Part 43

Lexa POV:

It was Friday afternoon and our friends would be coming over in about an hour or so. Luna and Raven went into their room to do god knows what. Well, I have somewhat of an idea because let's just say, neither of them are quiet that's for sure.

All my injuries were healing nicely as far as I could tell but Clarke was helping out and checking up on them when Abby was at work. I honestly think she just wanted an excuse to make me take off my shirt, but that is just me. I liked to thinks that's why at least.

"Hey Lexa, come here I want to check your cuts before everyone else gets here," Clarke said and I got up from where I was sitting and walked over into the kitchen where Clarke was.

I slid my shirt off over my head, much easier than I had the past couple of days, and Clarke began to walk around my body to inspect the cuts and bruises. She lifted the bandages off of each one and ran her finger over it.

I got the chill at the soft touch of her fingers in my skin and tried to mask the effect it had on me.

She walked back over so she was standing in front of me but her finger was tracing over my skin until it got to where my giant bruise sat over my abdomen.

"Well everything looks good except for this," she said, with her finger still on me, gently laying against the purple and blue skin. My skin was burning under her finger and I hoped she couldn't feel the heat rising.

"It's not that bad, is it?" I asked, general concerned and looking down at it. "I'm not exactly sure, it's just not healing as fast as it should be," Clarke said, finally removing her finger from my skin. Thank god, I don't know how much longer I would have been able to go on.

I let out a little breath after she did and my muscles relaxed slightly.

"You have quite the scars Ms. Woods," Clarke said as a smile crawled across her face at the way she said my name. "Yeah," I said with a defeated smile that faded quickly. "What?" Clarke asked as she saw my face fall.

"It's nothing, it just means that when I do have to take my shirt off in front of other people again, they will always be there so I will always have a reminder of what happened and I don't really want to be reminded of all that happened," I said as I brought a hand to my head to cover my face.

"Hey, look at me," Clarke said as she moved my hands from my face so I was looking into her deep blue eyes.

"Your scars are beautiful, and it doesn't have to be a reminder of all the bad that happened, it can be a reminder that you survived," Clarke said with her hands on my cheeks.

Her eyes were so pure and hopeful. I didn't know what to say after that so I just stood there, looking at the gorgeous girl in front of me.

I scanned her face for her emotions but my eyes got glued to her soft pink lips. I placed my hand on her cheek and slowly leaned in a little.

I saw her make to same movements but right before our lips touched I pulled away and took a step back, my heart racing faster than ever before.

"I-I'm sorry Clarke I shouldn't have done that," I said, not able to make eye contact with the blonde girl in front of me. She didn't say anything so I kept going.

"My dad, he- he would kill you if he found out and I would rather die than let that happen." I said as I finally looked at the girl. But not in the eyes, I avoided those as best I can because I feared I wouldn't be able to resist kissing her this time.

"I refuse to put your life at risk for my selfishness Clarke. I told you I would take the bullet for you, and I will, I always will but I will not aim the gun at your head," I said as my eyes found my way to hers.

I cursed at myself for this. Clarke still didn't speak and I couldn't read her thoughts through her eyes. But I couldn't take it anymore as she looked at me with no emotion so I walked away and went into my room.

I shut the door and put my back up against it. I slid down the door slowly, my back not daring to move an inch away from the hard wood until I hit the floor. My knees folded up to my chest as I held them there, tightly. I was taking deep breaths so I didn't freak out and a tear slid down my cheek but I wiped it away quickly. I can't do this, not now.

I stayed in my room for about ten more minutes before I heard people start to arrive at the house. I walked out of my room slowly and saw that Luna and Raven were talking about something at the kitchen counter.

I didn't see Clarke yet so I looked around and then I saw her as she was greeting Octavia by the door. I went and stood next to Raven and Luna and tried not to think about the blonde.

Clarke walked over to us with Octavia. "Hey O," Raven said as she gave her a hug. "Is Lincoln coming?" I asked after we all greeted her. "Yeah, he had work so we went separately," she answered with a shrug. She obviously doesn't like not being able to be with him, I know the feeling all to well as I glanced quickly at Clarke.

We chatted with Octavia for a little while before Jasper and Maya entered. "Hey party people!" Jasper shouted as he barged in the door.

We all laughed with him and his antics and Maya gave him a kiss in the cheek as she giggled at her boyfriend. "Monty will be here soon," he said to us after we all settled a little and nodded our heads. It's strange to hear because they are always by each other's sides.

Monty and Harper came shortly after and he gave Jasper a bro hug and did their weird high five thingy that nobody quite understands before joining the rest of us.

We all sort of gravitated to the couch because there were too many people to stand around the kitchen, before there was a final knock at the door.

I looked over at Clarke who was talking to Octavia and Harper, not seeming to notice the door as they were talking about god knows what, so I went up to the door.

"Hey Lincoln," I said as I opened the door. "Hey Lex," she said before giving me a short hug from the side.

We walked back over to everyone and he sat next to Octavia and threw his arm around her. Shocker. She leaned into his chest as she gave him a kiss on the lips while I went and sat on the other side of the room with Luna and Raven.

I didn't want to sit next to Clarke, well I did, I really did, but I couldn't. Only because it was probably a little awkward after our last encounter and I wanted to give her some space and time to process what I said.

"Hey Luna," I said and her gaze turned from Raven to me. "You and your girlfriend should really keep it down after school, the whole house can hear you," I said quietly so only they could hear me. Both girls blushed hysterically, turning away from each other, looking a little embarrassed.

They eventually turned to look at each other and when they did they started laughing. Like really loud, without a care to who would hear them.

It caused the other people in the room to look over at them, wondering what on earth was so funny. I sat next to them with a smirk on my face as I caught everyone's eye as they looked over in confusion.

They chuckled a little at Luna and Raven's hysterical laughter before turning back to their own conversations again.

My smile faded a bit when Clarke made eye contact with me. I looked away quickly, clearing my throat and looking and back to the giggle twins next to me.

"Ok spill Lexa," Octavia said loudly, making everyone stop their conversations to look at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I got a little nervous and confused, but I kept my calm around them. I saw Luna's face began to get worried, same as Raven but it wasn't enough for anyone to notice.

"I mean you were gone for like a week. Where did you go? And how do you look even more jacked than before?" Octavia asked with a chuckle as I let out a small sigh of relief.

I chuckled a little at first before beginning. "Uh, well, my dad dragged me to another one of his business meetings and well, I work out Octavia," I said, pointing to her and taking a sip of my drink.

"Well where did you go? I mean you were gone for a while, something interesting had to have happened," Octavia said as she pried even more. I got a little more nervous at her questions but didn't react.

I saw Raven and Clarke's faces quickly join Luna's level of worry but I didn't let mine join them just yet.

"Well, his meeting was in a place called Azgeda, it's really far north and surprisingly really freaking cold." I started as I watched everyone's faces carefully, as to not slip from my story.

"I walked around a little and went to a few shops and bars..." earning a approving nod from Jasper. "But for the most part, I was either in the hotel room or being dragged to some of his meetings," I said, shrugging and taking a sip of my drink again.

"Did you meet any of the locals?" Harper asked, in a cheery voice, intrigued by my story. None of them have ever really left so they are really curious about other places.

"Not really, but I did see some familiar faces around but I didn't talk to many people," I said. Thinking of that one particular  bar I went to and the one familiar face I saw.

"From your dad's work?" Maya asked, joining into the conversation. "Sure," I answered with a shrug, not wanting to be specific.

"Why didn't you come back sooner?" Octavia said as she gave me a fake pouty face. I laughed a little because it was actually really good and convincing. Now I know how she got Lincoln.

"I couldn't, my dad is actually still there now dealing with some things. I came back because the school called and told me I needed to come back to get my work," I said. I looked around and saw that their faces weren't very interested. Success. But if they had heard the real story they would for sure be more interested but that's why I didn't tell them that in the first place.

"That's what she tells you but I know she came back because she missed us," Luna said, kissing Raven on the cheek and nudging my arm.

I smiled a little because that is exactly why I came back. "Maybe a little," I said with a laugh as I scrunched up my face. "Mhm," Raven said as she kissed Luna on the lips.

"I'm out," I said, putting my hands up in surrender as I got off the arm of the chair they were both sitting in. I don't know how I didn't leave earlier, I know how they can get when they are next to each other and I'm surprised I stuck it out as long as I did.

The only seat that was open was next to Clarke so I swallowed the lump in my throat and sat next to her. I felt her tighten as I sat down and it was hard not to be disappointed but it was my fault anyways so I pushed the feeling away.

"No! Please! Not this again!" Octavia yelled as she threw a pillow at the two in the chair so Luna and Raven stopped kissing.

"What do you mean again?" Jasper said intrigued as he looked from Octavia to Raven and Luna who were blushing and flustered.

"Let's just say that these two have a habit of Uh- how should I say it? Forgetting everyone in their world of kissing and other gross things," Clarke said taping a sip of her drink and eyeing Raven and Luna who's cheeks were growing red and trying to hide their faces out of embarrassment.

"Yeah, last time, they didn't even know the that I came over and I sat next to them for like two hours." Octavia said and Jasper and Monty broke out in a fit of laughter. Everyone else followed except for Luna and Raven who still looked a little embarrassed.

"Well anyways, let's turn on some music and get this party started!" Jasper said as he chugged his drink and stood up. "Now that's what I am talking about!" Monty yelled as he did the same and joined his friend in the air.

We turned on some music and everyone started dancing around all carefree.

I watched as Raven was dancing with Luna. Her back was up against Lexa's front, her hand behind her neck and they were giggling when Luna put her arms tightly around her. It wasn't the most pg 13 dance but whatever.

Clarke was dancing with Octavia. Their bodies were flowing to the music but they weren't quite as intimate and Raven and Luna had been. Clarke and Octavia's hands were intertwined as they moved through the air, twirling each other around and giggling.

Monty and Jasper were drunk and very sloppily dancing as their girlfriends were laughing at them while sitting together on the couch.

I looked over at Lincoln who was watching his girlfriend dance.

I followed his gaze back to Clarke and Octavia. Except my focus wasn't on Octavia but the blonde she was dancing with.

Octavia and Clarke finally broke apart and Octavia found her way to her boyfriend and wrapped him in a tight hug and kiss before dragging him to the floor to dance. Clarke's eyes scanned the room before they hit mine.

My whole body tightened as I stood up straight. I had been caught. I looked away to control myself and saw Clarke walk in the other direction with my peripheral vision. I let out a sigh. I didn't want it to be awkward but I was wrong.

Luna and Raven came and sat by me, both of them out of breath and laughing, their hands wandering dangerously over each other. It was clear of the heat that passed between them as they danced.

"Well you guys had fun I guess?" I said sarcastically, smirking at the girls. "Shut up Lexa," Raven said as she pushed me a little.

"Why don't you come dance Lex?" Luna said to me as held her hand out for me to take.

"I don't dance," I said as I pushed her hand away. "Yes you do," Raven chimed in from the side. "No. I don't," I repeated, a little firmer as I looked at her.

"I bet I know who could get you to dance," Luna said, wiggling her eyebrows and turning to look at Clarke who was on the other side of the room, talking to Harper and Maya.

I didn't say anything and looked back to Luna and shook my head. Luna looked at me a little confused and then back to Clarke.

The blonde had looked up briefly from her conversation and looked at me and Luna. She didn't smile or anything but turned back to her conversation.

I walked out of the room and into the kitchen which was quieter and had no people in it. I didn't know how much I needed the quiet to think.

I set my elbows on the counter and placed both of my hands over my face, taking deep breaths.

Luna came in a minute later with a questioning look on her face as she approached me. "Ok, what the hell is going on with you and blondie?" She asked as she crossed her arms, glaring at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked her, trying to play clueless as I took my hands off my face, standing up straight and motioned my hands them in a confused way.

Apparently she didn't buy it.

"You guys have been distant all day and keep giving each other weird and awkward glances from across the room," Luna said. I rolled my eyes, I didn't really want to get into it right now.

"So how was it?" She said and now I was genuinely confused. "How was what?" I asked her with a little laugh, tilting my head to the side.

"The kiss," she said and my eyes widened. "The what now?" I said in shock as I stood up all the way to look at her.

"Oh come on Lex, you were the one who said only a kiss of some sort can separate someone like that," Luna said. I mean, she was right. I did say that but it happened to be the opposite this time.

"More like lack thereof," I said with a small laugh at myself and my misery.

"Wait, so you didn't kiss her?" Luna said, trying to clarify what I said. "Yep, and that's the problem. She went to kiss me and I pulled away," I said, looking down at my hands.

"WHAT? WHY?" Luna practically screamed as she threw her hands in the air. "Shhh," I said as I motioned her to quiet down because she basically screamed it for the whole house to hear and I didn't want anyone else to come over and ask about it.

"You know why I didn't Luna. My dad would kill her or most certainly hurt her. I don't want to put her in any more danger than I already have and I couldn't live with myself if something happened," I said and she looked at me with pity. I didn't like it.

"What?" I asked her as it had been a few minutes and she still hasn't said anything but rather just look at me. It was starting to get creepy.

"I see how you look at her Lex, you want to be with her and you need to stop letting the threat of your past haunt you," she finally said. I let out a sigh. She just wasn't getting it and I hate having to explain myself again.

"What about my father Luna? He is hell bent on getting to her. I won't let him hurt Clarke, even if I have to put myself through hell," I responded. I would. I would never let anything happen to Clarke. Ever, and I stand by that.

"Sometimes you have to risk it Lexa. You have to be brave. You can't let him control your life forever, you need someone by your side to help you face your demons. To face your father." She said softly as she placed her hand on my shoulder.

"When did you become so smart?" I teased her and she smiled.

"I'm serious Lex, I mean, look at me and Raven. You told me to take the leap. To do it before you can't. I almost missed my opportunity, don't miss yours. Give into your love Lexa, it might make the world clearer," she said as she pointed to me then back to her, emphasizing the you and me part.

"Just be happy for once Lex," she said with a small smile, patting my shoulder as she walked away. I stayed in the kitchen alone while I thought about what she said.

Was she right? Probably. I was just taking in everything she had just said. I did push her and Raven together but she was safe to do so nobody would get hurt by that relationship. Me on the other hand, I could be putting her in even more danger. I have no clue what I am going to do.

I walked back to the room with everyone, they didn't really seem to notice my absence. Luna had resumed her position with her arms around Raven who was in her lap.

When she saw me she gave me a look that said 'did you think about it?' I gave her a little nod and she refocused on her girlfriend. I looked over to Clarke and she was talking to Octavia and Lincoln.

I let out a breath and turned to walk over to Luna and Raven. Luna gave me a weird look, basically asking why I didn't go over there.

"Not yet," I said as I got to them and she nodded her head but I could tell she wasn't that happy about it.

"What do you mean not yet?" Raven said as she turned to look back and forth between Luna and I. "I will tell you later," Luna said with a kiss on her cheek and Raven nodded her head.

Everyone kind of collapsed after a while. Lincoln took Octavia home in his arms, she was barely awake but seemed to have to issue with Lincoln holding her.

Jasper took Maya but it was more like Maya took Jasper because he was insanely drunk and same with Harper and Monty.

After everyone was out except the people who were actually staying there. We started to clean up and I still hadn't spoken to Clarke yet. I was nervous and had no idea what I was going to say.

I looked up and Luna was eyeing me intensely, urging me to talk. She gave me a look that said 'go talk to her' and I responded with a look that said 'I'm going.'

I took in a deep breath. I saw Luna lead Raven away out of the corner of my eye, leaving me alone with Clarke.

"Clarke can I talk to you?" I asked quietly. She looked startled at the sound of my voice breaking the complete silence in the room as she skeptically looked up at me.

I mean, we haven't spoken pretty much all day so it was bound to be a little awkward. She nodded hesitantly and we went outside.

"Clarke I just wanted to say-" I started but she cut me off.

"It's ok Lexa, I understand." She said as she crossed her arms nervously, she had obviously been thinking about this.

"Wait i-" 

"I know you can't put yourself in that position and you said you would rather die then let him hurt me, and I would do the same for you." She said but she wouldn't let me speak.

"Clarke-" I said trying to talk again but she would not let me.

"If us being together puts you in any kind of danger then I will be ok. I don't want you to be hurt because of me so please, don't feel bad about what happened," she said and I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

She finished talking with a big breath and turned her back to me and went to walk away.

"Clarke," I said as I grabbed her hand and pulled her back towards me so she was facing me. Placing my hands on her cheek and pressing my lips on hers.

It took her a second to register what was going on but when she did, she kissed me back intensely. We only separated to take a breath of air. I looked down to her smiling face.

"What about your father? What if he hurts you?" She asked and I could see her mind racing under my hands that still rested on her cheeks.

"Clarke, look at me," I said and her electric blue eyes looked up into my soul. "I would risk it all for you Clarke. If it means I can be with you, I will take it," I said and she smiled before pulling me down by the collar of my shirt into another kiss. Our lips move together perfectly. Like we have been doing this for ages.