet and goggles.

A figure hopped the field gate and ran towards you, and the adrenaline-haze of your brain had only just registered that it was Jungkook when he was right in front of you. You opened your mouth to brag about having done it, riding a high of excitement and pride.

But Jungkook cut you off before you could say anything, cupping your face in his hands and sealing his mouth over yours.

Warmth filled your body at once, from your fingertips to your toes, remembering the way he'd kissed you in the kitchen that morning; the way he pulled away when Hobi had entered, keeping it between the two of you. A secret kiss.

This one was not a secret at all.

This one was in front of all his friends, and your friends. It was the first time he'd ever kissed you in public.

Your heart grew about three sizes, racing uncontrollably at the thought that this is what it would be like to be his, permanently. 

It felt like skydiving.

There was silence behind you as Jungkook pulled away, before the boys erupted into amused murmurs and wolf whistles. Yoongi looked smug, as the only one who knew the full extent of what had happened between you. Namjoon and Jimin, who thought you were only sleeping together, were eyeing you in mild surprise. Hobi and Jin looked gobsmacked.

A tiny pang of guilt twinged in your stomach when you saw the downtrodden look on Taehyung's face. But then he caught your eye and it changed, as if he were trying hard to be happy for you.

Before you could think about how grateful you were for this, Jungkook's hand slipped under your chin and tilted your face towards his, and you forget everything but him.

"Sorry it's late. But I really wanted to kiss you for good luck up there," he beamed, his face scrunched into the adorable bunny grin you had begun to crave.

You didn't reply except to smile right back at him, so wide that your cheeks ached, but you didn't care. 

Because being in Jungkook's arms, with no restraints, felt far too good to give up.

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double update incoming! look out for it in around an hour...