12

Ryder

I was a bundle of nerves on my first day at Stratix. The interview with Cooper had gone brilliantly. It seems I was qualified and he was certain I would gel well with the team. The hours were set, unless you volunteer for overtime and the building is equipped with amenities like a gym, spa, and cafe. Most importantly, the pay was good. I could work here without picking up a second job and be able to afford rent, groceries etc. I need this job to work out.

Hence why I'm currently fidgeting with my necklace as I wait for Cooper to come back with my badge and credentials. I glance down at the thin gold chain with the opal starburst pendant and focus on the way the light catches the gemstone.

It was a gift from Zayn from our first Valentine's Day. Out of everything he had given me, this was one gift I couldn't part with. Sure, it was special because it came from him but I also just really loved the necklace. So I kept it tucked away in its box until I was no longer triggered with tears by it. Then one day I just grabbed it out and put it on.

I wear it most days, even going through periods of time without taking it off. I haven't been wearing it recently because I didn't want to make things weird. But after my conversation with Zayn and the certainty that he's probably moved on, I figured why not?

It's a beautiful necklace, it's better to wear it than let it collect dust.

"Alright, you're all set," Cooper announced as he walked back into his office.

He handed me a transparent plastic badge that had a metallic sheen to it. Upon closer examination, I see my name printed neatly in the bottom corner along with the photo they took of me when I got here.

"Here's your badge, you scan it, the system will prompt you to scan your thumb and you'll be allowed entrance. You can also use this on any of the computers in the lab though I doubt you'll need to use them," Cooper explained.

"Awesome, thank you."

He smiled warmly and nodded.

"Of course, let me give you a quick tour, make some introductions, and then I'll have you shadow Vivian today. She'll show the system and help familiarize what your day to day looks like."

I returned his smile and nodded.

"Sure, sounds great."

He gave me the tour in ten minutes. He showed me where the basics were, the break room, bathroom, mail room etc. The spa and gym were even fancier then in the pictures in the welcome email I'd received. The cafe's bakery items smelled divine and I was tempted to snag one up right then and there.

I met plenty of friendly faces, most of the people were my age or slightly older. Some were in their fifties but very few. The environment seemed warm and energetic.

Our last stop was Victoria's cubicle. Her coal eyes were framed with a stylish pair of glasses and her winged eyeliner was immaculate. Her hair was a deep burgundy color and pin straight down her back. She smiled when her eyes met mine and extended her hand.

"Victoria, it's a pleasure to meet you," she greeted.

"Ryder, it's a pleasure to meet you as well," I returned her pleasantries.

My cubicle was right next to hers, which was decked out with personal items, pictures of her and loved ones. Her stationery was sleek and minimalistic. Her pens and note pads were organized by color. Everything seemed to have its place. I liked it.

Victoria assists me with logging onto my computer and then sets me up with a notepad and pen. Today will be purely observations, which takes the pressure off.  I listen to her take calls, set appointments, review forms and process documents. It's all pretty straight forward but I make sure to take notes whenever it is necessary.

The morning is busier than the afternoon. When we get back from lunch, Victoria to seems to finally breath and smile. She turns to me with eager eyes and begins to ask me about myself.

Where I'm from, what I was doing prior, what I like to do for fun. The whole time I'm answering, she seems fully locked in, on the edge of her seat as she takes it all in.

When I ask her about herself,  the first thing she tells me about is that she's an Aquarius, has two sphinx cats, and is currently taking a glass blowing class. Every little detail she reveals about herself has an elaborate story behind it. The more she opened up, the more at ease I felt with her and was glad I had someone a bit more easygoing to shadow.

Things seem to get busy again just at the end of the day and I make sure to notate any questions I had to check in with her tomorrow.

"How'd your first day go?", Cooper asked from behind me.

I turned to face him and smiled encouragingly.

"It was great, thanks for checking in."

"Of course, we're glad to have you here. I chatted with Victoria earlier after lunch and heard all great things. She seems to think you'll be a good fit for the team," Cooper enthused.

"Oh that's great, I'm glad. I'm happy to be here and truly appreciate the opportunity," I said.

His eyes crinkle as he smiles widely.

"Of course. You have a good rest of your evening Ryder. I've got a couple of things to finish and then I'm heading out. See you tomorrow."

I give him a small wave and turn to gather my things. I retrieve my phone to call an uber as I make my way to the elevator.

Now that I've secured a job, I really need to look into getting a car. Fortunately for my mom, the flower shop was only a couple of blocks away so she could walk to work everyday.

This office was much further, about a thirty to thirty five minute walk. Kind of far to walk in heels and a pantsuit.

By the time I make it home, my mom is at the stove attempting some Hungarian dish she saw on the food network a few days prior. The apartment smells amazing, the savory aroma greeting me at the door. There's a vase of fresh cut flowers on the island and she looks to be in a relatively good mood.

I take a moment to admire her as she hasn't yet noticed me. Her long dark hair is in a messy plait, loose strands framing her face. She's in an old Eagles sweatshirt that I'm certain belonged to my father and a pair of leggings. Rhiannon plays softly in the background and she looks so at peace. I feel like I'm teleported back to a time when both of my parents were alive and my mother's favorite place was in front of the stove, whipping up a new recipe.

She glanced over her shoulder and smiled when her eyes caught mine.

"Oh, did you just get home?"

I nod and place my bag on the barstool.

"Yeah, a couple of minutes ago. It smells lovely in here."

She grins and looks back at the skillet with an orange colored substance in it.

"Thanks, it's chicken paprikash. I had it when I was a child, it's so good. You'll love it."

I smile at her enthusiasm and walk over to the fridge to grab a water.

"How was your first day? Did you enjoy it?" She asked as she stirred her pot.

"It was good, an easy day as I was really just shadowing someone. How was your day?" I asked.

I unscrewed the cap and took a gulp.

"It was good, we booked another event so I spent most of the day making several center pieces for the casino. Went by pretty quickly."

"That's good," I replied.

I had some reservations about her going back to work. She hasn't held a steady job in years and I didn't want her to get stressed out too quickly. But her therapist thinks a part time, low pressure job is perfect for her. It gives her a sense of routine and responsibility without requiring too much.

And she seemed to be right so far. My mother has this glow I hadn't really seen on her in years. I was so relieved.

"I'm going to get changed and then I'll be back."

I make my way down the hall towards my room and push open my door. I kick the door closed behind me and drop my tote bag on my desk chair. I pull a pair of leggings and a t- shirt from my drawer and toss them on the bed.

I discard my work clothes and toss them in the hamper before pulling on my leggings and shirt. I rake my fingers through my hair to pull it into a high pony when my phone dings. I secure the hair on top of my head and walk over to my tote bag. I retrieved my phone to see I had a text from Zayn.

Z: Hey, just checking in to see how your first day went. 😜

My heart skips a beat and I find myself smiling. I wasn't sure how he knew it was my first day, I'll just assume Raven or Ted said something. But it was nice of him to check in.

Ry: It went well, thanks for asking.

My message showed read and then I saw him start typing.

Z: That's good to hear, I'm glad it worked out

I stare at my screen as my fingers hover over the keyboard. I want to ask him how his day was, not because it's the polite thing to do but because I actually want to know. But I'm not sure if he sent his text as a courtesy or if he actually wanted to have a conversation with me.

Before I can decide, another text comes in.

Z:I saw they're having Thrillfest next weekend at the Siren. Thought of you when I saw it and wondered if you'd like to go check it out.

I read the message a couple of times, the same silly grin on my face. We've been to thrillfest before, years back when we were still together. It's a horror literature themed festival with authors, books, artists and tons of great food. Our shared love of all things horror brought us there and we had such a good time.

It's endearing that he thought of me and reached out to invite me. I'll assume this is nothing more than a friendly invite because I have too. I can feel the energy shift when I see him, my pulse quickens and that same desire is there.

But I'm not sure if I can say the same for him.

And even if he did feel the same way, where does that leave us?

I know I left the door open when we reconciled but so much time had passed since then.

What if he's no longer interested? What if he's learned to live a life without me and there's no longer a place for me here?

I quickly typed out a response and sent it. All of this overthinking is pointless and just going to stress me out. If he wants to hang out, we'll just hang out. I'll take it day by day.

Ry: Yeah, I'd be down for that. What time?😊

He sent me a picture of the flyer.

Z: Starts at 12, I can pick you up at like 11:30?

Ry: No need, I'll meet you there right before the doors open.

Z: Awesome, can't wait 😜

I start to text him back but there's a knock on my door.

"Come in," I call out.

My mom peaks her head in and smiles.

"Dinners ready," she states.

"Cool, I'll be right there."

I glance down at my screen, lock my phone and stand up. I slide a pair of slippers on and make my way towards the kitchen.

My mom is placing the dishes on both sides of the table when I come out. She's already set the table with silverware and two cans of Poppi. She smiles when she sees me and taps the chair gently.

"This one is yours, feel free to dig in. I'm just going to use the bathroom really quickly."

I nod and take a seat. The dish in front of me smells divine and if it wasn't for the steam hitting my nose, I probably would've dug in. I glance around the apartment and notice how clean it is. There doesn't seem to be anything out of place and there's a fresh bouquet of tulips sitting on the coffee table. I smile at the gesture. My mom really is putting in the effort to be the best version of herself and it shows.

I'm so proud of her.

"How is it?" She asks as she walks back into the room.

"Oh, I haven't tried it yet. I would but it's still pretty hot. I'm excited to try it though, I took my lunch pretty early today, so I'm starving."

She smiles and takes the seat across from me.

"Oh I could imagine. I'm sure you'll love it. How was everything today? Do you think you'll do well here?" She asked.

I nod as I crack open the Poppi and take a sip.

"Yeah, everyone was so nice. The job itself is pretty straightforward. Either way, I'm just glad to be working again. I've worked for so long, it feels weird not to be."

Her smile falters and I can see a glimpse of sadness in her eyes before she recovers.

"I know, you've always been a hard worker. I'm glad you like it though."

"Yeah, super thankful that Zayn put in a good word for me. Who knows how long it would've been before I found something," I reply.

She smiles and nods.

"Yes, that was very nice of him. How is he by the way? Are you two really just friends now?"

I'm a bit caught off guard by her question and nearly choke on my drink.

I clear my throat and nod.

"Yeah, we're just friends. Why do you ask?"

She shrugs and smiles sheepishly.

"I don't know, you guys just have a lot of history, I figured it'd be weird to just be friends," she explained.

"Well, I mean we've done it the past few years with no issues. It's not any different now," I answer.

She watches me carefully as she takes a moment to formulate her next words.

"True, but it's easy to just be friends when you're on different sides of the planet. Now you're just a ten minute car ride from each other and you're attending family events. You might find it more difficult to remain just friends under such circumstances."

I know she's right. I've given this topic plenty of thought since I've been back. I want to be able to coexist with Zayn without any guilt or envy. I want us to be able to be ourselves around each other without feeling like we have to protect each other's feelings. I don't want to take the Claire situation so deeply.

But I can't help it. I thought I was over it, that time and distance had solved everything but it clearly didn't.

Seeing him again has brought up all of these old feelings and I'm not sure what to make of them yet.

Only time will tell.

But in the meantime, maybe I should cancel on him for Thrillfest. I don't know what his intentions are or why he asked me to go. I don't want to complicate things until I'm certain of what I want to do.

"Ryder, you good?"

I'm pulled from my thoughts when I hear my mom's voice. I look up at her and offer a smile.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just... you're right. We've been civil these past few years but have barely interacted. I'm sure we'll be fine but maybe I'll just move with caution from here on out."

She offers a sympathetic smile and reaches across the table to place her hand on top of mine.

"Please don't overthink it Ry, I'm sure it'll all be fine. I shouldn't have asked," she apologized.

"It's fine," I assure her.

She nods and motions to my food.

"Let's eat, I'm sure it's cooled off enough."

I lay in bed that night wide awake as I thought about everything my mom said. I don't want to cancel on Zayn but I also don't know if I want to spend any one on one time with him. The only person I can talk about this with is Raven, as she knows everything that transpired between us.

I grab my phone and shoot her a quick text. I hope I can meet up with her before then so I can pick her brain and get some advice. I'm sure she'll know what to do and at worst, she'll at least calm my nerves.