Chapter 16

In the previous chapter- 

"I am breaking Cassian. I feel like I am breaking."

"Then do, break away and rebuild yourself, if that's really what you want. I'll be here to make you love yourself when your breaking is done and you are ready to feel again."

I see the way her eyes look up at me and shine. There's a small smile there and as I kiss her again, it widens.

Oh what a lovely sight! Nesta Archeron, you are breaking me....

Continue.....

Cassian

I feel Nesta fidget for space, and I notice I have her enclosed in my arms, our chests pressed tightly together. Before she can move further away, I take a step forward, limiting the space. Her eyes don't meet mine, and her tear strained face is all that I can see. She is an art of nature. So pure and raw. I don't touch her face, afraid she'll chicken out. And so we both just stand there, taking in all the unspoken words, taking in the feelings that we are too scared to discover. It's all new to me, things I have never ever felt. I so badly want to lean in and touch our foreheads, but i know that with Nesta, I will have to tread very carefully and so i just admire the distance we kept and noticed her breathing. They were coming at a very slow rate, and mine were racing. Did she not feel anything or what? 

As if on answer she completely detaches herself from me and sits on a rock on the barren land. The land where I lost myself. And my everything. Where I lost my mother. I am too tired to even make us fly back to the estate and right now the situation at the mulberry camp are really hostile. So as I lay down alongside her, I eye up the Ramiel in front of us. It's far, miles away but it's gigantic figure is the biggest thing that the can be noticed right now. 500 years ago, me and brothers had climbed up this mountain. Taken over the summit. Felt the magic and felt the immense power that radiated off this huge rock. I feel Nesta's eyes on me. And I turn to face her. "You are dying to climb up there aren't you?" How can she know that, how can she know me this well?

"Yes but I can die climbing up there too." 

"And you are scared of the great fall?"

i raise my eyebrow in confusion.."The great fall?"

she nods her head so vigorously that I feel dumb for not knowing what she meant. "Yeah, death. The great fall. You are scared of risking your life for the sake of feeling alive."

Her words are making my headache. They are too deep for me to get in the depth of it. "You sure you know your words and sentences?" 

She makes a vulgar gesture but doesn't say anything back. 

"Alright, fair enough." I jump up on my feet. Let me give you a vague idea of how things are like up there on the mountain and you tell me if it's worth it or not."

She nods her head in satisfaction.And I start my tale.

"Imagine yourself as a damsel in distress for a fact and let yourself be damned over things again again and freaking again, but then  life throws at you a stupid ladder to climb and says that you have a chance to discover yourself at the end of it. Now considering you see yourself having the potential enough to climb that ladder, you say you will climb it.  And you do. But what you don't see are the snakes around, trying to bite at your feet so that you fall off. No one told you about the hidden battles that you'll have to go through just to reach the end of it. Now it all depends on how much you create your own power. Cause the magic is gone. It's all about the one you are with and if he/ she wants to share the power. And if you are committed enough to go through with it. Because in the end Nes, you do find what you were looking for. And you wake up on your bed the next morning stating it was a dream.So yes of course I want to climb it. But not alone anymore. My power isn't going to help me out there. I need more than one person." 

I take a deep breath and calm my breathing after such a long speech of nothingness. Nesta's eyes look dreamy as she stares, into the woods and the mountain. 

"Today's the rite?" I nod my head and look to fire some wood for the night. 

"I want to climb up the Ramiel." The woods I had in my hand drop and I gaped at her. She doesn't mean that. Even if she does. No way am I letting her climb up. 

"I felt something when we were face to face with the Ramiel. He knows me, He will tell me what I am Cassian." I shake my head in no. Not even listening to what she is saying. No women has ever climbed up the Ramiel, not even Mor or Amren for that matter. Not that we ever asked but the look on their faces when someone even speaks about it, says it all. 

"Nesta it's too dangerous. I swear I'll take you back to the estate if you'll argue."

"No you won't because then your plan would go to shit." She puts her arms around her shoulders. This little defiant beauty that radiates off her is everything I wanna see as long as I am living. 

"What plan??" She can't know, please!

"That tonight you will be climbing the Ramiel, without anyone knowing. and you have already hurtled off the soldiers that were guarding it because of Rhysand's instructions. And tomorrow you'll be either alive, or dead. You'll be a selfish ignorant Illyrian." She says all that with such nonchalance that I wince. "Cause as you said, you cannot climb alone. There's only one escape and that would be you dying." 

"Look Nesta, nothing of that sort is happening first of all and we are not going back to the estate now, you'll spread this nonsense everywhere.

"You are the worst liar I have ever met." She says and stands up. "I am climbing along with you. You don't have a right to stop me when you yourself are doing it."

I consider what she said for a moment, she isn't wrong, I am also going against everyone in doing so. But I can't help myself. I am not scared to die. I have never been the one to be scared of death. But I don't know this time there's something's that's stopping me. I think of myself dying and her face flashes in front of my face, The way her eyes had begged me to stay, during the time Hybern had us down. When I  told her, the only regret would be to not have had enough time with her. Yes, now that's the only thing that stops me. The only thing stopping me. But she is going with me. everyone knows Nesta is unstoppable, if she wants to do this, she will. There's no holding her back. And if its true that she will know herself at the end of it. If she gets to know who she is. She wants to know that. I know she does. 

"You really want to do this?" I ask her my eyes not leaving hers. It doesn't even take her a second to blink and she says "Yes." Looking straight at me. 

Nesta

Life is a myth. A happy life is a myth. A story your grandparents tell you to make you happy when you are kid. As a kid I remember listening to the tales mother once read to me. It was of Hades and Persephone. Lord of the underworld falling for the Goddess of Springtime. They were unique personalities, I never read or heard about. In humans we have no gods. But mother said there was a time long before where there were tales of them being.  I remember myself, smiling story after story, when I saw the goddess of springtime become the Goddess of the underworld, The queen of Hell, Acting her out, I had no views upon their relationship, just her. How she emerged, Like a phoenix. Was she happy? I sure hope so. Was she loved? yes, she was. I looked myself through Feyre's eyes once. And I saw myself shrinking away. I have seen disappointment in Elain's eyes and felt myself being cut open. Persephone wasn't a queen of hearts. She was the Queen of hell, Always on the hate version of herself, she could burn herself alive with rage she carries. And no one, not even Hades can stop her. I was living in vain, that I am as strong as her, my will matching hers. But reality slapped me right int the face when Tomas made me see myself as the broken, scared, coward woman I am. WAS. Maybe its true that Persephone as an evile queen was a princess that wasn't saved. 

I don't recognize this version of myself. This always giving hate version. I want people to look at me differently. I want people to smile when they see me. I am evil. I know I am. And I can't stop being evil either. And i swear that kills me. 

Cassian and I are slowly climbing, I have seen nothing out of ordinary, this mountain seems like any other. It's just the size. or Maybe because it's only been 3 hours of us climbing and it's gonna take 12 more. We haven't spoken a word to each other, trying to save the energy for the climb. I feel a weird thirst in my mouth and my neck starts bobbing. I need to drink something. My speed slows down and that makes Cassian turn around and look at me. "Are you okay?" 

It's like something is being taken away from me. I shake my head. I see blue and black vapors of smoke coming out of me. And Cassian releases a breath. 

"It's just your magic being taken away. Don't worry." It takes a few minutes for my breathing to slow down and I realize I am still thirsty. 

"Do you have anything to drink?" I look up at him and ask. His grin says it all as he puts his hand in his Illyrain leather jacket and takes out a translucent looking think in a bottle of vodka. "Its rice beer/wine. Like if it would have been cold then it tastes like a beer but when drinking in the cold, it tastes somewhat like wine. Its made of rotten rice aged to perfection mixed with different alcohols. I flinch at the name of rotten rice...."Trust me it's good."

I take a sip of it, and feel the warmth of it reach down at the pit of my stomach. I take a sip more and more. Its so good! 

"Okay okay...that's enough for now. We first have a mountain to climb." He says chuckling and I smile. 

2 hours more into the climb and my legs have started to give out. Its too much. Cassian is going strong. He is humming some music and I pull at his leathers. "Yes, Nesta?" 

"Lets sit for awhile please." He looks at me narrowing his eyes. 

"Oh no no! All the way up, we are running late already. Come on, up, up we go." When I don't move away from my spot, I see him eyeing me. 

"Okay fine!" We start off again. 

One hour later.......

"Nesta, Let's just slow down." He wails and I don't listen as I giggle my way up. "No, Cassian we have a long way to go. We can't right now. Stop being a baby now. What was it? oh yeah! Come on, up, up we go."

He laughs but I don't hear him following me so I turn around. "Cassian?"

I can see him anywhere. I turn all around. He's nowhere. I try not to panic he is just trying to annoy me. "Cassian this isn't funny. Come out." 

He still doesnt answer and I feel someone behind me, I turn around in a flash and meet with large branches reaching out at me. The pines are supposed to stay still. What in the world is happening. 

"Cassian!!!!!!" I cry out as loud as I can, trying to fight out the branches. I hear whips and splashes and big groan on the other side to the west and try to run towards it. I take out my own sword,m cutting off the  branches as fast as I can. 

I see Cassian lifted up in the air, by a branch and his arms flaying out, his sword missing the actual place to cut in. I run towards him and dig my sword in the particular branch cutting it out. The branches seem to be taken aback by my hit and the mountain shudders. Cassian is thrown on the ground roughly and I go over to pick him up. The mountain keeps trembling. 

"We need to move from here. Nes, we gotta run like never before, Do you get me?" I nods at him and he takes my hand in his clasping it tight. With one nod at me, we sprint off, as the shudders don't stop, i see around me, and see the landslides happening. I am not sure if running going to help. "Don't look back." he says but before I can help it I do. I see the wolves running off behind us, no way!! My speed quickens. I can feel my legs trembling, Cassian motions at me to keep moving and he stops. "I'll look at them, you run!" I don't move and he says "Nesta! For once in your bloody life, Just listen!" 

"I am not leaving you here." 

"Your concern is very endearing but insulting at the very same time, I have done this before remember. I can fight them off. GO!" As i run off the wolves are on him, I keep looking back at him, The wolves aren't dying, they are evaporating in the air, as he attacks them. "Lord Of Bloodshed. After 500 years. Oh how lovely to meet you." The mountain speaks. Let me say that again. "The mountain spoke." Bloody hell! I stop where I am and look down. The wolves are gone and he is panting, I can see his head, bleeding out a little right above his eyebrow. Cassian doesn't say anything. He looks just as surprised as I am. 

"You see, You brought someone along with you." Cassian's eyes flutter over to me, and there is fear in his eyes. Actual fear as the mountain continues.

 "She belongs here, with us, she is what we are. Welcome Goddes of death. You are found." 

And here I am gonna stop <3  (Toturous?)  I know. But But next week's chapter is gonna break you up! New environment, New Nesta, No Cassian?............. HAHAHA nope kidding....it will be along with Cassian! If you liked the chapter VOTE! And comment! Thank you everyone. For being so patient with me and the story. And please no comments about the Hades and Persephone thing. I know its like a whole another world but. Its just a story. Read it with your heart. Mind is useless here. Anyways so yep! See y'all next week!